"I am sure you all are senior enough to understand the self-respect, and anyone trying to hurt that will definitely not be taken lightly."
Most of the posters are senior enough to understand the real meaning of self-respect. That is the reason for the sane and well-thought-out advice of giving a strong reply to the accounts manager and copying other addresses who were in the loop of the email on the subject. That should be enough to clear the matter. But seeing the trend of replies, I will not add anything further on this topic.
From India, Pune
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3180Most of the posters are senior enough to understand the real meaning of self-respect. That is the reason for the sane and well-thought-out advice of giving a strong reply to the accounts manager and copying other addresses who were in the loop of the email on the subject. That should be enough to clear the matter. But seeing the trend of replies, I will not add anything further on this topic.
From India, Pune
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Dear friends,
It is revealing to see how infectious negative emotions are!
If allowed to stoke these flames, they will continue to increase in enormity and devastation.
In a nutshell;
A person posts seeking a solution to his dilemma.
Is he seeking only THOSE OPINIONS AND ADVICE which he has already made up his mind about?
Or, is he willing to at least CONSIDER opinions that may be CONTRADICTORY to his own?
If he only believes in what he is doing is CORRECT, then I think this is not a forum meant to give a pat on the shoulder and UP-VOTE ONLY HIS OWN DECISION!
If he is looking for Only LIKES, then there are other Social Media forums where anything one posts, one is REWARDED ONLY WITH LIKES!
Members here, and especially several senior members, give their TIME and EFFORTS voluntarily because they have the experience and passion to CONTRIBUTE.
One may LIKE or DISLIKE, agree or disagree with another's opinion, but PERSONAL ATTACKS are a STRICT NO-NO.
They also VIOLATE the Community Norms and Terms of Use.
One may sort out personal differences through Personal Messages. There is a PROVISION for it too, just like the site gives an option to remain "anonymous."
Bonhomie and personal courtesy are hallmarks of Professionals.
P.S.: I shall be CONSTRAINED to Close this thread in case the discussion DEGENERATES to continued personal attacks instead of a discussion on the Issue at hand.
Warm regards.
From India, Delhi
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It is revealing to see how infectious negative emotions are!
If allowed to stoke these flames, they will continue to increase in enormity and devastation.
In a nutshell;
A person posts seeking a solution to his dilemma.
Is he seeking only THOSE OPINIONS AND ADVICE which he has already made up his mind about?
Or, is he willing to at least CONSIDER opinions that may be CONTRADICTORY to his own?
If he only believes in what he is doing is CORRECT, then I think this is not a forum meant to give a pat on the shoulder and UP-VOTE ONLY HIS OWN DECISION!
If he is looking for Only LIKES, then there are other Social Media forums where anything one posts, one is REWARDED ONLY WITH LIKES!
Members here, and especially several senior members, give their TIME and EFFORTS voluntarily because they have the experience and passion to CONTRIBUTE.
One may LIKE or DISLIKE, agree or disagree with another's opinion, but PERSONAL ATTACKS are a STRICT NO-NO.
They also VIOLATE the Community Norms and Terms of Use.
One may sort out personal differences through Personal Messages. There is a PROVISION for it too, just like the site gives an option to remain "anonymous."
Bonhomie and personal courtesy are hallmarks of Professionals.
P.S.: I shall be CONSTRAINED to Close this thread in case the discussion DEGENERATES to continued personal attacks instead of a discussion on the Issue at hand.
Warm regards.
From India, Delhi
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Dear Sandeep,
As Mr. Nathrao has suggested, if you decide to go to court, be prepared for at least an 8-10-year long legal battle and a long and hefty bill from the lawyer! Tell me honestly... is it really worth it? Secondly, there is no guarantee that you will get justice because, remember, solicitors/lawyers can stab you in the back by colluding with the opposing party. I'm telling you this from my personal experience.
Next, do you think this Accounts Manager is an exception? Whichever organization you work for, you will find some such people. Where will you escape to? Once, my unit manager insulted me in front of clients to such an extent that the client intervened and told him that I should be considered a valuable asset by the organization. The client, being a top-ranking bureaucrat, silenced the manager of my CPSU. So, forget, forgive, and concentrate on your goals. I wish you all the best in your career!
From India, New Delhi
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As Mr. Nathrao has suggested, if you decide to go to court, be prepared for at least an 8-10-year long legal battle and a long and hefty bill from the lawyer! Tell me honestly... is it really worth it? Secondly, there is no guarantee that you will get justice because, remember, solicitors/lawyers can stab you in the back by colluding with the opposing party. I'm telling you this from my personal experience.
Next, do you think this Accounts Manager is an exception? Whichever organization you work for, you will find some such people. Where will you escape to? Once, my unit manager insulted me in front of clients to such an extent that the client intervened and told him that I should be considered a valuable asset by the organization. The client, being a top-ranking bureaucrat, silenced the manager of my CPSU. So, forget, forgive, and concentrate on your goals. I wish you all the best in your career!
From India, New Delhi
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All right, everyone. Thank you for all your valuable advice. I have forwarded the case to the HR team and senior management, and the result is that a warning has been issued to the account manager, who has sent me an apology email. This satisfies my ego now. The lesson I have learned is to fight for your rights, and you will achieve what you deserve. There may be many who will say no, but at least one will guide you in the right direction. I am thankful for the first response to the post, where the process was clarified instead of people choosing to become personal and using capitalized words to show their emotions.
Thanks, everyone.
From United Kingdom, Cambridge
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Thanks, everyone.
From United Kingdom, Cambridge
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Hello Sandeep Tiwari,
There's one line that's often spoken in Human Relations/Psychology: "What the other guy says or does is NOT in your hands; but what's in YOUR hands is how you respond/react to it".
How often have you not been in a situation where the house may be full of noise, but you focus on your studies as if you are alone [as a student]? The same applies to everyone at various phases of life, albeit with a change of situation and purpose.
All I can see in the situation you described is a case of ego hang-up and low self-esteem of your Account manager and NOTHING to do with your caliber.
And I think there's a bit of communication gap too between your Cluster manager and account manager--he SURELY should have been informed 'in-writing' about your travel, etc. Since that aspect in the whole discussion seems to have got missed out, this guy took offense. You were just the cog in the wheel, getting ground/affected.
While I MAY be wrong, are you sure there's nothing between both of them... is there any possibility of the Cluster manager using this to get even with the Account Manager for something else?
Like Raj Kumar succinctly put it, when your account Manager is already losing sleep, why do you want to lose yours too?
Now that your HR is in the loop, just get on with your work and answer whatever and whenever you are asked.
All the Best.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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There's one line that's often spoken in Human Relations/Psychology: "What the other guy says or does is NOT in your hands; but what's in YOUR hands is how you respond/react to it".
How often have you not been in a situation where the house may be full of noise, but you focus on your studies as if you are alone [as a student]? The same applies to everyone at various phases of life, albeit with a change of situation and purpose.
All I can see in the situation you described is a case of ego hang-up and low self-esteem of your Account manager and NOTHING to do with your caliber.
And I think there's a bit of communication gap too between your Cluster manager and account manager--he SURELY should have been informed 'in-writing' about your travel, etc. Since that aspect in the whole discussion seems to have got missed out, this guy took offense. You were just the cog in the wheel, getting ground/affected.
While I MAY be wrong, are you sure there's nothing between both of them... is there any possibility of the Cluster manager using this to get even with the Account Manager for something else?
Like Raj Kumar succinctly put it, when your account Manager is already losing sleep, why do you want to lose yours too?
Now that your HR is in the loop, just get on with your work and answer whatever and whenever you are asked.
All the Best.
Regards,
TS
From India, Hyderabad
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Dear Sandeep,
Thank you for keeping all concerned members informed about the recent developments and the Company's efforts to resolve the issue to your satisfaction. I am pleased to hear that a significant amount of resources, including time, money (lawyer's fees, etc.), and mental strain, have been saved.
I also appreciate your update stating, "This satisfies my ego now..."!!! The additional exclamation marks are for emphasis, and I hope they do not offend you, similar to the capital letters you mentioned.
Allow me to summarize and conclude our discussion. As many have rightly pointed out, this issue primarily pertains to your "ego" rather than "self-respect," as you have acknowledged. One member correctly highlighted the distinction between the two concepts.
Self-respect is not easily diminished by external factors such as insults or abuses. It is a personal attribute that can only be lost through one's own actions and choices. For instance, failing to uphold one's commitments or behaving in a manner inconsistent with personal values can lead to a loss of self-respect.
Insults directed at others reflect more on the person delivering them rather than the recipient. In the case of the Account Manager, his behavior revealed more about himself than about you.
It is commendable that you have recognized the value of the initial feedback. Other suggestions provided by different individuals essentially conveyed similar messages in varying ways.
I wholeheartedly agree with your sentiment that one should fight for their rights, but it is crucial to do so in a respectful and constructive manner. As the saying goes, "If a dog bites you, do not bite back with your teeth; instead, use a stick to defend yourself."
Please note that the above reflections are not intended to prejudge the other party's perspective, as we lack information about their side of the story or the content of the disputed email. It is conceivable that the Accounts Manager may have felt slighted for not being kept informed about a team member's whereabouts or activities, potentially leading to his actions.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Best regards,
[Your Name]
From India, Delhi
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Thank you for keeping all concerned members informed about the recent developments and the Company's efforts to resolve the issue to your satisfaction. I am pleased to hear that a significant amount of resources, including time, money (lawyer's fees, etc.), and mental strain, have been saved.
I also appreciate your update stating, "This satisfies my ego now..."!!! The additional exclamation marks are for emphasis, and I hope they do not offend you, similar to the capital letters you mentioned.
Allow me to summarize and conclude our discussion. As many have rightly pointed out, this issue primarily pertains to your "ego" rather than "self-respect," as you have acknowledged. One member correctly highlighted the distinction between the two concepts.
Self-respect is not easily diminished by external factors such as insults or abuses. It is a personal attribute that can only be lost through one's own actions and choices. For instance, failing to uphold one's commitments or behaving in a manner inconsistent with personal values can lead to a loss of self-respect.
Insults directed at others reflect more on the person delivering them rather than the recipient. In the case of the Account Manager, his behavior revealed more about himself than about you.
It is commendable that you have recognized the value of the initial feedback. Other suggestions provided by different individuals essentially conveyed similar messages in varying ways.
I wholeheartedly agree with your sentiment that one should fight for their rights, but it is crucial to do so in a respectful and constructive manner. As the saying goes, "If a dog bites you, do not bite back with your teeth; instead, use a stick to defend yourself."
Please note that the above reflections are not intended to prejudge the other party's perspective, as we lack information about their side of the story or the content of the disputed email. It is conceivable that the Accounts Manager may have felt slighted for not being kept informed about a team member's whereabouts or activities, potentially leading to his actions.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Best regards,
[Your Name]
From India, Delhi
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Hello Sandeep Tiwari,
Really, nothing more to add after Raj Kumar's exhaustive response EXCEPT this. Your line "But the lesson I got is fight for your rights and you'll get the dew" belies an approach of 'aggressiveness'. Even though this MIGHT win you a few battles, in the long run, you will get hit. I suggest modifying your approach to be 'assertive' rather than 'aggressive'. In short, 'assertiveness' focuses on the issue while 'aggressiveness' focuses on the individual. Hope you get the point.
All the Best. Regards, TS
From India, Hyderabad
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Really, nothing more to add after Raj Kumar's exhaustive response EXCEPT this. Your line "But the lesson I got is fight for your rights and you'll get the dew" belies an approach of 'aggressiveness'. Even though this MIGHT win you a few battles, in the long run, you will get hit. I suggest modifying your approach to be 'assertive' rather than 'aggressive'. In short, 'assertiveness' focuses on the issue while 'aggressiveness' focuses on the individual. Hope you get the point.
All the Best. Regards, TS
From India, Hyderabad
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Excellent, Tajsateesh! Your concluding remark is absolutely correct, and it is like icing on the cake of this discussion. "Fight for your right and you will get the due" is not always the case. I guess an angry young man may think so, but experience teaches us that it is not the case. Even Mahatma Gandhi fought his whole life for the right to independence and achieved it, but he could not prevent the division of India.
From India, New Delhi
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From India, New Delhi
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Sandeep is not wrong in anything. Such type of manager should be punished
From India, Mumbai
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From India, Mumbai
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Dear Sandeep,
Thanks for your response to my post. However, regarding your post, "I will not force you to put yourself in my place but just request that our thoughts are not matching and I can't take your suggestions positively as they are making zero impact on me," I would like to inform you that at this very late stage, no one can force me to put myself in your place. That stage passed long ago, about 15 years after my retirement from active service. I want to clarify that during my service period, I championed self-respect, not ego. I took appropriate precautions to protect my self-respect and was fully equipped to handle any challenges on my own, without relying on the top brass, third parties, or the law courts.
My advice was impartial, not taking sides with any of your company's adversaries. Opinions, suggestions, or advice are always subject to acceptance or rejection by the recipient. Some people appreciate advice, while others do not. You were free to accept or ignore the advice given by members, and it does not hurt my feelings if our thoughts do not align.
I was pleased to see that, as a manager, you chose to make your own decision based on your resolve. Decisions, whether right or wrong, must be made by managers and leaders, even if they do not like the advice or suggestions of others. However, it appears that at the last moment, you backed down from your original proposal to take legal action against the erring manager and the company. You mentioned, "I have forwarded the case to the HR team and senior heads, and the result is that a warning has been issued to the account manager, and he has sent me an apology email. This satisfies my ego now. But the lesson I learned is to fight for your rights, and you will succeed."
Regardless of whether our thoughts align, in my opinion, you did not fight for your rights but rather to satisfy your ego. Your initial proposal to file a lawsuit against the company revealed indecision, especially when seeking advice from members of this site. Despite receiving several pieces of adverse advice, you eventually decided to stick to your original proposal. However, upon receiving an apology from the Account Manager, you abandoned your plan to take legal action, stating that it satisfied your ego. This raises questions about the justification of your premature query to the HR team and whether you were willing to follow their decision, especially when you were not inclined to act on any suggestions from the members.
This situation reflects a wavering mindset, which is not conducive to a manager working in a company in an advanced country like the UK. It appears to be more about ego and revenge rather than self-respect and prestige, which is not a healthy trend in any organization. Mutual respect among colleagues is always beneficial, unlike the confrontation of individual egos and values that can lead to undesirable outcomes.
While this advice may not resonate with you now, you may realize its value at some point in your career.
Best of luck!
From India, Delhi
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Thanks for your response to my post. However, regarding your post, "I will not force you to put yourself in my place but just request that our thoughts are not matching and I can't take your suggestions positively as they are making zero impact on me," I would like to inform you that at this very late stage, no one can force me to put myself in your place. That stage passed long ago, about 15 years after my retirement from active service. I want to clarify that during my service period, I championed self-respect, not ego. I took appropriate precautions to protect my self-respect and was fully equipped to handle any challenges on my own, without relying on the top brass, third parties, or the law courts.
My advice was impartial, not taking sides with any of your company's adversaries. Opinions, suggestions, or advice are always subject to acceptance or rejection by the recipient. Some people appreciate advice, while others do not. You were free to accept or ignore the advice given by members, and it does not hurt my feelings if our thoughts do not align.
I was pleased to see that, as a manager, you chose to make your own decision based on your resolve. Decisions, whether right or wrong, must be made by managers and leaders, even if they do not like the advice or suggestions of others. However, it appears that at the last moment, you backed down from your original proposal to take legal action against the erring manager and the company. You mentioned, "I have forwarded the case to the HR team and senior heads, and the result is that a warning has been issued to the account manager, and he has sent me an apology email. This satisfies my ego now. But the lesson I learned is to fight for your rights, and you will succeed."
Regardless of whether our thoughts align, in my opinion, you did not fight for your rights but rather to satisfy your ego. Your initial proposal to file a lawsuit against the company revealed indecision, especially when seeking advice from members of this site. Despite receiving several pieces of adverse advice, you eventually decided to stick to your original proposal. However, upon receiving an apology from the Account Manager, you abandoned your plan to take legal action, stating that it satisfied your ego. This raises questions about the justification of your premature query to the HR team and whether you were willing to follow their decision, especially when you were not inclined to act on any suggestions from the members.
This situation reflects a wavering mindset, which is not conducive to a manager working in a company in an advanced country like the UK. It appears to be more about ego and revenge rather than self-respect and prestige, which is not a healthy trend in any organization. Mutual respect among colleagues is always beneficial, unlike the confrontation of individual egos and values that can lead to undesirable outcomes.
While this advice may not resonate with you now, you may realize its value at some point in your career.
Best of luck!
From India, Delhi
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