hi,
i have gone through the above discussion.. i am also facing the problems.
i am govt. employee.i am facing problems from my colleague who continuously keeps watch only on me whether i am doing my work or not previously no body use to keep watch on any body. but no he had started this. and he continuously do this every now and then, whenever i use to attend any calls whether its personal or for any work related call he use to stare at me all the time and makes me feel uncomfortable. he always comes in my labs and never goes in another collegues lab. also he never tells anything to male collegues and always use to tell me only. also other works he use to divide in other staff never does work. also he is not HOD of our dept. not even incharge but his attitude is like that only and tells that he is the head we have to follow his instructions. many of us go out for lunch. and i have a baby of 1 year whenever i go to home to visit my baby he use to do calls and ask other colleagues where i am.
he use to do backbiting of me to my head though i complete my whole work. please guide me what should i do. i am feeling dizziness(vertigo) everyday due to this. he is creating bad impression on my mind. every time i feel insecure by his behaviour.
reply please
From India, Ahmedabad
i have gone through the above discussion.. i am also facing the problems.
i am govt. employee.i am facing problems from my colleague who continuously keeps watch only on me whether i am doing my work or not previously no body use to keep watch on any body. but no he had started this. and he continuously do this every now and then, whenever i use to attend any calls whether its personal or for any work related call he use to stare at me all the time and makes me feel uncomfortable. he always comes in my labs and never goes in another collegues lab. also he never tells anything to male collegues and always use to tell me only. also other works he use to divide in other staff never does work. also he is not HOD of our dept. not even incharge but his attitude is like that only and tells that he is the head we have to follow his instructions. many of us go out for lunch. and i have a baby of 1 year whenever i go to home to visit my baby he use to do calls and ask other colleagues where i am.
he use to do backbiting of me to my head though i complete my whole work. please guide me what should i do. i am feeling dizziness(vertigo) everyday due to this. he is creating bad impression on my mind. every time i feel insecure by his behaviour.
reply please
From India, Ahmedabad
First thing remain bold
Do not get scared and feel tension of this nature.
Report his conduct in writing to your HOD. .
I am sure being government department there must be an Internal complaints committee.
Next time he comes to you firmly and politely tell him not to disturb or interfere in your official life.
Is he your superior/supervisor for your work??
Notwithstanding that clearly tell him his attention is unwelcome and put up in writing his behaviour.
How is he with other ladies in the department?
Any complaints from those lady employees??
Finally do not get cowed down.
There are enough rules to correct such people.
From India, Pune
3131Do not get scared and feel tension of this nature.
Report his conduct in writing to your HOD. .
I am sure being government department there must be an Internal complaints committee.
Next time he comes to you firmly and politely tell him not to disturb or interfere in your official life.
Is he your superior/supervisor for your work??
Notwithstanding that clearly tell him his attention is unwelcome and put up in writing his behaviour.
How is he with other ladies in the department?
Any complaints from those lady employees??
Finally do not get cowed down.
There are enough rules to correct such people.
From India, Pune
Hello Prerna,
Kindly follow the advice already given. Only bother about his verbal interaction and do not bother about his presence. We will only know about someone staring at us if we look at what they are doing. If we look elsewhere we wont know they are watching. Thus their stare will not affect us. That's what our grandchildren do. When I stare they do not care, they just see elsewhere and are not even conscious of my stare and I am "fooled".
From United Kingdom
Kindly follow the advice already given. Only bother about his verbal interaction and do not bother about his presence. We will only know about someone staring at us if we look at what they are doing. If we look elsewhere we wont know they are watching. Thus their stare will not affect us. That's what our grandchildren do. When I stare they do not care, they just see elsewhere and are not even conscious of my stare and I am "fooled".
From United Kingdom
Follow the advise given and very important keep your cool and dont let your anger burst as it will back fire on you. Be patient and overcome your fears first.
From Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur
From Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur
Hello Prerna Gupta,
Like other members suggested/mentioned, you DON'T need to worry & allow his actions to disturb you.
As long as he or anyone notices that his actions are having some effect on you, the chances are that the same behavioral pattern only increases.
A few queries.
How big is your Dept team? And how many females?
What is this guy's level vis-a-vis your's--meaning is he @ your same level OR junior or senior? You already mentioned that he is NOT the Boss.
Since when is this happening....you mentioned you have a 1 year kid--is this happening after you returned from ML OR even prior to that?
Does your husband know about what this guy's doing?
The more details you give the better would be the suggestions that are actionable.
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
Like other members suggested/mentioned, you DON'T need to worry & allow his actions to disturb you.
As long as he or anyone notices that his actions are having some effect on you, the chances are that the same behavioral pattern only increases.
A few queries.
How big is your Dept team? And how many females?
What is this guy's level vis-a-vis your's--meaning is he @ your same level OR junior or senior? You already mentioned that he is NOT the Boss.
Since when is this happening....you mentioned you have a 1 year kid--is this happening after you returned from ML OR even prior to that?
Does your husband know about what this guy's doing?
The more details you give the better would be the suggestions that are actionable.
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
Hii everyone... Thank you for giving advise...
The more information are below
He is not at all supervisor this job is given to someone else.. G
He is not senior we are of same batch his rank was 4th and mine was 25th in list ... Due to this difference he does bossism towards everyone.. But in front of male he fails.. He harrases to 3 ladies in dept.... But mostly he harasses me only... I am senior female faculty and rest 6 are junior females and 7 male staff and 1 head.... I told all the situation to my head verbally today but he gave diplomatic answers.. This is the second time I complained but all is in vain... He never says anything to that colleague of mine..once I told to institute head.. Female ... She told me to wait for 1 month then come if doesn't changes his behaviour... He is doing this since he came here getting transferred from other place... I told each and everything to my husband... He also tells to be bold... And brave... But if I start to speak boldly the fight will get welcome cuz once I had a fight with him... So to avoid fights I am not saying anything... Every time he shows me a rule... And I get speechless..... He always behaves like he has owned the dept.... Also 2 ladies are facing problems but he harasses me more..
From India, Ahmedabad
The more information are below
He is not at all supervisor this job is given to someone else.. G
He is not senior we are of same batch his rank was 4th and mine was 25th in list ... Due to this difference he does bossism towards everyone.. But in front of male he fails.. He harrases to 3 ladies in dept.... But mostly he harasses me only... I am senior female faculty and rest 6 are junior females and 7 male staff and 1 head.... I told all the situation to my head verbally today but he gave diplomatic answers.. This is the second time I complained but all is in vain... He never says anything to that colleague of mine..once I told to institute head.. Female ... She told me to wait for 1 month then come if doesn't changes his behaviour... He is doing this since he came here getting transferred from other place... I told each and everything to my husband... He also tells to be bold... And brave... But if I start to speak boldly the fight will get welcome cuz once I had a fight with him... So to avoid fights I am not saying anything... Every time he shows me a rule... And I get speechless..... He always behaves like he has owned the dept.... Also 2 ladies are facing problems but he harasses me more..
From India, Ahmedabad
Hello Prerna Gupta,
As far as I can see, things are moving on the right track.
W.r.t. your line ".....once I told to institute head.. Female ... She told me to wait for 1 month then come if doesn't changes his behaviour.....", suggest wait for a month. It's quite possible that the Head may speak to this guy to keep off the ladies in the meantime.
Can you pl elaborate "......Every time he shows me a rule... And I get speechless..... "? It's a bit confusing. What are Rules that allow someone to behave this way?
And I don't think you ACTUALLY need to get into a fight with him....or anyone else for that matter. Quite often, the very chance of someone responding in a tough way keeps the other person in-check. It's something like many....if not most....people following the Law NOT because they think it's the right way but because of the 'Fear of Law'. And in such matters, everyone today knows what the Worst-case-Scenario can be...escalating the issue to the Sexual Harassment Committee. And if your Organization doesn't have one, the automatic choice would be to go to the Police. How to handle this angle can be reviewed after the month. There are many members in this Forum who can suggest the most appropriate PoA.
Until the 1 month suggested by your Head lapses, suggest ignore this guy. And, meanwhile, also keep updating to the Institute Head & the other 2 ladies on what's happening. Let not the Head get the feeling that all's well in this 1 month.
Reg the other 2 ladies, even though you update them with what's happening, don't have too many hopes that they will come to your rescue after a month......human nature being what it is [especially in India], people tend to react only when THEY begin to get effected.
All the Best.
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
As far as I can see, things are moving on the right track.
W.r.t. your line ".....once I told to institute head.. Female ... She told me to wait for 1 month then come if doesn't changes his behaviour.....", suggest wait for a month. It's quite possible that the Head may speak to this guy to keep off the ladies in the meantime.
Can you pl elaborate "......Every time he shows me a rule... And I get speechless..... "? It's a bit confusing. What are Rules that allow someone to behave this way?
And I don't think you ACTUALLY need to get into a fight with him....or anyone else for that matter. Quite often, the very chance of someone responding in a tough way keeps the other person in-check. It's something like many....if not most....people following the Law NOT because they think it's the right way but because of the 'Fear of Law'. And in such matters, everyone today knows what the Worst-case-Scenario can be...escalating the issue to the Sexual Harassment Committee. And if your Organization doesn't have one, the automatic choice would be to go to the Police. How to handle this angle can be reviewed after the month. There are many members in this Forum who can suggest the most appropriate PoA.
Until the 1 month suggested by your Head lapses, suggest ignore this guy. And, meanwhile, also keep updating to the Institute Head & the other 2 ladies on what's happening. Let not the Head get the feeling that all's well in this 1 month.
Reg the other 2 ladies, even though you update them with what's happening, don't have too many hopes that they will come to your rescue after a month......human nature being what it is [especially in India], people tend to react only when THEY begin to get effected.
All the Best.
Rgds,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
For example... The arrangement of lab and staff... In lab or in staffroom... He tells by rule this is the way u are not right... Whatever work I used to do... He always picks up mistake and tells me to do again.. But previously I use to do the same work and is approved every time... Whenever he wants to go on holiday he forcefully adjust his load on us.. Whether we want or not.. In all such cases he shows rules but when it comes that we are on call or any other work which he has not given his ego comes. He tries to make us uncomfortable.. He does unwanted visits in the ladies staff room.. Just to see what I am doing... Whether I am busy in work or not.. He use to point out my mistake but once I showed him his mistake he started all the activities which I described before
From India, Ahmedabad
From India, Ahmedabad
One month has already elapsed my institutional head told me she will talk to him... When he came from his old place he was behaving like we are peon and he is head..he never talks politely... Always he throws order... And never allows to work with freedom which is not the environment of our institue. He wants to create an environment where we should fear from him... And do not argue whether he is right or not.... Our head has only told him to run deptm according to his will... So in this case my head thinks that he is the only person who is working others are just doing time pass and earning salary for that.. Though my head knows everything but he don't want to tell anything to that guy..
From India, Ahmedabad
From India, Ahmedabad
Looks like he is only picking you as a victim because you highlighted his mistakes.
In my opinion its harassment and i think its time you visit your lady superior with a written complaint, urging the company to step in and take appropriate action.
Finally, when he refers to rules.....are you following the rules and the established SOP while carrying out your duties.
You may want to recheck on this before going further as he might turn around and accuse you for not following thr rules / SOP.
From Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur
In my opinion its harassment and i think its time you visit your lady superior with a written complaint, urging the company to step in and take appropriate action.
Finally, when he refers to rules.....are you following the rules and the established SOP while carrying out your duties.
You may want to recheck on this before going further as he might turn around and accuse you for not following thr rules / SOP.
From Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur
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