Dear Pradeepa and others,
This is a very serious problem, and I am glad you have put it on record for everyone to consider how best to combat it.
However, I cannot help thinking that a 24/7 relationship like the one you have described would have the most adverse effects on each participant's work - how can you concentrate on work when your mind is constantly wandering to other non-work issues?
Also, the more public such an 'affair' becomes, it starts sending wrong messages to other colleagues and encourages them to follow the same example - utterly damaging work relationships and eventually harming the organization itself because work suffers considerably by such behavior .... not to mention the suffering of innocent members of the participants' immediate family when such extra-marital relationships develop.
Perhaps HR could counsel such participants tactfully and also spread the word around that such relationships are highly damaging to everyone and should be avoided at all costs. Comments from colleagues on this suggestion?
Jeroo
From India, Mumbai
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7This is a very serious problem, and I am glad you have put it on record for everyone to consider how best to combat it.
However, I cannot help thinking that a 24/7 relationship like the one you have described would have the most adverse effects on each participant's work - how can you concentrate on work when your mind is constantly wandering to other non-work issues?
Also, the more public such an 'affair' becomes, it starts sending wrong messages to other colleagues and encourages them to follow the same example - utterly damaging work relationships and eventually harming the organization itself because work suffers considerably by such behavior .... not to mention the suffering of innocent members of the participants' immediate family when such extra-marital relationships develop.
Perhaps HR could counsel such participants tactfully and also spread the word around that such relationships are highly damaging to everyone and should be avoided at all costs. Comments from colleagues on this suggestion?
Jeroo
From India, Mumbai
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Fantastic article, Pradepa. Very well-written and makes a lot of common sense. I think HR in organizations should address this issue in a more systematic way. Maybe begin a forum to start with.
Thanks again.
Anup Soans
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Thanks again.
Anup Soans
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Hi Pradeepa,
I am sure that your message will reach all people employed in corporates, especially BPOs and IT firms. A similar kind of affair is going on in my current organization as well. One of our Project Managers, who is married with one child, has an affair with his team member. After knowing this, his wife used to come to our office weeping, but this man had no heart for her. He asked her to leave the house and stay with her parents. After the management came to know of this, they fired him. He's currently working in Bangalore.
I appreciate the management for having taken such a good decision. He was a very good resource, but if we hadn't taken any decision, he could have done more damage to others around.
From India, Kochi
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I am sure that your message will reach all people employed in corporates, especially BPOs and IT firms. A similar kind of affair is going on in my current organization as well. One of our Project Managers, who is married with one child, has an affair with his team member. After knowing this, his wife used to come to our office weeping, but this man had no heart for her. He asked her to leave the house and stay with her parents. After the management came to know of this, they fired him. He's currently working in Bangalore.
I appreciate the management for having taken such a good decision. He was a very good resource, but if we hadn't taken any decision, he could have done more damage to others around.
From India, Kochi
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Hi Pradeepa, yr article on extra-marital affairs with colleagues is a thought provoking.one. Nowadays culture has gone down.Everyone should have moral values.Regards. Anukrish
From India, Hyderabad
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From India, Hyderabad
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Dear Pradeepa,
Quite an interesting and relevant discussion. What you have described is absolutely right. We are reading the likes of Neethatri Hatyakand, Susairaj/Grover murder case, Hyderabad, Bangalore tragedies every day in National and Local dailies. This has started happening in well-educated middle-class aspiring families. This is bound to happen, as we have forgotten the "Ekanta" and self-introspection in the daily speed of life. Added to that, the media is playing havoc where serials full of Murder, Property disputes, Double Games, Extra Marital Relations, Family Discords, etc., are shown in plenty and are being watched by Three generations together in most of the houses, over dinner day after days.
In one of his verses, Samartha Ramdas has said "Ramarupi Antaratma darshane Dosha Nasati," which means If we see the Atmaram or the Divya Tatva in ourselves in the form of Rama or for that matter in any other form, it will burn all our Doshas and will always keep us on the righteous path. But today, to talk like this amongst colleagues, who would like to spend the evenings in Discotheques and Bars, has also become a matter of Joke. We need to give ourselves at least 30 minutes of undisturbed Ekanta to be with ourselves and experience the power of "NOW," i.e., that very moment, as explained by Eckhart Tolle in his book 'The Power Of Now.' It will take us beyond happiness and sorrow as we will experience 'the Joy of Being' by witnessing "Conscious Presence." We shall transcend the mind and time continuum, which are the 'Bandhanas' we are all entangled in. This is the only Salvation or Freedom from Today's Societal ills and Evils. If Practiced collectively like in the Churches or in the Kirtans/Pravachanas, it may have a better and faster effect to correct the Collective Shoka and Dukkha.
Hope you agree with me.
Thanks,
P.R. Joshi
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Quite an interesting and relevant discussion. What you have described is absolutely right. We are reading the likes of Neethatri Hatyakand, Susairaj/Grover murder case, Hyderabad, Bangalore tragedies every day in National and Local dailies. This has started happening in well-educated middle-class aspiring families. This is bound to happen, as we have forgotten the "Ekanta" and self-introspection in the daily speed of life. Added to that, the media is playing havoc where serials full of Murder, Property disputes, Double Games, Extra Marital Relations, Family Discords, etc., are shown in plenty and are being watched by Three generations together in most of the houses, over dinner day after days.
In one of his verses, Samartha Ramdas has said "Ramarupi Antaratma darshane Dosha Nasati," which means If we see the Atmaram or the Divya Tatva in ourselves in the form of Rama or for that matter in any other form, it will burn all our Doshas and will always keep us on the righteous path. But today, to talk like this amongst colleagues, who would like to spend the evenings in Discotheques and Bars, has also become a matter of Joke. We need to give ourselves at least 30 minutes of undisturbed Ekanta to be with ourselves and experience the power of "NOW," i.e., that very moment, as explained by Eckhart Tolle in his book 'The Power Of Now.' It will take us beyond happiness and sorrow as we will experience 'the Joy of Being' by witnessing "Conscious Presence." We shall transcend the mind and time continuum, which are the 'Bandhanas' we are all entangled in. This is the only Salvation or Freedom from Today's Societal ills and Evils. If Practiced collectively like in the Churches or in the Kirtans/Pravachanas, it may have a better and faster effect to correct the Collective Shoka and Dukkha.
Hope you agree with me.
Thanks,
P.R. Joshi
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Pradeepa,
It is a well-written initiative. I feel management has a social responsibility in this issue. It is the organization that brings both sexes together at work. Hence, it is necessary to maintain the workplace at a professional level.
a) No hideouts within the office.
b) Encourage meetings/discussions only in conference rooms.
c) Counsel chatting/roaming individuals.
d) Family socializing during functions.
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It is a well-written initiative. I feel management has a social responsibility in this issue. It is the organization that brings both sexes together at work. Hence, it is necessary to maintain the workplace at a professional level.
a) No hideouts within the office.
b) Encourage meetings/discussions only in conference rooms.
c) Counsel chatting/roaming individuals.
d) Family socializing during functions.
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Dear Pradeepa,
Very nice article. When a marriage hits rock bottom, it's not only the partners but also the kids who have to undergo an emotional wreck. Since these issues are not addressed, many people don't know how to deal with this. As a psychologist, many people come to me with the same issues. There are people who do not know where to draw limits; there are others who fall for emotional blackmail. I think that these issues should be addressed and even brought into HR policies.
Cheers to Pradeepa.
Dhannya
From India, Alappuzha
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Very nice article. When a marriage hits rock bottom, it's not only the partners but also the kids who have to undergo an emotional wreck. Since these issues are not addressed, many people don't know how to deal with this. As a psychologist, many people come to me with the same issues. There are people who do not know where to draw limits; there are others who fall for emotional blackmail. I think that these issues should be addressed and even brought into HR policies.
Cheers to Pradeepa.
Dhannya
From India, Alappuzha
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Hi Pradeepa sounds pessimistic. Who flirts with whom is not a matter of concern; an individual who wants to talk about him/herself would start a conversation. To what extent it is taken and understood depends upon those involved. Having a healthy and jovial discussion cannot be termed as flirtatious; any guy or girl appreciating someone's top or lower is not offensive. How you take a conversation and how you interpret matters most. Extra-marital affairs and relationships don't last long; loose talks and barbs cannot be stopped if we sit and ponder about who is talking about us and become conscious about ourselves; we would not enjoy working in any organization. Hence, Pradeepa's views are childish. Statutory warnings -- it's like sharing your gossips or probably her experience horribly gone wrong. We are grown-ups, and we know how and what to say and when - not dictated.
Regards,
Vijay
From India, New Delhi
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Regards,
Vijay
From India, New Delhi
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I am very surprised to read about such extramarital affairs building up in the office. I feel that every relationship, if kept within proper boundaries, would retain the sanctity it is supposed to exude.
I am presently working in the GCC in HR. Here, the incidence of extramarital affairs is low, probably due to the cultural differences in the business environments.
From Kuwait, Kuwait
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I am presently working in the GCC in HR. Here, the incidence of extramarital affairs is low, probably due to the cultural differences in the business environments.
From Kuwait, Kuwait
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