Hi all,
It's great to be back on the forum. I was busy for a month & did not have the time to even read posts ( I know thats a crime , so forgive me!)
I thought of sharing something that i have been working onfor a while now.
In my work of training & consulting ,i come across many peole who ask for sugestions on how to improve their work or personal life. recently , someone told me about how his boss constantly picked on him & criticised him. He asked me how to handle it .
I told him this sentance,' Feedback is the breakfast of champions. If you want to become a champion,learn to take feedback.'
'But , this is criticism ,not feedback , ' he protested.
I then had a discussion with him which i am sharing with the esteemed members of the forum.
Firstly I define criticism as 'a mix of negative emotion & useful feedback.'
Unfortunately , whever someone criticises us , they vent out a lot of negative words & emotions & some ( very little ) constructive feedback. The percentage is like 80% negative emotion & 20% feedback. thats why we call it criticism.
And because the negative emotion is more, most of us focus on it & dont hear the constructive feedback. The result : we get angry, upset or unhappy.
For example: We submitted a report or project to our boss which he thinks is not up to the mark. He starts to scold us by saying' You stupid idiot! Is this the way to write a report ? This is the worst report I have EVER seen! How many times have i told you to always start a report by puting an index page. You never learn , i dont know how they employed you here. .. blah, blah , blah, blah....
You normally focus on & react to the words,' stupid idiot, worst report.., etc..' which is the negative emotion .
You dont even hear the words,..' How many times have i told you to always start a report by puting an index page.'which is the constructive feedback.
I read somewhere that ' Feedback is the breakfast of champions.' If so, then to become a champion we must actively look for feedback from everyone , however it comes. Sometimes feedback comes added with harsh , negative words.
I use an NLP method to handle criticism ( which we now know as useful feedback + negative emotion )
We first 'reframe' the situation. rather than feel bad about the person criticising you reframe the situation & mentally thank the person for providing you useful feedback & helping you to become a champion.
here's how you do it:
Normal thinking: ' Oh God , why is this person criticising me? what right does he have to say such things? Im upset & angry !'
Reframed thinking: Thank you for giving me feedback which wil help me to become a champion. I know that -even if you are using the negative language- i will find only focus on the positive feedback & work on it to improve myself. If you hadn't done this ,i would have taken longer to become a champion.'
( OK Ok, I know that you're thinking that it's dificult to do this , but then , isn't it better than feeling upset? you'll get better with practice. )
As you see, it is not the criticism ,but OUR REACTION TO THE CRITICISM that will hurt or help us. What ever you choose to do ( get angry or reframe the situation) you will reap the consequences.
Good luck on your way to becoming a champion!
From India, Mumbai
2It's great to be back on the forum. I was busy for a month & did not have the time to even read posts ( I know thats a crime , so forgive me!)
I thought of sharing something that i have been working onfor a while now.
In my work of training & consulting ,i come across many peole who ask for sugestions on how to improve their work or personal life. recently , someone told me about how his boss constantly picked on him & criticised him. He asked me how to handle it .
I told him this sentance,' Feedback is the breakfast of champions. If you want to become a champion,learn to take feedback.'
'But , this is criticism ,not feedback , ' he protested.
I then had a discussion with him which i am sharing with the esteemed members of the forum.
Firstly I define criticism as 'a mix of negative emotion & useful feedback.'
Unfortunately , whever someone criticises us , they vent out a lot of negative words & emotions & some ( very little ) constructive feedback. The percentage is like 80% negative emotion & 20% feedback. thats why we call it criticism.
And because the negative emotion is more, most of us focus on it & dont hear the constructive feedback. The result : we get angry, upset or unhappy.
For example: We submitted a report or project to our boss which he thinks is not up to the mark. He starts to scold us by saying' You stupid idiot! Is this the way to write a report ? This is the worst report I have EVER seen! How many times have i told you to always start a report by puting an index page. You never learn , i dont know how they employed you here. .. blah, blah , blah, blah....
You normally focus on & react to the words,' stupid idiot, worst report.., etc..' which is the negative emotion .
You dont even hear the words,..' How many times have i told you to always start a report by puting an index page.'which is the constructive feedback.
I read somewhere that ' Feedback is the breakfast of champions.' If so, then to become a champion we must actively look for feedback from everyone , however it comes. Sometimes feedback comes added with harsh , negative words.
I use an NLP method to handle criticism ( which we now know as useful feedback + negative emotion )
We first 'reframe' the situation. rather than feel bad about the person criticising you reframe the situation & mentally thank the person for providing you useful feedback & helping you to become a champion.
here's how you do it:
Normal thinking: ' Oh God , why is this person criticising me? what right does he have to say such things? Im upset & angry !'
Reframed thinking: Thank you for giving me feedback which wil help me to become a champion. I know that -even if you are using the negative language- i will find only focus on the positive feedback & work on it to improve myself. If you hadn't done this ,i would have taken longer to become a champion.'
( OK Ok, I know that you're thinking that it's dificult to do this , but then , isn't it better than feeling upset? you'll get better with practice. )
As you see, it is not the criticism ,but OUR REACTION TO THE CRITICISM that will hurt or help us. What ever you choose to do ( get angry or reframe the situation) you will reap the consequences.
Good luck on your way to becoming a champion!
From India, Mumbai
I agree with the very subject matter that feedback is the breakfast of champions. A good write up.
To add with you; all champions take the logical criticisms as feedback. Feedback is for correction, enhancement, upgradation and developement. The person who accepts feedback positively can have a easy climbing in life. Of course, at times there may be some nonsence criticisms. Ignoring those is a good attitude.
From Bangladesh, Dhaka
To add with you; all champions take the logical criticisms as feedback. Feedback is for correction, enhancement, upgradation and developement. The person who accepts feedback positively can have a easy climbing in life. Of course, at times there may be some nonsence criticisms. Ignoring those is a good attitude.
From Bangladesh, Dhaka
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Induction feedback.doc
Negative Feedback.pdf