Hello Lavika,
Thank you for sharing all this. I agree that these points are really applicable. I have a few (2-3) employees who come off as a bit arrogant and have a major ego. They seem to think very highly of themselves. Despite my efforts to be polite with them at all times, they have given me negative feedback. They never approach me with any questions about leaves or lateness; instead, they prefer to go to their immediate boss and avoid speaking to me directly. Every month during our one-on-one meetings, they show up as if it's just a formality, with no complaints or suggestions. How can I effectively communicate with them?
Thank you.
From India, Bhopal
Acknowledge(0)
Amend(0)
7Thank you for sharing all this. I agree that these points are really applicable. I have a few (2-3) employees who come off as a bit arrogant and have a major ego. They seem to think very highly of themselves. Despite my efforts to be polite with them at all times, they have given me negative feedback. They never approach me with any questions about leaves or lateness; instead, they prefer to go to their immediate boss and avoid speaking to me directly. Every month during our one-on-one meetings, they show up as if it's just a formality, with no complaints or suggestions. How can I effectively communicate with them?
Thank you.
From India, Bhopal
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Hi Deepti,
These types of people exist in almost every organization. You need to handle them very carefully.
If these employees are coming late and have a casual approach, discuss it with them. If the behavior remains the same, discuss it with their reporting manager or Head of Department (HOD) in the presence of your HOD.
It will create a positive impact as you have tried your best to communicate with the employees. If they are not responsive, then you should approach their seniors. However, even after taking these steps and they maintain the same behavior, write an email, keeping their reporting manager and Managing Director (MD) in the loop. Mention that you have verbally addressed their casual approach but have not seen any improvement, hence the warning email.
By doing this, you will convey your message effectively, and the MD will see your sincere efforts and impartiality. Hopefully, the MD will also suggest a solution. Before drafting the email, contact your MD and make them aware of the situation to protect yourself later on.
Good Luck!
From India, Mohali
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
These types of people exist in almost every organization. You need to handle them very carefully.
If these employees are coming late and have a casual approach, discuss it with them. If the behavior remains the same, discuss it with their reporting manager or Head of Department (HOD) in the presence of your HOD.
It will create a positive impact as you have tried your best to communicate with the employees. If they are not responsive, then you should approach their seniors. However, even after taking these steps and they maintain the same behavior, write an email, keeping their reporting manager and Managing Director (MD) in the loop. Mention that you have verbally addressed their casual approach but have not seen any improvement, hence the warning email.
By doing this, you will convey your message effectively, and the MD will see your sincere efforts and impartiality. Hopefully, the MD will also suggest a solution. Before drafting the email, contact your MD and make them aware of the situation to protect yourself later on.
Good Luck!
From India, Mohali
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
This is right being a professional person your communication skill should be very good and it is understandable for others.
From India
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
From India
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
From what you describe, two things emerge. One, there is a gap between what you are doing and what is expected of you. Is there a clear job role and description in your company? (I ask this because it is a relatively small company). Get your boss to clarify those expectations from the HR job role - he needs to firm that up first. Obviously, the KRAs, KPIs, and MOPs are involved, and these should be frozen for all the positions. You talk of 1-on-1, but if he talks about you openly in a 1-to-several meeting, it is not fair unless the above KRAs/KPIs/MOPs are frozen and made known to the rest of the staff as to what exactly is your role. Having said that, as an HR executive, you need to maintain a congenial and positive frame of mind with every individual. Remember no one is totally wrong - there are elements of the good in everyone. One experience or a set of circumstances often vitiate views and perceptions about another individual. As HR, you need to work that much harder to present a positive front to your staff. The gap between perception and reality is a challenge. We are not what we think we are; it is what others think about us that matter to them. The oxymoron "perception is reality" is so true. Therefore, consciously work on the feedback which you have received from your staff, possibly with help from your boss. I am assuming here that your boss is favorably disposed to you.
Hope this helps. If you are in Mumbai, you are welcome to contact me on the landline 66231138. I work at Lower Parel.
From India, Coimbatore
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Hope this helps. If you are in Mumbai, you are welcome to contact me on the landline 66231138. I work at Lower Parel.
From India, Coimbatore
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Dear Deepti,
I appreciate you taking this constructively. It can be tough when so many people give you negative feedback, especially in your first few months in the organization. The first step towards improving your behavior/image is by accepting that there is room for improvement. So, you've already taken the first step, and that is a big plus. The next step is to find out what they find rude or biased about your behavior. A good place to start would be by asking each one of them individually what they found rude. However, please ensure that the questions you ask are appropriate and in the right tone; otherwise, it could appear defensive or aggressive. In any conversation, the tone matters a lot, so please be mindful of the tone you use when asking these questions. Here are a few questions to get you started:
The questions could be along these lines:
"I received a lot of feedback from everyone on my abilities and skills and would like to improve with your help. Would you like to help me?"
Wait for the answer. If yes, ask if now is a good time to have a one-on-one, and if not, schedule a time and be punctual for it.
Thank the person for their time when the feedback session starts.
Questions:
1. What about my behavior/skill/knowledge did you find abrasive/not up to the mark?
2. Ask for specific examples. Could you give me an example of what you thought was rude behavior?
3. Dig for more information. Keep probing until you are sure that is the real reason. For example, if someone says, "It's just the way you speak, it is so rude," ask, "What about the way I speak do you find rude?" Keep your voice calm; you are trying to understand, not to argue. Tone is important. If they mention speaking loudly, ask, "So if I speak a little softer, do you think I will not sound rude?" If they are unsure, ask, "What else about my voice sounds rude?" Keep probing until you get to the underlying reason.
4. Don't get angry or defensive about the examples they provide. Listen. LISTEN. Listen! Don't try to justify immediately. Just absorb.
5. At the end of the conversation, ask, "If these aspects of my behavior/skill/knowledge change, do you think I will be able to perform my job better?"
It would be a good idea to jot down the important aspects of the conversation so that you don't forget any crucial part of it.
Once you have the information, make a plan to improve on those aspects, maybe one at a time. Handling everything at once might be overwhelming, and there's a risk you might give up!
You are on the right path. Keep up the good work. All the best. You can email me for more information at corporatedge@gmail.com.
Rupa
From India, Mumbai
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
I appreciate you taking this constructively. It can be tough when so many people give you negative feedback, especially in your first few months in the organization. The first step towards improving your behavior/image is by accepting that there is room for improvement. So, you've already taken the first step, and that is a big plus. The next step is to find out what they find rude or biased about your behavior. A good place to start would be by asking each one of them individually what they found rude. However, please ensure that the questions you ask are appropriate and in the right tone; otherwise, it could appear defensive or aggressive. In any conversation, the tone matters a lot, so please be mindful of the tone you use when asking these questions. Here are a few questions to get you started:
The questions could be along these lines:
"I received a lot of feedback from everyone on my abilities and skills and would like to improve with your help. Would you like to help me?"
Wait for the answer. If yes, ask if now is a good time to have a one-on-one, and if not, schedule a time and be punctual for it.
Thank the person for their time when the feedback session starts.
Questions:
1. What about my behavior/skill/knowledge did you find abrasive/not up to the mark?
2. Ask for specific examples. Could you give me an example of what you thought was rude behavior?
3. Dig for more information. Keep probing until you are sure that is the real reason. For example, if someone says, "It's just the way you speak, it is so rude," ask, "What about the way I speak do you find rude?" Keep your voice calm; you are trying to understand, not to argue. Tone is important. If they mention speaking loudly, ask, "So if I speak a little softer, do you think I will not sound rude?" If they are unsure, ask, "What else about my voice sounds rude?" Keep probing until you get to the underlying reason.
4. Don't get angry or defensive about the examples they provide. Listen. LISTEN. Listen! Don't try to justify immediately. Just absorb.
5. At the end of the conversation, ask, "If these aspects of my behavior/skill/knowledge change, do you think I will be able to perform my job better?"
It would be a good idea to jot down the important aspects of the conversation so that you don't forget any crucial part of it.
Once you have the information, make a plan to improve on those aspects, maybe one at a time. Handling everything at once might be overwhelming, and there's a risk you might give up!
You are on the right path. Keep up the good work. All the best. You can email me for more information at corporatedge@gmail.com.
Rupa
From India, Mumbai
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Dear Deepti,
I favor Das Sajal. Also, the others have put in great pieces of advice. I believe you need a step-by-step action plan, and so this comment.
Now, I would suggest you look into the psychology of a 'closed group' inside your small company before you let them attack you with written feedback. These are reports you cannot keep for yourself. The next issue comes up, and this might land on your Manager's desk, providing solid proof to confirm action since they did this once and may do it again. In your case, what you should perceive from what Mr. Ramanan rightfully quoted above; 'nobody kicks a dead dog,' is that someone kicks because they want it dead and out cold.
I suggest that the best strategy right now would be to step back and acknowledge to your Manager that you have realized what went wrong. Remember to put a big smile on your face, not that of a grounded person, when you say this to him. Thank your peers with a smile for bringing it to your attention in a written statement and close the case now. Buy time.
Some questions you need to look into would be... Was your predecessor a much senior female? Or are you a little too younger than the problematic group? Is your language far too good with structured vocabulary? If any of these are true, that could be a reason to corner you.
I suggest you make a list of the people who have conned you. Call up and talk once again to your predecessor. Get personal feedback in their individual cases and 'write' them down. Make a character profile and try to figure out a way specifically for each person before you proceed. Make a checklist of the changes you have brought in the last two months. (include everything involving tea breaks or smoking or anything). If you have done this, you might understand who you have offended and where this wave comes from. Now, go to each of them, smile, and spot the ones who avoid eye contact with you. Rearrange the list and group the ones who should be gagged.
Now, formulate the strategy based on them and then build this questionnaire as Mr. Simhan said. The questions should be focused on the most likely 'suspects.' Offer closed questions and give them a drop-down list to choose from rather than providing spaces to let them flow. Never give an option like 'Too bad' to choose from. Maybe put 'Needs more attention' or the like. I say this because from what I can see, it is just a matter of time before they will repeat this, and I believe your Manager is not quite experienced with 'IT minds' (forgive me, nothing personal). Unfortunately, some are base introverts, and they react like a black mamba when threatened. They become so because of the way they are forced to think when working in I.T. Trust me, I know. Hours and hours of thinking and looming ideas day in and day out, rather than living life in action as it should be. It becomes a habit. Cannot blame. Understand them and work around it.
In a nutshell: Stand back, acknowledge, learn grounds, spot the key, devise a strategy, talk alliance OR/AND Keep an extra eye on the key person, find a reason to hit, remember to cut off all alibi, present your case to the Manager. Even if you cannot manage to push him out, you will have better grounds, for fear is the reason they did this to you. Capitalize on their fear and remember to play it safe.
"Obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but will bluff you if they can. If they see you are afraid of them, they are liable to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight." - Orison Swett Marden
RJ
CEO & MD, Microbion
(Ex-Lawyer)
From India, Chennai
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
I favor Das Sajal. Also, the others have put in great pieces of advice. I believe you need a step-by-step action plan, and so this comment.
Now, I would suggest you look into the psychology of a 'closed group' inside your small company before you let them attack you with written feedback. These are reports you cannot keep for yourself. The next issue comes up, and this might land on your Manager's desk, providing solid proof to confirm action since they did this once and may do it again. In your case, what you should perceive from what Mr. Ramanan rightfully quoted above; 'nobody kicks a dead dog,' is that someone kicks because they want it dead and out cold.
I suggest that the best strategy right now would be to step back and acknowledge to your Manager that you have realized what went wrong. Remember to put a big smile on your face, not that of a grounded person, when you say this to him. Thank your peers with a smile for bringing it to your attention in a written statement and close the case now. Buy time.
Some questions you need to look into would be... Was your predecessor a much senior female? Or are you a little too younger than the problematic group? Is your language far too good with structured vocabulary? If any of these are true, that could be a reason to corner you.
I suggest you make a list of the people who have conned you. Call up and talk once again to your predecessor. Get personal feedback in their individual cases and 'write' them down. Make a character profile and try to figure out a way specifically for each person before you proceed. Make a checklist of the changes you have brought in the last two months. (include everything involving tea breaks or smoking or anything). If you have done this, you might understand who you have offended and where this wave comes from. Now, go to each of them, smile, and spot the ones who avoid eye contact with you. Rearrange the list and group the ones who should be gagged.
Now, formulate the strategy based on them and then build this questionnaire as Mr. Simhan said. The questions should be focused on the most likely 'suspects.' Offer closed questions and give them a drop-down list to choose from rather than providing spaces to let them flow. Never give an option like 'Too bad' to choose from. Maybe put 'Needs more attention' or the like. I say this because from what I can see, it is just a matter of time before they will repeat this, and I believe your Manager is not quite experienced with 'IT minds' (forgive me, nothing personal). Unfortunately, some are base introverts, and they react like a black mamba when threatened. They become so because of the way they are forced to think when working in I.T. Trust me, I know. Hours and hours of thinking and looming ideas day in and day out, rather than living life in action as it should be. It becomes a habit. Cannot blame. Understand them and work around it.
In a nutshell: Stand back, acknowledge, learn grounds, spot the key, devise a strategy, talk alliance OR/AND Keep an extra eye on the key person, find a reason to hit, remember to cut off all alibi, present your case to the Manager. Even if you cannot manage to push him out, you will have better grounds, for fear is the reason they did this to you. Capitalize on their fear and remember to play it safe.
"Obstacles are like wild animals. They are cowards but will bluff you if they can. If they see you are afraid of them, they are liable to spring upon you; but if you look them squarely in the eye, they will slink out of sight." - Orison Swett Marden
RJ
CEO & MD, Microbion
(Ex-Lawyer)
From India, Chennai
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Dear Deepti,
Your colleagues are old to that organization and are well inclusive to that environment and culture. It takes some time to make a space and comfortable zone among your new peers. Remember, any change will be resisted in every sector. It's only acceptable after a short time span. Just try to mingle with them and possess a positive attitude. This is the imperative quality desired from an HR by an organization.
From India, Mumbai
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Your colleagues are old to that organization and are well inclusive to that environment and culture. It takes some time to make a space and comfortable zone among your new peers. Remember, any change will be resisted in every sector. It's only acceptable after a short time span. Just try to mingle with them and possess a positive attitude. This is the imperative quality desired from an HR by an organization.
From India, Mumbai
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Following may help you:
Free YouTube video on English speaking enhancement and fluency. My Saturday blog post for all my friends. Please click on the following link. Share if you like to help your network and friends.
[Human Resources, Business, Management, and Career Questions Blog: Videos for improving your English communication skills, fluency, and confidence](http://blog.simplycareer.net/2014/03/freeenglishfluencyvideo.html)
From India, Mumbai
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Free YouTube video on English speaking enhancement and fluency. My Saturday blog post for all my friends. Please click on the following link. Share if you like to help your network and friends.
[Human Resources, Business, Management, and Career Questions Blog: Videos for improving your English communication skills, fluency, and confidence](http://blog.simplycareer.net/2014/03/freeenglishfluencyvideo.html)
From India, Mumbai
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Hello Deepti,
There are useful suggestions from Mr. Sinmhan and Dassajal, and really great contributions from Lavika, Rupa Mehtha, Krishnan, and Binae Raj. I have only a little to contribute more, so from the point of view of perceptions.
1) Realize that a workplace is a congregation of different psyches. Do not expect it to be a place where like-minded people only come together. We need to balance these psyches, sometimes by changing our responses to external reactions (stimuli) and sometimes by bringing a change in the external responses itself.
2) Understand that there will be bouquets and brickbats in the professional life HR. It is difficult to satisfy every employee. Every HR will go through the same pain and confusion in the formative years of his/her career as you are currently going through. So realize that it happens mostly in every HR's career.
3) Recognize that adversity is a great teacher. It is only in adversity that you develop skills for survival. A country like Japan rose like a phoenix from the ashes of the Second World War to become a massive industrial power.
4) Understanding the above facts will calm your nerves and make you understand that there is no need to be unusually disturbed and make you more solution-centric rather than problem-centric.
5) If the feedback given to the employees is honest, then the inputs given by Dassajal, Lavika, Rupa, Krishnan, and Binae Raj will be of great help.
6) If there is a pressure group or a coterie, and the feedback given is tainted with malice and in bad faith, or if their conduct borders on workplace bullying, it needs to be handled deftly. Some suggestions that may be of help are:
a) Try to change their perception about you by taking the first initiative by reaching out to them, responding positively to them, and trying to address their grievances without waiting for them to come to you, and at the same time keeping a record of your efforts in this direction to place before the management when needed.
b) It is not possible to say 'yes' always to win friends, but be assertive and learn to say 'NO' without sounding blunt. Change the way to say it and change the language in which you can express it.
c) If they still persist in their non-cooperative and offensive mode and still give negative feedback despite your positive efforts, you need to neutralize this negative feedback by increasing the positive feedback from a more significant number of employees and if necessary by undertaking some employee engagement activities. This will break the barriers of communication with the reticent group while enhancing your communication level with another group of employees and consequently may pave the way for more positive feedback from a higher number of employees. You can also have a record of your efforts to show the management that the negative feedback has no merit in it.
d) After some time, you will find the coterie to fall in line.
Hope this helps.
B. Saikumar
From India, Mumbai
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
There are useful suggestions from Mr. Sinmhan and Dassajal, and really great contributions from Lavika, Rupa Mehtha, Krishnan, and Binae Raj. I have only a little to contribute more, so from the point of view of perceptions.
1) Realize that a workplace is a congregation of different psyches. Do not expect it to be a place where like-minded people only come together. We need to balance these psyches, sometimes by changing our responses to external reactions (stimuli) and sometimes by bringing a change in the external responses itself.
2) Understand that there will be bouquets and brickbats in the professional life HR. It is difficult to satisfy every employee. Every HR will go through the same pain and confusion in the formative years of his/her career as you are currently going through. So realize that it happens mostly in every HR's career.
3) Recognize that adversity is a great teacher. It is only in adversity that you develop skills for survival. A country like Japan rose like a phoenix from the ashes of the Second World War to become a massive industrial power.
4) Understanding the above facts will calm your nerves and make you understand that there is no need to be unusually disturbed and make you more solution-centric rather than problem-centric.
5) If the feedback given to the employees is honest, then the inputs given by Dassajal, Lavika, Rupa, Krishnan, and Binae Raj will be of great help.
6) If there is a pressure group or a coterie, and the feedback given is tainted with malice and in bad faith, or if their conduct borders on workplace bullying, it needs to be handled deftly. Some suggestions that may be of help are:
a) Try to change their perception about you by taking the first initiative by reaching out to them, responding positively to them, and trying to address their grievances without waiting for them to come to you, and at the same time keeping a record of your efforts in this direction to place before the management when needed.
b) It is not possible to say 'yes' always to win friends, but be assertive and learn to say 'NO' without sounding blunt. Change the way to say it and change the language in which you can express it.
c) If they still persist in their non-cooperative and offensive mode and still give negative feedback despite your positive efforts, you need to neutralize this negative feedback by increasing the positive feedback from a more significant number of employees and if necessary by undertaking some employee engagement activities. This will break the barriers of communication with the reticent group while enhancing your communication level with another group of employees and consequently may pave the way for more positive feedback from a higher number of employees. You can also have a record of your efforts to show the management that the negative feedback has no merit in it.
d) After some time, you will find the coterie to fall in line.
Hope this helps.
B. Saikumar
From India, Mumbai
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)Looking for something specific? - Join & Be Part Of Our Community and get connected with the right people who can help. Our AI-powered platform provides real-time fact-checking, peer-reviewed insights, and a vast historical knowledge base to support your search.