Hello Members,
I had to recently travel to my native for my cousin's wedding. Being the festive season in Kerala - the travel crowd is very huge in this season. People from all corners of the country travel to this paradise for the Onam Season.
We returned back on Sunday, and had to rush to the Rlwy station as we were already late. It was just my dad, mom and myself returning from my native. We somehow managed to get the tickets in morning reservation and when the train arrived ....
Dad and myself were holding the luggage and searching for space. It was crowded and we kept walking from one compartment to the other in search of place. Finally we came to a compartment and we saw that a lady was neatly lying down with hands and legs stretched and sleeping. Her husband was sitting next to her, and there was little place to his left. When he saw us coming,, he occupied that place by keeping his bag. I was so angry at this act..and I asked him to move a bit so that my mom or dad could sit. I could not bear to see my mom & dad standing for a long time. He argued with me stating that he has reserved the entire seat for himself, and he does not want to wake his wife up. I got even more angry and I asked him "Nothing will hurt you if you give some space for my mother to sit!" in a very angry tone. And I asked my mom to sit there for a while until I search for another place. Meanwhile Dad adjusted to stand near another seat.... and I was ... worried to see them both struggling. One elderly person near this couple's place, got up and offered his seat for me.. I felt bad and told him I can stand. But he moved a bit in the front and gave me little place to sit. He said "Daughter, dont hurt your feet. Moreover people walking to & fro..may have intentions to simply disturb you. Please sit." He & his wife offered me a little place. I was moved. I was still angry with the couple...
After a while when the couple moved out, the old parents also got of the train... and I learnt that - The lady, was just operated recently for Brain tumour, and her whole left side body was paralyzed. Her husband did not want to keep telling every single person that his wife is sick, as she cried each time anyone looked at her with sympathy.
And the old parents who gave me space to sit..was none other than this lady's parents.
I had tears running out of my eyes.
After all - I could have shut my mouth by not hurting them or looking very hard at them. Had I been calm... I would have observed things around and noticed a wheel chair folded next to the seat.
Sometimes in life we misunderstand people because they are silent about their pain. They dont tell it to us...so it tends people to take them for granted. Like how I did.
At work too - if someone is upset or silent or behaves differently, lets wait to find the real reason before we shout at them or even ..make them feel more miserable.
I felt ashamed... the whole journey I was thinking about "What would life be if you cannot feel the other side of your body....and what a loving husband. He did not want anyone to know that his wife was sick...so protective..so loving. And the aged parents...how loving they were to someone who got angry at their sick daughter?"
I felt like I received a slap on my face by their act of love & kindness
and I felt that no materialistic gift can compromise the love of that husband for his wife. And the best part was...she was asleep, not knowing how much her husband...cares for her
Dear all...This Onam is different for me. Happy Onam to you all & wish you a prosperous year ahead!
From India, Madras
54I had to recently travel to my native for my cousin's wedding. Being the festive season in Kerala - the travel crowd is very huge in this season. People from all corners of the country travel to this paradise for the Onam Season.
We returned back on Sunday, and had to rush to the Rlwy station as we were already late. It was just my dad, mom and myself returning from my native. We somehow managed to get the tickets in morning reservation and when the train arrived ....
Dad and myself were holding the luggage and searching for space. It was crowded and we kept walking from one compartment to the other in search of place. Finally we came to a compartment and we saw that a lady was neatly lying down with hands and legs stretched and sleeping. Her husband was sitting next to her, and there was little place to his left. When he saw us coming,, he occupied that place by keeping his bag. I was so angry at this act..and I asked him to move a bit so that my mom or dad could sit. I could not bear to see my mom & dad standing for a long time. He argued with me stating that he has reserved the entire seat for himself, and he does not want to wake his wife up. I got even more angry and I asked him "Nothing will hurt you if you give some space for my mother to sit!" in a very angry tone. And I asked my mom to sit there for a while until I search for another place. Meanwhile Dad adjusted to stand near another seat.... and I was ... worried to see them both struggling. One elderly person near this couple's place, got up and offered his seat for me.. I felt bad and told him I can stand. But he moved a bit in the front and gave me little place to sit. He said "Daughter, dont hurt your feet. Moreover people walking to & fro..may have intentions to simply disturb you. Please sit." He & his wife offered me a little place. I was moved. I was still angry with the couple...
After a while when the couple moved out, the old parents also got of the train... and I learnt that - The lady, was just operated recently for Brain tumour, and her whole left side body was paralyzed. Her husband did not want to keep telling every single person that his wife is sick, as she cried each time anyone looked at her with sympathy.
And the old parents who gave me space to sit..was none other than this lady's parents.
I had tears running out of my eyes.
After all - I could have shut my mouth by not hurting them or looking very hard at them. Had I been calm... I would have observed things around and noticed a wheel chair folded next to the seat.
Sometimes in life we misunderstand people because they are silent about their pain. They dont tell it to us...so it tends people to take them for granted. Like how I did.
At work too - if someone is upset or silent or behaves differently, lets wait to find the real reason before we shout at them or even ..make them feel more miserable.
I felt ashamed... the whole journey I was thinking about "What would life be if you cannot feel the other side of your body....and what a loving husband. He did not want anyone to know that his wife was sick...so protective..so loving. And the aged parents...how loving they were to someone who got angry at their sick daughter?"
I felt like I received a slap on my face by their act of love & kindness
and I felt that no materialistic gift can compromise the love of that husband for his wife. And the best part was...she was asleep, not knowing how much her husband...cares for her
Dear all...This Onam is different for me. Happy Onam to you all & wish you a prosperous year ahead!
From India, Madras
Hi Ash, The true characterisctics of a person lies in realising his/her mistakes. Though you did inadvertently a mistake, you realised and felt. I appreciate your gesture.
From India, Lucknow
From India, Lucknow
Thanks Ponraj.
This incident made me think on how I should approach someone, and to not expect PAIN to be wirtten on someone's face to show some kind gesture. Else...there is no difference between an animal and a human being.
From India, Madras
This incident made me think on how I should approach someone, and to not expect PAIN to be wirtten on someone's face to show some kind gesture. Else...there is no difference between an animal and a human being.
From India, Madras
Dear Asha,
Hats off to you. A really touching incident and thank you for posting it here. This reminds me of a saying in Kannada, "Pratyakshisidaroo pramaNisi nODu". It means even if you witness something ask the person to take an oath. Instead of getting angry, had you asked why he had to reserve so many seats for his wife to sleep, he might have answered.
Thanks for taking the courage to publicise your experience. I hope many members read this post and learn how not to react, even mentally.
Have a nice day.
Simhan
A retired acadeic in UK.
"It is never too late to learn or improve oneself"
From United Kingdom
Hats off to you. A really touching incident and thank you for posting it here. This reminds me of a saying in Kannada, "Pratyakshisidaroo pramaNisi nODu". It means even if you witness something ask the person to take an oath. Instead of getting angry, had you asked why he had to reserve so many seats for his wife to sleep, he might have answered.
Thanks for taking the courage to publicise your experience. I hope many members read this post and learn how not to react, even mentally.
Have a nice day.
Simhan
A retired acadeic in UK.
"It is never too late to learn or improve oneself"
From United Kingdom
Hi, This was indeed a heart touching story and even more when you realized that you did wrong to them. But didn’t get the point of posting it in the HRM section!!! Regards
From India, Delhi
From India, Delhi
Thanks for raising this question Ditti.
HRM is "Human Resource Management". What better HR can I be if I am not able to preceive the core of reasoning, on why a person behaves entirely different in a particular situation.
HR is atleast one of those fields, where you get to even apply your day to day learning with human interaction at work. After all - the better an HR at listening and understanding, the more open the employees in sharing the views.
Had I been calm... I would have observed things around and noticed a wheel chair next to the seat.
Calm mind matters a lot... at work too...and in managing the Human resource too.
Once again, thanks for the question so I could clarify
From India, Madras
HRM is "Human Resource Management". What better HR can I be if I am not able to preceive the core of reasoning, on why a person behaves entirely different in a particular situation.
HR is atleast one of those fields, where you get to even apply your day to day learning with human interaction at work. After all - the better an HR at listening and understanding, the more open the employees in sharing the views.
Had I been calm... I would have observed things around and noticed a wheel chair next to the seat.
Calm mind matters a lot... at work too...and in managing the Human resource too.
Once again, thanks for the question so I could clarify
From India, Madras
Dear Asha Mathew,
First of all Happy Onam to You and family. Rest assured certainly not only next year every year in your life should be more and more prosperous. It is evident from your post that you have got a innocent heart, pious attitude and most of all the fair intent. It is evident that not only you care for your near and dear ones but you are a good learner by each experience (which in turn becomes a value addition on account of your positive learning vibes). May I add one more line that the person who learns to mature from experience is much learned then from whom who boasts about materialistic bookish knowledge. You belong to the former category. God bless - All the best and again Happy Onam to you and all.
From India, Delhi
First of all Happy Onam to You and family. Rest assured certainly not only next year every year in your life should be more and more prosperous. It is evident from your post that you have got a innocent heart, pious attitude and most of all the fair intent. It is evident that not only you care for your near and dear ones but you are a good learner by each experience (which in turn becomes a value addition on account of your positive learning vibes). May I add one more line that the person who learns to mature from experience is much learned then from whom who boasts about materialistic bookish knowledge. You belong to the former category. God bless - All the best and again Happy Onam to you and all.
From India, Delhi
Hi Asha Mathew, I forget to add one line "I AM FORTUNATE TO HAVE A FRIEND LIKE YOU - GOD BLESS"
From India, Delhi
From India, Delhi
I think Managing Human Resource starts from managing oneself. I think life incidents (Like that Ash shared) are great learning lessons more than what we learn from text books.
Its all about managing situation, emotions and learning to empathize.... So much part of HRM.
regards,
Shijit.
From India, Kochi
Its all about managing situation, emotions and learning to empathize.... So much part of HRM.
regards,
Shijit.
From India, Kochi
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