Respected Sir/Madam,
I am a SSE working for an IT firm. I had joined my current organisation 2 years back. One beautiful girl used to sit beside my cubicle and she was very open with her behaviour, most of the guys working in her project used to come to her and try to assist/explain her in whatever she was doing. While assisting her, boys used to type in the keyboard by taking their both hands over her shoulder as though they are in home and she was also used be very frank. I felt like those guys are taking some kind of advantage (chance maar rahe hai), I used to look at the boys what they are doing with some anger.
I was new to that bay and the team area where I was seating were the old employees(I mean they were old for that company). When they noticed that I am getting bit angry with what they are doing, they thought I am liking that girl and that's the reason I am getting bit angry whenever any boys used to come to her.
After few days, other members in her project started making some sort of indications whenever I used to come to come to office, someone from behind deliberately used to cough, and whenever she used to come they used to make some sort of noise. One lady lead from her project used to sit infront of me and she used call her so that I can look at her. As they used to cough and make noise, I was used to laugh myself because I am bit shy person. After few months, that girl started looking at me and the members in her team started saying to her that he likes you and I used to hear this as they used to converse among themselves.
One guy from her project who was very aggressive in his behaviour used to sit 2 cubicles behind me, used to shout like whenever she had not come to office or gone for break saying 'arey sir aajayegi, itna baichain na ho aap', 'abhi thodi der me aahi jayegi' etc etc. For few days I ignored this, but after a while I got annoyed with him and could not tolerate and shouted 'bhenchot dekhte bait re idhar udhar kya kare kuch kaam toh nahi aur kya kare' something like this, from this incident onwards that other guy stopped passing comments.
The passing comments, coughing, making noise etc came to some halt, but they were having doubt that I love that girl and they were also telling her that he likes you and also that girl used to look at me. As I am not married and am 31, it came to my mind that why I should not proceed further because however I am searching for bride and not able to find a suitable partner, if she is willing to I can make her partner but later I gave a second thought because it will not fit in my society as she is from other caste. I ignored her but she kept interest in me, but this was a tight slap to others who were passing comments like I like her this that.
I requested for release from my project because I was not getting good exposure, but my manager has given negative feedback about me that I stare at girls, I am not good at morals, behaviour etc. I came to know this from HR team so I dropped him a mail stating, when I requested for release from project you asked me for salary hike, onsite opportunity and anything else you want etc. but I refused to stay in the project then why negative feedback was given but he is not responding and also I don't know what other negative comments he has given.
My question is, let's assume, if I like her and she likes me, why he has given any negative feedback? That girl also has not complained anything about me and don't know whether she used to actually like me or not or because of the atmosphere she kept interest in me I don't know.
But I never spoke a single word with her and also never stared at her.
How to address this issue as this might bring negative impact on my career. Even I don't know what that girl will tell if HR department calls her. I used abusive language once, then why my manager did not enquire what happened? or was he a part of this whole scenario and he was waiting for me to commit any mistake or anything don't know?
Thanks!!
From India, Mumbai
I am a SSE working for an IT firm. I had joined my current organisation 2 years back. One beautiful girl used to sit beside my cubicle and she was very open with her behaviour, most of the guys working in her project used to come to her and try to assist/explain her in whatever she was doing. While assisting her, boys used to type in the keyboard by taking their both hands over her shoulder as though they are in home and she was also used be very frank. I felt like those guys are taking some kind of advantage (chance maar rahe hai), I used to look at the boys what they are doing with some anger.
I was new to that bay and the team area where I was seating were the old employees(I mean they were old for that company). When they noticed that I am getting bit angry with what they are doing, they thought I am liking that girl and that's the reason I am getting bit angry whenever any boys used to come to her.
After few days, other members in her project started making some sort of indications whenever I used to come to come to office, someone from behind deliberately used to cough, and whenever she used to come they used to make some sort of noise. One lady lead from her project used to sit infront of me and she used call her so that I can look at her. As they used to cough and make noise, I was used to laugh myself because I am bit shy person. After few months, that girl started looking at me and the members in her team started saying to her that he likes you and I used to hear this as they used to converse among themselves.
One guy from her project who was very aggressive in his behaviour used to sit 2 cubicles behind me, used to shout like whenever she had not come to office or gone for break saying 'arey sir aajayegi, itna baichain na ho aap', 'abhi thodi der me aahi jayegi' etc etc. For few days I ignored this, but after a while I got annoyed with him and could not tolerate and shouted 'bhenchot dekhte bait re idhar udhar kya kare kuch kaam toh nahi aur kya kare' something like this, from this incident onwards that other guy stopped passing comments.
The passing comments, coughing, making noise etc came to some halt, but they were having doubt that I love that girl and they were also telling her that he likes you and also that girl used to look at me. As I am not married and am 31, it came to my mind that why I should not proceed further because however I am searching for bride and not able to find a suitable partner, if she is willing to I can make her partner but later I gave a second thought because it will not fit in my society as she is from other caste. I ignored her but she kept interest in me, but this was a tight slap to others who were passing comments like I like her this that.
I requested for release from my project because I was not getting good exposure, but my manager has given negative feedback about me that I stare at girls, I am not good at morals, behaviour etc. I came to know this from HR team so I dropped him a mail stating, when I requested for release from project you asked me for salary hike, onsite opportunity and anything else you want etc. but I refused to stay in the project then why negative feedback was given but he is not responding and also I don't know what other negative comments he has given.
My question is, let's assume, if I like her and she likes me, why he has given any negative feedback? That girl also has not complained anything about me and don't know whether she used to actually like me or not or because of the atmosphere she kept interest in me I don't know.
But I never spoke a single word with her and also never stared at her.
How to address this issue as this might bring negative impact on my career. Even I don't know what that girl will tell if HR department calls her. I used abusive language once, then why my manager did not enquire what happened? or was he a part of this whole scenario and he was waiting for me to commit any mistake or anything don't know?
Thanks!!
From India, Mumbai
Dear friend,
Following things emerge from your long post:
a) The woman employee who was sitting next to your cubicle was expressing her amorousness. Either you should have accepted it or rejected her overtures. You did neither.
b) The most important part is indecorous behaviour of colleagues. They behaved as if they were still in their college days. You could have brought their juvenility to the notice of HR or still higher authority. You did not nip their callowness in bud thereby pushed yourself into current predicament.
c) You have written that "While assisting her, boys used to type in the keyboard by taking their both hands over her shoulder as though they are in home and she was also used be very frank". This shows that the woman employee was not just puerile but prurient as well.
Now while replying to HR state clearly that the allegations made by Project Manager are baseless. In fact your manager has played double game. He was easygoing in front of you but has betrayed you. You may escalate the matter for casting doubt on your character.
Learning for HR: - Partially it is failure of HR also. It appears that HR does not have proper policy on workplace romance. Above all, how salacious behaviour of the woman employee escaped from the attention of HR? Why HR did not step in timely when other employees' behaviour was indicative about relationship between originator of the post and the woman employee? Instances of this kind unnecessary spoil the workplace environment.
For further queries, feel free to contact me.
Thanks,
Dinesh Divekar
From India, Bangalore
7884Following things emerge from your long post:
a) The woman employee who was sitting next to your cubicle was expressing her amorousness. Either you should have accepted it or rejected her overtures. You did neither.
b) The most important part is indecorous behaviour of colleagues. They behaved as if they were still in their college days. You could have brought their juvenility to the notice of HR or still higher authority. You did not nip their callowness in bud thereby pushed yourself into current predicament.
c) You have written that "While assisting her, boys used to type in the keyboard by taking their both hands over her shoulder as though they are in home and she was also used be very frank". This shows that the woman employee was not just puerile but prurient as well.
Now while replying to HR state clearly that the allegations made by Project Manager are baseless. In fact your manager has played double game. He was easygoing in front of you but has betrayed you. You may escalate the matter for casting doubt on your character.
Learning for HR: - Partially it is failure of HR also. It appears that HR does not have proper policy on workplace romance. Above all, how salacious behaviour of the woman employee escaped from the attention of HR? Why HR did not step in timely when other employees' behaviour was indicative about relationship between originator of the post and the woman employee? Instances of this kind unnecessary spoil the workplace environment.
For further queries, feel free to contact me.
Thanks,
Dinesh Divekar
From India, Bangalore
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