Hello John,
Your line 'But, in truth, that really only works when employers have a proper set of questions based on the skills and experience needed to do the job' reminds me of Einstein's quote: "The perfect fool can always ask what's beyond the wisest to answer" :-)
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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1700Your line 'But, in truth, that really only works when employers have a proper set of questions based on the skills and experience needed to do the job' reminds me of Einstein's quote: "The perfect fool can always ask what's beyond the wisest to answer" :-)
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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Many parents make a mistake - they breed racehorses, not street-smart children. I am sorry to say this, but your daughter is a typical example of this. As many learned professional colleagues have pointed out, a smart child is someone who has developed interests in a lot of things apart from the curriculum: debating skills, oratory, teamwork, games, and activities. It is not sufficient to merely come out as the top ranker in academics; that is not just life - there is something beyond that. I know of many kids for whom books are their only companions, and they ultimately become bookworms. Books are essential not only to enhance and enrich their knowledge but they end up as total failures when they face competition in this world.
There are a lot of training institutions and experienced HR professionals who can guide your daughter to become an extrovert. She should mix with both genders, talk to them, and interact with them. Give her a free hand in meeting people - I call this Controlled Freedom. Let her make career choices in which our interference should be minimal.
Best wishes
From India, Bengaluru
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There are a lot of training institutions and experienced HR professionals who can guide your daughter to become an extrovert. She should mix with both genders, talk to them, and interact with them. Give her a free hand in meeting people - I call this Controlled Freedom. Let her make career choices in which our interference should be minimal.
Best wishes
From India, Bengaluru
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Hello NK Sundaram,
I am not so sure about the conclusion regarding the introvertedness of Vijay's daughter. While this could be only one of the possibilities, I didn't want to make any assumptions. Hence, my very first query is asking about her extracurricular activities.
My interpretation, based on what Vijay mentioned, is just that it's a case of the father's and the daughter's views of the future not syncing.
Another way of looking at her not performing well in the interviews could be this: based purely on psychology, when someone doesn't have any interest in something, he/she tends to go through the motions of doing the task just to satisfy the other person(s). The more the person is forced to do what he/she doesn't like, the more the tendency to resist, in the way he/she deems possible. In the long run, this is bound to be dangerous for the poor kid, inculcating in him/her a sort of rebellious response mechanism even in normal situations.
I am sure everyone knows the tantrums of a one-year-old kid when he/she isn't given what he/she wants/likes. Except that in the case of adults, the response/reaction is camouflaged in more sophistication.
Vijay hasn't responded so far, so unless he responds clearly and openly, I guess we are only running around in circles giving suggestions based on 'premises and presumptions'.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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I am not so sure about the conclusion regarding the introvertedness of Vijay's daughter. While this could be only one of the possibilities, I didn't want to make any assumptions. Hence, my very first query is asking about her extracurricular activities.
My interpretation, based on what Vijay mentioned, is just that it's a case of the father's and the daughter's views of the future not syncing.
Another way of looking at her not performing well in the interviews could be this: based purely on psychology, when someone doesn't have any interest in something, he/she tends to go through the motions of doing the task just to satisfy the other person(s). The more the person is forced to do what he/she doesn't like, the more the tendency to resist, in the way he/she deems possible. In the long run, this is bound to be dangerous for the poor kid, inculcating in him/her a sort of rebellious response mechanism even in normal situations.
I am sure everyone knows the tantrums of a one-year-old kid when he/she isn't given what he/she wants/likes. Except that in the case of adults, the response/reaction is camouflaged in more sophistication.
Vijay hasn't responded so far, so unless he responds clearly and openly, I guess we are only running around in circles giving suggestions based on 'premises and presumptions'.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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Dear Vijay,
I wonder what you do for a living, as you have not responded to the suggestions made and questions raised, even 2 days after posting the query. Please do not get hurt with comments made and questions raised about your approach and your daughter's achievement. Such questions arise and comments are made when people post messages that do not give complete information about themselves and the scenario, leading to assumptions. My tutor had told me not to "ASS U ME"; that's how he spelled the word assume. He meant that when our assumptions are wrong, it makes "an ASS out of you and me."
Like Aussiejohn has said, I know students who have gone for 50+ interviews without success.
From United Kingdom
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I wonder what you do for a living, as you have not responded to the suggestions made and questions raised, even 2 days after posting the query. Please do not get hurt with comments made and questions raised about your approach and your daughter's achievement. Such questions arise and comments are made when people post messages that do not give complete information about themselves and the scenario, leading to assumptions. My tutor had told me not to "ASS U ME"; that's how he spelled the word assume. He meant that when our assumptions are wrong, it makes "an ASS out of you and me."
Like Aussiejohn has said, I know students who have gone for 50+ interviews without success.
From United Kingdom
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Very true Nathrao, But in the meanwhile we all have a good time sharing our views, learning from one another and have another thread of good academic value :-)
From India, Mumbai
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From India, Mumbai
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Dear All,
Thank you all for the suggestions and your views on my daughter's case. I was unable to open the link to your reply, so I was delayed in responding. Everyone has provided valuable suggestions, and there is a lot to learn from every post. I accept that, although she excels in academics, she is not very social. Some members concluded that as typical parents, we forced our terms on her, which is not true.
My father gave me the freedom to choose my career, and I have also given my daughter the same freedom. Surprisingly, while studying in Dubai, she decided on pursuing CA after passing her 9th exam and even chose the college she would enroll in Pune. Throughout her article ship at a particular firm until she passed her CA, everything went according to her wishes. As parents, we never imposed our terms on her.
Regarding the interview, we tried to discuss with her to understand where things went wrong. I am aware of one instance where she went through all the steps and was selected, but when they asked her to work the afternoon to night shift (12 PM to 8 PM), she said she would think about it. Subsequently, when we asked her, she seemed irritated, which I have observed in many teenagers.
Due to her limited exposure to the outside world and lack of interaction with different people, she is somewhat hesitant to open up. However, it is not that we are conservative, but she herself does not want to socialize.
Thank you once again for all your valuable comments. I will also reflect on whether I am unintentionally doing anything wrong.
Regards to all,
VIJAY
From United Arab Emirates, Ras Al Khaimah
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Thank you all for the suggestions and your views on my daughter's case. I was unable to open the link to your reply, so I was delayed in responding. Everyone has provided valuable suggestions, and there is a lot to learn from every post. I accept that, although she excels in academics, she is not very social. Some members concluded that as typical parents, we forced our terms on her, which is not true.
My father gave me the freedom to choose my career, and I have also given my daughter the same freedom. Surprisingly, while studying in Dubai, she decided on pursuing CA after passing her 9th exam and even chose the college she would enroll in Pune. Throughout her article ship at a particular firm until she passed her CA, everything went according to her wishes. As parents, we never imposed our terms on her.
Regarding the interview, we tried to discuss with her to understand where things went wrong. I am aware of one instance where she went through all the steps and was selected, but when they asked her to work the afternoon to night shift (12 PM to 8 PM), she said she would think about it. Subsequently, when we asked her, she seemed irritated, which I have observed in many teenagers.
Due to her limited exposure to the outside world and lack of interaction with different people, she is somewhat hesitant to open up. However, it is not that we are conservative, but she herself does not want to socialize.
Thank you once again for all your valuable comments. I will also reflect on whether I am unintentionally doing anything wrong.
Regards to all,
VIJAY
From United Arab Emirates, Ras Al Khaimah
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Dear Friend,
All that you have done here is commendable. Your concern for your daughter is truly appreciable. However, try to encourage your daughter to stand on her own. Just as every bird flies on its own, let her come up with insightful questions as to why she may have faced difficulties despite her academic achievements. Encourage her to approach her teachers/mentors as they might identify where she needs to improve and provide guidance. Be wary of excessive praise, as it can sometimes be a tactic to undermine her confidence.
When it comes to preparing for interviews, emphasize the importance of persistence, attitude, presence of mind, good communication skills, and confidence. It's also crucial for her to research the company she is interviewing with, understanding their products, services, market presence, and brand value beforehand to excel in the interview.
Instead of questioning why she didn't succeed in an interview, help her understand that her potential goes beyond any single opportunity. Have her sit down with a notebook and write a detailed account of the interview, focusing on areas where she could improve her responses. This self-analysis will not only enhance her communication skills but also boost her confidence.
Interview situations can be deceiving, as sometimes the interviewers may not be as skilled or knowledgeable as assumed. These experiences can be frustrating but teach valuable lessons in patience and adaptability. Encourage your daughter to learn from these encounters and maintain open communication with her.
Regarding your concerns about finding the best coaching for soft skills, there are numerous professionals available who can provide guidance and counseling to enhance your daughter's prospects. Reach out to local teachers for recommendations or explore reputable online training options. Soft skills are increasingly important in today's world, and short-term skill development courses can also be beneficial.
Best of luck, and remember to be compassionate in your approach towards guiding your daughter through these challenges.
Best regards.
From India, Arcot
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All that you have done here is commendable. Your concern for your daughter is truly appreciable. However, try to encourage your daughter to stand on her own. Just as every bird flies on its own, let her come up with insightful questions as to why she may have faced difficulties despite her academic achievements. Encourage her to approach her teachers/mentors as they might identify where she needs to improve and provide guidance. Be wary of excessive praise, as it can sometimes be a tactic to undermine her confidence.
When it comes to preparing for interviews, emphasize the importance of persistence, attitude, presence of mind, good communication skills, and confidence. It's also crucial for her to research the company she is interviewing with, understanding their products, services, market presence, and brand value beforehand to excel in the interview.
Instead of questioning why she didn't succeed in an interview, help her understand that her potential goes beyond any single opportunity. Have her sit down with a notebook and write a detailed account of the interview, focusing on areas where she could improve her responses. This self-analysis will not only enhance her communication skills but also boost her confidence.
Interview situations can be deceiving, as sometimes the interviewers may not be as skilled or knowledgeable as assumed. These experiences can be frustrating but teach valuable lessons in patience and adaptability. Encourage your daughter to learn from these encounters and maintain open communication with her.
Regarding your concerns about finding the best coaching for soft skills, there are numerous professionals available who can provide guidance and counseling to enhance your daughter's prospects. Reach out to local teachers for recommendations or explore reputable online training options. Soft skills are increasingly important in today's world, and short-term skill development courses can also be beneficial.
Best of luck, and remember to be compassionate in your approach towards guiding your daughter through these challenges.
Best regards.
From India, Arcot
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Dear All,
It will be difficult for me to answer all the questions from members but trying to reply some of them
I agree with Mr. Diwakar views about our current education system. As an individual we can’t change the system but need go along with it. For sure she needs counselling and that’s the reason I requested you to suggest a good counselor from Pune or Mumbai. I even told her several time to be open, tell me if I am mistaking or anything you want to speak but she does not open at all. If I will speak 100 lines ( not anything harsh language or screaming) she will answer either yes or no may be once or twice that’s all. It is possible she has gone into depression.
To answer for Mr. Tajsateesh as already mentioned she is not much in socializing but she has good friend circle. Her first preference is always study. She hardly engaged in any extracurricular activities. I tried to speak with her several time but she does not open at all. It is possible that as an Engineer my expressions are different than her thinking who is from finance. I convinced her to attend the interviews, that’s all. I am not forcing her to be on job.
To answer Mr. Natharao, I observed that she is always well prepared before an interview. I even cross checked with her as curiosity and found she had all details of company before attending interview. The only problem may be she must be lacking in confidence and decisions making ability.
To answer Nashbramhall, she has not approached to the firm where she had done article ship. When asked with her why not joining your same firm, she told me that she was given only specific type of companies for auditing and not the MNC so the experience what she got like charitable trust, hospital etc. , MNC people are not ready to accept.
To answer Mr. Sundaram, we never put any conditions, restrictions on her. We have given freedom to her to choose her friends irrespective of gender.
Unfortunately I was not able to reply you all because of link problem. Thanks a lot again.
VIJAY
From United Arab Emirates, Ras Al Khaimah
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It will be difficult for me to answer all the questions from members but trying to reply some of them
I agree with Mr. Diwakar views about our current education system. As an individual we can’t change the system but need go along with it. For sure she needs counselling and that’s the reason I requested you to suggest a good counselor from Pune or Mumbai. I even told her several time to be open, tell me if I am mistaking or anything you want to speak but she does not open at all. If I will speak 100 lines ( not anything harsh language or screaming) she will answer either yes or no may be once or twice that’s all. It is possible she has gone into depression.
To answer for Mr. Tajsateesh as already mentioned she is not much in socializing but she has good friend circle. Her first preference is always study. She hardly engaged in any extracurricular activities. I tried to speak with her several time but she does not open at all. It is possible that as an Engineer my expressions are different than her thinking who is from finance. I convinced her to attend the interviews, that’s all. I am not forcing her to be on job.
To answer Mr. Natharao, I observed that she is always well prepared before an interview. I even cross checked with her as curiosity and found she had all details of company before attending interview. The only problem may be she must be lacking in confidence and decisions making ability.
To answer Nashbramhall, she has not approached to the firm where she had done article ship. When asked with her why not joining your same firm, she told me that she was given only specific type of companies for auditing and not the MNC so the experience what she got like charitable trust, hospital etc. , MNC people are not ready to accept.
To answer Mr. Sundaram, we never put any conditions, restrictions on her. We have given freedom to her to choose her friends irrespective of gender.
Unfortunately I was not able to reply you all because of link problem. Thanks a lot again.
VIJAY
From United Arab Emirates, Ras Al Khaimah
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Hello Vijay,
With regard to your line "Secondly, some of the members concluded that as typical parents we forced our terms on her, which is not true," I don't think anyone 'concluded' on this aspect. Some, including myself, only 'presumed' in the absence of clarity or response from you.
However, I am glad that this is not one of the possibilities for the current situation.
Coming to the actual solution to the situation you are facing, have you checked whether her true interest lies in academics? Some individuals wish to settle in the teaching line, and attending job interviews usually serves as a backup plan they build up.
Also, I suggest gently ascertaining her reasons for opting for CFA. There are never any 'right' or 'wrong' reasons for career choices. Every choice has its own set of pros and cons.
For example, the interview she attended... from her perspective, the odd shift from afternoon 12 to night 8 could be a con—although I don't think so, since in today's world, there's no guarantee that one can return by 5.00 PM if one seeks corporate jobs. Late sittings are the norm now. But it's she who will have to work, not me, you, or anyone else.
Or is it that something else happened in the interview that she's not sharing? Just a thought.
Generally, it's wise to keep in touch with your kids' friends.
As long as the individual knows what he/she is getting into, any career choice is okay, presuming that it's not into something illegal. The idea is to ensure any decision is a well-informed decision—that's all. There's a plethora of career choices that we may think are crazy, but the individual concerned finds such elation in that field. I recall a recent case of an Indian mountain climber [the only one who climbed all the highest peaks in all the continents]—Babu, I think—who was found dead after 2-3 weeks in a mountain range in South America. I was surprised to read that he studied in IIT and also in IIM. What he found satisfaction in had nothing to do with what he studied.
If you have seen the CFA link that I mentioned in my earlier post, it should be clear that it takes anywhere from 2-3 years to become a full-fledged CFA. She should be ready for it, including planning out how she wants to handle her free time (there's no college here to attend and have regular timelines—she has to do a lot of self-planning of her time).
All the best.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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With regard to your line "Secondly, some of the members concluded that as typical parents we forced our terms on her, which is not true," I don't think anyone 'concluded' on this aspect. Some, including myself, only 'presumed' in the absence of clarity or response from you.
However, I am glad that this is not one of the possibilities for the current situation.
Coming to the actual solution to the situation you are facing, have you checked whether her true interest lies in academics? Some individuals wish to settle in the teaching line, and attending job interviews usually serves as a backup plan they build up.
Also, I suggest gently ascertaining her reasons for opting for CFA. There are never any 'right' or 'wrong' reasons for career choices. Every choice has its own set of pros and cons.
For example, the interview she attended... from her perspective, the odd shift from afternoon 12 to night 8 could be a con—although I don't think so, since in today's world, there's no guarantee that one can return by 5.00 PM if one seeks corporate jobs. Late sittings are the norm now. But it's she who will have to work, not me, you, or anyone else.
Or is it that something else happened in the interview that she's not sharing? Just a thought.
Generally, it's wise to keep in touch with your kids' friends.
As long as the individual knows what he/she is getting into, any career choice is okay, presuming that it's not into something illegal. The idea is to ensure any decision is a well-informed decision—that's all. There's a plethora of career choices that we may think are crazy, but the individual concerned finds such elation in that field. I recall a recent case of an Indian mountain climber [the only one who climbed all the highest peaks in all the continents]—Babu, I think—who was found dead after 2-3 weeks in a mountain range in South America. I was surprised to read that he studied in IIT and also in IIM. What he found satisfaction in had nothing to do with what he studied.
If you have seen the CFA link that I mentioned in my earlier post, it should be clear that it takes anywhere from 2-3 years to become a full-fledged CFA. She should be ready for it, including planning out how she wants to handle her free time (there's no college here to attend and have regular timelines—she has to do a lot of self-planning of her time).
All the best.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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Dear Vijay,
I am not sure whether it's a good idea or not. Kindly mention to her that you raised a query at CiteHR and you have had some suggestions and questions raised. If she is interested, she will access the website and read for herself the comments made and also what you have said.
From United Kingdom
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I am not sure whether it's a good idea or not. Kindly mention to her that you raised a query at CiteHR and you have had some suggestions and questions raised. If she is interested, she will access the website and read for herself the comments made and also what you have said.
From United Kingdom
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