Can a Male and Female be JUST Friends???
We recently had one good debate on “Romance at Workplace”. It was really nice one and I learned a lot from that…thanks to all who shared their views, perception and knowledge. But those discussions…beg one more related subject for debate and discussion.
“Can a Male and Female be JUST Friends”…without the thought of romance and intimacy…during any stage of their relation? Don’t just be diplomatic and think about it…before sharing your views.
I will keep my views…reserved for the final conclusion.
Just to share the general opinion…NO, they cannot be. And this is true, irrespective of gender, location and age.
Julia Roberts Good Married to a guy who is more than 30 years elder to him.
In our own backyard…Former Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh Mr N.T. Rama Rao got married to a girl who approached him to do her PhD on him and was more than 35 years younger to him.
Another example of Sunil Dutt and Nargis Dutt…Sunil Dutt saved her life on the sets of Mother India and ultimately they got married.
These are the relations, which are visible and in the eyes of public…there are many which are not visible and protected.
So, what do you think? Can a male and female be JUST friends…like friends of same gender…without the thought of romance and intimacy…during any stage of their relation?
While replying...don't be diplomatic or emotional...think practical...think logical.
Looking forward to your views and opinion.
Regards
Sanjeev Sharma
(Blog: http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/)
(E-mail:
; 
)
From India, Mumbai
94We recently had one good debate on “Romance at Workplace”. It was really nice one and I learned a lot from that…thanks to all who shared their views, perception and knowledge. But those discussions…beg one more related subject for debate and discussion.
“Can a Male and Female be JUST Friends”…without the thought of romance and intimacy…during any stage of their relation? Don’t just be diplomatic and think about it…before sharing your views.
I will keep my views…reserved for the final conclusion.
Just to share the general opinion…NO, they cannot be. And this is true, irrespective of gender, location and age.
Julia Roberts Good Married to a guy who is more than 30 years elder to him.
In our own backyard…Former Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh Mr N.T. Rama Rao got married to a girl who approached him to do her PhD on him and was more than 35 years younger to him.
Another example of Sunil Dutt and Nargis Dutt…Sunil Dutt saved her life on the sets of Mother India and ultimately they got married.
These are the relations, which are visible and in the eyes of public…there are many which are not visible and protected.
So, what do you think? Can a male and female be JUST friends…like friends of same gender…without the thought of romance and intimacy…during any stage of their relation?
While replying...don't be diplomatic or emotional...think practical...think logical.
Looking forward to your views and opinion.
Regards
Sanjeev Sharma
(Blog: http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/)
(E-mail:
From India, Mumbai
Hi
I'm certain this question has been debated on all over the world. it certainly didn't start in our time.
Sigmund Freud once said on the issue " the strongest force on earth is SEX. All interaction between male and female is motivated by sex.
If this is true, how can people of opposite sex ever be just friends, when in their subconcious their wondering how the other would be in bed, or looks naked and other sex related thoughts.
Even if not at first, spending time with a fellow of opposit sex eventually results in the manifestation of sexual attrraction.
I believe they can't be friends but if they can at all, it's only ever for a while.
HRwise.
From Nigeria, Lagos
I'm certain this question has been debated on all over the world. it certainly didn't start in our time.
Sigmund Freud once said on the issue " the strongest force on earth is SEX. All interaction between male and female is motivated by sex.
If this is true, how can people of opposite sex ever be just friends, when in their subconcious their wondering how the other would be in bed, or looks naked and other sex related thoughts.
Even if not at first, spending time with a fellow of opposit sex eventually results in the manifestation of sexual attrraction.
I believe they can't be friends but if they can at all, it's only ever for a while.
HRwise.
From Nigeria, Lagos
I don’t know, this has been a much debated issue and I doubt that there is ever a real answer to it. The conclusion however, is how a person may perceive it.
But my answer will be Yes & No. there are times when relationships between guys and girls don’t surpass the friendship zone. It maybe due to the fact that they don’t find each other attractive in that sense or can I say don’t feel the spark.
But at times even with out our knowledge our real true buddy whom we have shared so many laughs and secrets and swore that they’ll be nothing but friends and remain till the end sort of doesn’t last till the end. This feeling creeps in and sooner or later you just figure it out. And eventually it works out or doesn’t but you know you love that person much more than a friend.
When it comes to workplace relationships, it’s a different approach that we as HR folks should take into mind.
I would like to take an example of Mr. X (Now this can be Mrs. Y as well) and this is his daily routine.
Wakes up at 6.00 do his chores helps his wife and drop the kids at school by 7.30, catches the train to be at office by 9.00 and settles to work by 9.30 Am. 15 minutes tea break and half hour lunch break and 15 minutes again in the evening for tea. The 5.30 off work and by 7.00 home. Kids at home and their home work to look into, dinner by 8.30 and TV and to bed and the week goes on………………
Come the weekend other duties and rituals to attend to. Visit his parents, her parents, relatives, shopping to do, kids necessities to taken care of and other bits and pieces.
So where is the time to fulfill their intimate needs?????????? So when this problem over takes their needs……….thus the workplace relationships!!!!!!!!!!
From Sri Lanka
But my answer will be Yes & No. there are times when relationships between guys and girls don’t surpass the friendship zone. It maybe due to the fact that they don’t find each other attractive in that sense or can I say don’t feel the spark.
But at times even with out our knowledge our real true buddy whom we have shared so many laughs and secrets and swore that they’ll be nothing but friends and remain till the end sort of doesn’t last till the end. This feeling creeps in and sooner or later you just figure it out. And eventually it works out or doesn’t but you know you love that person much more than a friend.
When it comes to workplace relationships, it’s a different approach that we as HR folks should take into mind.
I would like to take an example of Mr. X (Now this can be Mrs. Y as well) and this is his daily routine.
Wakes up at 6.00 do his chores helps his wife and drop the kids at school by 7.30, catches the train to be at office by 9.00 and settles to work by 9.30 Am. 15 minutes tea break and half hour lunch break and 15 minutes again in the evening for tea. The 5.30 off work and by 7.00 home. Kids at home and their home work to look into, dinner by 8.30 and TV and to bed and the week goes on………………
Come the weekend other duties and rituals to attend to. Visit his parents, her parents, relatives, shopping to do, kids necessities to taken care of and other bits and pieces.
So where is the time to fulfill their intimate needs?????????? So when this problem over takes their needs……….thus the workplace relationships!!!!!!!!!!
From Sri Lanka
Hi-In my opinion, it is based on attraction.
In general males r attracted to females. But this does not happen all the time.
Say, the characteristics which u get attracted to is absent in ur friend (s/he is not beautiful, intelligent etc based on ur expectations), then u will stay as friends.
If the attraction factor is more or high-You cannot stay as friends alone without anything to do with romance etc.
VJ
From India, New Delhi
In general males r attracted to females. But this does not happen all the time.
Say, the characteristics which u get attracted to is absent in ur friend (s/he is not beautiful, intelligent etc based on ur expectations), then u will stay as friends.
If the attraction factor is more or high-You cannot stay as friends alone without anything to do with romance etc.
VJ
From India, New Delhi
Hi
No wonder, this is the most debated topic all across the globe! Personally, to me answer is yes/no simply because it is just the way you percieve the relationship to be.
I mean, a male and a female can be can remain friends even after so many meetings and they can come close to each other in just one meeting.
As it is rightly said earlier in this discussion only, its all about Attraction between the two people and there is no set formula for this.
Cheers
Prachi
From India, Delhi
No wonder, this is the most debated topic all across the globe! Personally, to me answer is yes/no simply because it is just the way you percieve the relationship to be.
I mean, a male and a female can be can remain friends even after so many meetings and they can come close to each other in just one meeting.
As it is rightly said earlier in this discussion only, its all about Attraction between the two people and there is no set formula for this.
Cheers
Prachi
From India, Delhi
First Acquaintance, Then intimacy, Then friendship, Then Good Friendship, And now the teddy of the store sleeps in my bed.
You can fall in love with non-living things also, and depends upon availability and span of time. Here I would like to mention the reference of an English Movie 'CAST AWAY' where Tom Hanks loves a soccer ball.
Well as far as having sex is concerned, I beleive the TV Script 'FRIENDS running from long on Star network, explains it all. Depends upon a lot lot of things. PsychoSocioEcoPolitic.........................logi cal.............
From India, Panipat
You can fall in love with non-living things also, and depends upon availability and span of time. Here I would like to mention the reference of an English Movie 'CAST AWAY' where Tom Hanks loves a soccer ball.
Well as far as having sex is concerned, I beleive the TV Script 'FRIENDS running from long on Star network, explains it all. Depends upon a lot lot of things. PsychoSocioEcoPolitic.........................logi cal.............
From India, Panipat
Thanks for sharing your views, your experiences and experiences of those who are related to you. I received many responses for this debate…some said that "males and females can be JUST Friends"…some said, "No, they cannot"…some gave many funny answers and some even said that we should not discuss about such topics. I said earlier as well…"don't go by flow…share practical things…and feelings". People have different perceptions, thoughts and logic.
One thing I like to share here is that you can talk about yourself with confidence and surety but you cannot say the same thing about other person. People said that we have friends from opposite genders and such thoughts of love or intimacy never crossed our mind. I don't think that you can "describe it in that manner". You can say that "such thought never crossed your mind"…"you never thought that way". You don't know what other person think about you. You don't know what he discusses or shares about you with his or her friends of same gender. Right?
You can read the whole articles on "Can a male and female be JUST friends?" at <link outdated-removed> -a-Male-and-Female-be-JUST -Friends?&id=39392
Yes, males and females can be JUST friends…but there are certain factors that determine the strength of the relation and longevity of the relation without getting involved…without getting intimately involved. Those factors are:
1) Your Mental and Emotional Make-up: It need high level of maturity, understanding and wavelength for any couple to keep that thought of intimacy away from their heart throughout the relation.
2) Type of School and College you have studied in: If you have studied in "all boys or all girls" type of schools and colleges then there is a high chance that your relation with your counterpart of opposite gender will not be clean and transparent as compared to those who have studied to "Co-Education" system.
3) Number of friends with Opposite Genders: If you have more friends from opposite gender than there is a chance that your friendship with those people will be clean…with any thought of intimacy compare to those who have one or just limited friends from opposite gender.
4) Family Background: If the family of more orthodox, traditional, with very strict value system…then also at times… there are chances that you cannot be JUST friends with a person from opposite gender.
5) Stage of life you are going through: If you are facing lots of rejections, emotional instability, frustration, lots of struggle and if your performance is not appreciated by your bosses and colleagues…then also you try to find that solace, that comfort by intimately getting involved…because their you find acceptance and emotional comfort.
6) Profession you are into and type of organization you are working in: As we have discussed in one of the cases…if it is male or female dominated company or department…there are also people tend to get involved with people of opposite genders.
7) Successful, Happy Married Life and Unsuccessful and Unhappy Married Life: If you don't have successful and happy married life…you are not getting that time, care, and affection as you want and if you have a friend from opposite gender who is taking care of you, giving you time, affection and emotional support than also there are high chances of developing those intimate relation…much above your "JUST" friendship thought.
So, it is possible to be "JUST" friends with people of opposite gender and it depend on your maturity, mindset and your need at that particular time. We can talk about our thoughts; our feelings but we cannot say the same thing about the person of opposite gender. You never know what your friend is talking about you in his or her group of friends.
Sometimes…just sometimes…even if you have thoughts of falling in love or have intimate relation with that person of opposite gender…you don't share…you don't disclose as you have fear of rejection…you have fear of loosing a good friend. Then throughout life that remains unspoken tale…unshared emotions.
You can read the whole articles on "Can a male and female be JUST friends?" at <link outdated-removed> -a-Male-and-Female-be-JUST -Friends?&id=39392
As far as my personal experiences goes…I have lot many "Female Friends" from different cities, different countries, from different age groups, married-unmarried-singles and now gender hardly matters to me. We discuss about our experiences, go out for dinner, movie, and picnic and also give comforts…if there are any issues at professional and personal fronts. But, as I said earlier…I can say how I feel, what I think…I cannot say with any surety as what they feel and think.
Over to you
Have a great day and stay in touch.
With care and affection
From India, Mumbai
One thing I like to share here is that you can talk about yourself with confidence and surety but you cannot say the same thing about other person. People said that we have friends from opposite genders and such thoughts of love or intimacy never crossed our mind. I don't think that you can "describe it in that manner". You can say that "such thought never crossed your mind"…"you never thought that way". You don't know what other person think about you. You don't know what he discusses or shares about you with his or her friends of same gender. Right?
You can read the whole articles on "Can a male and female be JUST friends?" at <link outdated-removed> -a-Male-and-Female-be-JUST -Friends?&id=39392
Yes, males and females can be JUST friends…but there are certain factors that determine the strength of the relation and longevity of the relation without getting involved…without getting intimately involved. Those factors are:
1) Your Mental and Emotional Make-up: It need high level of maturity, understanding and wavelength for any couple to keep that thought of intimacy away from their heart throughout the relation.
2) Type of School and College you have studied in: If you have studied in "all boys or all girls" type of schools and colleges then there is a high chance that your relation with your counterpart of opposite gender will not be clean and transparent as compared to those who have studied to "Co-Education" system.
3) Number of friends with Opposite Genders: If you have more friends from opposite gender than there is a chance that your friendship with those people will be clean…with any thought of intimacy compare to those who have one or just limited friends from opposite gender.
4) Family Background: If the family of more orthodox, traditional, with very strict value system…then also at times… there are chances that you cannot be JUST friends with a person from opposite gender.
5) Stage of life you are going through: If you are facing lots of rejections, emotional instability, frustration, lots of struggle and if your performance is not appreciated by your bosses and colleagues…then also you try to find that solace, that comfort by intimately getting involved…because their you find acceptance and emotional comfort.
6) Profession you are into and type of organization you are working in: As we have discussed in one of the cases…if it is male or female dominated company or department…there are also people tend to get involved with people of opposite genders.
7) Successful, Happy Married Life and Unsuccessful and Unhappy Married Life: If you don't have successful and happy married life…you are not getting that time, care, and affection as you want and if you have a friend from opposite gender who is taking care of you, giving you time, affection and emotional support than also there are high chances of developing those intimate relation…much above your "JUST" friendship thought.
So, it is possible to be "JUST" friends with people of opposite gender and it depend on your maturity, mindset and your need at that particular time. We can talk about our thoughts; our feelings but we cannot say the same thing about the person of opposite gender. You never know what your friend is talking about you in his or her group of friends.
Sometimes…just sometimes…even if you have thoughts of falling in love or have intimate relation with that person of opposite gender…you don't share…you don't disclose as you have fear of rejection…you have fear of loosing a good friend. Then throughout life that remains unspoken tale…unshared emotions.
You can read the whole articles on "Can a male and female be JUST friends?" at <link outdated-removed> -a-Male-and-Female-be-JUST -Friends?&id=39392
As far as my personal experiences goes…I have lot many "Female Friends" from different cities, different countries, from different age groups, married-unmarried-singles and now gender hardly matters to me. We discuss about our experiences, go out for dinner, movie, and picnic and also give comforts…if there are any issues at professional and personal fronts. But, as I said earlier…I can say how I feel, what I think…I cannot say with any surety as what they feel and think.
Over to you
Have a great day and stay in touch.
With care and affection
From India, Mumbai
Hello CHR,
I thought it is a pure HR Forum and we have another place to post these kind of discusions.
I think in HRM section, posts related to HRM are to be posted, not stuff like this which has no relevance in Human Resource.
Regards
Abhinav
From Germany
I thought it is a pure HR Forum and we have another place to post these kind of discusions.
I think in HRM section, posts related to HRM are to be posted, not stuff like this which has no relevance in Human Resource.
Regards
Abhinav
From Germany
Hello Abhinav...
Thanks for your inputs and comments. We are living in a 21st Century. It is for HR people decide the Workplace Ethics, Culture, Acceptable or unacceptable behaviours. Males and females are together working in the corporate environment. Don't you think...while deciding the Corporate Culture and Corporate behaviour...it is important what are our own ethics and believes???
In this profession...we deal with people's behavior, attitude, and emotions and try to change few of the things. When "a male employee talk to a female employee" different people talk differently and the people involved just make one statement, "there is nothing...we are just friends". So, before evaluating what people are saying is right or wrong...it is important to know for us..."as professionals" what we think of such relations. Is it possible that males and females can be friends or we are just fooling ourselves?
That was the only purpose of discussing this topic...with "Human Relations Professionals" or "Human Resources Professionals".
People are matured...HR professionals are matured...they got one topic...it is for them to decide...if they want to read or not.
Sharing ideas is like movies in a multiplex...let people decide which movie they want to watch and which they don't want.
Knowledge is like a shopping mall...let people decide...what they want.
Regards
Sanjeev Sharma
(Blog: http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/)
From India, Mumbai
Thanks for your inputs and comments. We are living in a 21st Century. It is for HR people decide the Workplace Ethics, Culture, Acceptable or unacceptable behaviours. Males and females are together working in the corporate environment. Don't you think...while deciding the Corporate Culture and Corporate behaviour...it is important what are our own ethics and believes???
In this profession...we deal with people's behavior, attitude, and emotions and try to change few of the things. When "a male employee talk to a female employee" different people talk differently and the people involved just make one statement, "there is nothing...we are just friends". So, before evaluating what people are saying is right or wrong...it is important to know for us..."as professionals" what we think of such relations. Is it possible that males and females can be friends or we are just fooling ourselves?
That was the only purpose of discussing this topic...with "Human Relations Professionals" or "Human Resources Professionals".
People are matured...HR professionals are matured...they got one topic...it is for them to decide...if they want to read or not.
Sharing ideas is like movies in a multiplex...let people decide which movie they want to watch and which they don't want.
Knowledge is like a shopping mall...let people decide...what they want.
Regards
Sanjeev Sharma
(Blog: http://sanjeevhimachali.blogspot.com/)
From India, Mumbai
hi sanjeev,
in my views friendship between a male and female is always perceived in terms of romance & sex.......whereas its not always that....
'No' the friendship can not be as simple in generealistic approach....
but 'Yes' it can be just a friendhsip - just as same as 'soulmateship' - its not at all necessary to have essence of 'soulmateship' only in your life partner - but it could be anyone 'who so ever adds value in your life in any auspect in real & practical terms'........ with optimum level of respect, gratitude & commitment.
We can have more debates on this issue......but what ever i have said i have said in practical terms
best regards,
nitin
From India, Delhi
in my views friendship between a male and female is always perceived in terms of romance & sex.......whereas its not always that....
'No' the friendship can not be as simple in generealistic approach....
but 'Yes' it can be just a friendhsip - just as same as 'soulmateship' - its not at all necessary to have essence of 'soulmateship' only in your life partner - but it could be anyone 'who so ever adds value in your life in any auspect in real & practical terms'........ with optimum level of respect, gratitude & commitment.
We can have more debates on this issue......but what ever i have said i have said in practical terms
best regards,
nitin
From India, Delhi
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