Dear All Friends,
Two months ago, I joined a 15-year-old real estate company as a Manager in HR. I am 30 years old. Currently, I report to 5-6 senior individuals who are all very abusive and unprofessional. They frequently use derogatory language like "Maa aur Behen." Coming from a highly respected family, I find it difficult to tolerate such abusive language. I am unsure whether I should leave this job or continue. I feel upset because my previous organization was significantly larger and more professional. Please advise me on what to do in this situation at your earliest convenience.
ESSKAY
From India, New+Delhi
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1Two months ago, I joined a 15-year-old real estate company as a Manager in HR. I am 30 years old. Currently, I report to 5-6 senior individuals who are all very abusive and unprofessional. They frequently use derogatory language like "Maa aur Behen." Coming from a highly respected family, I find it difficult to tolerate such abusive language. I am unsure whether I should leave this job or continue. I feel upset because my previous organization was significantly larger and more professional. Please advise me on what to do in this situation at your earliest convenience.
ESSKAY
From India, New+Delhi
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Dear Sunil Kumar,
If this is what they have been doing all along, then changing them would be quite difficult. Remember the proverb "The leopard cannot change its spots."
You can put off foul language from 1-2 persons but not from 5-6. Ok...
Dinesh V Divekar
From India, Bangalore
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If this is what they have been doing all along, then changing them would be quite difficult. Remember the proverb "The leopard cannot change its spots."
You can put off foul language from 1-2 persons but not from 5-6. Ok...
Dinesh V Divekar
From India, Bangalore
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Hi, I think you should continue, dear. Don't leave the job. You can change their language by your attitude and politeness. Just give them more and more respect. It's necessary for an HR manager to work with non-professionals as well. If you work with highly professionals only, how will you learn the psyche of non-professionals? Learn, analyze, change, and observe change. How you accommodate yourself with non-professionals is the real exam of your study, isn't it?
Email: rajrishi_rathore@yahoo.co.in
From India, Udaipur
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Email: rajrishi_rathore@yahoo.co.in
From India, Udaipur
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Please start looking for a new job. The people are educated but abusive individuals. If you have not experienced this culture in the past, it will be very difficult to adjust. If you still want to stick around, then make it a point to inform the people above you that you prefer a professional approach.
All the best
From India, Mumbai
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All the best
From India, Mumbai
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No one should put up with abusive language. My sincere advice, look for a job and quit! -SG
From United States, Woodinville
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From United States, Woodinville
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Dear Sunil Kumar,
I suggest that you kindly remove your phone number and email ID, and also do not use your real full name as even your bosses could be accessing this site, and you could get into trouble.
There is an old English saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but rude words do not hurt me." As Dinesh Divekar has aptly said, it's not easy for you to change their lifelong habits. They may not even be aware that they are being abusive. Maybe once you gain their confidence, you could ask one of them what they mean by those words. For example, I had a colleague who would say "f---ing this" and "f---ing that" even for inert objects until the female secretary arrived, and then switch to "bloody" instead of the f-word. He would then switch back to the f-word once she left the office.
Whether they will try to change or not will depend on whether they want you more than you want their job.
I take this opportunity to wish all at CiteHR a healthy, happy, and successful 2010.
Simhan
A retired academic in the UK
From United Kingdom
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I suggest that you kindly remove your phone number and email ID, and also do not use your real full name as even your bosses could be accessing this site, and you could get into trouble.
There is an old English saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but rude words do not hurt me." As Dinesh Divekar has aptly said, it's not easy for you to change their lifelong habits. They may not even be aware that they are being abusive. Maybe once you gain their confidence, you could ask one of them what they mean by those words. For example, I had a colleague who would say "f---ing this" and "f---ing that" even for inert objects until the female secretary arrived, and then switch to "bloody" instead of the f-word. He would then switch back to the f-word once she left the office.
Whether they will try to change or not will depend on whether they want you more than you want their job.
I take this opportunity to wish all at CiteHR a healthy, happy, and successful 2010.
Simhan
A retired academic in the UK
From United Kingdom
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If you are badly in need of a job, then tolerate and get used to this. The more you tolerate, the more they continue to use this, and you become more accustomed to it. If you are confident about a job, then only should you attempt to make changes. However, there is also a risk involved. When you already have a job and try to make changes, these individuals may not provide you with a proper relieving order. Ultimately, it all depends on your need for the job.
Sivasankaran
From India, Chennai
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Sivasankaran
From India, Chennai
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Dear Sunil,
The situation is difficult, and the easy way out is to look for a new job. But the job market being what it is, I would suggest the following:
1. First and foremost, never put up with such nonsense. They may be seniors, but once the level of interaction descends to a level beyond tolerance, put your foot down and tell them to mind their language. These words are often said without meaning what they imply but are only a natural expression for such people. Even a frown on your face is sufficient for the other person. However, never smile or adopt a "take it easy" attitude. During union discussions, many times somebody tries to use abusive language or make wild allegations. The best way is to cut it short at that point and steer the conversation back to a decent level.
2. Gently inform such individuals that using abusive language can amount to making sexually colored remarks and could get them into trouble.
3. You can stress the importance of using appropriate language during general discussions among colleagues.
4. Be on the lookout for instances where the situation worsened due to the use of abusive language. Highlight the negative impact of such language through these examples.
5. Based on your description, it seems there are no female employees present. Research has shown that the presence of female executives can have a moderating influence on the language used in the workplace.
6. The last resort, which I do not advocate, but has been effective for some colleagues, is to respond with equally harsh or more abusive language. A milder approach could be to warn such individuals that you are also capable of using strong language if they persist.
In any case, implementing a cultural shift towards using more temperate language in your organization will require time and effort. You might be the best person to lead this change.
Regards,
KK
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The situation is difficult, and the easy way out is to look for a new job. But the job market being what it is, I would suggest the following:
1. First and foremost, never put up with such nonsense. They may be seniors, but once the level of interaction descends to a level beyond tolerance, put your foot down and tell them to mind their language. These words are often said without meaning what they imply but are only a natural expression for such people. Even a frown on your face is sufficient for the other person. However, never smile or adopt a "take it easy" attitude. During union discussions, many times somebody tries to use abusive language or make wild allegations. The best way is to cut it short at that point and steer the conversation back to a decent level.
2. Gently inform such individuals that using abusive language can amount to making sexually colored remarks and could get them into trouble.
3. You can stress the importance of using appropriate language during general discussions among colleagues.
4. Be on the lookout for instances where the situation worsened due to the use of abusive language. Highlight the negative impact of such language through these examples.
5. Based on your description, it seems there are no female employees present. Research has shown that the presence of female executives can have a moderating influence on the language used in the workplace.
6. The last resort, which I do not advocate, but has been effective for some colleagues, is to respond with equally harsh or more abusive language. A milder approach could be to warn such individuals that you are also capable of using strong language if they persist.
In any case, implementing a cultural shift towards using more temperate language in your organization will require time and effort. You might be the best person to lead this change.
Regards,
KK
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Hi Sunil, This is no reason to quit a decent job..you might get such people everywhere..just ignore such things and be involved in your work..that will help! Good Luck!
From India, Jaipur
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From India, Jaipur
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Hi Sunil,
If these seniors are the owners or employees, how come you report to 5 seniors? You have gotten into the wrong company. Using bad language in general is a behavioral trait, and some people use it to show that they are smart and bold. However, if they use it in a friendly manner, tell them clearly that you don't like it. If it is work-related, then these people are just trying to put you down. In such a case, as suggested earlier by one of our colleagues, you should also use the same approach and start using the best language you can, which they are not comfortable with. Use some punch lines to make them realize that they are not the center of the world. If they say MC BC, you can jokingly respond with, "I do not have time for your request." Next time, they will think twice before using such language towards anybody.
Finally, in case they are employers, then you have to consider a change, or try to change them. You are a manager; be proud of this and your abilities. Life is not as simple as we think. Some people are really bad and always try to put others down. Some people think they will not die, so they try to rule over others. Anyway, seniors can go to hell. If you want to live, do it on your own terms. If you decide to leave that organization, make sure to make their lives miserable until you are in that company, and they should not forget you for their entire life. If you have to go, go with dignity. If you want to live, live with respect.
From India, Mumbai
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If these seniors are the owners or employees, how come you report to 5 seniors? You have gotten into the wrong company. Using bad language in general is a behavioral trait, and some people use it to show that they are smart and bold. However, if they use it in a friendly manner, tell them clearly that you don't like it. If it is work-related, then these people are just trying to put you down. In such a case, as suggested earlier by one of our colleagues, you should also use the same approach and start using the best language you can, which they are not comfortable with. Use some punch lines to make them realize that they are not the center of the world. If they say MC BC, you can jokingly respond with, "I do not have time for your request." Next time, they will think twice before using such language towards anybody.
Finally, in case they are employers, then you have to consider a change, or try to change them. You are a manager; be proud of this and your abilities. Life is not as simple as we think. Some people are really bad and always try to put others down. Some people think they will not die, so they try to rule over others. Anyway, seniors can go to hell. If you want to live, do it on your own terms. If you decide to leave that organization, make sure to make their lives miserable until you are in that company, and they should not forget you for their entire life. If you have to go, go with dignity. If you want to live, live with respect.
From India, Mumbai
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