Earlier, I was in a different team, and in my team, there were all guys. The advantage of working with guys is that they aren't nosy and don't ask you personal questions. But working with female colleagues can be a pain at times. Of course, we gel up and relate with the same gender more compared to the opposite gender, but females can be nosy at times. Not all, but some of them. They want to know many or everything about you. I myself am female, and no offense to other females in general, but I faced this with many female employees in my current and previous organizations. They can go overboard by asking you personal questions which you're not comfortable answering. Are you married? And if you pause answering this, they get it that you're divorced, and they will have further questions - why were you divorced? What is your age? Do you love your husband? Why aren't you wearing mangalsutra? Do you have a boyfriend? etc. And they have a habit of bragging. I don't want to sound rude by telling them "no personal questions" or "be professional" because I am new there, and they have been working there before me. So I may need their help for work in the future, so I can't afford to offend them. But their questions can be irritating at times.
I like to be friendly with people. But some people just take advantage of this friendliness, and if their comfort level increases with you, they tend to ask you personal questions. The day when I joined, one lady started asking my age and marital status, etc. And from my facial expression, she learned that I am divorced, so she said, "I understood," and her further question was - why were you divorced? I told her "No personal questions, please." The next day, she was reacting rudely and not helping me in learning my new work. It was very immature of her. Our TL is also not leading us properly. I don't want to go to HR for such small matters. At times, I wouldn't mind sharing my personal details to some extent, but some females do a lot of back-biting and badmouthing. But working with this type of team can be irritating. I am missing my old team with guys.
From India, Ahmadabad
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6I like to be friendly with people. But some people just take advantage of this friendliness, and if their comfort level increases with you, they tend to ask you personal questions. The day when I joined, one lady started asking my age and marital status, etc. And from my facial expression, she learned that I am divorced, so she said, "I understood," and her further question was - why were you divorced? I told her "No personal questions, please." The next day, she was reacting rudely and not helping me in learning my new work. It was very immature of her. Our TL is also not leading us properly. I don't want to go to HR for such small matters. At times, I wouldn't mind sharing my personal details to some extent, but some females do a lot of back-biting and badmouthing. But working with this type of team can be irritating. I am missing my old team with guys.
From India, Ahmadabad
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Dear friend,
I have gone through your post. It is unfortunate that you are facing this problem. The fault lies with your HR department. During the induction, they should have informed all employees not to ask personal questions. Many companies strictly enforce this rule. However, one can share something personal voluntarily.
Approaching HR is not inherently wrong. They should establish policies on business etiquette and office decorum.
Ok...
DVD
From India, Bangalore
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I have gone through your post. It is unfortunate that you are facing this problem. The fault lies with your HR department. During the induction, they should have informed all employees not to ask personal questions. Many companies strictly enforce this rule. However, one can share something personal voluntarily.
Approaching HR is not inherently wrong. They should establish policies on business etiquette and office decorum.
Ok...
DVD
From India, Bangalore
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Hello,
I am fully in agreement with DVD--I think you surely need to approach HR. But a word of caution: please ensure that you DON'T give any impression that you wish to 'complain', but rather come for resolving a delicate issue. Any HR--with a semblance of decorum and caring for the good of the organization--will definitely help you out in handling the situation.
While I can't vouch for it, IN ALL PROBABILITY, the HR would have faced such situations earlier--either within your company or elsewhere--and they would be better placed to guide you in handling yours, since quite often, what works in one company MAY NOT necessarily work in another company.
All the Best.
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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I am fully in agreement with DVD--I think you surely need to approach HR. But a word of caution: please ensure that you DON'T give any impression that you wish to 'complain', but rather come for resolving a delicate issue. Any HR--with a semblance of decorum and caring for the good of the organization--will definitely help you out in handling the situation.
While I can't vouch for it, IN ALL PROBABILITY, the HR would have faced such situations earlier--either within your company or elsewhere--and they would be better placed to guide you in handling yours, since quite often, what works in one company MAY NOT necessarily work in another company.
All the Best.
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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Dear,
Being human tendency, some of the guys working with you try to indulge in the personal life of an individual, and in some cases, it proves miserable to handle the situation, particularly in the case of new joinings. I agree with the view put up by learned forum members and am of the opinion that you have advised your HR to frame a policy to deal with this type of peculiar situation/questions.
Regards,
R. B. Yadav
From India, Gurugram
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Being human tendency, some of the guys working with you try to indulge in the personal life of an individual, and in some cases, it proves miserable to handle the situation, particularly in the case of new joinings. I agree with the view put up by learned forum members and am of the opinion that you have advised your HR to frame a policy to deal with this type of peculiar situation/questions.
Regards,
R. B. Yadav
From India, Gurugram
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General Indian mentality of asking. As a guy, many people ask me certain questions that piss me off, like your age, salary, marriage, etc. I feel like taking a stone and crushing their head.
And in your case, it's just ladies with their usual activities/nature of gossiping. As we all know, women love to gossip ;). When working with colleagues, it's a natural tendency to ask some personal questions like where you live, what conveyance you use. As you get to know your colleagues more, either your interaction increases or decreases. The women who found out about your divorce must be some local traditional women who don't know how to value a person's privacy and where to stop. People here have wild imaginations, and she must have imagined something wild about your divorce without even knowing the actual reason. Hence, she must be avoiding you, following traditional Indian trends right from not giving widowed women respect to all those superstitious beliefs. The best thing to do is focus on your work, seek help from this site, and convey a message to those people so they know their limits.
From India, Madras
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And in your case, it's just ladies with their usual activities/nature of gossiping. As we all know, women love to gossip ;). When working with colleagues, it's a natural tendency to ask some personal questions like where you live, what conveyance you use. As you get to know your colleagues more, either your interaction increases or decreases. The women who found out about your divorce must be some local traditional women who don't know how to value a person's privacy and where to stop. People here have wild imaginations, and she must have imagined something wild about your divorce without even knowing the actual reason. Hence, she must be avoiding you, following traditional Indian trends right from not giving widowed women respect to all those superstitious beliefs. The best thing to do is focus on your work, seek help from this site, and convey a message to those people so they know their limits.
From India, Madras
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Hi,
I do agree with the group. You need to professionally handle such situations. In many cases, even men are harassed in a similar fashion, with questions like - "oh, you are separated, no children, why?" Professionalism in one's role can only handle such situations. In India, gossip and checking of details are a common practice. Handle with a smile and avoid with a smile. That's my advice.
From India, Bangalore
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I do agree with the group. You need to professionally handle such situations. In many cases, even men are harassed in a similar fashion, with questions like - "oh, you are separated, no children, why?" Professionalism in one's role can only handle such situations. In India, gossip and checking of details are a common practice. Handle with a smile and avoid with a smile. That's my advice.
From India, Bangalore
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Hello,
I think it would be inappropriate to blame the HR for not making policies, as this is very personalized and differs from person to person. I would suggest a different approach, as rightly pointed out above, that these situations have to be handled and avoided with a smile (although it is unpleasant). Merely not answering the question or diverting the topic might also help. The wise person will understand that they should not probe into such personal questions. Also, you can have some answers ready to tackle such situations diplomatically; I think this is better than outright refusals as it may deteriorate your relations with colleagues.
When you know these situations are bound to arise, why not prepare for them and avoid ruining your relationships or even the day? You may not agree with me, and that is absolutely fine. But I just wanted to offer another perspective.
My best wishes.
Regards,
Vaishalee Parkhi
From India, Pune
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I think it would be inappropriate to blame the HR for not making policies, as this is very personalized and differs from person to person. I would suggest a different approach, as rightly pointed out above, that these situations have to be handled and avoided with a smile (although it is unpleasant). Merely not answering the question or diverting the topic might also help. The wise person will understand that they should not probe into such personal questions. Also, you can have some answers ready to tackle such situations diplomatically; I think this is better than outright refusals as it may deteriorate your relations with colleagues.
When you know these situations are bound to arise, why not prepare for them and avoid ruining your relationships or even the day? You may not agree with me, and that is absolutely fine. But I just wanted to offer another perspective.
My best wishes.
Regards,
Vaishalee Parkhi
From India, Pune
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When you are new, you should have said yes, married, with no kids, which would invite fewer questions. Even if anybody happens to come to the home, you can say you are gone on a tour. Once your comfort level increases after 1-2, you may share personal matters, but it's better to keep it to yourself as I know girls can't keep secrets. Moreover, your marital status has little to do with their friendship, so why share that detail? HR may be aware, but I don't think they will disclose that status. So next time, try not to feel uncomfortable, and yes, lies that don't harm anybody are required for tricky situations.
From India, Bangalore
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From India, Bangalore
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Dear Anonymous,
Honestly, no one has a right to intrude in someone else's personal life, no matter what.
At the same time, what you said is also true. Females have a tendency to ask such questions and probe more to know more. If not tackled appropriately, they get offended very easily, and that creates a problem in work.
If someone asks you a personal question next time, just smile at them and say, "Sure, we are friendly, but this is the office. I would really prefer to keep my personal and professional lives distinct so that I don't mix up the two and create chaos. I hope you understand. Be assured that if something is bothering me, I shall come to discuss it with you."
This would be a prompt but courteous reply rather than saying, "Stay out of it."
Always remember that communication is the biggest key. It can both make you and break you. Always keep it sugar-coated. Also, always smile to ensure that you're being very humble in your response.
Hope this helps.
From India, Mumbai
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Honestly, no one has a right to intrude in someone else's personal life, no matter what.
At the same time, what you said is also true. Females have a tendency to ask such questions and probe more to know more. If not tackled appropriately, they get offended very easily, and that creates a problem in work.
If someone asks you a personal question next time, just smile at them and say, "Sure, we are friendly, but this is the office. I would really prefer to keep my personal and professional lives distinct so that I don't mix up the two and create chaos. I hope you understand. Be assured that if something is bothering me, I shall come to discuss it with you."
This would be a prompt but courteous reply rather than saying, "Stay out of it."
Always remember that communication is the biggest key. It can both make you and break you. Always keep it sugar-coated. Also, always smile to ensure that you're being very humble in your response.
Hope this helps.
From India, Mumbai
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This type of behavior is related to etiquettes/mannerisms. What role will HR play in such circumstances? HR is not a police force to put a blanket ban on such attitudes. Colleagues tend to know about others which are not required for them, like curiosity to know others' CTC, their personal matters, etc. It is better that one should not get upset when another asks unwanted queries, just by pausing in silence.
Pon
From India, Lucknow
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Pon
From India, Lucknow
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