Hi,
I knew this English proverb since quite long time. But always I end up
with the same kind of problems. I am confused in handling these issues. I
could reduce the frequency of lending money to others but still end up
with same kind of stories.
When your friend is in need, how can you say NO to him keeping enough
money in your account? Or can I apply the management techniques to
maintain the relations? Then what kind of relation it will be? I am
successful in recovering the outstanding of my company but not mine!
I had two good friends in Coimbatore (TN), Mani and Raja (not real
names). Raja was my colleague. One day, surprisingly, he got terminated
from our company! There were more than 25 employees working in our
office but nobody had the courage to even talk with him after the
termination, except me and another common friend!
I went to his house the same evening. I was so sad seeing his wife and
two kids! Their parents and relatives were not in good terms with them
because of their inter-religious marriage. I advised Raja to meet the job
consultants available in the city and many of my friends who are working
in other companies. Also I helped him to make his CV more attractive
and came back.
Next day morning, he called me and asked for Rs 2,000 and promised me
that he will pay me back with in one week.
This story happened in May 2003 but still I didn't get back the money.
When my wife was admitted in hospital for delivery, I called him and
asked for money but he didn't call me back as he had promised. Forget
about the money, I lost contact with him and don't know where is he and
what is he, now! I lost a good friend!
Mani was one of my friends whom I used to visit frequently and when I
get de-motivated! A man full of energy and confidence! He was a
marketing freelancer in Coimbatore. Once he invited me to his office! It
was in a small building which he owns. His wife was running a private
clinic (she is a doctor) in one part and another part is his office.
I found a white board in his office. There were many companies' names
and bank names written on the board with amount and date! The total
amount comes around Rs 1,40,000. I thought that it may be the details of
his customers and due dates of payments to be received from them!
When I asked, he surprised me by telling "these are my commitments in
this month"! He has put it in public to remind him always and motivate
himself!
Honestly I congratulated him because that amount was too high when
compared with his total income. But he was able to manage!
Next morning I got a call from him asking me for Rs 5,000 and he
promised me that he will repay in couple of days! I had around Rs 30K in
my account at that time which I had taken from ICICI Bank [Get Quote]
as a personal loan. It was hard for me to tell him NO in that situation.
My installment for that loan was over one year back but still I didn't get
back the money! The sadder thing is, I lost one more friend!
'I do not lend money to anybody under any circumstance'
I want to tell you two related stories of mine. After the first and second
incident I have never ever lent money to anybody.
I had started working in 2000 and was earning a monthly income of Rs
4,000. The company where I was posted had some very nice people. I
was friendly to all of them including an office boy named Victor. He was
married and his wife was expecting their second child. He used to talk
about problems and his mounting bills and cost of living. In a city like
Bangalore, where IT professionals earn like hell, it's quite a nightmare.
It so happened that his mother was hospitalised and had to be operated.
He came to me one day and asked for about Rs 1,000 saying that he
would return Rs 100 every month and he was in dire need of money. He
also requested me not to tell anyone in that department and I agreed.
Everything went smoothly and one day another person came and asked
me if I had paid money to this man and I said yes. He told me not to
believe him as the Company had helped him and he was given Rs 5,000
cash as well as complete reimbursement of the operation and medical
treatment he gave his mother. I was shocked.
So I decided to ask my money back. He had the cheek to tell me I was
recently married and my husband working in a good position and no kids
so Rs 1,000 should not matter to me. I should forget it. I was
dumbfounded.
I nevertheless asked him to give me the money back saying my husband
was angry and was asking for it. I told him my husband maintains my
accounts (my poor husband does not even question me on what I do and
what I earn). In spite of all this he said now, later and never returned the
money.
After that I felt so ashamed to ask him my own money and stopped. He
has also happily forgotten about it. He at that point in time was being paid
Rs 7,500 as monthly salary. I even quit that company later but never got
my money back.
I should have been wiser but no, in the next place, a colleague of mine
asked me to lend some money as he was in great financial difficulty. I
agreed and gave him Rs 5,000. Later in the month, the boss had given
him a raise and that day I was not in office for some reason. He told
everybody not to let me know. He stopped coming to office without notice
and left Bangalore for good. I am told he is now in Pune.
After these two incidents, I do not lend money to anybody under any circumstance
Rgds
8)
From India, Hyderabad
I knew this English proverb since quite long time. But always I end up
with the same kind of problems. I am confused in handling these issues. I
could reduce the frequency of lending money to others but still end up
with same kind of stories.
When your friend is in need, how can you say NO to him keeping enough
money in your account? Or can I apply the management techniques to
maintain the relations? Then what kind of relation it will be? I am
successful in recovering the outstanding of my company but not mine!
I had two good friends in Coimbatore (TN), Mani and Raja (not real
names). Raja was my colleague. One day, surprisingly, he got terminated
from our company! There were more than 25 employees working in our
office but nobody had the courage to even talk with him after the
termination, except me and another common friend!
I went to his house the same evening. I was so sad seeing his wife and
two kids! Their parents and relatives were not in good terms with them
because of their inter-religious marriage. I advised Raja to meet the job
consultants available in the city and many of my friends who are working
in other companies. Also I helped him to make his CV more attractive
and came back.
Next day morning, he called me and asked for Rs 2,000 and promised me
that he will pay me back with in one week.
This story happened in May 2003 but still I didn't get back the money.
When my wife was admitted in hospital for delivery, I called him and
asked for money but he didn't call me back as he had promised. Forget
about the money, I lost contact with him and don't know where is he and
what is he, now! I lost a good friend!
Mani was one of my friends whom I used to visit frequently and when I
get de-motivated! A man full of energy and confidence! He was a
marketing freelancer in Coimbatore. Once he invited me to his office! It
was in a small building which he owns. His wife was running a private
clinic (she is a doctor) in one part and another part is his office.
I found a white board in his office. There were many companies' names
and bank names written on the board with amount and date! The total
amount comes around Rs 1,40,000. I thought that it may be the details of
his customers and due dates of payments to be received from them!
When I asked, he surprised me by telling "these are my commitments in
this month"! He has put it in public to remind him always and motivate
himself!
Honestly I congratulated him because that amount was too high when
compared with his total income. But he was able to manage!
Next morning I got a call from him asking me for Rs 5,000 and he
promised me that he will repay in couple of days! I had around Rs 30K in
my account at that time which I had taken from ICICI Bank [Get Quote]
as a personal loan. It was hard for me to tell him NO in that situation.
My installment for that loan was over one year back but still I didn't get
back the money! The sadder thing is, I lost one more friend!
'I do not lend money to anybody under any circumstance'
I want to tell you two related stories of mine. After the first and second
incident I have never ever lent money to anybody.
I had started working in 2000 and was earning a monthly income of Rs
4,000. The company where I was posted had some very nice people. I
was friendly to all of them including an office boy named Victor. He was
married and his wife was expecting their second child. He used to talk
about problems and his mounting bills and cost of living. In a city like
Bangalore, where IT professionals earn like hell, it's quite a nightmare.
It so happened that his mother was hospitalised and had to be operated.
He came to me one day and asked for about Rs 1,000 saying that he
would return Rs 100 every month and he was in dire need of money. He
also requested me not to tell anyone in that department and I agreed.
Everything went smoothly and one day another person came and asked
me if I had paid money to this man and I said yes. He told me not to
believe him as the Company had helped him and he was given Rs 5,000
cash as well as complete reimbursement of the operation and medical
treatment he gave his mother. I was shocked.
So I decided to ask my money back. He had the cheek to tell me I was
recently married and my husband working in a good position and no kids
so Rs 1,000 should not matter to me. I should forget it. I was
dumbfounded.
I nevertheless asked him to give me the money back saying my husband
was angry and was asking for it. I told him my husband maintains my
accounts (my poor husband does not even question me on what I do and
what I earn). In spite of all this he said now, later and never returned the
money.
After that I felt so ashamed to ask him my own money and stopped. He
has also happily forgotten about it. He at that point in time was being paid
Rs 7,500 as monthly salary. I even quit that company later but never got
my money back.
I should have been wiser but no, in the next place, a colleague of mine
asked me to lend some money as he was in great financial difficulty. I
agreed and gave him Rs 5,000. Later in the month, the boss had given
him a raise and that day I was not in office for some reason. He told
everybody not to let me know. He stopped coming to office without notice
and left Bangalore for good. I am told he is now in Pune.
After these two incidents, I do not lend money to anybody under any circumstance
Rgds
8)
From India, Hyderabad
MY GOD.... what experience you have had in life... after all this, even i will stop lending money on emotional and humanitarian basis.. i really do not know what more to comment..... ambika kamath
From India, Mumbai
54From India, Mumbai
:( Sad incidents.
I am just thinking if there is a situation wherein we are forced to ask one of our best friend to lend some money and if he doesnt give us, then what will be our reaction? If we know for sure that person has sufficient money and can afford to lend us the money we asked. I am sure we would slowly stop that relationship too.
I am reminded of a quote,
"A friend in need is a friend indeed". Either we lend it or not lend it still we would lose a friend. What a pity!!!!!
One thing we can do that is if we have to ask someone for some money (Whatever amt it can be ).. we should make sure we return it on time thereby making him realise the fact that NOT ALL PEOPLE ARE LIKE MANI,RAJA,etc., in the story. I am not sure maybe I could be right or I could be wrong.
A good thought to ponder upon ARV.
Regards,
~Raghav V
From India, Kochi
I am just thinking if there is a situation wherein we are forced to ask one of our best friend to lend some money and if he doesnt give us, then what will be our reaction? If we know for sure that person has sufficient money and can afford to lend us the money we asked. I am sure we would slowly stop that relationship too.
I am reminded of a quote,
"A friend in need is a friend indeed". Either we lend it or not lend it still we would lose a friend. What a pity!!!!!
One thing we can do that is if we have to ask someone for some money (Whatever amt it can be ).. we should make sure we return it on time thereby making him realise the fact that NOT ALL PEOPLE ARE LIKE MANI,RAJA,etc., in the story. I am not sure maybe I could be right or I could be wrong.
A good thought to ponder upon ARV.
Regards,
~Raghav V
From India, Kochi
I really don't know what to say. There are so many things comin in my mind, but i don't know which one to put an how. Many people after reading ur story would feel pity, many will feel u r fool, others will feel that u have been a victim, etc. They are all right in their own way. i have a mixed feeling for u. I think u may be very naive and a person who jumps at every opportunity to help people. People may perceive you as very soft person and that's why they make u an easy target.
You see the world is full of people who r ready to desert u once they find the right opportunity and we call them as our friend. Even i have a couple of problems, like when I started my career, my friends were already earning double than me. But still whenever we used to go out for lunch or dinner, i ended up paying. It was happening more and more. Then I introspected and found that I have always jumped at opportunity wherever I can show my friends that I care. Now I balance it and feel happy about it.
So either I can act like god and say "ok I will solve ur prblem" or I can give them patient hearing and say "Try to take some loan from bank, I can understand ur prblem. Gr8 difficulty, u should not take it lightly. Try talking to people who can give u loans. If i had the money I would have definitely give u, but unfortunately i don't have."
There is some more talking in second part, but u diplomatically answer the query, show concern and do not pay.
Try to be more firm in your decisions and values.
regards
Anuradha
From India, Delhi
You see the world is full of people who r ready to desert u once they find the right opportunity and we call them as our friend. Even i have a couple of problems, like when I started my career, my friends were already earning double than me. But still whenever we used to go out for lunch or dinner, i ended up paying. It was happening more and more. Then I introspected and found that I have always jumped at opportunity wherever I can show my friends that I care. Now I balance it and feel happy about it.
So either I can act like god and say "ok I will solve ur prblem" or I can give them patient hearing and say "Try to take some loan from bank, I can understand ur prblem. Gr8 difficulty, u should not take it lightly. Try talking to people who can give u loans. If i had the money I would have definitely give u, but unfortunately i don't have."
There is some more talking in second part, but u diplomatically answer the query, show concern and do not pay.
Try to be more firm in your decisions and values.
regards
Anuradha
From India, Delhi
Hi !
I would also like to share the same.
3 years ago one of my childhood friend call me on my cell and asked me that his wife is reaching Varanasi by tomorrow morning. And he forget to give her money for pocket expenses. So he requested me to give Rs.3000/- to his wife at Varanasi Platform and he also promised me that he will transfered money in my account . As a 'friend in need is a friend in deed' I went to platform and first of all find out his wife coz i was not knowing or also not having any introduction with her as they were newly married. I gave her Rs.3000/-. But after that neither he is lifting my mobile and nor returning a single rupee. Even at the time of crises means on the time of my sister's marriage or on the time of my father's bypass surgery I conveyed him so many massages through other friends but he yet not respond. It is very bad experience for me. With this I lose money & Friend both. Even after this I used to give money to my office staff with the expectation that the given amount will not be return, but every time they used to return on time or with little delay. There may be reason that they are working under me.
Hope every body is not like my bluffer friend. So always try to help !
Rahul
From India, Ambala
I would also like to share the same.
3 years ago one of my childhood friend call me on my cell and asked me that his wife is reaching Varanasi by tomorrow morning. And he forget to give her money for pocket expenses. So he requested me to give Rs.3000/- to his wife at Varanasi Platform and he also promised me that he will transfered money in my account . As a 'friend in need is a friend in deed' I went to platform and first of all find out his wife coz i was not knowing or also not having any introduction with her as they were newly married. I gave her Rs.3000/-. But after that neither he is lifting my mobile and nor returning a single rupee. Even at the time of crises means on the time of my sister's marriage or on the time of my father's bypass surgery I conveyed him so many massages through other friends but he yet not respond. It is very bad experience for me. With this I lose money & Friend both. Even after this I used to give money to my office staff with the expectation that the given amount will not be return, but every time they used to return on time or with little delay. There may be reason that they are working under me.
Hope every body is not like my bluffer friend. So always try to help !
Rahul
From India, Ambala
ARV,
"I do not lend money to anybody under any circumstance " - your decision is after your experiences, so fix it in your mind and remember whenever any one asks for money.
Similar experiences have seen with number of perons. It happens that the friend, as being close to you, knows your living style and savings. Many a times, he/she takes advantage of situation and your nature. You feel pity for a friend and land money. Using same money, your friend may be enjoying or investing money to increase his health and wealth, which you avoid just to increase your savings.
Pl.keep in mind, your savings is your hard earned money and you are owner. Let not others be a decision maker of way of spending it. There are ways to saying NO... say I have a plan in near future where i will need more money (better not to disclose what is the plan), show that you are badly in need of money for your plan... plan may be anything like purcahse of property, vehical or for investment dues/assurance to other party. Donot bother, if your friend understand/feel that you speak lie/bluff. Do not worry about friendship, if frenship is ment only for money (i.e.onesided sharing of your money). It is better not have such friends and you have a better sleep in nights.
It is also true that all people are not same. Major question is how to know the person. So at some moment, if you land money, (1) donot land a higher amount, (2) Give Rs.500/- if asked for Rs.5000/- and forget it considering a donation.
This is true for your relatives.... the close relatives also, for whom you cannot say anything to anyone.
Be BOLD enough to say NO for money and once you land money, consider it donation rather than spending sleepless nights.
regards,
-hiren
From India, Ahmadabad
"I do not lend money to anybody under any circumstance " - your decision is after your experiences, so fix it in your mind and remember whenever any one asks for money.
Similar experiences have seen with number of perons. It happens that the friend, as being close to you, knows your living style and savings. Many a times, he/she takes advantage of situation and your nature. You feel pity for a friend and land money. Using same money, your friend may be enjoying or investing money to increase his health and wealth, which you avoid just to increase your savings.
Pl.keep in mind, your savings is your hard earned money and you are owner. Let not others be a decision maker of way of spending it. There are ways to saying NO... say I have a plan in near future where i will need more money (better not to disclose what is the plan), show that you are badly in need of money for your plan... plan may be anything like purcahse of property, vehical or for investment dues/assurance to other party. Donot bother, if your friend understand/feel that you speak lie/bluff. Do not worry about friendship, if frenship is ment only for money (i.e.onesided sharing of your money). It is better not have such friends and you have a better sleep in nights.
It is also true that all people are not same. Major question is how to know the person. So at some moment, if you land money, (1) donot land a higher amount, (2) Give Rs.500/- if asked for Rs.5000/- and forget it considering a donation.
This is true for your relatives.... the close relatives also, for whom you cannot say anything to anyone.
Be BOLD enough to say NO for money and once you land money, consider it donation rather than spending sleepless nights.
regards,
-hiren
From India, Ahmadabad
Dear friends,
I agree with the subject matter and also have had such an experience because of which I lost one of my friend but as it has been quoted already that "Friend in need is a friend indeed"
So what to do in these circumstances when one of your best friends is asking you for help? shouldn't we help him / her in those circumstances when our friend is in difficult situation?
Please discuss and comment about its solution as well.
Regards
Khalid
From Pakistan, Lahore
I agree with the subject matter and also have had such an experience because of which I lost one of my friend but as it has been quoted already that "Friend in need is a friend indeed"
So what to do in these circumstances when one of your best friends is asking you for help? shouldn't we help him / her in those circumstances when our friend is in difficult situation?
Please discuss and comment about its solution as well.
Regards
Khalid
From Pakistan, Lahore
Hi ,
Greetings ,
saw ur article , about u lending money . i have also lent money to friends and have not got back . i also felt frustrated . my dad is a stronch believer of geetha . and once told me the left hand should not know what the right hand gives , that is do not expect it to come back to u . but is it possilbe to live life that way in the present situation . i pondered over it , and i came out with a solution , also compromising with what the Geeths says . one day a friend of mine came for a loan of 7000 Rs and promised to return it in a weeks time . u know what i did , i can afford to give 2000 , not expecting it back , thinking it goes to charity , not 7000 . so i told him all i can give is 2000 and rest he has to arrange by him self , and pay me when u can . now here even if he not going to pay me it will not hurt me as i have already decided am doing a charity , and in case if he pays , good for u .
this works out very well , u ppl also can try this
and in some situation when u can not afford to give that money , be frank and say, no u dont have that kind of money to lend .
From India, Madras
Greetings ,
saw ur article , about u lending money . i have also lent money to friends and have not got back . i also felt frustrated . my dad is a stronch believer of geetha . and once told me the left hand should not know what the right hand gives , that is do not expect it to come back to u . but is it possilbe to live life that way in the present situation . i pondered over it , and i came out with a solution , also compromising with what the Geeths says . one day a friend of mine came for a loan of 7000 Rs and promised to return it in a weeks time . u know what i did , i can afford to give 2000 , not expecting it back , thinking it goes to charity , not 7000 . so i told him all i can give is 2000 and rest he has to arrange by him self , and pay me when u can . now here even if he not going to pay me it will not hurt me as i have already decided am doing a charity , and in case if he pays , good for u .
this works out very well , u ppl also can try this
and in some situation when u can not afford to give that money , be frank and say, no u dont have that kind of money to lend .
From India, Madras
I agree that we should help people who are really in need, but at the same time we should keep one thing in mind, with easy availabity of loans , people can arrange to avail loan from the bank , or any financial institution , if it is in case of best friend ( always remember best friends are not friends whom u know for 3 years or at officeplace ..you may be close to that person but do u really know in and out of the person. would u be able to predict his behaviour in one particular situation ..>) if yes then u may lend money to that person . If you know if he is really honest. ( you may have come accross in any situation where he has reacted in certain way..) on that basis u may take decision,unless and until it is so bad that person is not able to arrange for loan
From India, Mumbai
From India, Mumbai
Gattu - You can afford to pay Rs.2000 and doesnot expect them back and still think it as a charity. Would like to be your friend :wink: :wink:
After seeing many replies i feel many are feeling the same. Helpless, Clueless, etc., Everyone is more worried abt losing a friend than the money. I really like it. Human relations are placed higher value than Money. We are trying to give as much as we can without affecting the relationships. We need to feel proud abt us.
But still there is no proper solution for this. We cannot afford to keep losing money or friends.
Let us see for more replies to gather inputs from Seniors.
Regards,
~Raghav V
From India, Kochi
After seeing many replies i feel many are feeling the same. Helpless, Clueless, etc., Everyone is more worried abt losing a friend than the money. I really like it. Human relations are placed higher value than Money. We are trying to give as much as we can without affecting the relationships. We need to feel proud abt us.
But still there is no proper solution for this. We cannot afford to keep losing money or friends.
Let us see for more replies to gather inputs from Seniors.
Regards,
~Raghav V
From India, Kochi
Community Support and Knowledge-base on business, career and organisational prospects and issues - Register and Log In to CiteHR and post your query, download formats and be part of a fostered community of professionals.
How to Pay Volunteers When You Have No Money.pdf
Money.ppt