I am going through a severe problem Please Suggest me what to to do ?
Especially Senior HR’s Expecting advices from you all.
It starts couple of Months back where I worked as a HR Recruiter in a newly started consultancy, where I was delighted with my profile, as I was designated as a Team Leader & was handling a Team of 7 in recruitment. Everything was going smooth as It was a learning experience Until one day…,
I receive a cordial or appreciation message from my so called Director (That he was very much impressed with my work & the way I am taking care of things over there besides recruitment) what he meant was : I used to do lot of other activities like a company growth planning, infrastructure, making a good use of the limited resources & inspiring others, Curricular activities, team building, team outing, Managing the office in Directors absence, taking care of minute to big issues related to employees or office, etccc…I mean I was in Multi tasking Role & was happy doing all that.
So he started messaging me daily, the messages became official to casual then personal.
Initially I thought he is just trying to praise me & make use of me then I thought he is really a disheartened person & has several mishap in his life & he needs some one to share.
The messages were all kind of personal & emotional I mean the way he had problems in his life & the way he has been ditched by others.
Loads of emotional stuff in messages.
Sometimes I also thought that Is this guy a attention seeker where he is trying to grab attention by gaining sympathy.
On second thoughts I thought he is a genuine person & sharing all his emotional feelings with me.
Finally we ended up hanging out, spending time, watching movies.
Here is a TWIST, after a while he offered me to be a part of Board of Directors.
I thought it’s too early for me to be in that position, rather I thought he is scared that I would quit the job once I gain experience so he is trying to hold me back by offering me that position. Where he will get a nice BAKRA with a very less package.
Anyhow I asked him to give me some time to think.
In between when I was unable to go out with him, he used to behave like a kiddo & sometimes even don’t talk to me as well. Eventually he became possessive & started emotionally black mailing me that if I ever think of quitting the job He will Suicide.
I got running thoughts, concluding whether He is a GAY or a Psycho or an emotionally sick Or a Over smart person.
However, It was all getting on my nerves & I was unable to concentrate on my work, I even mentioned several times that all his behavior is effecting his own company But he continued the same.
Finally, I didn’t want to loose my mental balance & decided to quit. I resigned.
I resigned without even serving notice. He knew that I will contact him to get the formalities done & to collect the documents.
This was not an end; he continuously messaged & mailed me, apologized in each mail & message & wanted me to come back. I ignored his messages & continued with my Hunt for another job.
I was looking out for a corporate break but I was getting Offers only from consultancies.
Finally after 25 days I responded to his message that I would come back but I have certain conditions.
I shall work from home (or free lancer) & come to office only if needed.
I shall only respond or rather report to him only thru mails
& No personal meetings / talks or hangouts.
He agreed for everything.
Again it was all sailing according to me. But after a 30 – 35 days he didn’t stick to his promise & started behaving the same & wanted me to be in front rather with him day in day out which irate me & I was rude to him saying I don’t like the way he behaves again the same.
Henceforth, He sends me a mail that I am unfit to be a part of his organization & he sacks me without giving my salary either.
I feel so wrong, weird & culpable about myself that I revert my decision of going back for such a hypocrite, that I wasted my 1 month where I would have Hunt for a good job.
Now my morale is so very down & feel myself a wrong decision maker & I feel I have ruined my career.
As in I am finding difficult to get a job in this tough time of recession.
Suggest me guys where I was wrong or right?
Where do I need to improve?
What can I do to go ahead with High Spirits?
Thank you for your Precious Time.
From India, Bangalore
Especially Senior HR’s Expecting advices from you all.
It starts couple of Months back where I worked as a HR Recruiter in a newly started consultancy, where I was delighted with my profile, as I was designated as a Team Leader & was handling a Team of 7 in recruitment. Everything was going smooth as It was a learning experience Until one day…,
I receive a cordial or appreciation message from my so called Director (That he was very much impressed with my work & the way I am taking care of things over there besides recruitment) what he meant was : I used to do lot of other activities like a company growth planning, infrastructure, making a good use of the limited resources & inspiring others, Curricular activities, team building, team outing, Managing the office in Directors absence, taking care of minute to big issues related to employees or office, etccc…I mean I was in Multi tasking Role & was happy doing all that.
So he started messaging me daily, the messages became official to casual then personal.
Initially I thought he is just trying to praise me & make use of me then I thought he is really a disheartened person & has several mishap in his life & he needs some one to share.
The messages were all kind of personal & emotional I mean the way he had problems in his life & the way he has been ditched by others.
Loads of emotional stuff in messages.
Sometimes I also thought that Is this guy a attention seeker where he is trying to grab attention by gaining sympathy.
On second thoughts I thought he is a genuine person & sharing all his emotional feelings with me.
Finally we ended up hanging out, spending time, watching movies.
Here is a TWIST, after a while he offered me to be a part of Board of Directors.
I thought it’s too early for me to be in that position, rather I thought he is scared that I would quit the job once I gain experience so he is trying to hold me back by offering me that position. Where he will get a nice BAKRA with a very less package.
Anyhow I asked him to give me some time to think.
In between when I was unable to go out with him, he used to behave like a kiddo & sometimes even don’t talk to me as well. Eventually he became possessive & started emotionally black mailing me that if I ever think of quitting the job He will Suicide.
I got running thoughts, concluding whether He is a GAY or a Psycho or an emotionally sick Or a Over smart person.
However, It was all getting on my nerves & I was unable to concentrate on my work, I even mentioned several times that all his behavior is effecting his own company But he continued the same.
Finally, I didn’t want to loose my mental balance & decided to quit. I resigned.
I resigned without even serving notice. He knew that I will contact him to get the formalities done & to collect the documents.
This was not an end; he continuously messaged & mailed me, apologized in each mail & message & wanted me to come back. I ignored his messages & continued with my Hunt for another job.
I was looking out for a corporate break but I was getting Offers only from consultancies.
Finally after 25 days I responded to his message that I would come back but I have certain conditions.
I shall work from home (or free lancer) & come to office only if needed.
I shall only respond or rather report to him only thru mails
& No personal meetings / talks or hangouts.
He agreed for everything.
Again it was all sailing according to me. But after a 30 – 35 days he didn’t stick to his promise & started behaving the same & wanted me to be in front rather with him day in day out which irate me & I was rude to him saying I don’t like the way he behaves again the same.
Henceforth, He sends me a mail that I am unfit to be a part of his organization & he sacks me without giving my salary either.
I feel so wrong, weird & culpable about myself that I revert my decision of going back for such a hypocrite, that I wasted my 1 month where I would have Hunt for a good job.
Now my morale is so very down & feel myself a wrong decision maker & I feel I have ruined my career.
As in I am finding difficult to get a job in this tough time of recession.
Suggest me guys where I was wrong or right?
Where do I need to improve?
What can I do to go ahead with High Spirits?
Thank you for your Precious Time.
From India, Bangalore
The situation need to be handled at the first instance when we find that it is going wrong...our attitude towards taking casually and waiting for the situation to get more worse ruin everything,When you had a hint from very starting that he is taking unusual benefits why you encouraged that person by spending time with him and welcoming his odd messages.Going back was really a bad decision.But its still not very late.When you are into professional world try to keep your personal self separate.He has no rights to hold back your salary...You warn him to pay your salary otherwise you will take him to court.
From India, Mumbai
From India, Mumbai
Hi Roshan,
What ever happens happens for good. Since finally you are out of a job, take a break. Refresh your self and start loking for a good opportunity. Mean time followup up for your salary which is your right.Good opportunity will come to your way, so keep trying.
Regards,
Harshad
From India, Mumbai
25What ever happens happens for good. Since finally you are out of a job, take a break. Refresh your self and start loking for a good opportunity. Mean time followup up for your salary which is your right.Good opportunity will come to your way, so keep trying.
Regards,
Harshad
From India, Mumbai
Dear Roshan,
A real difficult experience. Let me tell you one thing - (this applies to even personal life).
When we tell someone we have had enough (either its a resignation letter - or a relationship break up), its difficult for the other person to accept that we are goin out. Rejection is more difficult to handle. Initial would be - tryign to get u back into the relation or work and make things fine for u, and then possibilities are that they move and decide how to turn you down from their end.
This gives them mental relaxation that - now they have moved out of the professional / personal relation and it was THEIR choice.
You see the difference, he could not handle you saying that "you dont want to continue", but he can do it easily when he says "he cant continue with you"
He definitely needs a lot of care and attention, and someone he can trust. But a professional relationship will be ruined. Things will go dark later, and there will be so many things happenign that u may not even be able to share it with others.
Kuddos to you - I wonder how many ppl out there would say no to an offer for being a part of the Board of Directors. (I would have possibly said yes and later realized the blunder :huh: )
As of now - dont be frustrated with what happened. You just walked out of a bad thing that could have possibly ruined ur life. He has probably been lone in his life and just becos he has not had someone to share, he is holding all these things within himself and finally when he found a sincere person, he thought he culd share.
He could not differentiate... I pity him to a certain extent.
A friendlier realtion is different - but becoming possessive and thinking of suicide is... heights of him being a lonely and depressed person, wearing a mask of "perfection" in front of others.
he felt u were unfit - "for the relation". I guess u shuld be happy.
You were not wrong with ur decisions
You need to improve in this - trust urself and u r the best decision maker of ur life. As of now - u have not made wrong choices.
To go ahead - relax first, start hunting for opportunities. Theer are companies out there who would value ur skills. U "NEED" a fresh breath of air.
Hey... it will be too difficult for anyone out there to belive that the person actually behaved this bad - but you could try explaining. Its all in how u put it across. Keep ur spirits high.
Never doubt urself because of others stupidity!!
Apologies if this was toooooooo lengthy. :-)
From India, Madras
A real difficult experience. Let me tell you one thing - (this applies to even personal life).
When we tell someone we have had enough (either its a resignation letter - or a relationship break up), its difficult for the other person to accept that we are goin out. Rejection is more difficult to handle. Initial would be - tryign to get u back into the relation or work and make things fine for u, and then possibilities are that they move and decide how to turn you down from their end.
This gives them mental relaxation that - now they have moved out of the professional / personal relation and it was THEIR choice.
You see the difference, he could not handle you saying that "you dont want to continue", but he can do it easily when he says "he cant continue with you"
He definitely needs a lot of care and attention, and someone he can trust. But a professional relationship will be ruined. Things will go dark later, and there will be so many things happenign that u may not even be able to share it with others.
Kuddos to you - I wonder how many ppl out there would say no to an offer for being a part of the Board of Directors. (I would have possibly said yes and later realized the blunder :huh: )
As of now - dont be frustrated with what happened. You just walked out of a bad thing that could have possibly ruined ur life. He has probably been lone in his life and just becos he has not had someone to share, he is holding all these things within himself and finally when he found a sincere person, he thought he culd share.
He could not differentiate... I pity him to a certain extent.
A friendlier realtion is different - but becoming possessive and thinking of suicide is... heights of him being a lonely and depressed person, wearing a mask of "perfection" in front of others.
he felt u were unfit - "for the relation". I guess u shuld be happy.
You were not wrong with ur decisions
You need to improve in this - trust urself and u r the best decision maker of ur life. As of now - u have not made wrong choices.
To go ahead - relax first, start hunting for opportunities. Theer are companies out there who would value ur skills. U "NEED" a fresh breath of air.
Hey... it will be too difficult for anyone out there to belive that the person actually behaved this bad - but you could try explaining. Its all in how u put it across. Keep ur spirits high.
Never doubt urself because of others stupidity!!
Apologies if this was toooooooo lengthy. :-)
From India, Madras
hi roshan,
Don't be so depressed. u should feel happy, atleast u managed to come out of bad situation. now, you are free. just relax......... and than search for a new job. world is out there for you.
Best of Luck
From India, Ludhiana
Don't be so depressed. u should feel happy, atleast u managed to come out of bad situation. now, you are free. just relax......... and than search for a new job. world is out there for you.
Best of Luck
From India, Ludhiana
Remember the Edison story of his lab burining down completely and Edison said all mistakes are burnt, now i can start new. :)
From India, Bangalore
From India, Bangalore
Hi Roshan,
You want to move forward with good spirits. Who is stopping you? Move ahead. Only thing is that your inability to pick up a job immediately made you respond to him just in 25 days. Well man, that's where perhaps you need to work upon. You can't become weak in just 25 days. Life is not a path full of roses. Tough times keep coming. Man, we need to be strong and persist. Since you are in a tough situation, keep trying, build up your confidence, read good literature, be honest, tell the truth in all your future interactions when you are looking for a job. It appears that you have a very strong listening ability and perhaps a caring attitude which made him depend on you, share with you and feel secure in your presence. Trust me if you are like this, then on the way many such experiences will come, only how you face them based on this journey will decide on the quantum of suffering. Many people who feel thay have been victimsed need a shoulder. And from whatever you have mentioned , you appear to be having big caring shoulders likely to attract many a head in future. But then, you will have to choose and be cautious about developing relationships.
God Bless!
Ramesh Sood
From India, Pune
You want to move forward with good spirits. Who is stopping you? Move ahead. Only thing is that your inability to pick up a job immediately made you respond to him just in 25 days. Well man, that's where perhaps you need to work upon. You can't become weak in just 25 days. Life is not a path full of roses. Tough times keep coming. Man, we need to be strong and persist. Since you are in a tough situation, keep trying, build up your confidence, read good literature, be honest, tell the truth in all your future interactions when you are looking for a job. It appears that you have a very strong listening ability and perhaps a caring attitude which made him depend on you, share with you and feel secure in your presence. Trust me if you are like this, then on the way many such experiences will come, only how you face them based on this journey will decide on the quantum of suffering. Many people who feel thay have been victimsed need a shoulder. And from whatever you have mentioned , you appear to be having big caring shoulders likely to attract many a head in future. But then, you will have to choose and be cautious about developing relationships.
God Bless!
Ramesh Sood
From India, Pune
Hiiiiiiiii Roshan....I can understand ur Trauma....n the mental agony....you are in...
Please remember that a professional relationship is different from a personal relationship....so don try to mix both....n when u do...its tough to handle it..
whatever happend has happened....
Jst try to forget it and try to find a fresh lease of life...make a cautious new beginning...and keep this as your learning experience...
From India
Please remember that a professional relationship is different from a personal relationship....so don try to mix both....n when u do...its tough to handle it..
whatever happend has happened....
Jst try to forget it and try to find a fresh lease of life...make a cautious new beginning...and keep this as your learning experience...
From India
Roshan,
My question is if you where hired as HR Recruiter why you have to handle other multitasking work that you mentioned? The problem i see here is you need to learn to say "No". There is nothing that you have lost...look forget the past just concentrate on you short term goal i.e to get a good job. Always remember that a company can run without you. Do what you are paid for...
Have a great evening..
Lijesh
From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
My question is if you where hired as HR Recruiter why you have to handle other multitasking work that you mentioned? The problem i see here is you need to learn to say "No". There is nothing that you have lost...look forget the past just concentrate on you short term goal i.e to get a good job. Always remember that a company can run without you. Do what you are paid for...
Have a great evening..
Lijesh
From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
Hello Roshan,
Your experience IS indeed wierd.
I agree with Harshad & Asha-both have arrived @ the right conclusion, albeit from different directions.
I am not sure if you have faced situations li your life where some decision that YOU wanted to take was THRUST DOWN upon you by the other side. Sometimes it does happen, and just take it plainly as HIS help to you in conditions that you were unable to handle and HE got it done thru the other party. There's a proverb in Telugu that means this.
Like all the others suggested, 'carry on Doctor'.
And frankly, I suggest-don't even try to contact the guy again. If this amounts to foregoing your salary dues...so be it. Maybe it was the price you paid for your improper handling of the situation...I don't consider it as a mistake [A Quote here: There are no rewards or punishments in nature; ONLY consequences].
All the Best,
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
Your experience IS indeed wierd.
I agree with Harshad & Asha-both have arrived @ the right conclusion, albeit from different directions.
I am not sure if you have faced situations li your life where some decision that YOU wanted to take was THRUST DOWN upon you by the other side. Sometimes it does happen, and just take it plainly as HIS help to you in conditions that you were unable to handle and HE got it done thru the other party. There's a proverb in Telugu that means this.
Like all the others suggested, 'carry on Doctor'.
And frankly, I suggest-don't even try to contact the guy again. If this amounts to foregoing your salary dues...so be it. Maybe it was the price you paid for your improper handling of the situation...I don't consider it as a mistake [A Quote here: There are no rewards or punishments in nature; ONLY consequences].
All the Best,
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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