Hi Aneesh
Try to make your fren understand whatever happened is for his good. Make him understand that life has not ended yet. May be GOD has some better choice for him, caring and more loving person than that girl.
As we all know Marriages are made in Heaven, so in ur frens life she was not the one to be life long with him, she is someone somewhere who is waiting for him. Just wait for the right time and sure ur fren will have a lucky charm once again in his life.
Till then take care of him and help him to come out of this situation, i understand its not easy but its not impossible too.
Dimple
From Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur
Try to make your fren understand whatever happened is for his good. Make him understand that life has not ended yet. May be GOD has some better choice for him, caring and more loving person than that girl.
As we all know Marriages are made in Heaven, so in ur frens life she was not the one to be life long with him, she is someone somewhere who is waiting for him. Just wait for the right time and sure ur fren will have a lucky charm once again in his life.
Till then take care of him and help him to come out of this situation, i understand its not easy but its not impossible too.
Dimple
From Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur
Hi,
its better for ur friend that he starts his life again forgeting the past.As the girl is already married now no one has any right to discuss anything with her.if she is happy now & your friend loves her then he should not ask her anything.Newys if someones goes its not the end of world.
Regds,Sumit
From India, Mumbai
its better for ur friend that he starts his life again forgeting the past.As the girl is already married now no one has any right to discuss anything with her.if she is happy now & your friend loves her then he should not ask her anything.Newys if someones goes its not the end of world.
Regds,Sumit
From India, Mumbai
Dear , Ask your friend to see Munnabhai MBBS & see hw he control on him self. & Good advise from me that, divert his concentration from the issue & pass more and more time with his family & friend.
From India, Ahmadabad
1From India, Ahmadabad
Dear Aneesh,
I think what Urvashi, Asha a few others have mentioned makes a lot of sense.
I remember one line of a dialogue from an old movie [I think Sangam]: if you love someone, set him free [those days it was the male who was supposed to be the wanderer!!!], if he comes back-he is all yours; and if he doesn't, he never was.
In the case of your friend[shall we call him as 'A'?], nature [or if you wish God] did that for him. I agree with Asha's point about: what if they got married and then she strays? Let me tell you on this: Asha just mentioned it as an argument, but I have seen it happening FOR REAL-only that the reasons were different.
And I can empathise with A, since the male in question in the incident I am referring to just lost interest in life, etc,etc.....
There's one quote that I know is DEFINITELY true [at least in my life it was..]:
When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long at the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. --Alexander Graham Bell
[I hope you know who he was].
Looking @ it from the spiritual angle, it gives the essence of the Gita and if viewed from purely a practical angle that's reality in life.
Going by what you mentioned about the incident, this is the lady's nature/psychology [I think I am at least 90% right in this]:
1) She is of the type who can't/doesn't want to take responsibilities in general. She only wants to be the 'taker' rather than the 'giver'.
Reasons: My feeling is the topic of the parents MUST have definitely been discussed between her & A earlier and she must have made up her mind quite earlier. You can check up with A on this. Love and/or marriage isn't just running around trees, going to movies, etc. It comes with the associated responsibilities, just as a job would or for that matter any other relationship/situation would. My responsibilities would be something, and your's could be something else and so on and so forth.
2) She is of the type who doesn't/can't responsibility of her actions--whether good or bad. [Different from the above]. And she is very self-centered/selfish who wants 'her' interests served, AT THE COST OF OTHERS.
Reasons: She too was a part of the 5 yr affair. So when she wants to break it, she didn't have the guts/courage to tell him that.....and most likely she was just using his parents situation to justify/avoid the delay in 'her' marriage.
We see this behaviour pattern mostly in politics--the BJP takes off on Congress, and then Congress says--look you did that..& that..& that 6/7/8 yrs ago. All focus on the present is left to the air.
I could go on, but just tell A to get his focus back on the present.
He needs to look around [and you as his close friend MUST help him do it......another quote here: A true friend is the one who walks in, when the world goes out] to see which doors opened for him. Maybe there could be some opportunity that he ignored or left while he was with that gr8 lady--to satisfy her. Let him think and he could recollect, and he can renew his efforts to take up those opportunities. Just tell him that one shouldn't allow others actions or our own past to DICTATE our future--which would depend on what we do TODAY; just as our today depended on what we did in the past [it's both the karma theory as well as the reality].
If there's anything I could do out of this portal too, let me know.
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
I think what Urvashi, Asha a few others have mentioned makes a lot of sense.
I remember one line of a dialogue from an old movie [I think Sangam]: if you love someone, set him free [those days it was the male who was supposed to be the wanderer!!!], if he comes back-he is all yours; and if he doesn't, he never was.
In the case of your friend[shall we call him as 'A'?], nature [or if you wish God] did that for him. I agree with Asha's point about: what if they got married and then she strays? Let me tell you on this: Asha just mentioned it as an argument, but I have seen it happening FOR REAL-only that the reasons were different.
And I can empathise with A, since the male in question in the incident I am referring to just lost interest in life, etc,etc.....
There's one quote that I know is DEFINITELY true [at least in my life it was..]:
When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long at the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us. --Alexander Graham Bell
[I hope you know who he was].
Looking @ it from the spiritual angle, it gives the essence of the Gita and if viewed from purely a practical angle that's reality in life.
Going by what you mentioned about the incident, this is the lady's nature/psychology [I think I am at least 90% right in this]:
1) She is of the type who can't/doesn't want to take responsibilities in general. She only wants to be the 'taker' rather than the 'giver'.
Reasons: My feeling is the topic of the parents MUST have definitely been discussed between her & A earlier and she must have made up her mind quite earlier. You can check up with A on this. Love and/or marriage isn't just running around trees, going to movies, etc. It comes with the associated responsibilities, just as a job would or for that matter any other relationship/situation would. My responsibilities would be something, and your's could be something else and so on and so forth.
2) She is of the type who doesn't/can't responsibility of her actions--whether good or bad. [Different from the above]. And she is very self-centered/selfish who wants 'her' interests served, AT THE COST OF OTHERS.
Reasons: She too was a part of the 5 yr affair. So when she wants to break it, she didn't have the guts/courage to tell him that.....and most likely she was just using his parents situation to justify/avoid the delay in 'her' marriage.
We see this behaviour pattern mostly in politics--the BJP takes off on Congress, and then Congress says--look you did that..& that..& that 6/7/8 yrs ago. All focus on the present is left to the air.
I could go on, but just tell A to get his focus back on the present.
He needs to look around [and you as his close friend MUST help him do it......another quote here: A true friend is the one who walks in, when the world goes out] to see which doors opened for him. Maybe there could be some opportunity that he ignored or left while he was with that gr8 lady--to satisfy her. Let him think and he could recollect, and he can renew his efforts to take up those opportunities. Just tell him that one shouldn't allow others actions or our own past to DICTATE our future--which would depend on what we do TODAY; just as our today depended on what we did in the past [it's both the karma theory as well as the reality].
If there's anything I could do out of this portal too, let me know.
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
Dear all,
Hope this space is to share our professional views rather than personal problems. You all agree with me that now a days we can see personal issues shared in this blog and foresee a threat of loosing purpose of this site.
I am not writing this to harm anybody it is just to protect our dignity As HR professional.
Hope this space is to share our professional views rather than personal problems. You all agree with me that now a days we can see personal issues shared in this blog and foresee a threat of loosing purpose of this site.
I am not writing this to harm anybody it is just to protect our dignity As HR professional.
Dear Sylvester,
Yes, I totally agree with you....This is really professional cite....No matter if I have raised few eye brows with my post....My apologise....
Thanks a lot for all ur concerns...
Let me tell you the fact of this post....The boy here we are talking about is me....and the lovely lady whom I loved is an HR by profession. I dont want to blame this profession but its just what I thought of sharing with you all...
Regards,
From India, Madras
Yes, I totally agree with you....This is really professional cite....No matter if I have raised few eye brows with my post....My apologise....
Thanks a lot for all ur concerns...
Let me tell you the fact of this post....The boy here we are talking about is me....and the lovely lady whom I loved is an HR by profession. I dont want to blame this profession but its just what I thought of sharing with you all...
Regards,
From India, Madras
hey boss,
do not disturb yourself for that girl who leaves U see U have whole life to live so remember one thing that lakdi, bus or Train ek gai dusari aati hey so not depressed ok live happly & take care
Regards,
Deepak
From India
do not disturb yourself for that girl who leaves U see U have whole life to live so remember one thing that lakdi, bus or Train ek gai dusari aati hey so not depressed ok live happly & take care
Regards,
Deepak
From India
hey boss,
do not disturb yourself for that girl who leaves U see U have whole life to live so remember one thing that lakdi, bus or Train ek gai dusari aati hey so not depressed ok live happly:-P & take care
Regards,
Deepak:)
From India
do not disturb yourself for that girl who leaves U see U have whole life to live so remember one thing that lakdi, bus or Train ek gai dusari aati hey so not depressed ok live happly:-P & take care
Regards,
Deepak:)
From India
Hi Aneesh.
I am going to tell u a reality of relations, please dont mind, but its true
i will not blame that girl, sometimes we love someone but failed to express it in right way, like sometimes we are enble to explain what we exactly expect from other side,i will not say that girls are more sensitive, it seems to me that ur friend is more sensitive about her, when someone really show his cares for u beyoud the limits then another person feel tied tightly in relationship, u friend n that girl has spend long time but still she believe on his one year old love, u know its means she was attached with him when she was in touch with ur friend, (may be i prove wrong)
but dear its not ur friend's fault, he love her most, but its also not that girl's fault that she trust another person more than ur friend's love.
so dont blame anyone, ur friend need conceren, he might get right person in his life.
in love its u who always made mistakes whether u r girl or boy,so accept it
n move on,
u will be serprise to know that this kind of incedent has happened in my life, i was ruined n felt alone, no one was with me,
but u r with ur friend, give him compelete ur support:icon1:
From India, Jalandhar
I am going to tell u a reality of relations, please dont mind, but its true
i will not blame that girl, sometimes we love someone but failed to express it in right way, like sometimes we are enble to explain what we exactly expect from other side,i will not say that girls are more sensitive, it seems to me that ur friend is more sensitive about her, when someone really show his cares for u beyoud the limits then another person feel tied tightly in relationship, u friend n that girl has spend long time but still she believe on his one year old love, u know its means she was attached with him when she was in touch with ur friend, (may be i prove wrong)
but dear its not ur friend's fault, he love her most, but its also not that girl's fault that she trust another person more than ur friend's love.
so dont blame anyone, ur friend need conceren, he might get right person in his life.
in love its u who always made mistakes whether u r girl or boy,so accept it
n move on,
u will be serprise to know that this kind of incedent has happened in my life, i was ruined n felt alone, no one was with me,
but u r with ur friend, give him compelete ur support:icon1:
From India, Jalandhar
Hey Aneesh,
Have to admit that you're a "A friend in need is a friend indeed". You've stood by your friend's side in his testing time.
I have a question for you Aneesh: according to you what's the "true sense of love"? You need to define this before coming to the conclusion that we are making a mockery of it.
We can just sum up the entire story like this: Until the end of the relationship both were in a virtual world, away from reality. The girl in question, if you think differently, came to her senses and understood the reality. But your friend did not. The kind of love that we see around is very far from true. Love calls for responsibility or its about being responsible about yourselves and others around you. Maybe girl realized this and ended the relationship.
Your friend's ordeal throws light on the following bitter facts:
This should be a lesson for anyone not to fall in love blindly. We should think about what's important instead of investing time in unproductive activities. Love after marriage is meaningful than love before marriage. Everything takes its own time. Just have to be patient. I feel happy for your friend.
From India, Kochi
Have to admit that you're a "A friend in need is a friend indeed". You've stood by your friend's side in his testing time.
I have a question for you Aneesh: according to you what's the "true sense of love"? You need to define this before coming to the conclusion that we are making a mockery of it.
We can just sum up the entire story like this: Until the end of the relationship both were in a virtual world, away from reality. The girl in question, if you think differently, came to her senses and understood the reality. But your friend did not. The kind of love that we see around is very far from true. Love calls for responsibility or its about being responsible about yourselves and others around you. Maybe girl realized this and ended the relationship.
Your friend's ordeal throws light on the following bitter facts:
- Love is not all that cozy and rosy
- True love is divine
- Love can be destructive
- True love is not what you think it is
- To realize the fact that true love is extremely rare
This should be a lesson for anyone not to fall in love blindly. We should think about what's important instead of investing time in unproductive activities. Love after marriage is meaningful than love before marriage. Everything takes its own time. Just have to be patient. I feel happy for your friend.
From India, Kochi
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