Respected Sir/Madam,
I am a SSE working for an IT firm. I had joined my current organization 2 years back. One beautiful girl used to sit beside my cubicle, and she was very open with her behavior. Most of the guys working on her project used to come to her and try to assist/explain what she was doing. While assisting her, boys would type on the keyboard with both hands over her shoulder as though they were at home, and she was also very frank. I felt like those guys were taking some kind of advantage (chance maar rahe hai). I used to look at the boys with some anger at what they were doing.
I was new to that bay, and the team area where I was seated had old employees (meaning they were old for that company). When they noticed that I was getting a bit angry with what they were doing, they thought I liked that girl, and that's why I was getting a bit angry whenever any boys used to come to her.
After a few days, other members in her project started making some sort of indications whenever I used to come to the office. Someone from behind would deliberately cough, and whenever she came, they would make some sort of noise. One lady lead from her project used to sit in front of me and would call her so that I would look at her. As they coughed and made noise, I would laugh to myself because I am a bit shy. After a few months, that girl started looking at me, and the members in her team started telling her that "he likes you," and I would hear this as they conversed among themselves.
One guy from her project, who was very aggressive in his behavior, used to sit 2 cubicles behind me. He would shout whenever she had not come to the office or gone for a break, saying "arey sir aajayegi, itna baichain na ho aap," "abhi thodi der me aahi jayegi," etc. For a few days, I ignored this, but after a while, I got annoyed with him and could not tolerate it. I shouted, "bhenchot dekhte bait re idhar udhar kya kare kuch kaam toh nahi aur kya kare," something like this. After this incident, that other guy stopped passing comments.
The passing comments, coughing, making noise, etc., came to a halt, but they had doubts that I loved that girl. They were telling her that I liked her, and she used to look at me. As I am not married and am 31, it came to my mind that why I should not proceed further because even though I am searching for a bride and not able to find a suitable partner, if she is willing, I can make her my partner. But later, I gave it a second thought because it would not fit into my society as she is from another caste. I ignored her, but she kept interest in me. This was a tight slap to others who were passing comments like I like her, this, that.
I requested a release from my project because I was not getting good exposure, but my manager gave negative feedback about me. He mentioned that I stare at girls, have poor morals, behavior, etc. I came to know this from the HR team, so I dropped him an email stating, when I requested a release from the project, you asked me for a salary hike, onsite opportunity, and anything else I wanted, but I refused to stay in the project. Then why was negative feedback given? He is not responding, and I don't know what other negative comments he has given.
My question is, let's assume if I like her and she likes me, why has any negative feedback been given? That girl has not complained about anything regarding me. I don't know if she actually liked me or if it was because of the atmosphere that she kept interest in me.
I never spoke a single word with her and also never stared at her.
How can I address this issue as it might bring a negative impact on my career? Even I don't know what that girl will tell if the HR department calls her. I used abusive language once. Why did my manager not inquire about what happened? Was he a part of this whole scenario and waiting for me to make a mistake or something? I don't know.
Thanks!!
From India, Mumbai
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I am a SSE working for an IT firm. I had joined my current organization 2 years back. One beautiful girl used to sit beside my cubicle, and she was very open with her behavior. Most of the guys working on her project used to come to her and try to assist/explain what she was doing. While assisting her, boys would type on the keyboard with both hands over her shoulder as though they were at home, and she was also very frank. I felt like those guys were taking some kind of advantage (chance maar rahe hai). I used to look at the boys with some anger at what they were doing.
I was new to that bay, and the team area where I was seated had old employees (meaning they were old for that company). When they noticed that I was getting a bit angry with what they were doing, they thought I liked that girl, and that's why I was getting a bit angry whenever any boys used to come to her.
After a few days, other members in her project started making some sort of indications whenever I used to come to the office. Someone from behind would deliberately cough, and whenever she came, they would make some sort of noise. One lady lead from her project used to sit in front of me and would call her so that I would look at her. As they coughed and made noise, I would laugh to myself because I am a bit shy. After a few months, that girl started looking at me, and the members in her team started telling her that "he likes you," and I would hear this as they conversed among themselves.
One guy from her project, who was very aggressive in his behavior, used to sit 2 cubicles behind me. He would shout whenever she had not come to the office or gone for a break, saying "arey sir aajayegi, itna baichain na ho aap," "abhi thodi der me aahi jayegi," etc. For a few days, I ignored this, but after a while, I got annoyed with him and could not tolerate it. I shouted, "bhenchot dekhte bait re idhar udhar kya kare kuch kaam toh nahi aur kya kare," something like this. After this incident, that other guy stopped passing comments.
The passing comments, coughing, making noise, etc., came to a halt, but they had doubts that I loved that girl. They were telling her that I liked her, and she used to look at me. As I am not married and am 31, it came to my mind that why I should not proceed further because even though I am searching for a bride and not able to find a suitable partner, if she is willing, I can make her my partner. But later, I gave it a second thought because it would not fit into my society as she is from another caste. I ignored her, but she kept interest in me. This was a tight slap to others who were passing comments like I like her, this, that.
I requested a release from my project because I was not getting good exposure, but my manager gave negative feedback about me. He mentioned that I stare at girls, have poor morals, behavior, etc. I came to know this from the HR team, so I dropped him an email stating, when I requested a release from the project, you asked me for a salary hike, onsite opportunity, and anything else I wanted, but I refused to stay in the project. Then why was negative feedback given? He is not responding, and I don't know what other negative comments he has given.
My question is, let's assume if I like her and she likes me, why has any negative feedback been given? That girl has not complained about anything regarding me. I don't know if she actually liked me or if it was because of the atmosphere that she kept interest in me.
I never spoke a single word with her and also never stared at her.
How can I address this issue as it might bring a negative impact on my career? Even I don't know what that girl will tell if the HR department calls her. I used abusive language once. Why did my manager not inquire about what happened? Was he a part of this whole scenario and waiting for me to make a mistake or something? I don't know.
Thanks!!
From India, Mumbai
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Dear friend,
Following points emerge from your lengthy post:
a) The female employee who was seated next to your cubicle was expressing her affection. You could have either accepted or rejected her advances. However, you did neither.
b) The most crucial aspect is the inappropriate behavior of your colleagues. They acted as if they were still in college. You had the option to address their immaturity with HR or higher management. Unfortunately, you did not address their behavior, leading to your current predicament.
c) You mentioned that "While assisting her, male colleagues would type on the keyboard with both hands over her shoulders as if they were at home, and she was very open." This indicates that the female employee was not only immature but also inappropriate in her conduct.
In your response to HR, clearly state that the accusations made by the Project Manager are unfounded. In reality, your manager has been two-faced, appearing friendly to you but betraying you. You can consider escalating the issue due to the doubts cast on your character.
Lesson for HR: It is partially HR's failure as well. It seems that HR lacks a proper policy on workplace relationships. Moreover, how did the salacious behavior of the female employee go unnoticed by HR? Why didn't HR intervene promptly when the behavior of other employees hinted at a relationship between you and the female employee? Such incidents unnecessarily disrupt the work environment.
For any further inquiries, please feel free to [contact me](https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BwFZpLigNaA5TnVXck53a1RycU0/view?usp=sharing).
Thanks,
Dinesh Divekar
From India, Bangalore
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8032Following points emerge from your lengthy post:
a) The female employee who was seated next to your cubicle was expressing her affection. You could have either accepted or rejected her advances. However, you did neither.
b) The most crucial aspect is the inappropriate behavior of your colleagues. They acted as if they were still in college. You had the option to address their immaturity with HR or higher management. Unfortunately, you did not address their behavior, leading to your current predicament.
c) You mentioned that "While assisting her, male colleagues would type on the keyboard with both hands over her shoulders as if they were at home, and she was very open." This indicates that the female employee was not only immature but also inappropriate in her conduct.
In your response to HR, clearly state that the accusations made by the Project Manager are unfounded. In reality, your manager has been two-faced, appearing friendly to you but betraying you. You can consider escalating the issue due to the doubts cast on your character.
Lesson for HR: It is partially HR's failure as well. It seems that HR lacks a proper policy on workplace relationships. Moreover, how did the salacious behavior of the female employee go unnoticed by HR? Why didn't HR intervene promptly when the behavior of other employees hinted at a relationship between you and the female employee? Such incidents unnecessarily disrupt the work environment.
For any further inquiries, please feel free to [contact me](https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BwFZpLigNaA5TnVXck53a1RycU0/view?usp=sharing).
Thanks,
Dinesh Divekar
From India, Bangalore
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