The Corporate Zodiac Signs
For the Astro-Believer HR Manager's Recruitment Tool Kit
We sometimes lay so much emphasis on star and zodiac signs in our everyday lives. Why not evolve some such guideline for the corporate world? After all, we still live in an era where people can date or even get married to unknown strangers based only on the position of stars in their natal charts! Or the perceived characteristics they possess by virtue of being born under some zodiac sign!
It would make things a lot simpler if people know their Corporate Signs. For one thing, it would eliminate the need for elaborate job interviews. Just one look at an applicant's resume would declare him fit for a particular job. For another, it would make career choices much simpler. No more dilemmas, no more confusion. Here's a list of the 12 signs of the Corporate Zodiac.
The Bacardi Breezer
You are extremely ambitious. You opted to pursue 'Marketing' at college because it entailed no real work except drinking, partying and socializing. Since the definition of marketing is pretty much the same, you are ideally suited for a position in this department.
The Manipulator
You are also ambitious, but without the benefit of a conscience or a marketing degree. You are also selfish and paranoid, which makes you extremely aggressive. Put together, these skills make you very good at separating people from their money. Sales would be the ideal place for you.
The Intimidator
You thrive on the fear you inspire in people. Given your access to confidential information, and the power to make or break careers, the fear is probably justified. You often have delusions of grandeur and if born during the cusp, you morph into the positively dreaded terminator! Human Resource is the right place for you.
The Sweet Talker
You are blessed with the patience worthy of a saint. Combined with the wonderful ability to parrot things you don't understand and keep negative emotions from reflecting in your naturally sweet voice, you would make an excellent customer service representative. You tend to burnout fast, but that is only natural to those of your sign.
The People Hater
You have an in-born loathing for people. You hate catering to the demands or requests of whining, pleading, demanding human beings. When faced with any query, your natural tendency is to look grim and mouth, 'I'll look into it' with élan. Any Corporate entity would be proud to have you as an Administrator/Secretary.
The Number Cruncher
You were born with a calculator for a brain. You upgraded it to a supercomputer while actually studying at college. The thought of fractions, decimals and percentages make you drool. Getting your hands on a mile-long Excel Sheet is sheer bliss! You are a non-political, non-controversial organism best suited for an accounting career.
The Smooth Operator
You've reached the zenith of your career through sheer hard work or sheer good luck, or a blessed combination of both. You love the finer things in life and spare no effort to get your organization to provide them to you. Maybe you're worth it, but nobody really knows. And you don't do much to provide any real clues! Senior Management is your calling in life.
The Social Climber
You are the born middleman of the Corporate Zodiac. You have the right degree of condescension towards your inferiors and the right amount of admiration for your superiors. You were the kid whom both sides of the school cricket team fought for. You are slowly but surely on your way to corporate glory. Middle Management is your place!
The Idolator
You are the shadow figure of the Corporate Zodiac. A 'B School degree' and the right connections ensure that you won't have to start life as a hired underling. But who can question fate. You are bound to remain a worshipper of the Social Climber of the Smooth operator till you are skilled or lucky enough to actually make your way there. You'll have to remain content with a Junior Management Position.
The Jargonizer
You have a natural flair for words and acronyms. As a child, you amused all around by calling the postman a 'perambulatory epistle deliverer'. In college, you filled your essays with unintelligible euphemisms that made your professors gasp and give you straight A's. You continue to thrive on fancy 'skills' you neither possess nor have plans to acquire. Being a consultant is the right track for you.
The Ergonomizer
Apart from the 'Number Cruncher', you are probably the only other sign who actually studied in college. You probably hold an Engineering or equally ominous degree. You've never been able to resist taking things apart and putting them together again, often in an efficiency enhancing way. Remember your soda-water-bottle-weed-picker-cum-liquidizer your dad was so proud of? Being a technologist is deemed in your fate.
The Fantasy Dweller
You are merely physically present on this earth. Mentally, you dwell in the realm of fantasia. In school you excelled at art, craft, elocution and everything else they didn't grade you on. College was where you chose to 'open your mind's eye to the big picture' and consequently failed. You dress like King Tut in modern day Siberia. Things are not too bad though. You might just qualify for a job as the creative type
So there!
HR professionals can rejoice at having discovered such a simple way to slot all candidates.
...shoOoonya smiles...
From Switzerland, Geneva
12For the Astro-Believer HR Manager's Recruitment Tool Kit
We sometimes lay so much emphasis on star and zodiac signs in our everyday lives. Why not evolve some such guideline for the corporate world? After all, we still live in an era where people can date or even get married to unknown strangers based only on the position of stars in their natal charts! Or the perceived characteristics they possess by virtue of being born under some zodiac sign!
It would make things a lot simpler if people know their Corporate Signs. For one thing, it would eliminate the need for elaborate job interviews. Just one look at an applicant's resume would declare him fit for a particular job. For another, it would make career choices much simpler. No more dilemmas, no more confusion. Here's a list of the 12 signs of the Corporate Zodiac.
The Bacardi Breezer
You are extremely ambitious. You opted to pursue 'Marketing' at college because it entailed no real work except drinking, partying and socializing. Since the definition of marketing is pretty much the same, you are ideally suited for a position in this department.
The Manipulator
You are also ambitious, but without the benefit of a conscience or a marketing degree. You are also selfish and paranoid, which makes you extremely aggressive. Put together, these skills make you very good at separating people from their money. Sales would be the ideal place for you.
The Intimidator
You thrive on the fear you inspire in people. Given your access to confidential information, and the power to make or break careers, the fear is probably justified. You often have delusions of grandeur and if born during the cusp, you morph into the positively dreaded terminator! Human Resource is the right place for you.
The Sweet Talker
You are blessed with the patience worthy of a saint. Combined with the wonderful ability to parrot things you don't understand and keep negative emotions from reflecting in your naturally sweet voice, you would make an excellent customer service representative. You tend to burnout fast, but that is only natural to those of your sign.
The People Hater
You have an in-born loathing for people. You hate catering to the demands or requests of whining, pleading, demanding human beings. When faced with any query, your natural tendency is to look grim and mouth, 'I'll look into it' with élan. Any Corporate entity would be proud to have you as an Administrator/Secretary.
The Number Cruncher
You were born with a calculator for a brain. You upgraded it to a supercomputer while actually studying at college. The thought of fractions, decimals and percentages make you drool. Getting your hands on a mile-long Excel Sheet is sheer bliss! You are a non-political, non-controversial organism best suited for an accounting career.
The Smooth Operator
You've reached the zenith of your career through sheer hard work or sheer good luck, or a blessed combination of both. You love the finer things in life and spare no effort to get your organization to provide them to you. Maybe you're worth it, but nobody really knows. And you don't do much to provide any real clues! Senior Management is your calling in life.
The Social Climber
You are the born middleman of the Corporate Zodiac. You have the right degree of condescension towards your inferiors and the right amount of admiration for your superiors. You were the kid whom both sides of the school cricket team fought for. You are slowly but surely on your way to corporate glory. Middle Management is your place!
The Idolator
You are the shadow figure of the Corporate Zodiac. A 'B School degree' and the right connections ensure that you won't have to start life as a hired underling. But who can question fate. You are bound to remain a worshipper of the Social Climber of the Smooth operator till you are skilled or lucky enough to actually make your way there. You'll have to remain content with a Junior Management Position.
The Jargonizer
You have a natural flair for words and acronyms. As a child, you amused all around by calling the postman a 'perambulatory epistle deliverer'. In college, you filled your essays with unintelligible euphemisms that made your professors gasp and give you straight A's. You continue to thrive on fancy 'skills' you neither possess nor have plans to acquire. Being a consultant is the right track for you.
The Ergonomizer
Apart from the 'Number Cruncher', you are probably the only other sign who actually studied in college. You probably hold an Engineering or equally ominous degree. You've never been able to resist taking things apart and putting them together again, often in an efficiency enhancing way. Remember your soda-water-bottle-weed-picker-cum-liquidizer your dad was so proud of? Being a technologist is deemed in your fate.
The Fantasy Dweller
You are merely physically present on this earth. Mentally, you dwell in the realm of fantasia. In school you excelled at art, craft, elocution and everything else they didn't grade you on. College was where you chose to 'open your mind's eye to the big picture' and consequently failed. You dress like King Tut in modern day Siberia. Things are not too bad though. You might just qualify for a job as the creative type
So there!
HR professionals can rejoice at having discovered such a simple way to slot all candidates.
...shoOoonya smiles...
From Switzerland, Geneva
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