Hi, I read quite a few discussions regarding mental harassment and noticed the solution offered was "Talking to the MANAGER." And I sure did that. My lead has been harassing me ever since I joined the organization (8 months back), which includes shaming, raising voice, being rude all the time, not appreciating any work, being biased, and whatnot. What makes it all so hard is the fact that she doesn't know anything at all. I literally spoon-feed her all the concepts we follow and sometimes even comprehend the mails for her.
The woman is 42 years old, and she used to think NAGALAND was a country, and yes, I educated her on that too. And now I think everything is piled on, and I am not able to take any more crap from her. So, I went to the Manager. And when he didn't take any action, I went to HR, who directed me to Senior Management. So, I've mostly spoken to everyone and still no action. So, I resigned since I've signed a bond for 1.5 years. Now, they are making an issue about it regardless of the fact that they made me do this. I know I shouldn't abscond, but I don't see any other solution. Please, I don't want feedback like go talk to everyone and stuff because I DID, still nothing. I cried my eyes out. Nothing. I just want to know if my pay slips will be counted as my experience or my work is going to be wasted, and if I can get another job after absconding. No one's helping me so far, so I don't see the clean exit as an option here. I don't have that much money on me to pay off the bond. Any help?
From India, Pune
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The woman is 42 years old, and she used to think NAGALAND was a country, and yes, I educated her on that too. And now I think everything is piled on, and I am not able to take any more crap from her. So, I went to the Manager. And when he didn't take any action, I went to HR, who directed me to Senior Management. So, I've mostly spoken to everyone and still no action. So, I resigned since I've signed a bond for 1.5 years. Now, they are making an issue about it regardless of the fact that they made me do this. I know I shouldn't abscond, but I don't see any other solution. Please, I don't want feedback like go talk to everyone and stuff because I DID, still nothing. I cried my eyes out. Nothing. I just want to know if my pay slips will be counted as my experience or my work is going to be wasted, and if I can get another job after absconding. No one's helping me so far, so I don't see the clean exit as an option here. I don't have that much money on me to pay off the bond. Any help?
From India, Pune
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Dear ID,
It is unfortunate that whatever is happening with you. Nevertheless, absconding is not a solution. On the contrary, it will only lend credibility to whatever she has been doing.
Before giving any solution, you need to tell us about the evidence that you have for the workplace harassment. You have approached your Manager and HR. What evidence do you have about your approach?
Write a letter to the Head HR about your grievance not being redressed. If nothing works, then litigation is the final solution.
Thanks,
Dinesh Divekar
From India, Bangalore
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8218It is unfortunate that whatever is happening with you. Nevertheless, absconding is not a solution. On the contrary, it will only lend credibility to whatever she has been doing.
Before giving any solution, you need to tell us about the evidence that you have for the workplace harassment. You have approached your Manager and HR. What evidence do you have about your approach?
Write a letter to the Head HR about your grievance not being redressed. If nothing works, then litigation is the final solution.
Thanks,
Dinesh Divekar
From India, Bangalore
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IT companies are backed by a lot of money and political influence. As employees, most of us have faced similar situations. Please try to find a good human rights lawyer who will know how to handle your situation.
From India, Chennai
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From India, Chennai
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Hi ID,
I don't have a solution, but I would like to put across a few questions and share my thoughts based on which you may arrive at your own way forward.
1. Does the boss behave in a similar manner with anyone who is competent to do his/her job, or is she rude only to you? It seems her behavior is driven by an inferiority complex. If it is a pattern with other subordinates as well, stay away from her. Anyway, you don't have anything to learn from associating closely with this person.
2. Is this a family-owned business in which the said person has high stakes? If yes, there is no point countering her or taking up the matter with the higher authorities. It won't be a level playing field. Tone yourselves down and swiftly look for jobs elsewhere. Which industry is this? What is your functional area? Do you find opportunities around? Does the organization already have a bad reputation?
3. Is this your first job? If so, the eight-month stint with an organization of that sort won't really help much in your career. Once you have an offer, serve a one-month notice, ask for your experience letter and pending salary (they will probably hold back your salary once you serve the notice). If they don't budge, serve a legal notice, and they will fall in line. The legal validity of the bond is questionable, and I don't think they will pursue it. Document the kind of training they provided. Probably, they haven't done much. A learning organization will certainly not have a boss of the sort mentioned in your mail. Since you have already resigned, you may even offer to stay back for an additional month to ensure a smooth transfer of responsibilities. If you haven't found another job yet, start searching aggressively. Absconding without a job in hand will make you look like a loser. Be bold; you should be the winner!
Thanks,
Robin
From India, Kochi
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I don't have a solution, but I would like to put across a few questions and share my thoughts based on which you may arrive at your own way forward.
1. Does the boss behave in a similar manner with anyone who is competent to do his/her job, or is she rude only to you? It seems her behavior is driven by an inferiority complex. If it is a pattern with other subordinates as well, stay away from her. Anyway, you don't have anything to learn from associating closely with this person.
2. Is this a family-owned business in which the said person has high stakes? If yes, there is no point countering her or taking up the matter with the higher authorities. It won't be a level playing field. Tone yourselves down and swiftly look for jobs elsewhere. Which industry is this? What is your functional area? Do you find opportunities around? Does the organization already have a bad reputation?
3. Is this your first job? If so, the eight-month stint with an organization of that sort won't really help much in your career. Once you have an offer, serve a one-month notice, ask for your experience letter and pending salary (they will probably hold back your salary once you serve the notice). If they don't budge, serve a legal notice, and they will fall in line. The legal validity of the bond is questionable, and I don't think they will pursue it. Document the kind of training they provided. Probably, they haven't done much. A learning organization will certainly not have a boss of the sort mentioned in your mail. Since you have already resigned, you may even offer to stay back for an additional month to ensure a smooth transfer of responsibilities. If you haven't found another job yet, start searching aggressively. Absconding without a job in hand will make you look like a loser. Be bold; you should be the winner!
Thanks,
Robin
From India, Kochi
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Hello,
Please provide your clarifications to the queries and remarks by Robin.
Before getting into what I wish to say, I am with all the members that absconding is not the solution. While you may manage to run away/exit from this issue/problem, you are giving scope for other more long-term problems.
There would be a lot of variations and nuances between situations—so your conclusion "Talking to the manager" is the panacea for all evils would surely put you into more trouble, rather than solving your problem. While "Talking to the manager" is surely the best bet in general, you also need to focus on the 'how' and 'when' parts, which depend on other factors.
Like Robin mentioned, if this is a business of a family or close friends [where your lead has a high stake], the 'when' part doesn't even exist in your case.
Based on what you mentioned, this does seem to be a situation of inferiority complex with your lead [I concur with Robin]—usually such people tend to 'feel' threatened by those who are better/smarter than him/her, especially when the one who is better is in a place/position to highlight the comparison aspect glaringly [which you are]. And if they do indeed have some power [in your case, she's your boss], they don't hesitate to use it adversely. But like I usually say—what she says or does is not in your hands; what's in your hands is how you respond—that's all. Nothing more, nothing less.
Further to what Robin has asked, please also confirm the following aspects/points also:
1) How big is this company?
Based on what you mentioned, it seems that you don't have any job for now and you need to begin to hunt around. If that is right, then suggest breaking your issue into two parts.
For any IT guy, the more the gap between jobs, the more the chances of losing touch with the skills. So—
A) Take back your resignation—don't go on an ego trip for now at least. Even if you are not given any work, don't crib. Just go along with the tide. If your lead thinks that she had you controlled, let her make her own set of assumptions.
B) Begin to participate in freelancing sites—there are many in the West who look for coders to do work at lower cost to them. I see quite a few Indians participate in such forums—this ensures you keep in touch with your skills and also earn nominally. The danger in this direction is that one 'tends' to get greedy after a few successes—if you know what I mean.
C) A couple of months before your bond is set to expire/complete, begin to look for opportunities. I am sure you would get what you want. But don't make the mistake of committing that you can join ASAP—match it with your bond period. Also, some companies have the notice period after the bond completes—better check out this aspect at that stage. Else, they extend the bond period.
Any further suggestions can be given only after you give better clarity on the queries.
AND, a word of advice for you. Looks like your nature is that you don't like to take any nonsense lying down—you tend to give it back without thinking twice.
Nothing wrong per se in this—except that one needs to learn to handle people like your lead without blowing your top. That's experience—if you don't, then chances are that as you grow up the corporate ladder, this very trait that can be a plus sometimes will also begin to be a drawback in your growth. Hope you get the point.
All the best.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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Please provide your clarifications to the queries and remarks by Robin.
Before getting into what I wish to say, I am with all the members that absconding is not the solution. While you may manage to run away/exit from this issue/problem, you are giving scope for other more long-term problems.
There would be a lot of variations and nuances between situations—so your conclusion "Talking to the manager" is the panacea for all evils would surely put you into more trouble, rather than solving your problem. While "Talking to the manager" is surely the best bet in general, you also need to focus on the 'how' and 'when' parts, which depend on other factors.
Like Robin mentioned, if this is a business of a family or close friends [where your lead has a high stake], the 'when' part doesn't even exist in your case.
Based on what you mentioned, this does seem to be a situation of inferiority complex with your lead [I concur with Robin]—usually such people tend to 'feel' threatened by those who are better/smarter than him/her, especially when the one who is better is in a place/position to highlight the comparison aspect glaringly [which you are]. And if they do indeed have some power [in your case, she's your boss], they don't hesitate to use it adversely. But like I usually say—what she says or does is not in your hands; what's in your hands is how you respond—that's all. Nothing more, nothing less.
Further to what Robin has asked, please also confirm the following aspects/points also:
1) How big is this company?
Based on what you mentioned, it seems that you don't have any job for now and you need to begin to hunt around. If that is right, then suggest breaking your issue into two parts.
For any IT guy, the more the gap between jobs, the more the chances of losing touch with the skills. So—
A) Take back your resignation—don't go on an ego trip for now at least. Even if you are not given any work, don't crib. Just go along with the tide. If your lead thinks that she had you controlled, let her make her own set of assumptions.
B) Begin to participate in freelancing sites—there are many in the West who look for coders to do work at lower cost to them. I see quite a few Indians participate in such forums—this ensures you keep in touch with your skills and also earn nominally. The danger in this direction is that one 'tends' to get greedy after a few successes—if you know what I mean.
C) A couple of months before your bond is set to expire/complete, begin to look for opportunities. I am sure you would get what you want. But don't make the mistake of committing that you can join ASAP—match it with your bond period. Also, some companies have the notice period after the bond completes—better check out this aspect at that stage. Else, they extend the bond period.
Any further suggestions can be given only after you give better clarity on the queries.
AND, a word of advice for you. Looks like your nature is that you don't like to take any nonsense lying down—you tend to give it back without thinking twice.
Nothing wrong per se in this—except that one needs to learn to handle people like your lead without blowing your top. That's experience—if you don't, then chances are that as you grow up the corporate ladder, this very trait that can be a plus sometimes will also begin to be a drawback in your growth. Hope you get the point.
All the best.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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Well, I will say this.
"One needs to be diplomatic in dealing with people and one should not play with fire (i.e. power)."
Go back to your previous firm, talk to that lady, make her think that she won over you, she controlled you. Now and then disturb her with little questions, even though you know everything. Make her think that you are less intelligent than her. Complement her among the crowd. If possible, do help her in personal chores. Try finding out another job and get out of the hell. But remember you will encounter such people everywhere.
Brother, it is tough to implement the above tips, but you have to do it.
From India, Kolkata
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"One needs to be diplomatic in dealing with people and one should not play with fire (i.e. power)."
Go back to your previous firm, talk to that lady, make her think that she won over you, she controlled you. Now and then disturb her with little questions, even though you know everything. Make her think that you are less intelligent than her. Complement her among the crowd. If possible, do help her in personal chores. Try finding out another job and get out of the hell. But remember you will encounter such people everywhere.
Brother, it is tough to implement the above tips, but you have to do it.
From India, Kolkata
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Add on to the above, also consider before absconding, please take time to think, "Are you running away from the person, or with the company, or situation?"
What is your step when the same thing happens in your 2nd company also? Will you again abscond or face it? We have to prepare ourselves to face anything in life that is a challenge, but giving up is not the right thing.
Please think dear.
Regards, NVN
From India , Hyderabad
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What is your step when the same thing happens in your 2nd company also? Will you again abscond or face it? We have to prepare ourselves to face anything in life that is a challenge, but giving up is not the right thing.
Please think dear.
Regards, NVN
From India , Hyderabad
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