Dear,
I absolutely agree with you that opposites attract. Saying this, I would like to reiterate that the opposite gender gels well. Women have a tendency to dig deep into one's personal matters. Let me tell you, no one is perfect, and you approaching HR requesting to frame some policy doesn't help.
Instead, I would suggest moving forward not to share your status with anyone except the management. Ultimately, it's a democratic country, and we have rights to privacy. As long as we are good at work, it shouldn't affect anyone's personal life.
So please go ahead and don't reveal your personal details to anyone despite knowing what will happen. Even your colleagues shouldn't know about this. Instead, you can mention that your husband is frequently traveling, etc.
Regards
From India, Coimbatore
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2I absolutely agree with you that opposites attract. Saying this, I would like to reiterate that the opposite gender gels well. Women have a tendency to dig deep into one's personal matters. Let me tell you, no one is perfect, and you approaching HR requesting to frame some policy doesn't help.
Instead, I would suggest moving forward not to share your status with anyone except the management. Ultimately, it's a democratic country, and we have rights to privacy. As long as we are good at work, it shouldn't affect anyone's personal life.
So please go ahead and don't reveal your personal details to anyone despite knowing what will happen. Even your colleagues shouldn't know about this. Instead, you can mention that your husband is frequently traveling, etc.
Regards
From India, Coimbatore
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This is one of the common issues with everyone, irrespective of male or female, but it is very much appreciated that you brought it up here.
No matter how much you control and become tough, it is not possible to avoid such irrelevant questions, as some people are more interested in others' lives than their own!!
Suggestions:
1) Always answer in one word, like yes, no, good, okay.
2) Start taking the excuses and avoid such questions completely like, "I have some work," "have to make a call," "need to go to the loo," "I am concentrating on work."
3) Always give positive replies so that they never get the chance to cross-question you. This also makes them feel a kind of jealousy or complexity issues, but be bold in answering them. Just know that telling that you are doing perfect does not make you tell lies; after all, they are just perceptions and not facts.
Never share your personal matters with anyone unless it is a person who is your close friend or best friend, and people who already know you well and very close relatives. For others, it is not Ramayan or Mahabharatha to give them the pravachanas!
4) Always change the subject and discuss anything and everything except each other's personal lives and the lives of others. Never involve a person in a chat and make it a discussion. Adopt a topic and argue on it; this helps the relationships mature and enhances knowledge.
5) If they still continue to disturb you, start asking cross-questions in the manner they ask and be tough and bold in asking them.
6) If they still disturb you after all the above practices, just avoid them if that does not give you peace.
7) The last resort would be dandam dasha gunam bhaveth, tell them to their face not to ask such questions that have nothing to do with them and they are neither your supporters nor the people who undertake yours and your family's responsibilities. It will be good for both of you to be quiet and never bring up anyone's personal matters to light as it has nothing to do with any of you. Neither am I interested in listening to yours nor interested in sharing mine.
8) Always try to ask them tough questions regarding the jobs they do so that you will have control of their emotions, protecting yourself. Always make them research on asking them what they do not know and they are not good or bad at. This rather helps you both positively in a learning way.
9) Lastly, you must make up your mind not to get disturbed because of the people who are hardly related to you. Never let your mind pre-occupy and as well as think upon such feelings brought in because of others' questions. In fact, it is your weakness; you must not encourage your weakness. Try to avoid taking things seriously when it comes to your emotional imbalances. You must grow up in such cases so that you never get a chance to be hurt.
Wishing you calmness.
From India, Bangalore
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No matter how much you control and become tough, it is not possible to avoid such irrelevant questions, as some people are more interested in others' lives than their own!!
Suggestions:
1) Always answer in one word, like yes, no, good, okay.
2) Start taking the excuses and avoid such questions completely like, "I have some work," "have to make a call," "need to go to the loo," "I am concentrating on work."
3) Always give positive replies so that they never get the chance to cross-question you. This also makes them feel a kind of jealousy or complexity issues, but be bold in answering them. Just know that telling that you are doing perfect does not make you tell lies; after all, they are just perceptions and not facts.
Never share your personal matters with anyone unless it is a person who is your close friend or best friend, and people who already know you well and very close relatives. For others, it is not Ramayan or Mahabharatha to give them the pravachanas!
4) Always change the subject and discuss anything and everything except each other's personal lives and the lives of others. Never involve a person in a chat and make it a discussion. Adopt a topic and argue on it; this helps the relationships mature and enhances knowledge.
5) If they still continue to disturb you, start asking cross-questions in the manner they ask and be tough and bold in asking them.
6) If they still disturb you after all the above practices, just avoid them if that does not give you peace.
7) The last resort would be dandam dasha gunam bhaveth, tell them to their face not to ask such questions that have nothing to do with them and they are neither your supporters nor the people who undertake yours and your family's responsibilities. It will be good for both of you to be quiet and never bring up anyone's personal matters to light as it has nothing to do with any of you. Neither am I interested in listening to yours nor interested in sharing mine.
8) Always try to ask them tough questions regarding the jobs they do so that you will have control of their emotions, protecting yourself. Always make them research on asking them what they do not know and they are not good or bad at. This rather helps you both positively in a learning way.
9) Lastly, you must make up your mind not to get disturbed because of the people who are hardly related to you. Never let your mind pre-occupy and as well as think upon such feelings brought in because of others' questions. In fact, it is your weakness; you must not encourage your weakness. Try to avoid taking things seriously when it comes to your emotional imbalances. You must grow up in such cases so that you never get a chance to be hurt.
Wishing you calmness.
From India, Bangalore
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Hi,
If you really intend to improve yourself and become emotionally strong, here is an attempt to help you. Please go through the attachment, spend some time understanding it well, and never fail to practice it sincerely. If you require further guidance, support, or encouragement, we are always here. You may also contact me via email if needed.
The attachment contains a PDF file of workshop material on emotional intelligence, presented in a simple and easily understandable manner. It is concise, so you can spend time on it and strengthen yourself.
Wishing you a nice day and a successful start.
From India, Bangalore
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If you really intend to improve yourself and become emotionally strong, here is an attempt to help you. Please go through the attachment, spend some time understanding it well, and never fail to practice it sincerely. If you require further guidance, support, or encouragement, we are always here. You may also contact me via email if needed.
The attachment contains a PDF file of workshop material on emotional intelligence, presented in a simple and easily understandable manner. It is concise, so you can spend time on it and strengthen yourself.
Wishing you a nice day and a successful start.
From India, Bangalore
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Those materials you have are so useful. I have read the material you have attached; it's really very helpful and well explained, good for starters. Nijavaaglu bahala upayoga agathe, shradhe irbeku asthe.
From India, Bangalore
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From India, Bangalore
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Hello,
It is very interesting to read about the various views. I have a question for all of you: Can anyone tell what they don't want to, no matter how talented the other person is? Honestly, everybody will have our own secrets. Just recollect our first day in college or a new class. The workplace is not that difficult to manage; after all, we are well-seasoned. Remember, God will not give us anything we can't handle.
With thanks & regards, Elizabeth.
From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
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It is very interesting to read about the various views. I have a question for all of you: Can anyone tell what they don't want to, no matter how talented the other person is? Honestly, everybody will have our own secrets. Just recollect our first day in college or a new class. The workplace is not that difficult to manage; after all, we are well-seasoned. Remember, God will not give us anything we can't handle.
With thanks & regards, Elizabeth.
From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
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Dear Elizabeth,
Honestly, you have raised a nice question.
Sure, we all do have secrets that we seldom share with all.
One needs to understand that while asking questions to someone, one should not overstep. For example, though it is not a secret, it sounds rude to ask a male about his salary and a female about her age. Yes, as friends, we do ask those personal questions to our peers and buddies. But if someone is not comfortable, we should refrain from asking such questions, shouldn't we?
Another thing, as you named it "Secret," it can be revealed and/or shared only with chosen people in our lives. And honestly, it should come from the person and should not be forced or a "tell me about it" kind of thing.
If one has built up a rapport and feels comfortable sharing, no one stops him or her... But what disturbs a lot is when someone is new in your group/workplace/building or wherever. Surely, one is curious to know them, but in doing so, one may overstep and ask personal questions that can't be answered by anyone you meet in your life. And the most dreaded of all - if one doesn't answer, people assume and conclude in their own way. Fifty stories by fifty people on one unanswered question and none close to the actual fact...
Hope this answers your query.
Best regards,
[Your Name]
From India, Mumbai
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Honestly, you have raised a nice question.
Sure, we all do have secrets that we seldom share with all.
One needs to understand that while asking questions to someone, one should not overstep. For example, though it is not a secret, it sounds rude to ask a male about his salary and a female about her age. Yes, as friends, we do ask those personal questions to our peers and buddies. But if someone is not comfortable, we should refrain from asking such questions, shouldn't we?
Another thing, as you named it "Secret," it can be revealed and/or shared only with chosen people in our lives. And honestly, it should come from the person and should not be forced or a "tell me about it" kind of thing.
If one has built up a rapport and feels comfortable sharing, no one stops him or her... But what disturbs a lot is when someone is new in your group/workplace/building or wherever. Surely, one is curious to know them, but in doing so, one may overstep and ask personal questions that can't be answered by anyone you meet in your life. And the most dreaded of all - if one doesn't answer, people assume and conclude in their own way. Fifty stories by fifty people on one unanswered question and none close to the actual fact...
Hope this answers your query.
Best regards,
[Your Name]
From India, Mumbai
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Dear Ankita,
Many thanks for your reply. We do really want others not to interfere in our affairs. But in reality, it is not so, and we have to overcome. These kinds of embarrassing questions are not new to us, and we face them in every walk of life. Over a period of time, we will get used to them, but I admit there are very few questions that still haunt and hurt.
The best way to avoid this is to keep yourself busy, ignore stupid questions, and anticipate and accept that when you are changing jobs, you will have to go through this.
Regards,
Elizabeth.
From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
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Many thanks for your reply. We do really want others not to interfere in our affairs. But in reality, it is not so, and we have to overcome. These kinds of embarrassing questions are not new to us, and we face them in every walk of life. Over a period of time, we will get used to them, but I admit there are very few questions that still haunt and hurt.
The best way to avoid this is to keep yourself busy, ignore stupid questions, and anticipate and accept that when you are changing jobs, you will have to go through this.
Regards,
Elizabeth.
From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
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Dear Anonymous,
I highly appreciate you sharing this question. Everyone has definitely analyzed and added their valuable suggestions. But the gist is dear - leave the past, LOVE yourself, BELIEVE in yourself. You will automatically feel secure and boost your confidence level.
You must be CONFIDENT and face situations tactfully. Nobody has the right to ask you personal questions, so don't share them at all. Never mix your personal and professional life together as people may take advantage of it, regardless of gender.
Be strong and wish for a peaceful mind.
Kind regards
From India, Nasik
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I highly appreciate you sharing this question. Everyone has definitely analyzed and added their valuable suggestions. But the gist is dear - leave the past, LOVE yourself, BELIEVE in yourself. You will automatically feel secure and boost your confidence level.
You must be CONFIDENT and face situations tactfully. Nobody has the right to ask you personal questions, so don't share them at all. Never mix your personal and professional life together as people may take advantage of it, regardless of gender.
Be strong and wish for a peaceful mind.
Kind regards
From India, Nasik
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Dear friend,
After writing the post, you could receive several comments and viewpoints. Did it satisfy your requirements? How can you prevent personal questions from your female colleagues? How did you handle the situation?
We would appreciate it if you could provide some feedback.
DVD
From India, Bangalore
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After writing the post, you could receive several comments and viewpoints. Did it satisfy your requirements? How can you prevent personal questions from your female colleagues? How did you handle the situation?
We would appreciate it if you could provide some feedback.
DVD
From India, Bangalore
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