Hello Members,
I recently had to travel to my native place for my cousin's wedding. As it is the festive season in Kerala, the travel crowd is very large during this time. People from all corners of the country travel to this paradise for the Onam Season.
We returned on Sunday and had to rush to the railway station as we were already late. It was just my dad, mom, and myself returning from my native place. We somehow managed to get tickets in the morning reservation, and when the train arrived...
My dad and I were holding the luggage and searching for space. It was crowded, and we kept walking from one compartment to the other in search of a place. Finally, we came to a compartment and saw a lady neatly lying down with her hands and legs stretched out, sleeping. Her husband was sitting next to her, and there was little space to his left. When he saw us coming, he occupied that space by keeping his bag. I was so angry at this act and asked him to move a bit so that my mom or dad could sit. I could not bear to see my mom and dad standing for a long time. He argued with me, stating that he had reserved the entire seat for himself and did not want to wake his wife up. I got even angrier and asked him, "Nothing will hurt you if you give some space for my mother to sit!" in a very angry tone. I asked my mom to sit there for a while until I searched for another place. Meanwhile, my dad adjusted to stand near another seat, and I was worried to see them both struggling. An elderly person near this couple's place got up and offered his seat to me. I felt bad and told him I could stand, but he moved a bit in front and gave me a little place to sit. He said, "Daughter, don't hurt your feet. Moreover, people walking to and fro may have intentions to simply disturb you. Please sit." He and his wife offered me a little place. I was moved. I was still angry with the couple...
After a while, when the couple moved out, the elderly parents also got off the train, and I learned that the lady had recently undergone brain tumor surgery, and her whole left side of the body was paralyzed. Her husband did not want to keep telling every single person that his wife was sick as she cried each time anyone looked at her with sympathy.
The elderly parents who gave me space to sit were none other than this lady's parents.
Tears were running out of my eyes.
After all, I could have kept quiet by not hurting them or staring so hard at them. If I had been calm, I would have observed things around and noticed a wheelchair folded next to the seat.
Sometimes in life, we misunderstand people because they are silent about their pain. They don't tell us, so it tends to make people take them for granted, like how I did.
At work too, if someone is upset, silent, or behaving differently, let's wait to find the real reason before we shout at them or make them feel more miserable.
I felt ashamed. The whole journey, I was thinking about "What would life be like if you couldn't feel one side of your body... and what a loving husband. He did not want anyone to know that his wife was sick, so protective, so loving. And the aged parents... how loving they were to someone who got angry at their sick daughter?"
I felt like I received a slap on my face by their act of love and kindness, and I felt that no materialistic gift can compare to the love of that husband for his wife. The best part was she was asleep, not knowing how much her husband cares for her.
Dear all... This Onam is different for me. Happy Onam to you all and wish you a prosperous year ahead!
From India, Madras
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57I recently had to travel to my native place for my cousin's wedding. As it is the festive season in Kerala, the travel crowd is very large during this time. People from all corners of the country travel to this paradise for the Onam Season.
We returned on Sunday and had to rush to the railway station as we were already late. It was just my dad, mom, and myself returning from my native place. We somehow managed to get tickets in the morning reservation, and when the train arrived...
My dad and I were holding the luggage and searching for space. It was crowded, and we kept walking from one compartment to the other in search of a place. Finally, we came to a compartment and saw a lady neatly lying down with her hands and legs stretched out, sleeping. Her husband was sitting next to her, and there was little space to his left. When he saw us coming, he occupied that space by keeping his bag. I was so angry at this act and asked him to move a bit so that my mom or dad could sit. I could not bear to see my mom and dad standing for a long time. He argued with me, stating that he had reserved the entire seat for himself and did not want to wake his wife up. I got even angrier and asked him, "Nothing will hurt you if you give some space for my mother to sit!" in a very angry tone. I asked my mom to sit there for a while until I searched for another place. Meanwhile, my dad adjusted to stand near another seat, and I was worried to see them both struggling. An elderly person near this couple's place got up and offered his seat to me. I felt bad and told him I could stand, but he moved a bit in front and gave me a little place to sit. He said, "Daughter, don't hurt your feet. Moreover, people walking to and fro may have intentions to simply disturb you. Please sit." He and his wife offered me a little place. I was moved. I was still angry with the couple...
After a while, when the couple moved out, the elderly parents also got off the train, and I learned that the lady had recently undergone brain tumor surgery, and her whole left side of the body was paralyzed. Her husband did not want to keep telling every single person that his wife was sick as she cried each time anyone looked at her with sympathy.
The elderly parents who gave me space to sit were none other than this lady's parents.
Tears were running out of my eyes.
After all, I could have kept quiet by not hurting them or staring so hard at them. If I had been calm, I would have observed things around and noticed a wheelchair folded next to the seat.
Sometimes in life, we misunderstand people because they are silent about their pain. They don't tell us, so it tends to make people take them for granted, like how I did.
At work too, if someone is upset, silent, or behaving differently, let's wait to find the real reason before we shout at them or make them feel more miserable.
I felt ashamed. The whole journey, I was thinking about "What would life be like if you couldn't feel one side of your body... and what a loving husband. He did not want anyone to know that his wife was sick, so protective, so loving. And the aged parents... how loving they were to someone who got angry at their sick daughter?"
I felt like I received a slap on my face by their act of love and kindness, and I felt that no materialistic gift can compare to the love of that husband for his wife. The best part was she was asleep, not knowing how much her husband cares for her.
Dear all... This Onam is different for me. Happy Onam to you all and wish you a prosperous year ahead!
From India, Madras
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Hi Ash, The true characterisctics of a person lies in realising his/her mistakes. Though you did inadvertently a mistake, you realised and felt. I appreciate your gesture.
From India, Lucknow
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From India, Lucknow
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Thank you, Ponraj.
This incident made me think about how I should approach someone and not expect pain to be written on someone's face to show some kind gesture. Otherwise, there is no difference between an animal and a human being.
From India, Madras
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This incident made me think about how I should approach someone and not expect pain to be written on someone's face to show some kind gesture. Otherwise, there is no difference between an animal and a human being.
From India, Madras
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Dear Asha,
Hats off to you. A really touching incident, and thank you for posting it here. This reminds me of a saying in Kannada, "Pratyakshisidaroo pramaNisi nODu". It means even if you witness something, ask the person to take an oath. Instead of getting angry, had you asked why he had to reserve so many seats for his wife to sleep, he might have answered.
Thanks for having the courage to publicize your experience. I hope many members read this post and learn how not to react, even mentally.
Have a nice day.
Simhan
A retired academic in the UK.
"It is never too late to learn or improve oneself."
From United Kingdom
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Hats off to you. A really touching incident, and thank you for posting it here. This reminds me of a saying in Kannada, "Pratyakshisidaroo pramaNisi nODu". It means even if you witness something, ask the person to take an oath. Instead of getting angry, had you asked why he had to reserve so many seats for his wife to sleep, he might have answered.
Thanks for having the courage to publicize your experience. I hope many members read this post and learn how not to react, even mentally.
Have a nice day.
Simhan
A retired academic in the UK.
"It is never too late to learn or improve oneself."
From United Kingdom
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Hi, This was indeed a heart touching story and even more when you realized that you did wrong to them. But didn’t get the point of posting it in the HRM section!!! Regards
From India, Delhi
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From India, Delhi
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Thank you for raising this question, Ditti. HRM stands for "Human Resource Management." What better HR professional can I be if I am not able to perceive the core of reasoning behind why a person behaves entirely differently in a particular situation?
HR is at least one of those fields where you get to apply your day-to-day learning through human interaction at work. After all, the better an HR professional is at listening and understanding, the more open employees are in sharing their views.
Had I been calm, I would have observed things around me and noticed a wheelchair next to the seat. A calm mind matters a lot, both at work and in managing human resources.
Once again, thank you for the question so I could clarify.
From India, Madras
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HR is at least one of those fields where you get to apply your day-to-day learning through human interaction at work. After all, the better an HR professional is at listening and understanding, the more open employees are in sharing their views.
Had I been calm, I would have observed things around me and noticed a wheelchair next to the seat. A calm mind matters a lot, both at work and in managing human resources.
Once again, thank you for the question so I could clarify.
From India, Madras
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Dear Asha Mathew,
First of all, Happy Onam to you and your family. Rest assured, not only next year, but every year in your life should be more and more prosperous. It is evident from your post that you have an innocent heart, a pious attitude, and, most of all, a fair intent. It is clear that you not only care for your near and dear ones, but you are also a good learner through each experience (which, in turn, becomes a value addition due to your positive learning vibes). May I add one more line - the person who learns to mature from experience is much more learned than one who boasts about materialistic bookish knowledge. You belong to the former category. God bless you. All the best, and once again, Happy Onam to you and all.
From India, Delhi
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First of all, Happy Onam to you and your family. Rest assured, not only next year, but every year in your life should be more and more prosperous. It is evident from your post that you have an innocent heart, a pious attitude, and, most of all, a fair intent. It is clear that you not only care for your near and dear ones, but you are also a good learner through each experience (which, in turn, becomes a value addition due to your positive learning vibes). May I add one more line - the person who learns to mature from experience is much more learned than one who boasts about materialistic bookish knowledge. You belong to the former category. God bless you. All the best, and once again, Happy Onam to you and all.
From India, Delhi
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Hi Asha Mathew, I forget to add one line "I AM FORTUNATE TO HAVE A FRIEND LIKE YOU - GOD BLESS"
From India, Delhi
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From India, Delhi
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I think managing Human Resources starts from managing oneself. I believe life incidents (like that Ash shared) are great learning lessons, more significant than what we learn from textbooks. It's all about managing situations, emotions, and learning to empathize - so much a part of HRM.
Regards,
Shijit.
From India, Kochi
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Regards,
Shijit.
From India, Kochi
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