Hi all,
read on...
Say no to drugs, they just don't
listen.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
Born free, taxed to death.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble
putting
on your pants.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray
and
the blinking red light.
The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who
invented
the other three, he was the genius.
The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate
it.
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
Someday is not a day of the week.
Cheers,
Pal
From India, Pune
2read on...
Say no to drugs, they just don't
listen.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
Born free, taxed to death.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble
putting
on your pants.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray
and
the blinking red light.
The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who
invented
the other three, he was the genius.
The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate
it.
In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
Someday is not a day of the week.
Cheers,
Pal
From India, Pune
Hi Pallavi, Good ones! Nice oneliners to end an email to a friend, right??? Dilbert’s principles are as good as Murphy’s laws. Anyone can share some? June
From India, Bellary
From India, Bellary
Some of Murphy's Laws as requested!
Murphy’s Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.
Corollary: If anything can’t go wrong, it will.
Paradox: If Murphy’s Law can go wrong, it will.
Extended Murphy’s Law: If a series of events can go wrong, it will do so in the worst possible sequence.
Commentary: Murphy was an optimist.
Murphy’s Law on Jam Slices: Jam slice always falls jam side down.
Kaufman’s Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes, just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
Miller’s Law of Insurance: An Insurance Policy covers everything except what happens.
Isaac’s Strange Law of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When leaving early, you will meet the boss in the car park.
Ever notice that the people who are late are often much
jollier than the people who have to wait for them?
"I know that you believe that you understood what you think
I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is
not what I meant."
--Robert McCloskey, State Department spokesman
My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain
A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a bigger can.
Osborn’s Law: Variables won’t; constants aren’t.
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don’t.
A man with one watch knows what time it is.
A man with two watches is never sure.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill.
No matter what goes wrong, there will always be somebody who knew it would.
In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty
Extension: … but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean.
It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.
--
An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds.
A pessimist fears this is true.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
You can’t fix it if it isn’t broken.
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don’t want hits the paper.
In a series of calculations, errors tend to occur at the opposite end at which you begin checking for errors.
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
A fool and your money are soon partners.
Trial balances don’t.
Working capital doesn’t.
Liquidity tends to run out.
Return on investments won’t.
Quality assurance doesn’t.
Security isn’t.
Management can’t.
Sales promotions don’t.
Consumer assistance doesn’t.
Workers won’t.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
Hindsight is an exact science.
It is a simple task to make things complex but a complex task to make them simple.
If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy man – he will find an easier way to do it.
A drug is a substance which, when injected into a rat, will produce a scientific report.
There are two kinds of adhesive tape: that which won’t stay on and that which won’t come off.
While cleaning glassware: The spot is always on the other side.
Corollary: If it is on the inside, you will not be able to reach it.
If you buy bananas before they are ripe, they won’t be any left by the time they are ripe. If you buy them ripe, they rot before they are eaten.
When you dial a wrong number, you never get the engaged tone.
The one who snores will fall asleep first.
All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won’t.
Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
There are some things which are impossible to know – but it is impossible to know these things.
Murphy’s Law was not propounded by Murphy, but by another man of the same name.
Of two possible events, only the less desirable will occur.
There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong.
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
When a problem goes away, the people working to solve it do not.
The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
The only time to be positive is when you are positive you are wrong.
It is the deadwood that holds up the tree.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
If the facts are against you, argue the law.
If the law is against you, argue the facts,
If the facts and the law are against you, yell like hell.
If your facts are wrong but your logic is perfect, then your conclusions are inevitably false. Therefore, by making mistakes in your logic, you at least have a random chance of coming to the right conclusion.
Ambiguity is invariant.
Two monologues do not make a dialogue.
In every work of genius, we recognize our rejected thoughts.
IF you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
If you can distinguish between good advice and bad advice, then you don’t need advice.
To decide not to decide is a decision. To fail to decide is a failure.
If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
When you try to prove to someone that a machine does not work, it will.
It requires less energy to take an object out of its proper place than to put it back.
Nothing is as temporary as that which is called permanent.
Nothing is as permanent as that which is called temporary.
Anything is easier to take apart than to put together.
That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart.
The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree.
The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.
To say that a human being is nothing but molecules is like saying that a Shakespearean play is nothing but words.
The difference between the Laws of Nature and Murphy’s Law is that with the Laws of Nature you can count on things screwing up the same way every time.
Exceptions always outnumber rules.
There are always exceptions to established exceptions.
By the time one masters the exceptions, no one recalls the rules to which they apply.
Inasmuch as mathematical theorems are related to reality, they are not sure; inasmuch as they are sure, they are not related to reality.
History is the science of what never happens twice.
Whichever way you turn upon entering an elevator, the buttons will be on the opposite side.
The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the roll.
The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.
Chipped dishes never break.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
The effort to catch a falling, breakable object will produce more destruction than if the object had been allowed to fall in the first place.
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
The only people who find what they are looking for, are the fault-finders.
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
Hope you like these!
Sanath
From India, Mumbai
Murphy’s Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.
Corollary: If anything can’t go wrong, it will.
Paradox: If Murphy’s Law can go wrong, it will.
Extended Murphy’s Law: If a series of events can go wrong, it will do so in the worst possible sequence.
Commentary: Murphy was an optimist.
Murphy’s Law on Jam Slices: Jam slice always falls jam side down.
Kaufman’s Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes, just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
Miller’s Law of Insurance: An Insurance Policy covers everything except what happens.
Isaac’s Strange Law of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.
Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When leaving early, you will meet the boss in the car park.
Ever notice that the people who are late are often much
jollier than the people who have to wait for them?
"I know that you believe that you understood what you think
I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is
not what I meant."
--Robert McCloskey, State Department spokesman
My best friend ran away with my wife. And let me tell you, I really miss him.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Mark Twain
A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a bigger can.
Osborn’s Law: Variables won’t; constants aren’t.
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don’t.
A man with one watch knows what time it is.
A man with two watches is never sure.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill.
No matter what goes wrong, there will always be somebody who knew it would.
In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty
Extension: … but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean.
It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.
--
An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds.
A pessimist fears this is true.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
You can’t fix it if it isn’t broken.
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don’t want hits the paper.
In a series of calculations, errors tend to occur at the opposite end at which you begin checking for errors.
Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.
A fool and your money are soon partners.
Trial balances don’t.
Working capital doesn’t.
Liquidity tends to run out.
Return on investments won’t.
Quality assurance doesn’t.
Security isn’t.
Management can’t.
Sales promotions don’t.
Consumer assistance doesn’t.
Workers won’t.
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
Hindsight is an exact science.
It is a simple task to make things complex but a complex task to make them simple.
If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy man – he will find an easier way to do it.
A drug is a substance which, when injected into a rat, will produce a scientific report.
There are two kinds of adhesive tape: that which won’t stay on and that which won’t come off.
While cleaning glassware: The spot is always on the other side.
Corollary: If it is on the inside, you will not be able to reach it.
If you buy bananas before they are ripe, they won’t be any left by the time they are ripe. If you buy them ripe, they rot before they are eaten.
When you dial a wrong number, you never get the engaged tone.
The one who snores will fall asleep first.
All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won’t.
Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
There are some things which are impossible to know – but it is impossible to know these things.
Murphy’s Law was not propounded by Murphy, but by another man of the same name.
Of two possible events, only the less desirable will occur.
There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong.
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
When a problem goes away, the people working to solve it do not.
The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
The only time to be positive is when you are positive you are wrong.
It is the deadwood that holds up the tree.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
If the facts are against you, argue the law.
If the law is against you, argue the facts,
If the facts and the law are against you, yell like hell.
If your facts are wrong but your logic is perfect, then your conclusions are inevitably false. Therefore, by making mistakes in your logic, you at least have a random chance of coming to the right conclusion.
Ambiguity is invariant.
Two monologues do not make a dialogue.
In every work of genius, we recognize our rejected thoughts.
IF you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
If you can distinguish between good advice and bad advice, then you don’t need advice.
To decide not to decide is a decision. To fail to decide is a failure.
If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
When you try to prove to someone that a machine does not work, it will.
It requires less energy to take an object out of its proper place than to put it back.
Nothing is as temporary as that which is called permanent.
Nothing is as permanent as that which is called temporary.
Anything is easier to take apart than to put together.
That which cannot be taken apart will fall apart.
The more trivial your research, the more people will read it and agree.
The more vital your research, the less people will understand it.
To say that a human being is nothing but molecules is like saying that a Shakespearean play is nothing but words.
The difference between the Laws of Nature and Murphy’s Law is that with the Laws of Nature you can count on things screwing up the same way every time.
Exceptions always outnumber rules.
There are always exceptions to established exceptions.
By the time one masters the exceptions, no one recalls the rules to which they apply.
Inasmuch as mathematical theorems are related to reality, they are not sure; inasmuch as they are sure, they are not related to reality.
History is the science of what never happens twice.
Whichever way you turn upon entering an elevator, the buttons will be on the opposite side.
The hardness of the butter is in direct proportion to the softness of the roll.
The bag that breaks is the one with the eggs.
Chipped dishes never break.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
The effort to catch a falling, breakable object will produce more destruction than if the object had been allowed to fall in the first place.
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
The only people who find what they are looking for, are the fault-finders.
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
Hope you like these!
Sanath
From India, Mumbai
Hi Sanath,
Had a great time reading Murphy's laws. And I'm sure all our members will enjoy them too. All are truisms - holds true in an absolutely critical situation we face all the time.
Especially liked- Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a bigger can.
I remembered reading that article on Lateral thinking some days ago when I read the above law. If we think creatively and innovatively, we can come with some brilliant solutions to handling issues in a new way and have people thinking in new directions too - thinking out of a box- order of the day!! Right???
Which one is your favourite?
June
From India, Bellary
Had a great time reading Murphy's laws. And I'm sure all our members will enjoy them too. All are truisms - holds true in an absolutely critical situation we face all the time.
Especially liked- Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a bigger can.
I remembered reading that article on Lateral thinking some days ago when I read the above law. If we think creatively and innovatively, we can come with some brilliant solutions to handling issues in a new way and have people thinking in new directions too - thinking out of a box- order of the day!! Right???
Which one is your favourite?
June
From India, Bellary
Community Support and Knowledge-base on business, career and organisational prospects and issues - Register and Log In to CiteHR and post your query, download formats and be part of a fostered community of professionals.
100 Action Principles.pdf
Principles for Effective Persuasion.ppt
Must Read for all profs.doc