Hello John,
Your line 'But, in truth, that really only works when employers have a proper set of questions based on the skills and experience needed to do the job' reminds me of Einstein's Quote: "The perfect Fool can always ask what's beyond the Wisest to answer" :-)
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
1637Your line 'But, in truth, that really only works when employers have a proper set of questions based on the skills and experience needed to do the job' reminds me of Einstein's Quote: "The perfect Fool can always ask what's beyond the Wisest to answer" :-)
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
Many parents make a mistake.. they breed race horses, not street smart children. I am sorry to say this but your daughter is a typical example of this. As many learned professional colleagues have pointed out, a smart child is someone who has developed interests in lot of things apart from curriculum. Debating skills, oratory, team working, games, activities. It is not sufficient or enough to come out as top ranker in academics. That is not just the life.. there is something beyond that. I know of many kids for whom books are the only companions, who become book worms ultimately. Books are essential only to enhance and enrich their knowledge. But they end up as total failures when they face competition in this world.. There are lot of training institutions, experienced HR professionals who can guide your daughter to become an extrovert. She should mix with both genders, talk to them, interact with them. You give her a free hand in meeting people... I call this Controlled Freedom. Let her make career choices, in which our interference should be least or minimal.
Best wishes
From India
Best wishes
From India
Hello NK Sundaram,
I am not so sure about the conclusion about the introvertness of Vijay's daughter.....while this COULD be ONLY ONE of the possibilities, I didn't want to make any assumption. Hence my very First query asking about her extra-curricular activities.
My reading, based on what Vijay mentioned, is just that it's a case of the father's & the daughter's views of the future NOT syncing.
Another way of looking @ her not performing well in the interviews COULD be this.....based purely on psychology: when someone doesn't have any interest in something, he/she tends to go about THRU THE MOTIONS of doing the task, just to satisfy the other person(s). The more the person is forced to do what he/she doesn't like, the more the tendency to resist......in the way he/she DEEMS possible. In the long-run, this is bound to be dangerous for the poor kid inculcating in him/her a sort of rebellious response mechanism even in normal situations.
I am sure everyone knows the tantrums of a year-old kid...when he/she isn't given what he/she wants/likes. Except that in the case of adults, the response/reaction is camouflaged in more sophistication.
Vijay hasn't responded so far....so unless he responds clearly & openly, I guess we are only running around in circles giving suggestions based on 'premises & presumptions'.
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
I am not so sure about the conclusion about the introvertness of Vijay's daughter.....while this COULD be ONLY ONE of the possibilities, I didn't want to make any assumption. Hence my very First query asking about her extra-curricular activities.
My reading, based on what Vijay mentioned, is just that it's a case of the father's & the daughter's views of the future NOT syncing.
Another way of looking @ her not performing well in the interviews COULD be this.....based purely on psychology: when someone doesn't have any interest in something, he/she tends to go about THRU THE MOTIONS of doing the task, just to satisfy the other person(s). The more the person is forced to do what he/she doesn't like, the more the tendency to resist......in the way he/she DEEMS possible. In the long-run, this is bound to be dangerous for the poor kid inculcating in him/her a sort of rebellious response mechanism even in normal situations.
I am sure everyone knows the tantrums of a year-old kid...when he/she isn't given what he/she wants/likes. Except that in the case of adults, the response/reaction is camouflaged in more sophistication.
Vijay hasn't responded so far....so unless he responds clearly & openly, I guess we are only running around in circles giving suggestions based on 'premises & presumptions'.
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
Dear Vijay,
I wonder what you do for a living, as you have not responded to the suggestions made and questions raised, even 2 days after posting the query. Please do not get hurt with comments made and questions raised about your approach and your daughter's achievement. Such questions arise and comments are made when people post messages which do not give complete information about themselves and the scenario and we make assumptions. My tutor had told me not to "ASS U ME"; that's how he spelt the word assume. He meant that when our assumptions are wrong it makes "an ASS out of you and me".
Like Aussiejohn has said, I know students who have gone for 50+ interviews without success.
From United Kingdom
I wonder what you do for a living, as you have not responded to the suggestions made and questions raised, even 2 days after posting the query. Please do not get hurt with comments made and questions raised about your approach and your daughter's achievement. Such questions arise and comments are made when people post messages which do not give complete information about themselves and the scenario and we make assumptions. My tutor had told me not to "ASS U ME"; that's how he spelt the word assume. He meant that when our assumptions are wrong it makes "an ASS out of you and me".
Like Aussiejohn has said, I know students who have gone for 50+ interviews without success.
From United Kingdom
Very true Nathrao, But in the meanwhile we all have a good time sharing our views, learning from one another and have another thread of good academic value :-)
From India, Mumbai
From India, Mumbai
Dear All,
Thanks a lot for the suggestions and your views on my daughters case. I was not able to open the link for your reply so got delayed to reply you. Every one has provided valuable suggestions and there is a lot to learn from every post. I accept that though she is very good in academics, she is not much social type of person. Secondly some of the members concluded that as typical parents we forced our terms on her which is not true.
My father gave freedom to select my career so as I also gave freedom to my daughter. Surprisingly while studying in Dubai, she decided her desire for CA when she passed her 9th exam and even decided which college she will enroll in Pune. Again once enrolled for article ship at particular firm everything went as per her wish until passing her CA. So we as parents we never forced our terms on her.
Regarding interview, we tried to check with her and understand where exactly went wrong. The first one I am aware of that she gone through all steps and selected but when they asked her to work in odd shift ( afternoon 12 to night 8) she told them she will think about it. After that when we used to asked her, she was getting irritated which I have seen in all teenagers.
For sure because of less exposure to outside world, not interacting with different people she is a bit scared to open herself. But again it is not that we are conservative but she herself don't want to socialize.
Thanks once again for all of you for valuable comments. I will also look in to myself whether I am doing anything wrong unintentionally.
Regards to all,
VIJAY
From United Arab Emirates, Ras Al Khaimah
Thanks a lot for the suggestions and your views on my daughters case. I was not able to open the link for your reply so got delayed to reply you. Every one has provided valuable suggestions and there is a lot to learn from every post. I accept that though she is very good in academics, she is not much social type of person. Secondly some of the members concluded that as typical parents we forced our terms on her which is not true.
My father gave freedom to select my career so as I also gave freedom to my daughter. Surprisingly while studying in Dubai, she decided her desire for CA when she passed her 9th exam and even decided which college she will enroll in Pune. Again once enrolled for article ship at particular firm everything went as per her wish until passing her CA. So we as parents we never forced our terms on her.
Regarding interview, we tried to check with her and understand where exactly went wrong. The first one I am aware of that she gone through all steps and selected but when they asked her to work in odd shift ( afternoon 12 to night 8) she told them she will think about it. After that when we used to asked her, she was getting irritated which I have seen in all teenagers.
For sure because of less exposure to outside world, not interacting with different people she is a bit scared to open herself. But again it is not that we are conservative but she herself don't want to socialize.
Thanks once again for all of you for valuable comments. I will also look in to myself whether I am doing anything wrong unintentionally.
Regards to all,
VIJAY
From United Arab Emirates, Ras Al Khaimah
Dear Friend,
All have done here in, your concern for your daughter is really appreciable, yet, try to put your daughter on her own, Every bird fly its own.. let her come out with good questions of why she could not go through, despite of having a good academic achievement? Ask her go to her teachers/mentors, certainly some one find the thread where it is woven weak they will guide her, also, never trust who praise her as, the praise is the weapon deliberately put her down. Attending interview and preparing for the same is a matter of persistence approach, attitude, presence of mind, good communication and confidence. She should also know the company with whom she is going to work well in advance at least about the product/service/market presence/brand value etc., this will help her in going through the interview.
Further, never ask why she could not get through the interview, make her, your kit is not this, you get the more and your goal is beyond this one, ask her to sit, get a note book make her to write the incident(interview) in detail whatever she remember this skill certainly help her where she should have given a better response, also this will enhance her language of presence. A self analysis is a must for her life.
You know there is always a perception that we are being interviewed by the most skillful, intelligent, the best in all counts..the reality is the contra of our presumption, sometimes, we are being interviewed by, who never now the subject those are the occasion frustrating, belittle and unpraiseworthy, but, they are at the helm, they teach us patience, how to deal the circumstances etc., these are the things your daughter will learn by her own, you should have a beautiful talk, be friendly with her..
As regard your concern for best coaching for soft skills, now a days a lot of people available who counsel your daughter, guide her for a better prospects for that get in touch with the local teachers they will guide you, some people are being trained by online try to find out a good one, never go for the best, because, you are not the one can judge it..soft skill is a subject is becoming familiar in the recent past. Also, go for short term courses for skill development...
best of luck...we are human be humane...
From India, Arcot
All have done here in, your concern for your daughter is really appreciable, yet, try to put your daughter on her own, Every bird fly its own.. let her come out with good questions of why she could not go through, despite of having a good academic achievement? Ask her go to her teachers/mentors, certainly some one find the thread where it is woven weak they will guide her, also, never trust who praise her as, the praise is the weapon deliberately put her down. Attending interview and preparing for the same is a matter of persistence approach, attitude, presence of mind, good communication and confidence. She should also know the company with whom she is going to work well in advance at least about the product/service/market presence/brand value etc., this will help her in going through the interview.
Further, never ask why she could not get through the interview, make her, your kit is not this, you get the more and your goal is beyond this one, ask her to sit, get a note book make her to write the incident(interview) in detail whatever she remember this skill certainly help her where she should have given a better response, also this will enhance her language of presence. A self analysis is a must for her life.
You know there is always a perception that we are being interviewed by the most skillful, intelligent, the best in all counts..the reality is the contra of our presumption, sometimes, we are being interviewed by, who never now the subject those are the occasion frustrating, belittle and unpraiseworthy, but, they are at the helm, they teach us patience, how to deal the circumstances etc., these are the things your daughter will learn by her own, you should have a beautiful talk, be friendly with her..
As regard your concern for best coaching for soft skills, now a days a lot of people available who counsel your daughter, guide her for a better prospects for that get in touch with the local teachers they will guide you, some people are being trained by online try to find out a good one, never go for the best, because, you are not the one can judge it..soft skill is a subject is becoming familiar in the recent past. Also, go for short term courses for skill development...
best of luck...we are human be humane...
From India, Arcot
Dear All,
It will be difficult for me to answer all the questions from members but trying to reply some of them
I agree with Mr. Diwakar views about our current education system. As an individual we can’t change the system but need go along with it. For sure she needs counselling and that’s the reason I requested you to suggest a good counselor from Pune or Mumbai. I even told her several time to be open, tell me if I am mistaking or anything you want to speak but she does not open at all. If I will speak 100 lines ( not anything harsh language or screaming) she will answer either yes or no may be once or twice that’s all. It is possible she has gone into depression.
To answer for Mr. Tajsateesh as already mentioned she is not much in socializing but she has good friend circle. Her first preference is always study. She hardly engaged in any extracurricular activities. I tried to speak with her several time but she does not open at all. It is possible that as an Engineer my expressions are different than her thinking who is from finance. I convinced her to attend the interviews, that’s all. I am not forcing her to be on job.
To answer Mr. Natharao, I observed that she is always well prepared before an interview. I even cross checked with her as curiosity and found she had all details of company before attending interview. The only problem may be she must be lacking in confidence and decisions making ability.
To answer Nashbramhall, she has not approached to the firm where she had done article ship. When asked with her why not joining your same firm, she told me that she was given only specific type of companies for auditing and not the MNC so the experience what she got like charitable trust, hospital etc. , MNC people are not ready to accept.
To answer Mr. Sundaram, we never put any conditions, restrictions on her. We have given freedom to her to choose her friends irrespective of gender.
Unfortunately I was not able to reply you all because of link problem. Thanks a lot again.
VIJAY
From United Arab Emirates, Ras Al Khaimah
It will be difficult for me to answer all the questions from members but trying to reply some of them
I agree with Mr. Diwakar views about our current education system. As an individual we can’t change the system but need go along with it. For sure she needs counselling and that’s the reason I requested you to suggest a good counselor from Pune or Mumbai. I even told her several time to be open, tell me if I am mistaking or anything you want to speak but she does not open at all. If I will speak 100 lines ( not anything harsh language or screaming) she will answer either yes or no may be once or twice that’s all. It is possible she has gone into depression.
To answer for Mr. Tajsateesh as already mentioned she is not much in socializing but she has good friend circle. Her first preference is always study. She hardly engaged in any extracurricular activities. I tried to speak with her several time but she does not open at all. It is possible that as an Engineer my expressions are different than her thinking who is from finance. I convinced her to attend the interviews, that’s all. I am not forcing her to be on job.
To answer Mr. Natharao, I observed that she is always well prepared before an interview. I even cross checked with her as curiosity and found she had all details of company before attending interview. The only problem may be she must be lacking in confidence and decisions making ability.
To answer Nashbramhall, she has not approached to the firm where she had done article ship. When asked with her why not joining your same firm, she told me that she was given only specific type of companies for auditing and not the MNC so the experience what she got like charitable trust, hospital etc. , MNC people are not ready to accept.
To answer Mr. Sundaram, we never put any conditions, restrictions on her. We have given freedom to her to choose her friends irrespective of gender.
Unfortunately I was not able to reply you all because of link problem. Thanks a lot again.
VIJAY
From United Arab Emirates, Ras Al Khaimah
Hello Vijay,
W.r.t. your line "Secondly some of the members concluded that as typical parents we forced our terms on her which is not true", I don't think anyone 'concluded' on this aspect. Some, including myself, ONLY 'presumed'......in the absence of clarity or response from you.
However, glad that this is NOT one of the possibilities for the current situation.
Coming to the actual solution to the situation you are facing, have you checked whether her TRUE interest lies in academics? Some persons wish to settle in the teaching line.....and attending job I/Vs usually is just a backup plan they build-up.
Also, suggest SOFTLY ascertain her REASONS for opting for CFA.......there NEVER are any 'right' or 'wrong' reasons for career choices.
Every choice has it's own set of Pros & Cons.
An example could be the I/V she attended....from HER perspective, the odd shift of afternoon 12 to night 8 COULD be a Con--even though I don't think so, since in today's world there's no guarantee that one can return back @ 5.00 PM IF one wants Corporate jobs. Late sittings are the norm now. But it's SHE who will have to work, not me or you or anyone else.
OR is it that something else happened in the I/V that she's not sharing? Just a thought.
Generally it's wise to keep in touch with your kids' friends.......
As long as the individual knows what he/she is getting into, any career choice is OK.......presuming that it's NOT into something illegal. The idea is to ensure any decision is a well-informed decision......that's all. There's a plethora of career choices that WE may think is crazy, but the individual concerned gets such a elation being in that line. I recollect a recent case of an Indian Mountain climber [the ONLY one who climbed ALL the highest peaks in all the Continents]......Babu I think.....who was found dead after 2-3 weeks in a Mountain range in South America--I was surprised to read that he studied in IIT AND also in IIM. What he found satisfaction in had nothing to do with what he studied.
If you have seen the CFA Link that I mentioned in my earlier posting, it should be clear that it takes anywhere from 2-3 yrs to become a full-fledged CFA. She should be ready for it......including planning out how she wants to handle her free time [there's no college here to attend & have regular timelines--she has to do a lot of self-planning of her time].
All the Best.
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
W.r.t. your line "Secondly some of the members concluded that as typical parents we forced our terms on her which is not true", I don't think anyone 'concluded' on this aspect. Some, including myself, ONLY 'presumed'......in the absence of clarity or response from you.
However, glad that this is NOT one of the possibilities for the current situation.
Coming to the actual solution to the situation you are facing, have you checked whether her TRUE interest lies in academics? Some persons wish to settle in the teaching line.....and attending job I/Vs usually is just a backup plan they build-up.
Also, suggest SOFTLY ascertain her REASONS for opting for CFA.......there NEVER are any 'right' or 'wrong' reasons for career choices.
Every choice has it's own set of Pros & Cons.
An example could be the I/V she attended....from HER perspective, the odd shift of afternoon 12 to night 8 COULD be a Con--even though I don't think so, since in today's world there's no guarantee that one can return back @ 5.00 PM IF one wants Corporate jobs. Late sittings are the norm now. But it's SHE who will have to work, not me or you or anyone else.
OR is it that something else happened in the I/V that she's not sharing? Just a thought.
Generally it's wise to keep in touch with your kids' friends.......
As long as the individual knows what he/she is getting into, any career choice is OK.......presuming that it's NOT into something illegal. The idea is to ensure any decision is a well-informed decision......that's all. There's a plethora of career choices that WE may think is crazy, but the individual concerned gets such a elation being in that line. I recollect a recent case of an Indian Mountain climber [the ONLY one who climbed ALL the highest peaks in all the Continents]......Babu I think.....who was found dead after 2-3 weeks in a Mountain range in South America--I was surprised to read that he studied in IIT AND also in IIM. What he found satisfaction in had nothing to do with what he studied.
If you have seen the CFA Link that I mentioned in my earlier posting, it should be clear that it takes anywhere from 2-3 yrs to become a full-fledged CFA. She should be ready for it......including planning out how she wants to handle her free time [there's no college here to attend & have regular timelines--she has to do a lot of self-planning of her time].
All the Best.
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
Dear Vijay,
I am not sure whether it's a good idea or not. Kindly mention to her that you raised a query at CiteHR and you have had some suggestions and questions raised. If she is interested, she will access the website and read for herself the comments made and also what you have said.
From United Kingdom
I am not sure whether it's a good idea or not. Kindly mention to her that you raised a query at CiteHR and you have had some suggestions and questions raised. If she is interested, she will access the website and read for herself the comments made and also what you have said.
From United Kingdom
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