hey..this thread needs a restrt
looks like everyone forgot abt this
WAYS TO HAVE FUN IN THE WORKPLACE:
(DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME....ONLY AT THE OFFICE)
Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear
them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your
boss is of a different gender than you.
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to
them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky."
"No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there,
Cha-Cha."
Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're
doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as
much since you did this.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call
everyone Marge.
Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge
to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself
randomly the whole way.
Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're
waiting for your document.
Every time someone asks you to do something, anything,
ask them if they want fries with that.
Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an
intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to
settle the disagreement.
Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized
chair-dancing.
Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."
Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the
lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found
none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "oh you've got to be faster
than that.
Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone
has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
:)
From India, Mumbai
12looks like everyone forgot abt this
WAYS TO HAVE FUN IN THE WORKPLACE:
(DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME....ONLY AT THE OFFICE)
Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear
them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your
boss is of a different gender than you.
Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to
them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky."
"No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there,
Cha-Cha."
Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're
doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as
much since you did this.
While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call
everyone Marge.
Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge
to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself
randomly the whole way.
Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you're
waiting for your document.
Every time someone asks you to do something, anything,
ask them if they want fries with that.
Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an
intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to
settle the disagreement.
Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized
chair-dancing.
Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."
Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake in the
lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they found
none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "oh you've got to be faster
than that.
Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone
has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
:)
From India, Mumbai
Hi Sunayna....
I am back... and it is nice that you have been rocking the forum as usual...
These quotes were taken from actual naval employee performance evaluations in Staffordshire
From India, Ahmadabad
I am back... and it is nice that you have been rocking the forum as usual...
These quotes were taken from actual naval employee performance evaluations in Staffordshire
- Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity
I would not allow this employee to breed
This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definite won't be
Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap
When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change feet
He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle
This young lady has delusions of adequacy
He sets low personal standards then consistently fails to achieve them
This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot
This employee should go far and the sooner the better
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together
A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus
He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless
He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier
I would like to go hunting with him sometime
This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar
He's been working with glue too much
He would argue with a signpost
He has a knack of making strangers immediately
He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room
When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell
If you see two people talking and one looks bored he's the other one
A photographic memory but with the cap over the lens
A prime candidate for natural deselection
Donated his brain to science before he was done using it
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming
Has 2 brains, one is lost, the other is out looking for it
If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week
If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean
It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000 other sperm
One neuron short of a synapse
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he just gargled
Takes him 1 and 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes
The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead
The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship
I would not breed from this Officer
He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction
He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle
Technically sound, but socially impossible
This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere
When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably
He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age
This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better
In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet
Some lines sourced from "Jackspeak: The Pusser's Rum Guide to Royal Navy Slanguage" by Rick Jolly, 1989.
From India, Ahmadabad
Hi Sunayna
No need to restart the thread..... This seems to be working great... here's one more
A Public Servant
A Public servant dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the Angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.
Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologises for not greeting him personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes his hand and says 'Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you!'
Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the Public servant sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says 'Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive.'
'Congratulations for what?' says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty. 'We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!'
The Public servant is awe-struck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth agape. When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says 'Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be forty.'
'That's simply impossible son,' says Saint Peter. 'We've added up your time sheets.'
BOOM BOOM now stop reading this and get back to work!
From India, Ahmadabad
No need to restart the thread..... This seems to be working great... here's one more
A Public Servant
A Public servant dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the Angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.
Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologises for not greeting him personally at the Pearly Gates, shakes his hand and says 'Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you!'
Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the Public servant sheepishly looks at Saint Peter and says 'Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments, but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive.'
'Congratulations for what?' says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty. 'We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!'
The Public servant is awe-struck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth agape. When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says 'Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be forty.'
'That's simply impossible son,' says Saint Peter. 'We've added up your time sheets.'
BOOM BOOM now stop reading this and get back to work!
From India, Ahmadabad
hey ppl, nice stuff.... really put a smile on my face on a Monday Morning! my contribution is here .... hope the attachment opens... Cheers Pallavi
From India, Pune
From India, Pune
Hi Ajmal, This is priya :icon1: . I am a new member in this forum, am working as a hr in chennai. Ur jokes on management is really nice keep posting. priyaa
Here goes one more..... real life story.....
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Authority) loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.
After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
The lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U. S. from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U. S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the then reigning monarch, Isabella. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana. He, therefore, would be the owner of origin. I hope ... you find His original claim to be satisfactory.
Now, may we have our ... loan?"
From India, Ahmadabad
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Authority) loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.
After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
The lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U. S. from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U. S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the then reigning monarch, Isabella. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana. He, therefore, would be the owner of origin. I hope ... you find His original claim to be satisfactory.
Now, may we have our ... loan?"
From India, Ahmadabad
Hi $uN@yN@
I have come back... but still am not able to dedicate as much time as before to CiteHR... Still here is something to contribute..
Some laws we know are true to the office work
Heller's observation :
I love work. I can sit and watch it done for hours.
Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor :
People are always available for work in the past tense.
Benchley's Law :
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it is not the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.
Clyde's Law :
If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.
Crane's Rule :
There are three ways to get something done:
do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
Weiler's Law :
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Moer's Truism :
The trouble with most jobs is the resemblance to being in a sledge dog team. No one gets a change of scenery, except the lead dog.
Cannon's Comment :
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in a hard days work.
From India, Ahmadabad
I have come back... but still am not able to dedicate as much time as before to CiteHR... Still here is something to contribute..
Some laws we know are true to the office work
Heller's observation :
I love work. I can sit and watch it done for hours.
Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labor :
People are always available for work in the past tense.
Benchley's Law :
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it is not the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.
Clyde's Law :
If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.
Crane's Rule :
There are three ways to get something done:
do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
Weiler's Law :
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
Moer's Truism :
The trouble with most jobs is the resemblance to being in a sledge dog team. No one gets a change of scenery, except the lead dog.
Cannon's Comment :
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in a hard days work.
From India, Ahmadabad
2 rules for a good relationship with ur boss 1 - BOss is always right. 2 - if u disagree, go back to the first one.
From India, Mumbai
From India, Mumbai
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Healthy Office Ergonomics Workshop.doc
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