The Job Security Quiz
1. The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk, you:
A) Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid.
B) Inform him that you're planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources.
C) Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you've finished the level.
2. There's a cushy job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do?
A) Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of everyone who's been working with you.
B) Politely ask your boss for a transfer and offer to split the salary increase 50/50 with him.
C) Barge into your bosses office and demand reassignment so that you "won't have to work under someone who should have retired before he became a laughingstock."
3. When your boss throws a party and invites everyone in the office except you, what do you do?
A) Stay home and watch 'I Love Lucy' reruns.
B) Show up at the party anyway, with a really expensive bottle of wine and a briefcase full of small, unmarked bills.
C) Go over to your boss's house after everyone has left and throw rocks at the windows, shouting obscenities.
4. Your boss criticizes your work unjustly. What do you do?
A) Listen politely, and then apologize.
B) Blame someone else.
C) Climb on top of your desk, and hold up a piece of paper on which you've written the word "union."
5. When the CEO parks his car in your spot, you:
A) Wash and wax it, then leave your business card under the windshield wiper.
B) Key it ... then tell the CEO's secretary you saw your boss near it, loitering suspiciously.
C) Key it ... then proudly tell the CEO's secretary that you did it.
6. Your boss asks you to play Kooky the Clown for his kid's fifth birthday party. What do you do?
A) Offer to pay for the costume rental and cake, too.
B) Agree to do it, then blackmail a co-worker into doing it while pretending to be you.
C) Agree to do it, then show up as yourself and tell the children that Kooky is dead.
7. Your boss' gorgeous daughter comes on to you. How do you react?
A) Tell her that you feel it would be unethical for you to date the boss' daughter, but that you would be honored to pay for her to go to the movie by herself.
B) Slip her a mickey, then marry her before she sobers up.
C) Tell her you would love to go out with her, because you like cheap women, but you prefer them to be at least slightly attractive.
8. The boss accuses you of not keeping the office clean. You:
A) Clean the office while he supervises.
B) Tell him that you delegated the job, then fire the underling you supposedly gave the job to.
C) Clean the office again, but this time, you use your boss' face.
SCORING
Mostly A's: You have nothing to worry about. They'll never fire you because you're a doormat.
Mostly B's: You're not just going to keep your job, with your complete disregard for other peoples feelings; you'll positively shoot up the ladder of success. Congratulations! You're a real jerk.
Mostly C's: You are a career kamikaze. The boss would have fired you long ago, but he's terrified of what you might do.
From India, Ahmadabad
351. The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk, you:
A) Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his kid.
B) Inform him that you're planting a virus in the program so that everyone who plays it on company time will get reported to Human Resources.
C) Tell him that whatever he wants will have to wait until you've finished the level.
2. There's a cushy job opening in the mail department, stuffing envelopes with free samples. It pays twice as much as your current position. What do you do?
A) Meekly suggest to your boss that transferring you might improve the morale of everyone who's been working with you.
B) Politely ask your boss for a transfer and offer to split the salary increase 50/50 with him.
C) Barge into your bosses office and demand reassignment so that you "won't have to work under someone who should have retired before he became a laughingstock."
3. When your boss throws a party and invites everyone in the office except you, what do you do?
A) Stay home and watch 'I Love Lucy' reruns.
B) Show up at the party anyway, with a really expensive bottle of wine and a briefcase full of small, unmarked bills.
C) Go over to your boss's house after everyone has left and throw rocks at the windows, shouting obscenities.
4. Your boss criticizes your work unjustly. What do you do?
A) Listen politely, and then apologize.
B) Blame someone else.
C) Climb on top of your desk, and hold up a piece of paper on which you've written the word "union."
5. When the CEO parks his car in your spot, you:
A) Wash and wax it, then leave your business card under the windshield wiper.
B) Key it ... then tell the CEO's secretary you saw your boss near it, loitering suspiciously.
C) Key it ... then proudly tell the CEO's secretary that you did it.
6. Your boss asks you to play Kooky the Clown for his kid's fifth birthday party. What do you do?
A) Offer to pay for the costume rental and cake, too.
B) Agree to do it, then blackmail a co-worker into doing it while pretending to be you.
C) Agree to do it, then show up as yourself and tell the children that Kooky is dead.
7. Your boss' gorgeous daughter comes on to you. How do you react?
A) Tell her that you feel it would be unethical for you to date the boss' daughter, but that you would be honored to pay for her to go to the movie by herself.
B) Slip her a mickey, then marry her before she sobers up.
C) Tell her you would love to go out with her, because you like cheap women, but you prefer them to be at least slightly attractive.
8. The boss accuses you of not keeping the office clean. You:
A) Clean the office while he supervises.
B) Tell him that you delegated the job, then fire the underling you supposedly gave the job to.
C) Clean the office again, but this time, you use your boss' face.
SCORING
Mostly A's: You have nothing to worry about. They'll never fire you because you're a doormat.
Mostly B's: You're not just going to keep your job, with your complete disregard for other peoples feelings; you'll positively shoot up the ladder of success. Congratulations! You're a real jerk.
Mostly C's: You are a career kamikaze. The boss would have fired you long ago, but he's terrified of what you might do.
From India, Ahmadabad
hie sunaina... :lol:
i am a boss with a human touch....i donot mix proffesional life with personal life....same is my relationship with the team...when iam working with team...hey knw i am a monster if they donot attend to their work properly...but if they do then i am just like their friend next door... bottom line is bosses cannot tolerate problem children...u hve to be harsh wth thm... what say....others...????
regards
scare_crow
dear reena..
good for agreeing with my comment....itz a good sign as u shd alwys agree...with bosses :lol: :lol: ....on more serious note u shd alwys think that boss is rite as he has seen more life than u...this belief will make u sucessfull in life....but dnt become a spoon....of boss.....
regards
scare_crow
From India, Mumbai
i am a boss with a human touch....i donot mix proffesional life with personal life....same is my relationship with the team...when iam working with team...hey knw i am a monster if they donot attend to their work properly...but if they do then i am just like their friend next door... bottom line is bosses cannot tolerate problem children...u hve to be harsh wth thm... what say....others...????
regards
scare_crow
dear reena..
good for agreeing with my comment....itz a good sign as u shd alwys agree...with bosses :lol: :lol: ....on more serious note u shd alwys think that boss is rite as he has seen more life than u...this belief will make u sucessfull in life....but dnt become a spoon....of boss.....
regards
scare_crow
From India, Mumbai
Hi Sunayna You can count me to be a jerk... that’s what the questionnaire suggests....
From India, Ahmadabad
From India, Ahmadabad
hey sunaina/ajmal dudes :lol: :lol: both of u do good comedy...online...hmmm...keep it up...somehow i found ur comments very humourous.... :lol: :lol: cheers with joy regards scare_crow 8)
From India, Mumbai
From India, Mumbai
here is another one..... enjoy
Reena
________________________________________
Job Schizophrenia
When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.
When I don't do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When I do it without being told, I'm trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.
When I please my boss, that's brown-nosing.
When my boss pleases his boss, that's co-operating.
When I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets
From India, Mumbai
Reena
________________________________________
Job Schizophrenia
When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.
When I don't do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
When I do it without being told, I'm trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.
When I please my boss, that's brown-nosing.
When my boss pleases his boss, that's co-operating.
When I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets
From India, Mumbai
hey reena dude... u have posted smthin really brilliant.....keep up...my boss laughed his guts out... regards scare_crow
From India, Mumbai
From India, Mumbai
Hi guys..
I get to see all of ull sending mails....a lot of HR queries...
well i am working as an recruitment consultant in Bangalore.I want to make a career shit to a generalist profile but i am unable to get a break..
Would like you guys to give me an opinion on to how to take my HR career forward....
Divya
From United States, Cherry Hill
I get to see all of ull sending mails....a lot of HR queries...
well i am working as an recruitment consultant in Bangalore.I want to make a career shit to a generalist profile but i am unable to get a break..
Would like you guys to give me an opinion on to how to take my HR career forward....
Divya
From United States, Cherry Hill
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