Hi,
I am always feeling alone. I am
always taking initiative,& participation, always smiling. My actual problem is I am not able to communicate in group, even though I am friendly with everyone, always I am thinking that I do not have any friend but all are having friends of their own. I am not able to adopt corporate attitude.One of my friend suggested me work with mind at office not with your heart,but I failed in all the possible ways. Please let me know to get rid out of this. And pls let me knw any xcersises to practice how to mingle with all in a team.
From India, Hyderabad
I am always feeling alone. I am
always taking initiative,& participation, always smiling. My actual problem is I am not able to communicate in group, even though I am friendly with everyone, always I am thinking that I do not have any friend but all are having friends of their own. I am not able to adopt corporate attitude.One of my friend suggested me work with mind at office not with your heart,but I failed in all the possible ways. Please let me know to get rid out of this. And pls let me knw any xcersises to practice how to mingle with all in a team.
From India, Hyderabad
Hi
There are lots of people who actually are very lonely although they seem to be jovial and happy. Many are introverts by nature but believe they have to be display an extrovert nature in order to fit into a group or work environment. In your case, it is possible that your perceived weakness of being an ineffective communicator is actually limiting your ability to easily integrate into the group.
My suggestions for you are as under:
- continue to interact and participate in activities enthusiastically but don’t push yourself for group acceptance. Learn to enjoy the appreciation that comes your way and don’t be too disheartened if you are criticised or do not get the appreciation that you believe is due
- do not make the mistake of over communicating and irritating people. There are some people who have a compulsive urge to crack jokes, blabber on every issue, become opinionated on all and sundry and impose themselves on others. People will tend to avoid such persons. So watch out from being perceived as over enthusiastic.
- Every one loves a good listener. So the best way to make lots of friends is to listen more and talk less. You will find people actually coming to you to share something or the other because you are a good listener.
- Display a positive attitude. Always try and see the bright side of things. Share good news. Demonstrate enthusiasm. Once you radiate fun and cheer, people will automatically gravitate towards you.
I am sure if you put these into practice consciously your popularity will soar and you wont have any dearth of friends.
I would also invite you to visit the following Inspirational and Motivational Blogs to pep you up when you feel a wee bit down and lonely
www.actspot.wordpress.com – Over 76,000 views and 540 followers
www.poweract.blogspot.com – Over 22,000 views and 150 followers
Best Wishes
From India, Mumbai
490There are lots of people who actually are very lonely although they seem to be jovial and happy. Many are introverts by nature but believe they have to be display an extrovert nature in order to fit into a group or work environment. In your case, it is possible that your perceived weakness of being an ineffective communicator is actually limiting your ability to easily integrate into the group.
My suggestions for you are as under:
- continue to interact and participate in activities enthusiastically but don’t push yourself for group acceptance. Learn to enjoy the appreciation that comes your way and don’t be too disheartened if you are criticised or do not get the appreciation that you believe is due
- do not make the mistake of over communicating and irritating people. There are some people who have a compulsive urge to crack jokes, blabber on every issue, become opinionated on all and sundry and impose themselves on others. People will tend to avoid such persons. So watch out from being perceived as over enthusiastic.
- Every one loves a good listener. So the best way to make lots of friends is to listen more and talk less. You will find people actually coming to you to share something or the other because you are a good listener.
- Display a positive attitude. Always try and see the bright side of things. Share good news. Demonstrate enthusiasm. Once you radiate fun and cheer, people will automatically gravitate towards you.
I am sure if you put these into practice consciously your popularity will soar and you wont have any dearth of friends.
I would also invite you to visit the following Inspirational and Motivational Blogs to pep you up when you feel a wee bit down and lonely
www.actspot.wordpress.com – Over 76,000 views and 540 followers
www.poweract.blogspot.com – Over 22,000 views and 150 followers
Best Wishes
From India, Mumbai
Hello Kiran Kumari,
As you have described yourself above, I will say Dont lose the confindence in you...
You dont need to go to people for losing your lonliness...
Be a person that the people should feel happy in talking to you...
Have a positive attitude....
Say to yourself- I am the best (it will surely work)
Be a knowledgable person, so that people should come to you...
Keep an attitude and dont keep on saying that I have no frnds, as this will bring in you depression and sadness...avoid these kinds of thoughts...
Keep doing this and you will feel better...
For more help you may mail me-
Regards,
Mr. Apurva Singh
From India, Mumbai
As you have described yourself above, I will say Dont lose the confindence in you...
You dont need to go to people for losing your lonliness...
Be a person that the people should feel happy in talking to you...
Have a positive attitude....
Say to yourself- I am the best (it will surely work)
Be a knowledgable person, so that people should come to you...
Keep an attitude and dont keep on saying that I have no frnds, as this will bring in you depression and sadness...avoid these kinds of thoughts...
Keep doing this and you will feel better...
For more help you may mail me-
Regards,
Mr. Apurva Singh
From India, Mumbai
Dear, it is not only your problem it can be anyone because many people may be lackof confidence.you should continue to interact and participate in many activities and always smiling.
From India, Ghaziabad
From India, Ghaziabad
Kiran,
Jacob has given a comprehensive suggestion.
However I would like to add something.
Firstly, Have a few personal friends (understand difference between friend and acquintance), this reduces the pressure on you greatly.
Secondly, Do not mix up, office friendship with personal one.
How to get through office friendship
- Identify, some people with similar outlook towards life - if u like partying, find similar people,
- Ask some questions on their interests, eg if some one like to go hiking, read up some articles on it and ask a few questions, they would love to answer. end the conversation saying, you will catch up later, for more discussion on the subject
-Appreciate people for what they have done (u will have to keep yourself informed)
- It is vicious circle - more people you know, more u come to know.
From India, Delhi
Jacob has given a comprehensive suggestion.
However I would like to add something.
Firstly, Have a few personal friends (understand difference between friend and acquintance), this reduces the pressure on you greatly.
Secondly, Do not mix up, office friendship with personal one.
How to get through office friendship
- Identify, some people with similar outlook towards life - if u like partying, find similar people,
- Ask some questions on their interests, eg if some one like to go hiking, read up some articles on it and ask a few questions, they would love to answer. end the conversation saying, you will catch up later, for more discussion on the subject
-Appreciate people for what they have done (u will have to keep yourself informed)
- It is vicious circle - more people you know, more u come to know.
From India, Delhi
Hi Kiran,
What do you mean by “I am not able to adopt corporate attitude" Don't worry about that.
Concentrate in your job and master it. Enjoy your work. Already you have a smiling face and friendly nature and this is more than enough. Also remember 'Familiarity breeds contempt'
Warm Regards,
Elizabeth Paul.
From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
Dear Kiran,
i understand how people try to feign things and act in the way in which they are not comfortable with just to get the acceptance of others,,though it is important to have others accede with you logically, morally, compassionately and in a friendly way but the most important thing is to first accept yourself the way you are as you are a unique person yourself and you have been given this chance to live and do something valuable in life so dont fritter your time in thinking bout these inane matters,,try to introspect and reach your higher level.
"To see the change outside,,first you have to see the change inside" then you see how life will effloresce.
I hope you circumvent this abasing thoughts as the life is waiting for you,,live it.
Best regards,
Abhinav Gautam.
From India, Pune
i understand how people try to feign things and act in the way in which they are not comfortable with just to get the acceptance of others,,though it is important to have others accede with you logically, morally, compassionately and in a friendly way but the most important thing is to first accept yourself the way you are as you are a unique person yourself and you have been given this chance to live and do something valuable in life so dont fritter your time in thinking bout these inane matters,,try to introspect and reach your higher level.
"To see the change outside,,first you have to see the change inside" then you see how life will effloresce.
I hope you circumvent this abasing thoughts as the life is waiting for you,,live it.
Best regards,
Abhinav Gautam.
From India, Pune
Hi Friend,
You shared your Problem, ask for solution which itself a example of your openness & flexibility to change. It is really good. If it is your first job then it is quite natural and as many people said ; this is natural at beginning level. any expert can suggest you more better if you explain your career stage & your surrounding culture more in detail. because this situation is effects by many factors. you are very honest & work oriented n joined one fully lazy government system then .. you can think !!! but to come out from this one I will suggest few things where I am considering that you are fresher & new to some very good org.
i.e. I am from Gujarat & I joined a company which is very far from my hometown & with people from different states n only one man from Gujarat. moreover, I am not aware with any kind of corporate & cultural formalities , values n all..which is indirectly necessary to maintain relations & get into the group or team.
So, 1st I need to understand it. you can take example.. People from assam or bangal are very soft people .and if you talk very hard or rough way though you don't have bad intention but it is indirectly hurts to relation. You need to understand these kind of things.
2nd is as a Jacob said " be a good listener". n nice way to improve listening is to put your self as a speaker n then you come to know what person wants to say. To be a best police officer - need to see as a best thief
3rd is find out more about yourself - Proud on yourself : at starting stage of my career I was comparing myself to others which is not good if we don't know what to compare.
4th : Be Positive as given
carefully read your problem again "I am always feeling alone" - You said means you are accepting that you are alone n by this way you making yourself more alone n may be your friends , family are hit by this belief ".
"always I am thinking that I do not have any friend" - Think ! if I would like to make you as a my friend how you can see this?.
"I am not able to adopt corporate attitude" -this means You are not looking at your strength.
"One of my friend suggested me"-means you have a friend n may be you argue that he/she is not closed one but again only u said he/she is not closed one .
N to work in team as employee -you can refer my articles on our best friend , citehr..Ok
Sanjay Kumar
acme consultancy services
From India, Rajkot
You shared your Problem, ask for solution which itself a example of your openness & flexibility to change. It is really good. If it is your first job then it is quite natural and as many people said ; this is natural at beginning level. any expert can suggest you more better if you explain your career stage & your surrounding culture more in detail. because this situation is effects by many factors. you are very honest & work oriented n joined one fully lazy government system then .. you can think !!! but to come out from this one I will suggest few things where I am considering that you are fresher & new to some very good org.
i.e. I am from Gujarat & I joined a company which is very far from my hometown & with people from different states n only one man from Gujarat. moreover, I am not aware with any kind of corporate & cultural formalities , values n all..which is indirectly necessary to maintain relations & get into the group or team.
So, 1st I need to understand it. you can take example.. People from assam or bangal are very soft people .and if you talk very hard or rough way though you don't have bad intention but it is indirectly hurts to relation. You need to understand these kind of things.
2nd is as a Jacob said " be a good listener". n nice way to improve listening is to put your self as a speaker n then you come to know what person wants to say. To be a best police officer - need to see as a best thief
3rd is find out more about yourself - Proud on yourself : at starting stage of my career I was comparing myself to others which is not good if we don't know what to compare.
4th : Be Positive as given
carefully read your problem again "I am always feeling alone" - You said means you are accepting that you are alone n by this way you making yourself more alone n may be your friends , family are hit by this belief ".
"always I am thinking that I do not have any friend" - Think ! if I would like to make you as a my friend how you can see this?.
"I am not able to adopt corporate attitude" -this means You are not looking at your strength.
"One of my friend suggested me"-means you have a friend n may be you argue that he/she is not closed one but again only u said he/she is not closed one .
N to work in team as employee -you can refer my articles on our best friend , citehr..Ok
Sanjay Kumar
acme consultancy services
From India, Rajkot
Hello All,
I have read all the suggestions given by you people, really those were being very helpful to me. I was being a little bit good listener now a days there by I am learning and gaining knowledge and able to explain to my peer.
The ideas which were shared by you people in CiteHR were really useful for me and I am thankful to each and every one of you.
Regards,
kiran kumari.V
From India, Hyderabad
I have read all the suggestions given by you people, really those were being very helpful to me. I was being a little bit good listener now a days there by I am learning and gaining knowledge and able to explain to my peer.
The ideas which were shared by you people in CiteHR were really useful for me and I am thankful to each and every one of you.
Regards,
kiran kumari.V
From India, Hyderabad
Dear Ms Kiran,
It is indeed very brave on your part to come out in open with this kind of issue. It is very easy for all of us to give you suggestions but in my opinion the starting point of your resolving this matter is within you. With 35 years of experience in the Industry at all levels I can only say that first start believing that you have the capability to be friendly and as expressed in your own words 'find it difficult to communicate in groups' may stem from a self imposed barrier.
You are the best judge to analyse why this happens. Is it the language barrier or you feel that you are not equipped enough to participate in whatever is going on. Once you are able to identify the barrier work on it and I am sure you shall yourself be able to visualise the change.
Your feeling that you are not friendly with any one but others are friendly with each other may possibly be out of the reason that you are not ready to open beyond a level which affects the level to which you are deemed as a friendly person.
Believe me there are many people who may not be so vocal but are still considered very friendly by others. With you taking all the initiative this seems to be hardly the case. I am sure once you introspect and zero down the reason for these thoughts coming to your mind you shall be able to figure out what you must do to overcome them.
I wish you all the best for resolving this mental conflict.
Warm Regards,
Shalabh Capoor
From India, Delhi
It is indeed very brave on your part to come out in open with this kind of issue. It is very easy for all of us to give you suggestions but in my opinion the starting point of your resolving this matter is within you. With 35 years of experience in the Industry at all levels I can only say that first start believing that you have the capability to be friendly and as expressed in your own words 'find it difficult to communicate in groups' may stem from a self imposed barrier.
You are the best judge to analyse why this happens. Is it the language barrier or you feel that you are not equipped enough to participate in whatever is going on. Once you are able to identify the barrier work on it and I am sure you shall yourself be able to visualise the change.
Your feeling that you are not friendly with any one but others are friendly with each other may possibly be out of the reason that you are not ready to open beyond a level which affects the level to which you are deemed as a friendly person.
Believe me there are many people who may not be so vocal but are still considered very friendly by others. With you taking all the initiative this seems to be hardly the case. I am sure once you introspect and zero down the reason for these thoughts coming to your mind you shall be able to figure out what you must do to overcome them.
I wish you all the best for resolving this mental conflict.
Warm Regards,
Shalabh Capoor
From India, Delhi
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