I have an unusual problem here. There is a not-so-sensible guy in security who used to annoy me with silly intrusive questions. I used to answer him purely out of politeness, even though the same questions every day irritated me. But one day he passed a derogatory comment like "idiot" when I was about to close the door. Maybe I didn't meet his one-sided expectations of chatting, but I heard it enough and complained to the manager to ban the security guy from the floor. However, the security management only asked the guy not to talk with me. The absurd thing I saw was a colleague of his communicating the message! There was no stern message by a supervisor, so it obviously didn't have the desired effect. They tried talking to me once some ten days later, but I just ignored them.
This time, an old woman hand in glove with that guy passed a similar comment in similar circumstances. This time, I was agitated enough to talk directly to the supervisor, who finally passed the message this time to higher-ups. I wanted the security transferred and penalized immediately. The superior promised that the problem would be solved and that he would warn the guy enough. However, he said he had difficulties transferring the security immediately. I told him this was the second time, but he said the HQ came to hear about it only now. If the security guy misbehaves again, he promised a transfer, but for now, he will issue a strong warning and promised it would end. I found this very annoying as I felt they are dealing with an incorrigible guy the wrong way, and I had little faith that the guy would change.
The culprits are facing no penalty for an insulting comment, and it was only an issue of not disturbing me for the supervisors. I also had to face that hated guy at least in the evening. That guy was brought by the supervisor to meet me directly, and he was made to apologize. He promised nothing would happen again, though I didn't like the fact he didn't admit his "comments," and he was obviously a natural liar. He showed his true colors just as I expected this week by making the same comment, obviously smarting under the humiliation of my last complaint. This time, I really laid into the supervisors. They have promised strong action and said a transfer is sure, but I demanded harsh penalties for rude conduct.
My feeling is the immediate supervisor is suited only for good guys but not sociopath liars like the security guy. The thing is, if my office colleague had said this, I would have had his teeth rearranged, but I was advised to let superiors deal with scum from the slums. Should I have pursued the hard option the first time and settled it with a punch? Or am I right in letting it go the legal way? I am so angry for the last few days that a guy who cannot match a quarter of my first salary thinks he can't pass judgment to me. Not that if a more qualified guy said it, it would be acceptable, but they don't. Do lawyers have any options for me to deal with this if things are not satisfactory?
My manager thinks I am getting too agitated, but I don't think I have to put up with comments from anyone and have the hassle of dealing with people I can't stand. I have the right to go to the office in peace. It's a pity they didn't heed my request the second time. I would have done it the first time itself! For 14 years, I had no such issue, but one fool is enough for a lifetime!
From India, Chennai
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1This time, an old woman hand in glove with that guy passed a similar comment in similar circumstances. This time, I was agitated enough to talk directly to the supervisor, who finally passed the message this time to higher-ups. I wanted the security transferred and penalized immediately. The superior promised that the problem would be solved and that he would warn the guy enough. However, he said he had difficulties transferring the security immediately. I told him this was the second time, but he said the HQ came to hear about it only now. If the security guy misbehaves again, he promised a transfer, but for now, he will issue a strong warning and promised it would end. I found this very annoying as I felt they are dealing with an incorrigible guy the wrong way, and I had little faith that the guy would change.
The culprits are facing no penalty for an insulting comment, and it was only an issue of not disturbing me for the supervisors. I also had to face that hated guy at least in the evening. That guy was brought by the supervisor to meet me directly, and he was made to apologize. He promised nothing would happen again, though I didn't like the fact he didn't admit his "comments," and he was obviously a natural liar. He showed his true colors just as I expected this week by making the same comment, obviously smarting under the humiliation of my last complaint. This time, I really laid into the supervisors. They have promised strong action and said a transfer is sure, but I demanded harsh penalties for rude conduct.
My feeling is the immediate supervisor is suited only for good guys but not sociopath liars like the security guy. The thing is, if my office colleague had said this, I would have had his teeth rearranged, but I was advised to let superiors deal with scum from the slums. Should I have pursued the hard option the first time and settled it with a punch? Or am I right in letting it go the legal way? I am so angry for the last few days that a guy who cannot match a quarter of my first salary thinks he can't pass judgment to me. Not that if a more qualified guy said it, it would be acceptable, but they don't. Do lawyers have any options for me to deal with this if things are not satisfactory?
My manager thinks I am getting too agitated, but I don't think I have to put up with comments from anyone and have the hassle of dealing with people I can't stand. I have the right to go to the office in peace. It's a pity they didn't heed my request the second time. I would have done it the first time itself! For 14 years, I had no such issue, but one fool is enough for a lifetime!
From India, Chennai
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Dear Chnemp,
Cool down, friend. At times, we come across situations like this. However, what is needed is a response and not a reaction. At this stage, I recommend you to put up a proper written application reporting the facts. Please set aside the logic or judgment.
Hope things will improve. If they do not improve, then still write an application addressing the MD. If still nothing happens, then call the head of the security agency and tell him that either you will transfer him or you will lodge a police complaint.
You have not mentioned whether you are a male or female employee. If the latter, then you need to be a little more cautious about your personal security.
Thanks,
Dinesh Divekar
From India, Bangalore
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Cool down, friend. At times, we come across situations like this. However, what is needed is a response and not a reaction. At this stage, I recommend you to put up a proper written application reporting the facts. Please set aside the logic or judgment.
Hope things will improve. If they do not improve, then still write an application addressing the MD. If still nothing happens, then call the head of the security agency and tell him that either you will transfer him or you will lodge a police complaint.
You have not mentioned whether you are a male or female employee. If the latter, then you need to be a little more cautious about your personal security.
Thanks,
Dinesh Divekar
From India, Bangalore
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My replies got swallowed in IE. Not sure why it's happening. I am male. I reported immediately to the building supervisor and my manager the first time. The second time, the building supervisor escalated it to his superior, but they promised a transfer only if it happened again. I reminded him it was the second time, but he said this was the first he came to know of it. The third time, they finally said they will transfer and promised strong action. However, two days later, they are saying it will take two days, and their response is becoming lukewarm. This is annoying me. Is it time to get a lawyer or a policeman up there?
From India, Chennai
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From India, Chennai
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Is this security guy like this with others also or only with you?
You need to deal with such situations in a calm and collected manner.
"The thing is if my office colleague had said this, I would have his teeth rearranged, but I was advised to let superiors deal with scum from the slums. Should I have pursued the hard option the first time and settled it with a punch? Or am I right in letting it go the legal way? I am so angry for the last few days that a guy who cannot match a quarter of my first salary thinks he can't pass judgment to me."
Is there any superiority complex being shown by you which is agitating the guard? Normally, these people come from poorer segments and are worried about their job.
The hard option of a punch will be like a boomerang. Do not even think of it.
Your words show a raw side, which will do you no good.
You cannot rearrange others' teeth unless you are a dentist.
"My manager thinks I am getting too agitated... but I don't think I have to put up with comments from anyone and have the hassle of dealing with people I can't stand."
Why does your manager feel this?
You may come across many people you cannot stand, but then you need to ignore such people.
You cannot rectify them or take hard options.
"This time an old woman hand in glove with that guy passed a similar comment in similar circumstances."
Involvement of a lady can give a totally different spin to the whole issue.
My advice would be to cool down, ignore this person, and put the whole thing in writing to your management. Bring out the behavioral issues and the involvement of the lady in the situation.
When you write, place facts, words used by the guard, how he misbehaves, and the role of the lady guard as well.
Do not express your opinion about the status of the guard, your higher pay, and hard options, etc.
Deal with it in a calm frame of mind.
Please do not mind my frank words.
From India, Pune
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You need to deal with such situations in a calm and collected manner.
"The thing is if my office colleague had said this, I would have his teeth rearranged, but I was advised to let superiors deal with scum from the slums. Should I have pursued the hard option the first time and settled it with a punch? Or am I right in letting it go the legal way? I am so angry for the last few days that a guy who cannot match a quarter of my first salary thinks he can't pass judgment to me."
Is there any superiority complex being shown by you which is agitating the guard? Normally, these people come from poorer segments and are worried about their job.
The hard option of a punch will be like a boomerang. Do not even think of it.
Your words show a raw side, which will do you no good.
You cannot rearrange others' teeth unless you are a dentist.
"My manager thinks I am getting too agitated... but I don't think I have to put up with comments from anyone and have the hassle of dealing with people I can't stand."
Why does your manager feel this?
You may come across many people you cannot stand, but then you need to ignore such people.
You cannot rectify them or take hard options.
"This time an old woman hand in glove with that guy passed a similar comment in similar circumstances."
Involvement of a lady can give a totally different spin to the whole issue.
My advice would be to cool down, ignore this person, and put the whole thing in writing to your management. Bring out the behavioral issues and the involvement of the lady in the situation.
When you write, place facts, words used by the guard, how he misbehaves, and the role of the lady guard as well.
Do not express your opinion about the status of the guard, your higher pay, and hard options, etc.
Deal with it in a calm frame of mind.
Please do not mind my frank words.
From India, Pune
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Is this security guy like this with others also or only with you?
I am not sure questions like "are you the only one who got stolen" would be appropriate.
Is there any superiority complex being shown by you which is agitating the guard? Normally these people come from poorer segments and are worried about their job.
You got it all wrong... he didn't insult in an agitated manner but in a manner of an eve teaser or bully.
Frankly, you are not doing a good job of being in someone else's especially someone not in a normal mood.
X gets disturbed by Y. X retaliates and X is having a "superiority complex"?
I have seen it in other cases as well. In one article regarding eve teasing, one of the posters blamed the retaliating woman as "rude"!
Without singing my own praises, I would say my ideology does not involve attacking the weak. I hate the bullies... I hate unproductive people who spend time disturbing others, does not matter which segment they belong to.
I do have sympathy for people among poorer segments who have a constructive approach... that includes my one-time classmate who was a poor talented guy in a class of middle-class and upper-class students in a private school. My eyes still swell with tears when I think of him.
However, there are unsavory elements among poorer segments as well who spend time in unproductive pursuits like drinking, gossiping, etc... I don't have to be lenient just because they are poor, and I sure as well have a right not to be insulted!
I have been insulted... frustrated by the delaying attitude of the supervisors... frustrated that nobody is strong enough to get justice done.
Now see my words in that context and mood!
And you are forgetting that I answered that guy politely to the last when as he indulged in unsolicited chat time and again and tested my patience with silly intrusive questions every day! I never could say to him "you are annoying me, stop" for fear of being impolite.
Things changed only when he made those comments.
I am soft-spoken and polite... when I rip it out, it comes out in fury because I use confrontation as the last resort and everything inside comes out at once!
"You may come across many people you cannot stand, but then you need to ignore such people."
And I did not know this? If you can ignore people who needle you with words like "idiot fellow," good luck. There is a reason I cannot ignore.
The reason I am unhappy is those superiors are too lukewarm to inspire confidence and the promised transfer keeps increasing by two days!
From India, Chennai
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I am not sure questions like "are you the only one who got stolen" would be appropriate.
Is there any superiority complex being shown by you which is agitating the guard? Normally these people come from poorer segments and are worried about their job.
You got it all wrong... he didn't insult in an agitated manner but in a manner of an eve teaser or bully.
Frankly, you are not doing a good job of being in someone else's especially someone not in a normal mood.
X gets disturbed by Y. X retaliates and X is having a "superiority complex"?
I have seen it in other cases as well. In one article regarding eve teasing, one of the posters blamed the retaliating woman as "rude"!
Without singing my own praises, I would say my ideology does not involve attacking the weak. I hate the bullies... I hate unproductive people who spend time disturbing others, does not matter which segment they belong to.
I do have sympathy for people among poorer segments who have a constructive approach... that includes my one-time classmate who was a poor talented guy in a class of middle-class and upper-class students in a private school. My eyes still swell with tears when I think of him.
However, there are unsavory elements among poorer segments as well who spend time in unproductive pursuits like drinking, gossiping, etc... I don't have to be lenient just because they are poor, and I sure as well have a right not to be insulted!
I have been insulted... frustrated by the delaying attitude of the supervisors... frustrated that nobody is strong enough to get justice done.
Now see my words in that context and mood!
And you are forgetting that I answered that guy politely to the last when as he indulged in unsolicited chat time and again and tested my patience with silly intrusive questions every day! I never could say to him "you are annoying me, stop" for fear of being impolite.
Things changed only when he made those comments.
I am soft-spoken and polite... when I rip it out, it comes out in fury because I use confrontation as the last resort and everything inside comes out at once!
"You may come across many people you cannot stand, but then you need to ignore such people."
And I did not know this? If you can ignore people who needle you with words like "idiot fellow," good luck. There is a reason I cannot ignore.
The reason I am unhappy is those superiors are too lukewarm to inspire confidence and the promised transfer keeps increasing by two days!
From India, Chennai
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Dear friend,
I am sure that your feelings are well justified. It is just that all angles are being explored. We do get odd characters like this security guard. My suggestion, as already given, would remain the same - give a written complaint. Include the aspect of the women guard also. But in the meantime, remain cool and just ignore this person. I am fully sympathetic to your problem.
From India, Pune
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I am sure that your feelings are well justified. It is just that all angles are being explored. We do get odd characters like this security guard. My suggestion, as already given, would remain the same - give a written complaint. Include the aspect of the women guard also. But in the meantime, remain cool and just ignore this person. I am fully sympathetic to your problem.
From India, Pune
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Thanks for your understanding. However, the power here belongs to the supervisors. Failing which, I have to consult a legal expert.
What I don't understand is whether the delay is genuinely due to a resource crunch or they don't believe me.
From India, Chennai
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What I don't understand is whether the delay is genuinely due to a resource crunch or they don't believe me.
From India, Chennai
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Hello,
From your posts, I can understand that you are very disturbed by the behavior and are currently feeling annoyed and agitated.
The reason Nathrao must have asked you if the security guy behaves the same way with others is that if he does, it works in your favor, doesn't it?
If he is irritating only you, what could be the reasons? Just a point to ponder...
If one of my employees comes and complains about any XYZ person regarding mischief or misbehavior, am I supposed to take that at face value? Don't I need concrete information and solid proof, especially if I have to take a step as significant as transfers or termination?
If tomorrow the security guard goes to a senior and says you chastised him, and they believe him at face value and transfer you, would that be acceptable?
Please understand that as HR (whoever the manager is), we have to follow the same rules for all, irrespective of designation, seniority, and gender. I hope you are well aware of this.
If you genuinely believe that the security guard is misbehaving, you need to gather solid evidence to present first. Then, I can advise you on how to proceed with informing management to ensure the said guard is disciplined.
I hope this clarifies some observations and conclusions.
From India, Mumbai
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From your posts, I can understand that you are very disturbed by the behavior and are currently feeling annoyed and agitated.
The reason Nathrao must have asked you if the security guy behaves the same way with others is that if he does, it works in your favor, doesn't it?
If he is irritating only you, what could be the reasons? Just a point to ponder...
If one of my employees comes and complains about any XYZ person regarding mischief or misbehavior, am I supposed to take that at face value? Don't I need concrete information and solid proof, especially if I have to take a step as significant as transfers or termination?
If tomorrow the security guard goes to a senior and says you chastised him, and they believe him at face value and transfer you, would that be acceptable?
Please understand that as HR (whoever the manager is), we have to follow the same rules for all, irrespective of designation, seniority, and gender. I hope you are well aware of this.
If you genuinely believe that the security guard is misbehaving, you need to gather solid evidence to present first. Then, I can advise you on how to proceed with informing management to ensure the said guard is disciplined.
I hope this clarifies some observations and conclusions.
From India, Mumbai
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Learned member Ankita has nailed the matter in her post and given a good answer covering all angles. I precisely asked regarding the guard's behavior to know if he is rude with everyone or only with one person. Just because the person is a low-paid guard, the standard of evidence of alleged misbehavior cannot be lower.
Some of the answers of the querist showed an angry side of the person by saying he would have rearranged teeth, etc. Even his own manager felt he was getting too agitated. Such matters require a mature and tactful way of handling. The querist also said a lady guard also passed comments.
There are always two sides to a story, and we have not heard from the guard. But I have equally heard of misbehaving guards, and the querist could well be justified in complaining. But the whole matter is a molehill and not a mountain. We must move on. Put the whole thing in writing and leave it at that. Give the guard a royal ignore.
From India, Pune
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Some of the answers of the querist showed an angry side of the person by saying he would have rearranged teeth, etc. Even his own manager felt he was getting too agitated. Such matters require a mature and tactful way of handling. The querist also said a lady guard also passed comments.
There are always two sides to a story, and we have not heard from the guard. But I have equally heard of misbehaving guards, and the querist could well be justified in complaining. But the whole matter is a molehill and not a mountain. We must move on. Put the whole thing in writing and leave it at that. Give the guard a royal ignore.
From India, Pune
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" Don't I need concrete information and solid proofs, especially if I have to take a step as high as transfers or termination?
I am aware of everything you said, but thanks.
"If you seriously think that the security guard is misbehaving, you need to gather solid proofs to be produced first."
What do you mean by "seriously think"? I am damn certain... or why else would I have complained about a security guy for the first time in my life, college or office?
You do not know me - how I form my opinions, my observation skills, my reliance on facts and evidence, my level of critical thinking, my instincts, etc... so let's not get into that.
It suffices to say I judged it was concrete enough to take action, and it has happened three times now anyway.
And more than anyone else, I would dearly love to catch the guy with clinching evidence and shame him, of course, but I don't have a video cam everywhere, do I?
Nor am I a policeman or detective who has access, scope, and permission for deep investigation.
I can only narrate events as I remember, as accurately as possible.
I did ask the supervisor if they have any experienced investigator in their agency, and I would welcome any such person. He replied the culprit should admit the truth, or how else could they know!
But he said he will transfer as this is the third complaint.
The supervisors could have evolved an action plan to monitor the guy after the first complaint. They could have brought the most experienced hand to investigate since they are running a security agency.
And you haven't seen their tardiness. I saw the guy's colleague giving the first warning like a buddy! How effective would that be!
The second time, they told me they gave a "strong warning"... what I saw was the building supervisor talking directly "are you guilty"... wonder what the guy's answer would be!
And the third time they were sounding encouraging in the aftermath and promised 'strong action'... but yesterday, it was as if they woke up after I called again!
I have been largely conflict-free (at a personal level) since college days, and I am not experienced in this kind of situation.
If anyone has fresh ideas or approaches, do tell."
From India, Chennai
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I am aware of everything you said, but thanks.
"If you seriously think that the security guard is misbehaving, you need to gather solid proofs to be produced first."
What do you mean by "seriously think"? I am damn certain... or why else would I have complained about a security guy for the first time in my life, college or office?
You do not know me - how I form my opinions, my observation skills, my reliance on facts and evidence, my level of critical thinking, my instincts, etc... so let's not get into that.
It suffices to say I judged it was concrete enough to take action, and it has happened three times now anyway.
And more than anyone else, I would dearly love to catch the guy with clinching evidence and shame him, of course, but I don't have a video cam everywhere, do I?
Nor am I a policeman or detective who has access, scope, and permission for deep investigation.
I can only narrate events as I remember, as accurately as possible.
I did ask the supervisor if they have any experienced investigator in their agency, and I would welcome any such person. He replied the culprit should admit the truth, or how else could they know!
But he said he will transfer as this is the third complaint.
The supervisors could have evolved an action plan to monitor the guy after the first complaint. They could have brought the most experienced hand to investigate since they are running a security agency.
And you haven't seen their tardiness. I saw the guy's colleague giving the first warning like a buddy! How effective would that be!
The second time, they told me they gave a "strong warning"... what I saw was the building supervisor talking directly "are you guilty"... wonder what the guy's answer would be!
And the third time they were sounding encouraging in the aftermath and promised 'strong action'... but yesterday, it was as if they woke up after I called again!
I have been largely conflict-free (at a personal level) since college days, and I am not experienced in this kind of situation.
If anyone has fresh ideas or approaches, do tell."
From India, Chennai
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