A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted: "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied: "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are 51º21,32.87 degrees north latitude and 0º21,32.87 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an IT specialist," said the balloonist.
" I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded: "You must be in HR."
"I am, "replied the balloonist. "But how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
From India, Banga
7The woman below replied: "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are 51º21,32.87 degrees north latitude and 0º21,32.87 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an IT specialist," said the balloonist.
" I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded: "You must be in HR."
"I am, "replied the balloonist. "But how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
From India, Banga
Nice one Shimit :icon6:
From India, Thana
The police department, famous
for its superior canine (K-9) unit,
was somewhat taken back by a
recent incident
for its superior canine (K-9) unit,
was somewhat taken back by a
recent incident
Returning home from work a
blonde was shocked to find her
house ransacked and burgled.
She telephoned the police at
once and reported the crime.
blonde was shocked to find her
house ransacked and burgled.
She telephoned the police at
once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast
the call on the channels and a
K-9 unit patrolling nearby was
the first on the scene.
the call on the channels and a
K-9 unit patrolling nearby was
the first on the scene.
As the K-9 officer approached the
house with his dog on a leash
the blonde ran out onto the
porch, clapped a hand to her
head and moaned, "I come home
from work to find all my
possessions stolen, I call the
police for help, and what do they
do? They send a blind
policeman"
house with his dog on a leash
the blonde ran out onto the
porch, clapped a hand to her
head and moaned, "I come home
from work to find all my
possessions stolen, I call the
police for help, and what do they
do? They send a blind
policeman"
Regards
AK
AK
From India, Thana
The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the mail room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-president. Now, it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company.
What do you say to that?"
"Thanks," said the employee.
"Thanks?" the boss replied "Is that all you can say?"
"I suppose not," the employee said.
"Thanks, Dad."
From India, Banga
What do you say to that?"
"Thanks," said the employee.
"Thanks?" the boss replied "Is that all you can say?"
"I suppose not," the employee said.
"Thanks, Dad."
From India, Banga
The boss called one of his employees into the office. "Rob," he said, "you've been with the company for a year. You started off in the mail room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-president. Now, it's time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company.
What do you say to that?"
"Thanks," said the employee.
"Thanks?" the boss replied "Is that all you can say?"
"I suppose not," the employee said.
"Thanks, Dad."
From India, Banga
What do you say to that?"
"Thanks," said the employee.
"Thanks?" the boss replied "Is that all you can say?"
"I suppose not," the employee said.
"Thanks, Dad."
From India, Banga
12 explanations that employees might say when they’re caught sleeping at their desks.
"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
"This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
"Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper. You probably got here just in time."
"This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work."
"It’s okay ... I’m still billing the client."
"I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement."
"I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
"I was doing a yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress."
"Rats! Why did you interrupt me? I almost had figured out a solution to our biggest company problem."
"The coffee machine’s broken."
"Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot."
"Amen."
From India, Banga
"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
"This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
"Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper. You probably got here just in time."
"This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work."
"It’s okay ... I’m still billing the client."
"I wasn’t sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement."
"I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
"I was doing a yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress."
"Rats! Why did you interrupt me? I almost had figured out a solution to our biggest company problem."
"The coffee machine’s broken."
"Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot."
"Amen."
From India, Banga
REJECTION LETTER RESPONSE TEMPLATE
The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just send them the following:
Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],
Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me [employment with your firm/a contract to publish my book].
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [name of the co or agency that sent you this letter]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting [applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.
Therefore, I will initiate [employment/publishing] with your firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. - get creative here]. I look forward to working with you.
Best of luck in rejecting future [candidates/manuscripts].
Sincerely,
[your name]
From India, Madras
The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just send them the following:
Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],
Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me [employment with your firm/a contract to publish my book].
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [name of the co or agency that sent you this letter]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting [applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.
Therefore, I will initiate [employment/publishing] with your firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. - get creative here]. I look forward to working with you.
Best of luck in rejecting future [candidates/manuscripts].
Sincerely,
[your name]
From India, Madras
Human Resource Memo
To all Employees:
Effective TODAY
Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and
carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
From India, Banga
To all Employees:
Effective TODAY
Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and
carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a pay raise.
3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.
From India, Banga
I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office.
When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked her, "And where do you think you're going?"(You're gonna love this.....)She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark."
From India, Banga
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing?"
I told him I was a light bulb.He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office.
When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked her, "And where do you think you're going?"(You're gonna love this.....)She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark."
From India, Banga
A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."
Mary answers, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"
From India, Banga
Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."
Mary answers, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"
The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.
"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"
From India, Banga
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Man-power-reque stion_897.zip
The Old Man and the Sea By Ernest Hemingway.pdf