Hi Aneesh,
Marriage is not the end..its only the beginning for the girl. Life is like a boomerang (saying with my own exp). Things come back to u the way u did it to someone else. I am not saying that she wil go thru the same feeling.
Who knows. . the second person must have been the right choice in her life. It would have been ridiculous if she had to marry ur fren and secretly move with some one else. Good that ur fren is saved. Good people are saved even if its the last minute. Pls tell him not be paranoid in future (this must be taken care of) Not all girls are like this. He shuld not treat his future wife with doubt in mind.
Ur fren is angry abt being rejected. . no one likes to feel so. . Just let him know that he is so special and all of us are happy he has been saved much b4 anything culd actually happen.
This depression would be lasting for a while. . make sure he does not do anything to hurt himself. She is gone out of his life. . but that does not mean that his life went with her. Now he has IMPORTANT things to focus on. . . Family, work . . frens..Why shuld he punish all of u who deeply love him? . . jus becos of someone who did not have the maturity to understand wat it would feel like to hurt someone.
Marriage is a one time decision - and God will not let just a girl ruin a mans' sincere love feeling just like that in a second. That is why atleast he gave her the courage to run away b4 marriage... imagine wat would have happened if they after getting everyones acceptance marry and then if she run aways ???
God never gives u those things that u cannot bear . . he knows how much u can bear and how much u cant. Life has just begun for ur fren . . .
For him to forget - All of u celebrate this happiness of having her out of his life. He just needs to call her and say "Thanks dame. . . I am happy u r out of my life and there was one thing I wanted to say - I am much happy now than before . . now I know the meaning of peace."
GUYS - IRRESPECTIVE OF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENING IN UR LIFE .. . BE IT LOSS OF A JOB OR ANYTHING ELSE . . .LEARNING TO COME OUT OF THAT DEPRESSION, IS THE FIRST STEP IN UR LIFE WHERE U R GOING CLOSER TO SUCCESS. ITS WELL SAID THAN DONE. . . BUT DONT THINK THATS THE END.
AND PLS. . .UR LIFE IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE CREATED OVER ONE SINGLE PERSON!!
From India, Madras
54Marriage is not the end..its only the beginning for the girl. Life is like a boomerang (saying with my own exp). Things come back to u the way u did it to someone else. I am not saying that she wil go thru the same feeling.
Who knows. . the second person must have been the right choice in her life. It would have been ridiculous if she had to marry ur fren and secretly move with some one else. Good that ur fren is saved. Good people are saved even if its the last minute. Pls tell him not be paranoid in future (this must be taken care of) Not all girls are like this. He shuld not treat his future wife with doubt in mind.
Ur fren is angry abt being rejected. . no one likes to feel so. . Just let him know that he is so special and all of us are happy he has been saved much b4 anything culd actually happen.
This depression would be lasting for a while. . make sure he does not do anything to hurt himself. She is gone out of his life. . but that does not mean that his life went with her. Now he has IMPORTANT things to focus on. . . Family, work . . frens..Why shuld he punish all of u who deeply love him? . . jus becos of someone who did not have the maturity to understand wat it would feel like to hurt someone.
Marriage is a one time decision - and God will not let just a girl ruin a mans' sincere love feeling just like that in a second. That is why atleast he gave her the courage to run away b4 marriage... imagine wat would have happened if they after getting everyones acceptance marry and then if she run aways ???
God never gives u those things that u cannot bear . . he knows how much u can bear and how much u cant. Life has just begun for ur fren . . .
For him to forget - All of u celebrate this happiness of having her out of his life. He just needs to call her and say "Thanks dame. . . I am happy u r out of my life and there was one thing I wanted to say - I am much happy now than before . . now I know the meaning of peace."
GUYS - IRRESPECTIVE OF SOMETHING BAD HAPPENING IN UR LIFE .. . BE IT LOSS OF A JOB OR ANYTHING ELSE . . .LEARNING TO COME OUT OF THAT DEPRESSION, IS THE FIRST STEP IN UR LIFE WHERE U R GOING CLOSER TO SUCCESS. ITS WELL SAID THAN DONE. . . BUT DONT THINK THATS THE END.
AND PLS. . .UR LIFE IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE CREATED OVER ONE SINGLE PERSON!!
From India, Madras
My opinion is entirely different, I have some question???. Before blaming anyone put your feet in his / her shoes. He had great relation with her since 5 years? as my friend has mentioned then there is no need to marry another man who is having relation only one year old. It is quit possible that in her mind he is her best friend not a great lover or if he is her lover, the might be possible that the girl had not feeling comfortable with him, but not able to tell him because lady has high fear comparatively with men.
But, this is not the right time to investigate and make narration of the issues. The time is to help him / her out of their current state of mind. And this is their duty to help who is surrounded by them.
Take a long tour to discussed these issues with certain positive examples and make them understand “Life is so precious” & we have other responsibilities also. Think about their family (mother / father specially) spare time with them and sincerely try to forget these incident (quite tough in practice).
God bless him.
“Pyar se bhi jaruri kai kaam hai, pyar subkuch nahi jindgi ke liye”
From India, Gurgaon
But, this is not the right time to investigate and make narration of the issues. The time is to help him / her out of their current state of mind. And this is their duty to help who is surrounded by them.
Take a long tour to discussed these issues with certain positive examples and make them understand “Life is so precious” & we have other responsibilities also. Think about their family (mother / father specially) spare time with them and sincerely try to forget these incident (quite tough in practice).
God bless him.
“Pyar se bhi jaruri kai kaam hai, pyar subkuch nahi jindgi ke liye”
From India, Gurgaon
Dear Urvashi,
Thanks for the suggestions. As you hav raised the issue that "the girl might had some problems with my frnd" is a very good point.
Few days back he recieved communication frm her . She said that as he was having extra care for his parents and siblings she thought that he was not caring her at all frm past 1 yr.
Now; I think one should not forget parents and his siblings; no matter whether he's in love or not. Being in love doesn't mean that you are ignoring ur parents.
So the reason she has mentioned to drop him is not justified as far I'm concerned. My frnd wanted some time to settle down before marrige and she took as his weak point and dropped him. She told that when he was not there with her, she found a boy who was like a best frnd to her and decided to do so.
Everyone want to live a peaceful and get settled in life but she might have understood and respected my frnds feeling.
I may be wrong in my opinion but still some decisions should be taken frm mind not frm the heart.
Regards,
From India, Madras
Thanks for the suggestions. As you hav raised the issue that "the girl might had some problems with my frnd" is a very good point.
Few days back he recieved communication frm her . She said that as he was having extra care for his parents and siblings she thought that he was not caring her at all frm past 1 yr.
Now; I think one should not forget parents and his siblings; no matter whether he's in love or not. Being in love doesn't mean that you are ignoring ur parents.
So the reason she has mentioned to drop him is not justified as far I'm concerned. My frnd wanted some time to settle down before marrige and she took as his weak point and dropped him. She told that when he was not there with her, she found a boy who was like a best frnd to her and decided to do so.
Everyone want to live a peaceful and get settled in life but she might have understood and respected my frnds feeling.
I may be wrong in my opinion but still some decisions should be taken frm mind not frm the heart.
Regards,
From India, Madras
Understanding human behaviour, we all are free to do what we want to do..but it is important for us to be considerate to others while we pursue our own goals in life!
Well again, that's a choice!
Therefore, we as human beings need to be prepared for everything. Your friend right now needs a person who knows him best , like his parents or siblings.
Like our friends pointed out earlier, parents are the most important people in a person's life...talk to him about his past memories which involved his parents..take him out for amusements.Talk to him about the importance of optimism and happiness in one's life...
influence him to look at the future. do not stop him from thinking about he past as it will only frustrate him further. let him do what he wants to do. when he sees that people around him are friendly enough to support him in what he wants to do, he will automatically start listening to them. it is then that they need to pull him up effectively.
Hope this helps!!!
Deepa:-)
From India, Delhi
Well again, that's a choice!
Therefore, we as human beings need to be prepared for everything. Your friend right now needs a person who knows him best , like his parents or siblings.
Like our friends pointed out earlier, parents are the most important people in a person's life...talk to him about his past memories which involved his parents..take him out for amusements.Talk to him about the importance of optimism and happiness in one's life...
influence him to look at the future. do not stop him from thinking about he past as it will only frustrate him further. let him do what he wants to do. when he sees that people around him are friendly enough to support him in what he wants to do, he will automatically start listening to them. it is then that they need to pull him up effectively.
Hope this helps!!!
Deepa:-)
From India, Delhi
Dear Aneesh,
U r wanting justification on what she did? Is there a point in worryign over what happened? Will the justification make ur fren feel better - things will only get worse.
I am telling u - if u add medicine to ur wound, it will feel better. But if u tear it open to see if the wound is justifiable, u will have more pain.
Ur fren needs this medicine of SELF UNDERSTANDING that he is more worth than wat he thought was. No a justification on wat that girl did was right or wrong. I guess ppl are are more worried abt ur frens "Depression" rather than the girls choice - atleast I am.
Aneesh, I maybe sounding rude . . or even wrong. . .but apoligies. I just shared my thoughts
From India, Madras
U r wanting justification on what she did? Is there a point in worryign over what happened? Will the justification make ur fren feel better - things will only get worse.
I am telling u - if u add medicine to ur wound, it will feel better. But if u tear it open to see if the wound is justifiable, u will have more pain.
Ur fren needs this medicine of SELF UNDERSTANDING that he is more worth than wat he thought was. No a justification on wat that girl did was right or wrong. I guess ppl are are more worried abt ur frens "Depression" rather than the girls choice - atleast I am.
Aneesh, I maybe sounding rude . . or even wrong. . .but apoligies. I just shared my thoughts
From India, Madras
Anish,
It is more than obvious that the girl dumped your friend! Where is the dowbt then? Neither of them could take this relation to the next level and they both failed! The girl failed because she could not convince her parents & the guy failed as he could not even win the loyalty of his Girl!
The girl here has accepted her faliure and moved on in life leaving your friend behind. Your friend must also do the same. Mockery or No Mockery love is above all and for keep sakes. In cae they were unable to keep going, the least they can do is to just move on in life and not bother their own family members and loved ones!
I may sound harsh, but isn't that the bitter reality of life? The girl dumped him and he needs to get up and get going on his own!!!
There are no second thoughts about it!!!
Thanks
From India, Faridabad
It is more than obvious that the girl dumped your friend! Where is the dowbt then? Neither of them could take this relation to the next level and they both failed! The girl failed because she could not convince her parents & the guy failed as he could not even win the loyalty of his Girl!
The girl here has accepted her faliure and moved on in life leaving your friend behind. Your friend must also do the same. Mockery or No Mockery love is above all and for keep sakes. In cae they were unable to keep going, the least they can do is to just move on in life and not bother their own family members and loved ones!
I may sound harsh, but isn't that the bitter reality of life? The girl dumped him and he needs to get up and get going on his own!!!
There are no second thoughts about it!!!
Thanks
From India, Faridabad
dear aneesh.
parents cant be ignored but the girl also cant b ignored... may b she feels neglected...
or if she wants ur frnd to not to take care of his parents and only have concern for her... in this situation i say its good that she gone away with some one else, and ur frnd is saved as noone wants a wife who dnt respect her in-laws
take care of ur frnd..... i can understand this is very tough time for him to understand all these with a broken heart.... but as a good frnd its ur responsibility to share his feelings and help him to come out of this as he cant share all this with his parents...
so all the best take care of him and urself too
From India, Bangalore
parents cant be ignored but the girl also cant b ignored... may b she feels neglected...
or if she wants ur frnd to not to take care of his parents and only have concern for her... in this situation i say its good that she gone away with some one else, and ur frnd is saved as noone wants a wife who dnt respect her in-laws
take care of ur frnd..... i can understand this is very tough time for him to understand all these with a broken heart.... but as a good frnd its ur responsibility to share his feelings and help him to come out of this as he cant share all this with his parents...
so all the best take care of him and urself too
From India, Bangalore
No problem with your friend suppose she will leave your friend after marriage then surely your frnd will be in more trouble. What ever happens is good in life dont worry so much and enjoy the remaining life. Forget her.:huh:
Regards
Darshak
From India, Mumbai
Regards
Darshak
From India, Mumbai
hi,
This is called as life and it can happen. Take your friend to different places with some different sitautions. make him realise that love is to give and not to take. if the girl is happy with her husband he should pray for her wellness. Love is something which we can never ask for the equal returns, ask him to love her for the whole life. simultaneously make him realise his duties and responsibilities towards his parents and relatives. Being a son he has to take care of his parents too. tell him that if he remains in his grief only then the parents who has already taken care of him will not be very happy. to make them happy he has to realise the ground situation that the girl has married another boy and that incident can not be taken back.
I know it is very difficult but you as his true friend has to try for it.
Also we can not directly blame the girl, as we do not know the reality. Even if she has used him it is good that he is not there for lifetime with such a girl.
Regards
ANjali
From India, Mumbai
This is called as life and it can happen. Take your friend to different places with some different sitautions. make him realise that love is to give and not to take. if the girl is happy with her husband he should pray for her wellness. Love is something which we can never ask for the equal returns, ask him to love her for the whole life. simultaneously make him realise his duties and responsibilities towards his parents and relatives. Being a son he has to take care of his parents too. tell him that if he remains in his grief only then the parents who has already taken care of him will not be very happy. to make them happy he has to realise the ground situation that the girl has married another boy and that incident can not be taken back.
I know it is very difficult but you as his true friend has to try for it.
Also we can not directly blame the girl, as we do not know the reality. Even if she has used him it is good that he is not there for lifetime with such a girl.
Regards
ANjali
From India, Mumbai
Since the incident is very recent it seem the world and ended. Try to look at the positive side of the entire episode.
No 1- The girl in question seems to be very weak emotionaly and could not take the stress of being married to unkown individual, as compared to a known person for last 5 years, hence in haste married somebody who has been known for 1-2 years. Thnik of a situation, how would she handled the nitty gitty of raising a family and nursing children as they grow old. It had been a imature behaviour from the girl's side hence you are saved of stess of post marriage blues. Thank your God for that.
No 2- Why get depressed for something which never was yours
No 3- If your are so sure of yourself, then the loss is entirely of the girl you will surely get somebody else who will respect your sincerity and love you equally but that girl ( 1st one will never get some body like you) why cry for her
No 4- Zindagi ki yahi reet hai haar ke baad hi Jeet hai- Get going
No 5- If you really loved her, be happy in her happiness. Dont try to find your own happiness in her happiness. Love is not a business. Its all give no take.
I am not lecturing you. I have expirenced it and gone through rougher stages myself but end of the day today I am very happily settled with two children. I dont regret even one single decision of mine in my life. If I made some mistakes in my life, I was punished, ( so it be) so when I stood up and rearranged myself I am reaping the benifit of my strenght myself. Dont thnik and sympathise with yourself ki meri kya galti thi. when you drive a car and somebody ramps you from back. You still get up and get going. LIFE GOES ON. STOP -THINK-ASSEMBLE YOURSELF-GET GOING. 5 years down the line probably you wont even remeber her name
From India, New Delhi
No 1- The girl in question seems to be very weak emotionaly and could not take the stress of being married to unkown individual, as compared to a known person for last 5 years, hence in haste married somebody who has been known for 1-2 years. Thnik of a situation, how would she handled the nitty gitty of raising a family and nursing children as they grow old. It had been a imature behaviour from the girl's side hence you are saved of stess of post marriage blues. Thank your God for that.
No 2- Why get depressed for something which never was yours
No 3- If your are so sure of yourself, then the loss is entirely of the girl you will surely get somebody else who will respect your sincerity and love you equally but that girl ( 1st one will never get some body like you) why cry for her
No 4- Zindagi ki yahi reet hai haar ke baad hi Jeet hai- Get going
No 5- If you really loved her, be happy in her happiness. Dont try to find your own happiness in her happiness. Love is not a business. Its all give no take.
I am not lecturing you. I have expirenced it and gone through rougher stages myself but end of the day today I am very happily settled with two children. I dont regret even one single decision of mine in my life. If I made some mistakes in my life, I was punished, ( so it be) so when I stood up and rearranged myself I am reaping the benifit of my strenght myself. Dont thnik and sympathise with yourself ki meri kya galti thi. when you drive a car and somebody ramps you from back. You still get up and get going. LIFE GOES ON. STOP -THINK-ASSEMBLE YOURSELF-GET GOING. 5 years down the line probably you wont even remeber her name
From India, New Delhi
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