I try so hard to improve myself and to eliminate all my limitations like the fear of speaking in groups or in public, and to work towards my goals. However, this effort doesn't last long. Soon, I get depressed when I see others moving ahead of me. I want to be successful and different. Can you provide me with some advice to help me stop underestimating myself when I see others doing better than me?
From United States, Fremont
2From United States, Fremont
Hi Riya,
Your problem of lack of self-esteem and the answer to it lies in your own sharing above. The answer lies in your statement, 'soon I get depressed when I see others going ahead of me.'
Let me elaborate on it. People normally tend to compare themselves with others ostensibly to find areas of improvement for themselves. However, in the process of comparing, we end up making the mistake of 'selectively' comparing. This is like school days when most parents would pick up the marks of those who scored highest in a subject and then compare their child's score for that subject with that of the topper. The net result is that the child's performance seems average or mediocre even if the child is in the top percentile overall in the class.
On the other hand, in the business world, they use a term benchmarking to compare products with those of the competition. Here all parameters of the product are evaluated against that of a competing product. The areas of deficiency are then identified, and efforts made to rectify it so that the product meets the customer expectations when evaluated with a competing product.
Ideally, you must focus on your strengths and abilities rather and aim to make the best of these assets that you possess. At the same time, be realistic about your weaknesses (e.g., your fear of public speaking that you indicated in your sharing above) and systematically work towards eliminating it. As you are prepared to work towards your goals, it is important that you write down your long-term, medium-term, and short-term goals, preferably following the SMART goal formula. Do not forget to periodically review your goals and make changes as you deem necessary. You must periodically benchmark your progress with those of your peers not merely as a measure of evaluating competition but to give you a realistic feel of how you are faring.
Finally, it is essential that you are motivated. While the extrinsic motivators would be vital for career growth and financial well-being, in the long term, it is the intrinsic motivators that will determine your passion, zeal, and persistence to achieve your professional, personal, financial, social, and self-actualization goals. You also need to regularly identify, enjoy, and celebrate the big and small successes that you achieve, to keep your enthusiasm high, your motivational levels at peak levels, and reinforce your own self-belief.
I would also invite you to go through the inputs in the following Inspirational and Motivational blogs listed below, which can also give you a lot of inputs on keeping your enthusiasm, spirit, and zeal alive and dynamic.
www.actspot.wordpress.com
www.poweract.blogspot.com
Best Wishes
From India, Mumbai
Your problem of lack of self-esteem and the answer to it lies in your own sharing above. The answer lies in your statement, 'soon I get depressed when I see others going ahead of me.'
Let me elaborate on it. People normally tend to compare themselves with others ostensibly to find areas of improvement for themselves. However, in the process of comparing, we end up making the mistake of 'selectively' comparing. This is like school days when most parents would pick up the marks of those who scored highest in a subject and then compare their child's score for that subject with that of the topper. The net result is that the child's performance seems average or mediocre even if the child is in the top percentile overall in the class.
On the other hand, in the business world, they use a term benchmarking to compare products with those of the competition. Here all parameters of the product are evaluated against that of a competing product. The areas of deficiency are then identified, and efforts made to rectify it so that the product meets the customer expectations when evaluated with a competing product.
Ideally, you must focus on your strengths and abilities rather and aim to make the best of these assets that you possess. At the same time, be realistic about your weaknesses (e.g., your fear of public speaking that you indicated in your sharing above) and systematically work towards eliminating it. As you are prepared to work towards your goals, it is important that you write down your long-term, medium-term, and short-term goals, preferably following the SMART goal formula. Do not forget to periodically review your goals and make changes as you deem necessary. You must periodically benchmark your progress with those of your peers not merely as a measure of evaluating competition but to give you a realistic feel of how you are faring.
Finally, it is essential that you are motivated. While the extrinsic motivators would be vital for career growth and financial well-being, in the long term, it is the intrinsic motivators that will determine your passion, zeal, and persistence to achieve your professional, personal, financial, social, and self-actualization goals. You also need to regularly identify, enjoy, and celebrate the big and small successes that you achieve, to keep your enthusiasm high, your motivational levels at peak levels, and reinforce your own self-belief.
I would also invite you to go through the inputs in the following Inspirational and Motivational blogs listed below, which can also give you a lot of inputs on keeping your enthusiasm, spirit, and zeal alive and dynamic.
www.actspot.wordpress.com
www.poweract.blogspot.com
Best Wishes
From India, Mumbai
I agree with Jacob. Stop comparing with others. Have someone give you feedback. Work on the weak areas. Focus on your strengths and utilize them. Earn your right to speak - that means you have to be an expert in your topic. So, research your topic well. Practice, practice, and practice.
I was exactly in your position a few years ago. Today, I am the most confident person and very successful not only in public speaking but in whatever I do. Wish you the same.
From India, Mumbai
I was exactly in your position a few years ago. Today, I am the most confident person and very successful not only in public speaking but in whatever I do. Wish you the same.
From India, Mumbai
Hello Riya,
Both Mr. Jacob and Mr. Arun have given excellent inputs to you. In self-development, the focus should be on SELF. So, to progress in life, compete with yourself! Set benchmarks and raise the bar yourself. Positive and sure progress, no feeling of being diffident, no loss of self-confidence, and no jealousy!
V. Raghunathan
Navi Mumbai
From India
Both Mr. Jacob and Mr. Arun have given excellent inputs to you. In self-development, the focus should be on SELF. So, to progress in life, compete with yourself! Set benchmarks and raise the bar yourself. Positive and sure progress, no feeling of being diffident, no loss of self-confidence, and no jealousy!
V. Raghunathan
Navi Mumbai
From India
Accepting your weakness is your biggest strength. Therefore, you know what you need to work on. Build a good vocabulary, which is key to good communication. Subscribe to Reader's Digest. Rehearse your presentations in front of a mirror. Don't rush, develop voice modulation, and above all, remain confident. Do not be afraid of failures. Analyze what went wrong and work on it. I am sure over a period of time you will be able to master the skills of communication. Good luck and best wishes.
From India, Mumbai
From India, Mumbai
Firstly, thank you so much to B. Jacob, Arun Chitlangia, V. Raghunathan, and Envirocarelabs for understanding my problems and giving me such positive feedback. This was the first time I had shared my stress reasons with others and asked for a solution. B. Jacob, yes, that is right. I focus more on my limitations, so despite having other abilities, I don't show them or use them to achieve my goals. I have already gotten sick of being depressed all the time, and now I want to come out of it. Because of a lack of self-confidence, I have missed many opportunities in the past; this thought, too, makes me feel like a loser. But I don't want to think of the past anymore. I want to start a new fresh life with more confidence and belief in myself. Maybe that's a better choice: to focus more on working hard towards my goals rather than finding out the probabilities of winning or losing. That's right. I should not be afraid of failures and should compete with myself.
-RIYA.
From United States, Fremont
-RIYA.
From United States, Fremont
Hi Riya,
Good to see a positive reply. The quote below should work as a booster:
"Do not think of yesterday - it brings tears.
Do not think much about tomorrow - it brings fears.
Think of the present and make it pleasant."
V. Raghunathan
Navi Mumbai
From India
Good to see a positive reply. The quote below should work as a booster:
"Do not think of yesterday - it brings tears.
Do not think much about tomorrow - it brings fears.
Think of the present and make it pleasant."
V. Raghunathan
Navi Mumbai
From India
Riya,
You have received very good feedback above. CiteHR is indeed a wonderful forum for finding solutions to difficult problems.
I would like to add a different line of thought: Whenever you feel depressed or frustrated seeing more successful speakers or people, remember that at the end of the day, you and only you have been responsible for the successes that you have achieved so far. Whatever you have achieved is through your own efforts, not through others' favors. The very fact that you want to be more successful and different shows that you have the spark. Let that spark ignite the fire of self-improvement. Instead of constantly focusing on others' strengths, focus on their weaknesses and how you should avoid those weaknesses.
Yes, adoption of successful methods is definitely a good way to improve, but so is the removal of weaknesses. Focus on your weak areas and how you can remove those first from yourself.
And, yes, you have rightly linked Public Speaking to success. Focus on this aspect, and you will see immediate results that you are looking for.
All the best.
Prashant Sharma
Public Speaking, Leadership Training, Communication Skills Training Gurgaon - firstpersonality.com
From India, Khopoli
You have received very good feedback above. CiteHR is indeed a wonderful forum for finding solutions to difficult problems.
I would like to add a different line of thought: Whenever you feel depressed or frustrated seeing more successful speakers or people, remember that at the end of the day, you and only you have been responsible for the successes that you have achieved so far. Whatever you have achieved is through your own efforts, not through others' favors. The very fact that you want to be more successful and different shows that you have the spark. Let that spark ignite the fire of self-improvement. Instead of constantly focusing on others' strengths, focus on their weaknesses and how you should avoid those weaknesses.
Yes, adoption of successful methods is definitely a good way to improve, but so is the removal of weaknesses. Focus on your weak areas and how you can remove those first from yourself.
And, yes, you have rightly linked Public Speaking to success. Focus on this aspect, and you will see immediate results that you are looking for.
All the best.
Prashant Sharma
Public Speaking, Leadership Training, Communication Skills Training Gurgaon - firstpersonality.com
From India, Khopoli
Hi Riya. Your problems are actually not problems. They are just behaviors which you don't want for yourself. Behaviors are the result of how we carry out the thinking processes in our mind. Our mind thinks in a language called 'VAKOG'. We create scripts in our mind through this language, and that script is embedded in our mind like a program. Every time you come across a certain situation (in your case - when you see others, when you stand to speak to a group, when you have goals set before you, etc.), these scripts run a process in the brain producing a certain behavior. It is quite complex than what I am saying.
You can change the scripts or programs in your mind to produce different results than it is producing now. You can define your own result and create scripts to produce those results. I have helped thousands of people, including myself, over the last 24 years to do this and much more complex things. Read through my website http://tekton.co.in.
Any question feel free to write.
From India, Thana
You can change the scripts or programs in your mind to produce different results than it is producing now. You can define your own result and create scripts to produce those results. I have helped thousands of people, including myself, over the last 24 years to do this and much more complex things. Read through my website http://tekton.co.in.
Any question feel free to write.
From India, Thana
Dear Riya,
Loads of good advice, and let me add my bit. The basic problem lies in our thoughts, so regulating your thoughts to a more positive bend will cognitively steer you towards positive behavior. Start practicing mindfulness and note the positive aspects of here and now.
Mohua Roy
Specialist Behavior Trainer
Kolkata.
From India, Calcutta
Loads of good advice, and let me add my bit. The basic problem lies in our thoughts, so regulating your thoughts to a more positive bend will cognitively steer you towards positive behavior. Start practicing mindfulness and note the positive aspects of here and now.
Mohua Roy
Specialist Behavior Trainer
Kolkata.
From India, Calcutta
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