In the wake of two shocking incidents that took place in Bangalore and Hyderabad, couples committing suicide because of extra-marital affairs with their colleagues, I just thought of writing a small article on how to avoid such incidents. This is really a serious matter and if not dealt on at an early stage could lead to such incidents in our personal life too. I have done research on human behavior and psychology and am trying to put-in some text which may (or may not) be helpful to you. Never-the-less I feel it's worth knowing such things and if possible every individual can make a conscious effort to more or less follow the same.
Some people don't take advice but taking good advice may do you no harm. Thos who are not married this is the best article as before starting a new relationship if you are ready for it, will only help you to lead a happy life.
Read on..
We spend 40/45/50/60 hours a week with our colleagues. This is the most we spend with any members of our family. So it's obvious they are an integral part of our life. Good, understood. But an important point to remember is colleagues are colleagues and not friends and if you think they are friends then you are highly mistaken. Imagine working together for 9 hours a day together and then returning home and continuing to talk with your colleague on phone. This is what happened with that Infosys guy who could not stand this behavior of his wife and killed her and committed suicide. Which husband would like his wife talking on phone with her colleague and that too male counterpart? Or which wife will like her husband doing the same? Just keep yourself in that situation and see. Anger will creep in within you.
So whatever gossip or topic you want to discuss with your colleagues do it during office hours and once you are out of office forget about your work and your colleagues unless it's official matter.
Just check this unnecessary talk…
A guy and her colleague walking out of office at 6.30p.m. At 7.30 or 8.00 the guy calls that female,
Guy: Hi, how are you? Where have you reached? (Don't you know how she is and where she must be at this time)
Lady: I am fine. Reached home.
Guy: What are you cooking today?
Lady: So and so (Now here the lady knows that the guy has called to flirt with her and the call is unnecessary. It's the duty of the female to say something to avoid that guy. If she doesn't at this stage then this call will be going for another 30-45 mins and questions like 'When will you be taking bath? What time you will sleep? What will you bring for me for breakfast for tomorrow will creep in?' and imagine the state of the family members of that lady at this point.
They expect the lady to come and talk with them for sometime but here this lady is enjoying a talk with the guy with whom she has been working since morning. No wonder such people will have a horrendous married life.
A simple thing to think about. Say you are not married. You go to office and come back say at 6.00 in the evening. You have so much of time left. Can't you read some books and increase your knowledge rather than spending one-two hours on mobile. Girls can start experimenting with new dishes. Main thing to understand is such gossiping on calls becomes on habit and bad habits die-hard. You will be addicted to talking and this can be bad as time goes on. One you start working you have to come out of college life. In college you could enjoy, flirt, do anything you wanted. But this is real life. Be responsible or else you will be responsible for your terrible life and the life if your husband/wife.
Any person no matter who he/she is would never like his/her wife/husband having such relationship with her/his colleagues.
Last year 90% of divorce happened because of Extra-Marital Affairs and in that 80% because of relationships with colleagues. And we would not like this to happen with us. So start from now.
Guys see to it that you don't put an habit of calling you female-colleagues after office hours or on weekends or holidays, even if they provoke you or give missed calls. Let them spend time with their family members or other friends. You also do the same. Good girls don't give missed calls. And girls who give I need not say what kind of girls they are. Stay away from them. You can talk as much as you want in office. And gals, if any guy calls you then it's not bad to say 'No, Let's talk in office' or 'I am busy, talk with you tomorrow' to that guy. Do it twice and they will automatically stop calling. Guys have this habit of flirting and you allowing them to flirt will only help them do more. Relationships can always be maintained in right manner.
Never succumb to emotional pressure like 'You don't want to talk with me or what' or 'You can call him but you can't call me' or 'You talk for so and so time with her but with me only this much'. Some people fall for this because they don't want to lose a friend. Again I say colleague is not a friend. They are just here to work and keep on moving in their life. They go to other company, go for growth and so on. They will not wait for you in the same office to be with you forever. So don't be emotionally attached with your colleagues. They are competitors and always on their toes to show you down in front of seniors and managers. You may not realize now but this is a fact, be ready for it.
Imagine a girl getting married and someone says to her to be husband, that guy over there is the one who regularly calls your wife or your wife gives missed calls or calls that guy. Always this thing will remain on the back of his mind. Similarly someone tells the bride that your groom always keeps calling that girl or vice-versa…. Imagine yourself at that place. Situations arise because we allow them to. No one can lead ideal life but we can always make an sincere effort to lead one.
Another note to be taken about: (strictly male to female and female to male contexts)
If your colleague calls you. Just check out whether if he calls others also. If he doesn't then find out why? No guy will call other girl if he is not interested in that girl. In a group there can be five females but it's not necessary that a guy calls all five. He will only call the one on whom he is interested.
Similarly, a girl will not give missed call to everyone. If she gives then she must be really lonely. Stay away from them or you will be caught in their loving talk. Guys normally fall for girls because of their beauty or their talk. So if a guy colleague comes to you and proposes you then it's not his mistake completely, it's more of yours because you were the one who used to give him that space.
Also you become a topic of gossip among your fellow colleagues if they come to know that one of their colleague is calling you and not calling others. And there is nothing more dangerous than office gossip. It can cost you your job and just remember how easily you got this job.
So please keep your office and it's people at office and lead a normal happy life. For your good and for the good of your spouse. Send it to your colleagues, friends, relatives, parents and everyone and avoid incidents like the one mentioned at the beginning of this article. If you feel anyone is doing anything mentioned above then just go and tell him/her. You will be helping someone in their life
From India, Madras
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17Some people don't take advice but taking good advice may do you no harm. Thos who are not married this is the best article as before starting a new relationship if you are ready for it, will only help you to lead a happy life.
Read on..
We spend 40/45/50/60 hours a week with our colleagues. This is the most we spend with any members of our family. So it's obvious they are an integral part of our life. Good, understood. But an important point to remember is colleagues are colleagues and not friends and if you think they are friends then you are highly mistaken. Imagine working together for 9 hours a day together and then returning home and continuing to talk with your colleague on phone. This is what happened with that Infosys guy who could not stand this behavior of his wife and killed her and committed suicide. Which husband would like his wife talking on phone with her colleague and that too male counterpart? Or which wife will like her husband doing the same? Just keep yourself in that situation and see. Anger will creep in within you.
So whatever gossip or topic you want to discuss with your colleagues do it during office hours and once you are out of office forget about your work and your colleagues unless it's official matter.
Just check this unnecessary talk…
A guy and her colleague walking out of office at 6.30p.m. At 7.30 or 8.00 the guy calls that female,
Guy: Hi, how are you? Where have you reached? (Don't you know how she is and where she must be at this time)
Lady: I am fine. Reached home.
Guy: What are you cooking today?
Lady: So and so (Now here the lady knows that the guy has called to flirt with her and the call is unnecessary. It's the duty of the female to say something to avoid that guy. If she doesn't at this stage then this call will be going for another 30-45 mins and questions like 'When will you be taking bath? What time you will sleep? What will you bring for me for breakfast for tomorrow will creep in?' and imagine the state of the family members of that lady at this point.
They expect the lady to come and talk with them for sometime but here this lady is enjoying a talk with the guy with whom she has been working since morning. No wonder such people will have a horrendous married life.
A simple thing to think about. Say you are not married. You go to office and come back say at 6.00 in the evening. You have so much of time left. Can't you read some books and increase your knowledge rather than spending one-two hours on mobile. Girls can start experimenting with new dishes. Main thing to understand is such gossiping on calls becomes on habit and bad habits die-hard. You will be addicted to talking and this can be bad as time goes on. One you start working you have to come out of college life. In college you could enjoy, flirt, do anything you wanted. But this is real life. Be responsible or else you will be responsible for your terrible life and the life if your husband/wife.
Any person no matter who he/she is would never like his/her wife/husband having such relationship with her/his colleagues.
Last year 90% of divorce happened because of Extra-Marital Affairs and in that 80% because of relationships with colleagues. And we would not like this to happen with us. So start from now.
Guys see to it that you don't put an habit of calling you female-colleagues after office hours or on weekends or holidays, even if they provoke you or give missed calls. Let them spend time with their family members or other friends. You also do the same. Good girls don't give missed calls. And girls who give I need not say what kind of girls they are. Stay away from them. You can talk as much as you want in office. And gals, if any guy calls you then it's not bad to say 'No, Let's talk in office' or 'I am busy, talk with you tomorrow' to that guy. Do it twice and they will automatically stop calling. Guys have this habit of flirting and you allowing them to flirt will only help them do more. Relationships can always be maintained in right manner.
Never succumb to emotional pressure like 'You don't want to talk with me or what' or 'You can call him but you can't call me' or 'You talk for so and so time with her but with me only this much'. Some people fall for this because they don't want to lose a friend. Again I say colleague is not a friend. They are just here to work and keep on moving in their life. They go to other company, go for growth and so on. They will not wait for you in the same office to be with you forever. So don't be emotionally attached with your colleagues. They are competitors and always on their toes to show you down in front of seniors and managers. You may not realize now but this is a fact, be ready for it.
Imagine a girl getting married and someone says to her to be husband, that guy over there is the one who regularly calls your wife or your wife gives missed calls or calls that guy. Always this thing will remain on the back of his mind. Similarly someone tells the bride that your groom always keeps calling that girl or vice-versa…. Imagine yourself at that place. Situations arise because we allow them to. No one can lead ideal life but we can always make an sincere effort to lead one.
Another note to be taken about: (strictly male to female and female to male contexts)
If your colleague calls you. Just check out whether if he calls others also. If he doesn't then find out why? No guy will call other girl if he is not interested in that girl. In a group there can be five females but it's not necessary that a guy calls all five. He will only call the one on whom he is interested.
Similarly, a girl will not give missed call to everyone. If she gives then she must be really lonely. Stay away from them or you will be caught in their loving talk. Guys normally fall for girls because of their beauty or their talk. So if a guy colleague comes to you and proposes you then it's not his mistake completely, it's more of yours because you were the one who used to give him that space.
Also you become a topic of gossip among your fellow colleagues if they come to know that one of their colleague is calling you and not calling others. And there is nothing more dangerous than office gossip. It can cost you your job and just remember how easily you got this job.
So please keep your office and it's people at office and lead a normal happy life. For your good and for the good of your spouse. Send it to your colleagues, friends, relatives, parents and everyone and avoid incidents like the one mentioned at the beginning of this article. If you feel anyone is doing anything mentioned above then just go and tell him/her. You will be helping someone in their life
From India, Madras
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Hi Pradepa,
A very true and important article. We all must keep the relationships with our colleagues till the office only, so as to keep our personal lives peaceful. Hats off for the informative article!!!
From India, Gurgaon
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A very true and important article. We all must keep the relationships with our colleagues till the office only, so as to keep our personal lives peaceful. Hats off for the informative article!!!
From India, Gurgaon
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Hi Pradeepa,
You are absolutely right; it happened with me and seriously, I'm telling you guys, it hurts, and when it hurts, it's too hard for anybody to face it...(M/F)
There are people who are in love since childhood days and plan for the future together to get married. Once the girl is in the office, then no matter who does anything, they used to share a lot. But then, after a gap, the girl falls in love with a colleague, breaks her relationship due to a misunderstanding with the same guy, and then continues to count on her previous love. However, she continues to have an affair with both the guys, keeping her true love in the dark. Then she gets into a guilty feeling mode, dumps both the guys, and looks for some other guy in the office itself. Just put yourself in the shoes of that poor guy who loved this girl for 8 long years, dreamed of a future with her all through life, and sacrificed everything for her.
Guys, think for some time once you get into any relationship. Imagine your boyfriend/girlfriend or wife/husband kissing somebody and meeting someone. It's horrible and painful. It's mental torture.
How far will you guys run for artificial relationships and how long? Sometimes you regret somebody that day it would be too hard. So why try such things that are not important at all for us?
"Things Which Matter MOST must not be at the mercy of things Which Matter LEAST."
Common, realize this before it's too late, and don't spoil our lives and careers. For everybody on this earth, home comes first, not the office. We all work for ourselves and for our families. It is the girls who create insecurity at home and blame people at home, saying they are not understanding. Tell me, why will people at your own home not trust us? It's because of our behavior, right? Let's stop this. I don't say that colleagues cannot become life partners, but what I am saying is behave at our mature levels. These are the people who can take us for a ride for temporary pleasures. I know, and most men with me agree, how bad we talk about our lady colleagues once there is a group of men together. You don't even know if your boyfriend is part of it who encourages the same, as some would say, "aaa kisko shaadi karna hai maamu." So, I would rather say, be transparent at home, know where to draw your line. As human beings, I hope everybody agrees that we need our own space, no matter even if we are a wife or husband or anything.
We are working for our livelihood, so we should know our priorities first. Extramarital affairs are very sensitive issues. Just take care, guys. I am working on an article that can give you tips on why there is a behavior change and what we should do to make our lives better. I will share the same with you soon.
Take care and good luck. It's all for our health, wealth, and happiness. There is surely a lot of difference between the office and home.
From India, Hyderabad
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You are absolutely right; it happened with me and seriously, I'm telling you guys, it hurts, and when it hurts, it's too hard for anybody to face it...(M/F)
There are people who are in love since childhood days and plan for the future together to get married. Once the girl is in the office, then no matter who does anything, they used to share a lot. But then, after a gap, the girl falls in love with a colleague, breaks her relationship due to a misunderstanding with the same guy, and then continues to count on her previous love. However, she continues to have an affair with both the guys, keeping her true love in the dark. Then she gets into a guilty feeling mode, dumps both the guys, and looks for some other guy in the office itself. Just put yourself in the shoes of that poor guy who loved this girl for 8 long years, dreamed of a future with her all through life, and sacrificed everything for her.
Guys, think for some time once you get into any relationship. Imagine your boyfriend/girlfriend or wife/husband kissing somebody and meeting someone. It's horrible and painful. It's mental torture.
How far will you guys run for artificial relationships and how long? Sometimes you regret somebody that day it would be too hard. So why try such things that are not important at all for us?
"Things Which Matter MOST must not be at the mercy of things Which Matter LEAST."
Common, realize this before it's too late, and don't spoil our lives and careers. For everybody on this earth, home comes first, not the office. We all work for ourselves and for our families. It is the girls who create insecurity at home and blame people at home, saying they are not understanding. Tell me, why will people at your own home not trust us? It's because of our behavior, right? Let's stop this. I don't say that colleagues cannot become life partners, but what I am saying is behave at our mature levels. These are the people who can take us for a ride for temporary pleasures. I know, and most men with me agree, how bad we talk about our lady colleagues once there is a group of men together. You don't even know if your boyfriend is part of it who encourages the same, as some would say, "aaa kisko shaadi karna hai maamu." So, I would rather say, be transparent at home, know where to draw your line. As human beings, I hope everybody agrees that we need our own space, no matter even if we are a wife or husband or anything.
We are working for our livelihood, so we should know our priorities first. Extramarital affairs are very sensitive issues. Just take care, guys. I am working on an article that can give you tips on why there is a behavior change and what we should do to make our lives better. I will share the same with you soon.
Take care and good luck. It's all for our health, wealth, and happiness. There is surely a lot of difference between the office and home.
From India, Hyderabad
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Hey Pradepa,
This indeed is a very informative and, as someone said, an eye-opener article. A perfect blend of experience and understanding of corporate culture.
I agree with whatever you've mentioned in this article, but along with this, I do have some questions that are unique in their way. So, I hope you do not mind...
The first question is, like you said, your colleagues are not your friends. So, what would you say to those people who come to a different city for educational purposes or in search of a job, who do not have anyone in the city and most of them work in call centers or BPO companies (especially in metro cities)? These people are large in number these days and do not have anyone called family or friends!! These people make friends at the workplace, and when you say the divorce rate has gone high in our nation, then I guess there are other reasons also attached to it. Like more educated females want more freedom and more space in their personal life, the space they need from family members but not from friends!!
We live in such a complex world where it is hard to say that a particular person will become your friend forever or you will be his/her friend forever, but with experience, I can tell you that you do make friends in such places only. Yeah, probably the situations are different for everyone!!
Yes, I definitely agree with your point that the guys are flirty, and girls should not fall for such acts like daily calling, constant calling, etc. Such callings do turn out in getting close and sometimes result in dangerous circumstances. And it is also tough to say if it is always the guys who are on the wrong side. Even girls take full advantage of the situation.
Overall, I do agree with most of the points you mentioned in your article. I think more people should write such articles about their experiences, which always help the social network around us.
Thanks for such a beautiful article.
Regards,
Deepak Sharma
From India, Pune
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This indeed is a very informative and, as someone said, an eye-opener article. A perfect blend of experience and understanding of corporate culture.
I agree with whatever you've mentioned in this article, but along with this, I do have some questions that are unique in their way. So, I hope you do not mind...
The first question is, like you said, your colleagues are not your friends. So, what would you say to those people who come to a different city for educational purposes or in search of a job, who do not have anyone in the city and most of them work in call centers or BPO companies (especially in metro cities)? These people are large in number these days and do not have anyone called family or friends!! These people make friends at the workplace, and when you say the divorce rate has gone high in our nation, then I guess there are other reasons also attached to it. Like more educated females want more freedom and more space in their personal life, the space they need from family members but not from friends!!
We live in such a complex world where it is hard to say that a particular person will become your friend forever or you will be his/her friend forever, but with experience, I can tell you that you do make friends in such places only. Yeah, probably the situations are different for everyone!!
Yes, I definitely agree with your point that the guys are flirty, and girls should not fall for such acts like daily calling, constant calling, etc. Such callings do turn out in getting close and sometimes result in dangerous circumstances. And it is also tough to say if it is always the guys who are on the wrong side. Even girls take full advantage of the situation.
Overall, I do agree with most of the points you mentioned in your article. I think more people should write such articles about their experiences, which always help the social network around us.
Thanks for such a beautiful article.
Regards,
Deepak Sharma
From India, Pune
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Thank you for sharing. Do you think in today's advanced life and forward lifestyle anyone really cares a dime? It's a menace, and I wonder why top management doesn't curb it. Forget the personal agenda; senior people should realize that this affects employees' efficiency as well. So at least while in the office, something should be done. But once you go outside, no one can stop you!
Why would people abstain from it? People have become hedonistic, and moral values and conscience have gone for a walk. I pity such people; what losers they are! 🤔
From India, Delhi
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Why would people abstain from it? People have become hedonistic, and moral values and conscience have gone for a walk. I pity such people; what losers they are! 🤔
From India, Delhi
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It's touching that you took the time out to write this in such detail and explanation, and with so much patience. I agree with you 100%: most of the extra-marital affairs blossom simply because of human weakness, which can be avoided by making and following a few simple rules. I also agree that colleagues are not friends: it's a corporate jungle out there and one has to be constantly aware of how one behaves in the office. I hope that more and more people read this and follow your well-meant advice.
Thanks & Regards,
Brandon
From India, Calcutta
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Thanks & Regards,
Brandon
From India, Calcutta
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Hi Pradepa,
A wonderful and great article about something which we all know but tend to forget at times, only to be reminded of it again. It is truly commendable, and hats off to you for writing about such a common and serious problem.
Best Regards,
Sushma
From China, Beijing
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A wonderful and great article about something which we all know but tend to forget at times, only to be reminded of it again. It is truly commendable, and hats off to you for writing about such a common and serious problem.
Best Regards,
Sushma
From China, Beijing
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Thanks for sharing this serious topic of the present scenario. You have a very in-depth study of this topic.
We are living such an advanced lifestyle that we are not aware of these kinds of affairs. This is a very serious matter, so we should maintain only a professional relationship with our colleagues; otherwise, it can be the biggest problem that could spoil one's personal life.
Day by day, our lifestyle is changing, and we are adapting to US culture. It will affect our upcoming generation, and we may forget our Indian culture.
Priya
:(
From India, Calcutta
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We are living such an advanced lifestyle that we are not aware of these kinds of affairs. This is a very serious matter, so we should maintain only a professional relationship with our colleagues; otherwise, it can be the biggest problem that could spoil one's personal life.
Day by day, our lifestyle is changing, and we are adapting to US culture. It will affect our upcoming generation, and we may forget our Indian culture.
Priya
:(
From India, Calcutta
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Your observation are very true the extra martial affair are growing day by day. Your post will be relly helpful for people who dont want to go into that mess. Regards Mukesh
From India, Lucknow
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From India, Lucknow
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Hi Pradepa,
Sorry for the late reply. It is an amazing post. Very useful one, and I have just forwarded the same to my colleagues. Some of the statements in your post are really good. Trust is the key in any relationship. If anyone behaves in a way that the other is allured with someone else, it is horrible even to think of.
Above all, it is the maturity of the people that makes the difference. It is true that we spend 70 percent of our daytime in the office with colleagues, but even then family is most important of all. We can expect good friends at the workplace, but that relationship should carry lots of clarity and should be very transparent with our beloved ones. Then there would be no problems.
Let's expect people to be more careful in selecting friends and to maintain clarity in relationships.
Thank you,
Narasimha Reddy V
From India, Hyderabad
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Sorry for the late reply. It is an amazing post. Very useful one, and I have just forwarded the same to my colleagues. Some of the statements in your post are really good. Trust is the key in any relationship. If anyone behaves in a way that the other is allured with someone else, it is horrible even to think of.
Above all, it is the maturity of the people that makes the difference. It is true that we spend 70 percent of our daytime in the office with colleagues, but even then family is most important of all. We can expect good friends at the workplace, but that relationship should carry lots of clarity and should be very transparent with our beloved ones. Then there would be no problems.
Let's expect people to be more careful in selecting friends and to maintain clarity in relationships.
Thank you,
Narasimha Reddy V
From India, Hyderabad
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Hey all,
It's nice to know that so many of you have taken the time to share your thoughts on this issue, which is becoming a burning topic in corporates, especially for HR professionals. Suspecting spouses calling the office to check on their partners or lodging complaints against them is quickly becoming a part of corporate life. This article serves as an eye-opener to all those working individuals who struggle to differentiate between family, friends, and colleagues.
Great job.
Regards,
Ramya
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It's nice to know that so many of you have taken the time to share your thoughts on this issue, which is becoming a burning topic in corporates, especially for HR professionals. Suspecting spouses calling the office to check on their partners or lodging complaints against them is quickly becoming a part of corporate life. This article serves as an eye-opener to all those working individuals who struggle to differentiate between family, friends, and colleagues.
Great job.
Regards,
Ramya
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It's a very good article but impractical since there are many factors responsible for having an affair in the office, and the relationship between spouses is most important. When they have some problems between them, it's that time when someone gets close.
From India, Delhi
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From India, Delhi
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Hi , Any experience of handling this issue when it comes as a complaint to HR from the spouse of employee ? How was it tackled ? Regards, mdb
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Dear All,
This message serves as an eye-opener for everybody. At some point in our lives, we all face this problem, and once we find ourselves in it, the way out seems quite impossible. Therefore, friends, beware before falling into it. Enjoy life with your partner and kids... you will appreciate it.
Regards,
From India, Bangalore
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This message serves as an eye-opener for everybody. At some point in our lives, we all face this problem, and once we find ourselves in it, the way out seems quite impossible. Therefore, friends, beware before falling into it. Enjoy life with your partner and kids... you will appreciate it.
Regards,
From India, Bangalore
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It's hundred percent true that people are confusing their personal and official matters together. It's time to realize. Don't feel bad for your partner or parents restricting you to chat with your colleagues after office hours. It actually shows their care, affection, and their rights over you. It's a thing to be treasured and feel proud of the possessed relations. Don't argue that you have your rights, and especially don't mention that you are financially independent to your loved ones, which will break the relations at once. You have your lovable partner who really missed you for the past 8 hours (office time), and your mom near or far from you awaiting for your call. First, see the people around you to shower your love and affection. Actually, this is the need of the hour. We can make divorce-free and old age home-free India soon! Keep posting regarding this.
From India, Madras
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From India, Madras
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Hi Pradeepa,
Thank you very much for the article. Actually, one of my friends is involved in an extramarital affair, and I wanted to do something to help him refrain from such shameful acts. However, I was not finding the proper channel. Now, I will forward this article to him and hope that it opens his eyes, leading him to concentrate on his work and family.
Thanks again,
DS
From Singapore, Singapore
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Thank you very much for the article. Actually, one of my friends is involved in an extramarital affair, and I wanted to do something to help him refrain from such shameful acts. However, I was not finding the proper channel. Now, I will forward this article to him and hope that it opens his eyes, leading him to concentrate on his work and family.
Thanks again,
DS
From Singapore, Singapore
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good article but when love bites :icon12::icon12:, nothing could be done..:grin::grin::grin:
From India, Pune
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From India, Pune
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I fully agree with swathi & Pradepa and moreover people need to take councelling from a Psychologist with out hesitation for behavior change. prkumar
From India, Visakhapatnam
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From India, Visakhapatnam
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Happens to everyone in their day-to-day life. We have to accept the truth even if it hurts. Where is our culture moving? Serious issue... What can be done to save the love and faith partners have in others. Seniors, please advise!
From India, Madras
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From India, Madras
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Ardent appreciation for all those who jotted down their thoughts about the said topic... but let me add on a few more things.
Every relationship is safe in its own private space. Nobody can harm you, misguide you, or, for that matter, disgrace you unless you permit them to do so.
Relationships are the best keepsakes one can have for a lifetime. Morality is what you are born with, what you grow with, and what you carry throughout. With passing time, one gains maturity in all its intricacies, not merely physical. Every person knows what he/she should and shouldn't do. The blame game is all... if there is respect you bestow upon your relationships, you can't go astray. For men, life would be all about the girls you meet or mate, and for girls, life would be about the men you love or hate. These are specifics. Life is lived once and for all when it's for the people who live for you. Why burn your house and others too?
From India, Thiruvananthapuram
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Every relationship is safe in its own private space. Nobody can harm you, misguide you, or, for that matter, disgrace you unless you permit them to do so.
Relationships are the best keepsakes one can have for a lifetime. Morality is what you are born with, what you grow with, and what you carry throughout. With passing time, one gains maturity in all its intricacies, not merely physical. Every person knows what he/she should and shouldn't do. The blame game is all... if there is respect you bestow upon your relationships, you can't go astray. For men, life would be all about the girls you meet or mate, and for girls, life would be about the men you love or hate. These are specifics. Life is lived once and for all when it's for the people who live for you. Why burn your house and others too?
From India, Thiruvananthapuram
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Hi Pradepa,
That was a really heart-touching article. I agree with you. I have also seen the same situation with one of my friends. It's a really terrible and painful condition. I wish that more and more people read your article and follow the same.
Keep posting.
Regards,
Archana
From India, Delhi
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That was a really heart-touching article. I agree with you. I have also seen the same situation with one of my friends. It's a really terrible and painful condition. I wish that more and more people read your article and follow the same.
Keep posting.
Regards,
Archana
From India, Delhi
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Dear Reema,
Nobody will link you with your boss unless there is a scope. Maybe because somebody spends a lot of time with her boss during and after work hours as well. Perhaps one of them (the boss and a girl) is engaging in loose talk, or due to the body language of one or both of them, other colleagues are thinking in that manner.
So if you want to avoid such gossip, then your relationship with your boss should be limited to work only. You may not have anything in your mind, but your carefree attitude also leads people to think in that way.
Thank you,
Narendra
From India, Mumbai
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Nobody will link you with your boss unless there is a scope. Maybe because somebody spends a lot of time with her boss during and after work hours as well. Perhaps one of them (the boss and a girl) is engaging in loose talk, or due to the body language of one or both of them, other colleagues are thinking in that manner.
So if you want to avoid such gossip, then your relationship with your boss should be limited to work only. You may not have anything in your mind, but your carefree attitude also leads people to think in that way.
Thank you,
Narendra
From India, Mumbai
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Hi,
I agree with what you are saying. The major point you are making is clear - Colleagues are NOT friends. However, at some level, I think we are only human, and we live in a social setup. In that social setup, it becomes important for us to gain 'acceptance'. So, these desires must be contained.
I have completed my Masters in Counseling & Guidance and am dealing with such issues on a daily basis in my work. After working with a large Indian IT company for 4 years, I quit to start on my own.
The IT crowd is a fascinating lot from my point of view - they have so many desires, wishes, aims, and nothing seems to keep them happy for long enough! My question is, "When will you be happy? When will you be content?", for that is what we seek, is it not?
Aparna
email: apugonnab@gmail.com
phone: +91 9962039581
Integrated Systems, Chennai
From India, Madras
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I agree with what you are saying. The major point you are making is clear - Colleagues are NOT friends. However, at some level, I think we are only human, and we live in a social setup. In that social setup, it becomes important for us to gain 'acceptance'. So, these desires must be contained.
I have completed my Masters in Counseling & Guidance and am dealing with such issues on a daily basis in my work. After working with a large Indian IT company for 4 years, I quit to start on my own.
The IT crowd is a fascinating lot from my point of view - they have so many desires, wishes, aims, and nothing seems to keep them happy for long enough! My question is, "When will you be happy? When will you be content?", for that is what we seek, is it not?
Aparna
email: apugonnab@gmail.com
phone: +91 9962039581
Integrated Systems, Chennai
From India, Madras
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Dear Pradepa,
I hope you take this post in the right way. I am sure you wrote this article after being moved by something that made headlines in newspapers or experiences you may have seen in your friend's life or, for that matter, your own. I am not very sure about that as yet. But when I read through the article, I felt there is some kind of a mental block... sorry for saying that, but that's what I felt, and I don't know how many people would agree with that. Anyway, it was a nice start.
Now, when you are talking about people in your office, well, somewhere, it is important for you to work in a team with the same enthusiasm and synergy. If you keep your colleagues away from you, you may not be successful in achieving the desired results.
Why do you think it is wrong to talk to your counterparts? I mean, it gives you a better understanding of how the company is moving. Well, somewhere in your article, you said that all gossip can be done in the office. I don't think the company pays you for activities that are not related to work.
I will be continuing this post after some time. Till then, let me see how members respond to this post.
Regards,
Arun
From India, Bangalore
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I hope you take this post in the right way. I am sure you wrote this article after being moved by something that made headlines in newspapers or experiences you may have seen in your friend's life or, for that matter, your own. I am not very sure about that as yet. But when I read through the article, I felt there is some kind of a mental block... sorry for saying that, but that's what I felt, and I don't know how many people would agree with that. Anyway, it was a nice start.
Now, when you are talking about people in your office, well, somewhere, it is important for you to work in a team with the same enthusiasm and synergy. If you keep your colleagues away from you, you may not be successful in achieving the desired results.
Why do you think it is wrong to talk to your counterparts? I mean, it gives you a better understanding of how the company is moving. Well, somewhere in your article, you said that all gossip can be done in the office. I don't think the company pays you for activities that are not related to work.
I will be continuing this post after some time. Till then, let me see how members respond to this post.
Regards,
Arun
From India, Bangalore
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Hi Pradepa,
You have written a very good article and have done lots of studies. It is very touching. There is one case in my knowledge that also happened in my office, and it is really shameful to say that the person involved holds a very high post in our company. I will not disclose the name and post of that person, but I want to say that he and his wife both work in this office. After marriage, he told his wife to join this office, and it was easy because he is a very senior person not in age but in post. However, he was having an affair with a girl working in our office. Just after one year of his marriage, he divorced his wife just for that girl. Now, his wife and his girlfriend both do not work in the office, but he is still in a relationship with that girl.
I just want to say by this example that this is very regular in our life, which is very touching to our hearts, and normal people do not like this. Through this article, we can try to stop this thing from happening in our office. I don't know how much we will succeed by this, but I hope for the best.
Anu Singh
HR,
Nagpur.
From India, Pune
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You have written a very good article and have done lots of studies. It is very touching. There is one case in my knowledge that also happened in my office, and it is really shameful to say that the person involved holds a very high post in our company. I will not disclose the name and post of that person, but I want to say that he and his wife both work in this office. After marriage, he told his wife to join this office, and it was easy because he is a very senior person not in age but in post. However, he was having an affair with a girl working in our office. Just after one year of his marriage, he divorced his wife just for that girl. Now, his wife and his girlfriend both do not work in the office, but he is still in a relationship with that girl.
I just want to say by this example that this is very regular in our life, which is very touching to our hearts, and normal people do not like this. Through this article, we can try to stop this thing from happening in our office. I don't know how much we will succeed by this, but I hope for the best.
Anu Singh
HR,
Nagpur.
From India, Pune
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Hi Pradeep your article reflects a true picture but i have one querry how to aware employees in an organisation , is this come under HR role
From India, Lucknow
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From India, Lucknow
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Unfortunately, something I know a lot about. An extramarital affair between two colleagues in the same team at an office where I once worked ended disastrously with huge resentments building up within the team. Amazingly, within a six-month period of the affair ending, five out of the six people in that team were either fired or walked out as a direct result of this situation. A cautionary tale!
Emz
<link no longer exists - removed>
From United Kingdom
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Emz
<link no longer exists - removed>
From United Kingdom
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It's really very informative post. Thanks a ton to all who wrote and gave their suggestions on that. I would say extramarital affairs happen only when we are not happy with our married life and the things we expect from our spouse. If he/she is not meeting those expectations, we try to look for the same in somebody else.
But if you are mature enough, you'll understand the things...you'll not give importance to tiny things like...
- Haven't you called me up?
- You didn't give me any compliment on wearing a new dress.
There are so many small things which girls expect from their husband because they had been doing the same before marriage. But it's the truth that after marriage there are so many things to take care of that husbands generally take it lightly and don't do that. But it doesn't mean that they don't care or don't love.
Similarly, there are so many things husbands expect from their wives... They want them to be responsible, take care of them, be mature but at some times behave like their girlfriend to make them happy. They usually forget that their wife is also working, she may also be tired, she may have had a hectic day and may not be in the mood for cooking, etc.
So guys, I just want to say, besides giving your valuable time to useless chats and gossip with your colleague or anybody with whom you are running such kind of relationship, can't you think for some time...sit together, try to sort out what's going wrong exactly.
I wonder that people easily tell their friends that they are not happy with their spouse, what he/she does or doesn't, but you can't tell your spouse the same thing. Maintain transparency, guys! Tell the one what you like in him/her and what you don't. "Have less expectations and give more"... the only thing I would like to say. Try it, it's not so difficult.
Thanks,
Sandhya
From India, Delhi
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But if you are mature enough, you'll understand the things...you'll not give importance to tiny things like...
- Haven't you called me up?
- You didn't give me any compliment on wearing a new dress.
There are so many small things which girls expect from their husband because they had been doing the same before marriage. But it's the truth that after marriage there are so many things to take care of that husbands generally take it lightly and don't do that. But it doesn't mean that they don't care or don't love.
Similarly, there are so many things husbands expect from their wives... They want them to be responsible, take care of them, be mature but at some times behave like their girlfriend to make them happy. They usually forget that their wife is also working, she may also be tired, she may have had a hectic day and may not be in the mood for cooking, etc.
So guys, I just want to say, besides giving your valuable time to useless chats and gossip with your colleague or anybody with whom you are running such kind of relationship, can't you think for some time...sit together, try to sort out what's going wrong exactly.
I wonder that people easily tell their friends that they are not happy with their spouse, what he/she does or doesn't, but you can't tell your spouse the same thing. Maintain transparency, guys! Tell the one what you like in him/her and what you don't. "Have less expectations and give more"... the only thing I would like to say. Try it, it's not so difficult.
Thanks,
Sandhya
From India, Delhi
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Dear Pradepa,
Thank you for submitting such an article, which I found to be 100% true. I also suggest that you send this article across the nation to make people realize the value of life. Nowadays, in the metros (not only), we can see many people in this situation. They argue that this is their right, and nobody can question them. This is all because of cultural change and people becoming selfish.
Once again, please mail this article to everyone. I've done it today. Only through these actions can we stop or reduce the effects. Dear all, whoever reads this article, please send it to all.
From India, Madras
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Thank you for submitting such an article, which I found to be 100% true. I also suggest that you send this article across the nation to make people realize the value of life. Nowadays, in the metros (not only), we can see many people in this situation. They argue that this is their right, and nobody can question them. This is all because of cultural change and people becoming selfish.
Once again, please mail this article to everyone. I've done it today. Only through these actions can we stop or reduce the effects. Dear all, whoever reads this article, please send it to all.
From India, Madras
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Hey all...
Well, some more posts... it seems that all are interested in voicing themselves, so am I. Let me leave another post too.
Well, all would still be remembering the girl who was murdered by the guy whom she met through Orkut when the guy was already married. Think about business, fashion, media, in fact, celebrities... read the autobiography of V.S. Naipaul. Page 3 gossips all have, beyond time, indicated towards the so-called extramarital stuff. The havoc that it can bring in relationships, the lives it can make go haywire, aren't as small as it sounds. Untimely divorces, unwed mothers - are all these the assets the most intelligent species, we human beings, can capitalize on?
One single childish act or an act out of ego can spoil the entire family. When parents fail to be good parents, their children become even worse. Not because they were born so but because they were made so. When children do so, you judge their upbringing. Thus, if you enjoy having extramarital affairs, why marry in the first place and spoil somebody else's life?
Aparna Nair
From India, Thiruvananthapuram
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Well, some more posts... it seems that all are interested in voicing themselves, so am I. Let me leave another post too.
Well, all would still be remembering the girl who was murdered by the guy whom she met through Orkut when the guy was already married. Think about business, fashion, media, in fact, celebrities... read the autobiography of V.S. Naipaul. Page 3 gossips all have, beyond time, indicated towards the so-called extramarital stuff. The havoc that it can bring in relationships, the lives it can make go haywire, aren't as small as it sounds. Untimely divorces, unwed mothers - are all these the assets the most intelligent species, we human beings, can capitalize on?
One single childish act or an act out of ego can spoil the entire family. When parents fail to be good parents, their children become even worse. Not because they were born so but because they were made so. When children do so, you judge their upbringing. Thus, if you enjoy having extramarital affairs, why marry in the first place and spoil somebody else's life?
Aparna Nair
From India, Thiruvananthapuram
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Hi,
Can somebody please help me know details about the induction that is happening in Wipro, Satyam, and IBM? It's very urgent because these are vital inputs for my project titled "Training Benchmarking."
If anybody out there could kindly help me, please let me know. My email addresses are: kashish_852007@yahoo.com, aparna@dcschool.net.
Thanks,
Regards,
Aparna Nair
From India, Thiruvananthapuram
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Can somebody please help me know details about the induction that is happening in Wipro, Satyam, and IBM? It's very urgent because these are vital inputs for my project titled "Training Benchmarking."
If anybody out there could kindly help me, please let me know. My email addresses are: kashish_852007@yahoo.com, aparna@dcschool.net.
Thanks,
Regards,
Aparna Nair
From India, Thiruvananthapuram
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Hai Pradepa, Very informative article. I do agree with you. But every relationship depends on the situations around them. They should not change according to situations. Thanks, Prathima.
From India, Hyderabad
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From India, Hyderabad
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A very useful article. I have personally witnessed flirting and extramarital affairs within my office confines and sometimes get shocked that the ones who indulge in it are usually from respectable and "orthodox" backgrounds. Wonder what the solution to this could be?
From India, Mumbai
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From India, Mumbai
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These are situations that most of us overlook, but which impact our lives and the lives of our dear ones immensely.
Hope people act responsibly!
Thanks for taking the time to actually put down your thoughts.
From India, Bangalore
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Hope people act responsibly!
Thanks for taking the time to actually put down your thoughts.
From India, Bangalore
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Dear P,
Good post and timely. It is also true that the current generation lives for today. The values are changing. People try to substitute luxury facilities and money in place of genuine love. Respect for family values is on the wane.
VEERA
From India, Thrissur
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Good post and timely. It is also true that the current generation lives for today. The values are changing. People try to substitute luxury facilities and money in place of genuine love. Respect for family values is on the wane.
VEERA
From India, Thrissur
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hi pradeepa, now that... really was truth.....and very well said..... thnaks girl for sharing this:icon1: this could save others from making blunders...
From India, Hyderabad
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From India, Hyderabad
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Hi,
It is really true that most cases lead to a drastic and indigestible end. I also agree that colleagues are not always friends, and you may encounter a lot of politics in the workplace.
From India, Madras
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It is really true that most cases lead to a drastic and indigestible end. I also agree that colleagues are not always friends, and you may encounter a lot of politics in the workplace.
From India, Madras
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This is a very true fact.............. these type of relations always endup in sorrow. and its unforgettable tooooooooooo regards Sam
From India, Bangalore
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From India, Bangalore
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Really an eyeopener, As an hr of a company with 1000 employees, I see so many people indulging themselves in these affairs. God help them....
From India, Bangalore
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From India, Bangalore
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Hi Pradeepa,
Very true in the present-day scenario. I just hope your article delivers the desired outcome and brings about a change in the mindset of corporate individuals. Good effort... keep it up.
Regards,
Swaminath Adabala
From India, Hyderabad
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Very true in the present-day scenario. I just hope your article delivers the desired outcome and brings about a change in the mindset of corporate individuals. Good effort... keep it up.
Regards,
Swaminath Adabala
From India, Hyderabad
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Hello, I was impressed to read the article, off course it was an eye opener, and will just say prevention is better than cure.
From Pakistan, Islamabad
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From Pakistan, Islamabad
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Good one! Hard-hitting article - but true! Is there another answer besides self-restraint? HR Managers can't start moral policing. They can only act when a situation arises. Maybe your article should be a part of the induction training program :) especially in BPOs.
From India, Bangalore
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From India, Bangalore
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Thank you for conveying such a useful message. It is a situation that must be addressed. However, trust me, it happens only when both colleagues are in the mood to flirt. Even if one of them is sensible enough, it usually ends there. This is especially common in export houses and BPOs, where the younger generation has started earning money but may not be mature enough to handle it. India is becoming more westernized, which is affecting our culture. I hope your message will reach at least one pair of colleagues engaged in such behavior.
From India, Mumbai
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From India, Mumbai
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Great...
This is really a very burning subject in the corporate world today.
The better you are, the better you can handle the situation.
So, it is only me who can control myself. Everyone should understand the reality behind it. By having extra-marital affairs, we not only break one relationship but also spoil many people's lives.
Regards, Prasanna
From India, Delhi
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This is really a very burning subject in the corporate world today.
The better you are, the better you can handle the situation.
So, it is only me who can control myself. Everyone should understand the reality behind it. By having extra-marital affairs, we not only break one relationship but also spoil many people's lives.
Regards, Prasanna
From India, Delhi
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Dear All, Very informative ,but shall ij ask u one question ,can any control imposed on this type of affairs in organization itself
From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
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From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
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Hi PRADEPA,
Thank you for such a nice article. It's really true that for your peace of mind and the happiness of your family, drawing clear lines between office and home is a must. Maybe society has become much more advanced nowadays, but some things never change, and therefore these relationships must be dealt with sincerity. Keep posting such articles.
From India, Varanasi
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Thank you for such a nice article. It's really true that for your peace of mind and the happiness of your family, drawing clear lines between office and home is a must. Maybe society has become much more advanced nowadays, but some things never change, and therefore these relationships must be dealt with sincerity. Keep posting such articles.
From India, Varanasi
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Hi Pradeepa, Indeed a very nice article and the responce shows it all. Its some thing out of books and appreciate your initiative to work on such issues. Once again Grt job
From United States, New Bedford
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From United States, New Bedford
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Hi Pradepa,
How are you doing?
I would like to say one thing. This is the most valuable article I have ever read in my life.
There is a reason for that. The same incident happened to me also. I worked in a company for 6 years. I considered my colleagues as my friends. A big mistake! I used to call my colleagues after office hours, especially girls. One girl responded quickly, and what happened is we couldn't stop talking. It continued on a 24/7 basis for more than 1 year. It really affected my career, and eventually, I realized it.
Whenever I tried to stop this, I faced a lot of pressure from that girl as she tried to commit suicide. But with God's help, everything ended in a peaceful manner. Thanks to God.
I learned a big lesson in my life. "My colleagues are not friends."
I would like to convey one more message. I think, as Pradepa mentioned, girls should be more careful. Why I am saying this is that from my experience, girls are more interested in extramarital affairs than boys.
Anyway, I thank once again Pradepa for this valuable article.
Regards,
Abhilash
From India, Kollam
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How are you doing?
I would like to say one thing. This is the most valuable article I have ever read in my life.
There is a reason for that. The same incident happened to me also. I worked in a company for 6 years. I considered my colleagues as my friends. A big mistake! I used to call my colleagues after office hours, especially girls. One girl responded quickly, and what happened is we couldn't stop talking. It continued on a 24/7 basis for more than 1 year. It really affected my career, and eventually, I realized it.
Whenever I tried to stop this, I faced a lot of pressure from that girl as she tried to commit suicide. But with God's help, everything ended in a peaceful manner. Thanks to God.
I learned a big lesson in my life. "My colleagues are not friends."
I would like to convey one more message. I think, as Pradepa mentioned, girls should be more careful. Why I am saying this is that from my experience, girls are more interested in extramarital affairs than boys.
Anyway, I thank once again Pradepa for this valuable article.
Regards,
Abhilash
From India, Kollam
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I don't know in which part of the world you come from and what you analyze out of the entire episode, buddy. If you go back to the 1960s or 70s in your mum and papa's time, even at that time, people had extramarital affairs. What were the reasons? I ask you, if your wife is just like Lalita Pawar of Hindi movies, what will you do?
From India
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From India
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Hi Pradepa!
Truly practical article. I have seen one of my married friends involved with his colleague, who, though having a boyfriend, was influenced by the soft, polite talks of my friend, who was her senior. Upon learning that my friend was married, she could not resist his charm and continued to engage with him, eventually leading to her losing her virginity. Your article is indeed very helpful in navigating this so-called modern life and western culture. We take pride in our culture and, ultimately, we value our relationships, be it with family members or spouses. It is essential for women to control such antisocial activities in the workplace or at college because, no matter what occurs, whether good or bad, we always return home.
Very nice to be embraced by all youth!
Chandresh Bhardwaj
Officer, Personnel & HR Department.
From India, Ahmadabad
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Truly practical article. I have seen one of my married friends involved with his colleague, who, though having a boyfriend, was influenced by the soft, polite talks of my friend, who was her senior. Upon learning that my friend was married, she could not resist his charm and continued to engage with him, eventually leading to her losing her virginity. Your article is indeed very helpful in navigating this so-called modern life and western culture. We take pride in our culture and, ultimately, we value our relationships, be it with family members or spouses. It is essential for women to control such antisocial activities in the workplace or at college because, no matter what occurs, whether good or bad, we always return home.
Very nice to be embraced by all youth!
Chandresh Bhardwaj
Officer, Personnel & HR Department.
From India, Ahmadabad
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The article is good and an eye-opener for both genders irrespective of their age. But in the prevailing globalized living style, citizens will not accept this mantra, branding us as orthodox. However, self-control and methods of bringing up children may give results. Today's teenagers are tomorrow's parents. Hence, they should be educated.
From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
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From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
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Dear Pradeepa & other friends,
What a sea of reactions, one's own experiences, appreciations, comments... evoked by this article! Is this happening only in workplaces or even in other places also? Where do the friends come from? Are they different from your colleagues? Are they coming from a different plane itself? Do we not understand workplace ethics? Do we not know the limits of any relationships?
We all know all of the above. But nowadays, most of us damn care about it. What could be the reason for all this? Is it time-pass? Is it psychological imbalance? Is it searching for something which a person has not got in his life? Is it a lack of morality? Is it family problems? In my opinion... all these are true. Think without giving room for any pre-notions. You are in society amidst a social group. You are a social animal. Why were our elders saying, "Too much is too bad"? You cannot live without any company. Making friends among your colleagues is not a blunder. If it is true friendship, it will definitely have its own secure boundary. Nobody will try to invade others' territory.
We have to restrain ourselves. We should know the difference between Family and Friends. Both are required for peaceful living in society. But at the same time, Family Life is the Most Important thing in life, not undermining the importance of Good Friendship. Each one of us should draw a line for ourselves, no need to be told by others - what is our commitment towards our family and friends. Many times, there are instances where a FRIEND acts as a mediator in setting the family relationships. It is all in our hands. Our controlling power should be such that we should have only such thoughts at a particular time, as we desire to have. No more, no less. Also, if I cannot remain loving as well as lawful, it is certain that I lack some power. We have to check ourselves and fill it.
These types of relationships referred to by Pradeepa are mostly in the BPOs and IT-related industries. Just because they work together for long hours, a sort of attachment - true or superfluous - will occur. But one should treat others' life and career as important as his/hers!
Lastly, I would like to say - Friendship among colleagues is not wrong. But one should understand the limits of that friendship. Decisions should be dictated by what's right, not by what it might cost us to do what's right!!
- Srinaren
From India, Bangalore
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What a sea of reactions, one's own experiences, appreciations, comments... evoked by this article! Is this happening only in workplaces or even in other places also? Where do the friends come from? Are they different from your colleagues? Are they coming from a different plane itself? Do we not understand workplace ethics? Do we not know the limits of any relationships?
We all know all of the above. But nowadays, most of us damn care about it. What could be the reason for all this? Is it time-pass? Is it psychological imbalance? Is it searching for something which a person has not got in his life? Is it a lack of morality? Is it family problems? In my opinion... all these are true. Think without giving room for any pre-notions. You are in society amidst a social group. You are a social animal. Why were our elders saying, "Too much is too bad"? You cannot live without any company. Making friends among your colleagues is not a blunder. If it is true friendship, it will definitely have its own secure boundary. Nobody will try to invade others' territory.
We have to restrain ourselves. We should know the difference between Family and Friends. Both are required for peaceful living in society. But at the same time, Family Life is the Most Important thing in life, not undermining the importance of Good Friendship. Each one of us should draw a line for ourselves, no need to be told by others - what is our commitment towards our family and friends. Many times, there are instances where a FRIEND acts as a mediator in setting the family relationships. It is all in our hands. Our controlling power should be such that we should have only such thoughts at a particular time, as we desire to have. No more, no less. Also, if I cannot remain loving as well as lawful, it is certain that I lack some power. We have to check ourselves and fill it.
These types of relationships referred to by Pradeepa are mostly in the BPOs and IT-related industries. Just because they work together for long hours, a sort of attachment - true or superfluous - will occur. But one should treat others' life and career as important as his/hers!
Lastly, I would like to say - Friendship among colleagues is not wrong. But one should understand the limits of that friendship. Decisions should be dictated by what's right, not by what it might cost us to do what's right!!
- Srinaren
From India, Bangalore
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Pradepa,
I appreciate your initiative to bring facts in a concrete manner to the table. Looking at the dynamics, it is a very hot issue.
I am Subhanish Malhotra, working with Arvind in Ahmedabad.
Regards,
Subhanish Malhotra
From India, Indore
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I appreciate your initiative to bring facts in a concrete manner to the table. Looking at the dynamics, it is a very hot issue.
I am Subhanish Malhotra, working with Arvind in Ahmedabad.
Regards,
Subhanish Malhotra
From India, Indore
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Dear Pradepa,
I appreciate your initiative to bring facts to the table in a concrete manner.
Looking at the dynamics, it is a very hot issue.
I am Subhanish Malhotra, working with Arvind in Ahmedabad.
Regards,
Subhanish Malhotra
From India, Indore
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I appreciate your initiative to bring facts to the table in a concrete manner.
Looking at the dynamics, it is a very hot issue.
I am Subhanish Malhotra, working with Arvind in Ahmedabad.
Regards,
Subhanish Malhotra
From India, Indore
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Hey guys,
This article is very good, and every word in it is true. I did get into this situation, and luckily, I got married to the same girl but had to face a lot of fire from others. Keep up the good work! God bless you.
From India, Mumbai
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This article is very good, and every word in it is true. I did get into this situation, and luckily, I got married to the same girl but had to face a lot of fire from others. Keep up the good work! God bless you.
From India, Mumbai
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Hi Pradepa Very good information shared. Are following the same in our personal life. Krishnamoorthy
From India, Mumbai
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From India, Mumbai
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Extra-marital affairs with colleagues - Serious Matter . Extra-marital affair with any one is a serious matter!!!! Why only with collegues?? Siva
From India, Chennai
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From India, Chennai
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You have only focused on only females/girls, but it's the duty of males also to be faithful, honest, and sincere with their spouses.
To All,
Please don't eliminate our sacred Indian culture where we view girls as Kanjka, Tiyan, Behan, Maa. It will have adverse effects on society and our families.
Is something like this happening with any of your family members?
From India, Ambala
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To All,
Please don't eliminate our sacred Indian culture where we view girls as Kanjka, Tiyan, Behan, Maa. It will have adverse effects on society and our families.
Is something like this happening with any of your family members?
From India, Ambala
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Hi Pradepa,
Please advise me. My friend is having an affair with a married guy. He got married this year in February, but she is trying to end it. She has even stopped answering his calls but still feels helpless. Please advise me on how to help her.
From India, Delhi
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Please advise me. My friend is having an affair with a married guy. He got married this year in February, but she is trying to end it. She has even stopped answering his calls but still feels helpless. Please advise me on how to help her.
From India, Delhi
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It's a good article and highly relevant to the present-day corporates or any other organizations. There is certainly a need to maintain healthy relationships. One must avoid unnecessary long talks on the telephone. It keeps relationships in good shape, and everybody will be happy.
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Dear Pradeepa and others,
This is a very serious problem, and I am glad you have put it on record for everyone to consider how best to combat it.
However, I cannot help thinking that a 24/7 relationship like the one you have described would have the most adverse effects on each participant's work - how can you concentrate on work when your mind is constantly wandering to other non-work issues?
Also, the more public such an 'affair' becomes, it starts sending wrong messages to other colleagues and encourages them to follow the same example - utterly damaging work relationships and eventually harming the organization itself because work suffers considerably by such behavior .... not to mention the suffering of innocent members of the participants' immediate family when such extra-marital relationships develop.
Perhaps HR could counsel such participants tactfully and also spread the word around that such relationships are highly damaging to everyone and should be avoided at all costs. Comments from colleagues on this suggestion?
Jeroo
From India, Mumbai
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This is a very serious problem, and I am glad you have put it on record for everyone to consider how best to combat it.
However, I cannot help thinking that a 24/7 relationship like the one you have described would have the most adverse effects on each participant's work - how can you concentrate on work when your mind is constantly wandering to other non-work issues?
Also, the more public such an 'affair' becomes, it starts sending wrong messages to other colleagues and encourages them to follow the same example - utterly damaging work relationships and eventually harming the organization itself because work suffers considerably by such behavior .... not to mention the suffering of innocent members of the participants' immediate family when such extra-marital relationships develop.
Perhaps HR could counsel such participants tactfully and also spread the word around that such relationships are highly damaging to everyone and should be avoided at all costs. Comments from colleagues on this suggestion?
Jeroo
From India, Mumbai
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Fantastic article, Pradepa. Very well-written and makes a lot of common sense. I think HR in organizations should address this issue in a more systematic way. Maybe begin a forum to start with.
Thanks again.
Anup Soans
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Thanks again.
Anup Soans
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Hi Pradeepa,
I am sure that your message will reach all people employed in corporates, especially BPOs and IT firms. A similar kind of affair is going on in my current organization as well. One of our Project Managers, who is married with one child, has an affair with his team member. After knowing this, his wife used to come to our office weeping, but this man had no heart for her. He asked her to leave the house and stay with her parents. After the management came to know of this, they fired him. He's currently working in Bangalore.
I appreciate the management for having taken such a good decision. He was a very good resource, but if we hadn't taken any decision, he could have done more damage to others around.
From India, Kochi
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I am sure that your message will reach all people employed in corporates, especially BPOs and IT firms. A similar kind of affair is going on in my current organization as well. One of our Project Managers, who is married with one child, has an affair with his team member. After knowing this, his wife used to come to our office weeping, but this man had no heart for her. He asked her to leave the house and stay with her parents. After the management came to know of this, they fired him. He's currently working in Bangalore.
I appreciate the management for having taken such a good decision. He was a very good resource, but if we hadn't taken any decision, he could have done more damage to others around.
From India, Kochi
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Hi Pradeepa, yr article on extra-marital affairs with colleagues is a thought provoking.one. Nowadays culture has gone down.Everyone should have moral values.Regards. Anukrish
From India, Hyderabad
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From India, Hyderabad
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Dear Pradeepa,
Quite an interesting and relevant discussion. What you have described is absolutely right. We are reading the likes of Neethatri Hatyakand, Susairaj/Grover murder case, Hyderabad, Bangalore tragedies every day in National and Local dailies. This has started happening in well-educated middle-class aspiring families. This is bound to happen, as we have forgotten the "Ekanta" and self-introspection in the daily speed of life. Added to that, the media is playing havoc where serials full of Murder, Property disputes, Double Games, Extra Marital Relations, Family Discords, etc., are shown in plenty and are being watched by Three generations together in most of the houses, over dinner day after days.
In one of his verses, Samartha Ramdas has said "Ramarupi Antaratma darshane Dosha Nasati," which means If we see the Atmaram or the Divya Tatva in ourselves in the form of Rama or for that matter in any other form, it will burn all our Doshas and will always keep us on the righteous path. But today, to talk like this amongst colleagues, who would like to spend the evenings in Discotheques and Bars, has also become a matter of Joke. We need to give ourselves at least 30 minutes of undisturbed Ekanta to be with ourselves and experience the power of "NOW," i.e., that very moment, as explained by Eckhart Tolle in his book 'The Power Of Now.' It will take us beyond happiness and sorrow as we will experience 'the Joy of Being' by witnessing "Conscious Presence." We shall transcend the mind and time continuum, which are the 'Bandhanas' we are all entangled in. This is the only Salvation or Freedom from Today's Societal ills and Evils. If Practiced collectively like in the Churches or in the Kirtans/Pravachanas, it may have a better and faster effect to correct the Collective Shoka and Dukkha.
Hope you agree with me.
Thanks,
P.R. Joshi
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Quite an interesting and relevant discussion. What you have described is absolutely right. We are reading the likes of Neethatri Hatyakand, Susairaj/Grover murder case, Hyderabad, Bangalore tragedies every day in National and Local dailies. This has started happening in well-educated middle-class aspiring families. This is bound to happen, as we have forgotten the "Ekanta" and self-introspection in the daily speed of life. Added to that, the media is playing havoc where serials full of Murder, Property disputes, Double Games, Extra Marital Relations, Family Discords, etc., are shown in plenty and are being watched by Three generations together in most of the houses, over dinner day after days.
In one of his verses, Samartha Ramdas has said "Ramarupi Antaratma darshane Dosha Nasati," which means If we see the Atmaram or the Divya Tatva in ourselves in the form of Rama or for that matter in any other form, it will burn all our Doshas and will always keep us on the righteous path. But today, to talk like this amongst colleagues, who would like to spend the evenings in Discotheques and Bars, has also become a matter of Joke. We need to give ourselves at least 30 minutes of undisturbed Ekanta to be with ourselves and experience the power of "NOW," i.e., that very moment, as explained by Eckhart Tolle in his book 'The Power Of Now.' It will take us beyond happiness and sorrow as we will experience 'the Joy of Being' by witnessing "Conscious Presence." We shall transcend the mind and time continuum, which are the 'Bandhanas' we are all entangled in. This is the only Salvation or Freedom from Today's Societal ills and Evils. If Practiced collectively like in the Churches or in the Kirtans/Pravachanas, it may have a better and faster effect to correct the Collective Shoka and Dukkha.
Hope you agree with me.
Thanks,
P.R. Joshi
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Pradeepa,
It is a well-written initiative. I feel management has a social responsibility in this issue. It is the organization that brings both sexes together at work. Hence, it is necessary to maintain the workplace at a professional level.
a) No hideouts within the office.
b) Encourage meetings/discussions only in conference rooms.
c) Counsel chatting/roaming individuals.
d) Family socializing during functions.
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It is a well-written initiative. I feel management has a social responsibility in this issue. It is the organization that brings both sexes together at work. Hence, it is necessary to maintain the workplace at a professional level.
a) No hideouts within the office.
b) Encourage meetings/discussions only in conference rooms.
c) Counsel chatting/roaming individuals.
d) Family socializing during functions.
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Dear Pradeepa,
Very nice article. When a marriage hits rock bottom, it's not only the partners but also the kids who have to undergo an emotional wreck. Since these issues are not addressed, many people don't know how to deal with this. As a psychologist, many people come to me with the same issues. There are people who do not know where to draw limits; there are others who fall for emotional blackmail. I think that these issues should be addressed and even brought into HR policies.
Cheers to Pradeepa.
Dhannya
From India, Alappuzha
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Very nice article. When a marriage hits rock bottom, it's not only the partners but also the kids who have to undergo an emotional wreck. Since these issues are not addressed, many people don't know how to deal with this. As a psychologist, many people come to me with the same issues. There are people who do not know where to draw limits; there are others who fall for emotional blackmail. I think that these issues should be addressed and even brought into HR policies.
Cheers to Pradeepa.
Dhannya
From India, Alappuzha
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Hi Pradeepa sounds pessimistic. Who flirts with whom is not a matter of concern; an individual who wants to talk about him/herself would start a conversation. To what extent it is taken and understood depends upon those involved. Having a healthy and jovial discussion cannot be termed as flirtatious; any guy or girl appreciating someone's top or lower is not offensive. How you take a conversation and how you interpret matters most. Extra-marital affairs and relationships don't last long; loose talks and barbs cannot be stopped if we sit and ponder about who is talking about us and become conscious about ourselves; we would not enjoy working in any organization. Hence, Pradeepa's views are childish. Statutory warnings -- it's like sharing your gossips or probably her experience horribly gone wrong. We are grown-ups, and we know how and what to say and when - not dictated.
Regards,
Vijay
From India, New Delhi
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Regards,
Vijay
From India, New Delhi
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I am very surprised to read about such extramarital affairs building up in the office. I feel that every relationship, if kept within proper boundaries, would retain the sanctity it is supposed to exude.
I am presently working in the GCC in HR. Here, the incidence of extramarital affairs is low, probably due to the cultural differences in the business environments.
From Kuwait, Kuwait
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I am presently working in the GCC in HR. Here, the incidence of extramarital affairs is low, probably due to the cultural differences in the business environments.
From Kuwait, Kuwait
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i think we should respect that girl and appreciate that she has been so honest to the organnization. lets be human once again and help that poor female.
From India, Nasik
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From India, Nasik
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Hi Pradeepa, A very good and clearly explained article ......... Thank you for starting such a serious and eyeopener issue. People pls think before you indulge in to such activities.. Viranchi
From India, Hyderabad
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From India, Hyderabad
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Thank you so much!!its really a very good and practical article. You have mentioned so many things which looks usual and we do mistake there, but you have alart to all of us, thanx once again
From India, Delhi
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From India, Delhi
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It's all about the maturity level of an employee in choosing good or bad for his/her life.
All lies in a person's mindset, and for this kind of people, if not a colleague, the affair could be with someone else as they don't have control over their behavior.
From India, Bangalore
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All lies in a person's mindset, and for this kind of people, if not a colleague, the affair could be with someone else as they don't have control over their behavior.
From India, Bangalore
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Dear Balampreet,
As for your friend, she should avoid the guy. We should think of ourselves if we fall prey to such a situation. She should talk to him very clearly. If it does not help, she should seek help from family.
From India, Gurgaon
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As for your friend, she should avoid the guy. We should think of ourselves if we fall prey to such a situation. She should talk to him very clearly. If it does not help, she should seek help from family.
From India, Gurgaon
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Hi Pradeep,
I completely agree with your article. We, as individuals, first need to be more responsible to our family and ourselves. Let's make a conscious decision not to cross the line because if we don't want to, no one can force us to do such things. Reasons are the worst to be given once caught; accept or tell the loved ones today if anyone has faltered. Maybe difficult in the beginning but better late than when one gets caught. Trust me, you will feel at peace.
Regards,
Gargi
From India, Bangalore
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I completely agree with your article. We, as individuals, first need to be more responsible to our family and ourselves. Let's make a conscious decision not to cross the line because if we don't want to, no one can force us to do such things. Reasons are the worst to be given once caught; accept or tell the loved ones today if anyone has faltered. Maybe difficult in the beginning but better late than when one gets caught. Trust me, you will feel at peace.
Regards,
Gargi
From India, Bangalore
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Hi Pradepa,
Excellent article, a must-read for all of us. We should take it very seriously. Nowadays, divorce rates are increasing, particularly in the IT sector. Have any of us thought about why it is happening? This is one of the reasons. Whatever we do directly affects our family and reflects our character, leading to numerous problems. Ultimately, it tarnishes our name, damages the affection of our loved ones, and disrupts everything in our lives. Why should we knowingly engage in it?
One thing I would like to say: keep your distance, draw a line, and never cross it. This may be difficult initially, but it will bring about many positive changes within us.
Good one, Pradepa. Thanks.
From India, Bharat
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Excellent article, a must-read for all of us. We should take it very seriously. Nowadays, divorce rates are increasing, particularly in the IT sector. Have any of us thought about why it is happening? This is one of the reasons. Whatever we do directly affects our family and reflects our character, leading to numerous problems. Ultimately, it tarnishes our name, damages the affection of our loved ones, and disrupts everything in our lives. Why should we knowingly engage in it?
One thing I would like to say: keep your distance, draw a line, and never cross it. This may be difficult initially, but it will bring about many positive changes within us.
Good one, Pradepa. Thanks.
From India, Bharat
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Hi Pradepa,
Very nice article... in fact a lesson. Actually, my colleagues always blame me for not talking to them after office hours. I speak to them only about official matters; when it comes to personal issues, I always remain quiet. But I've heard gossip circulating about my lack of communication with colleagues. After reading your article, I felt so happy that I shared my experience, which is opposite to what your article suggests. I am content with what I am doing.
Thank you for such a good article.
Regards,
Vidya
From India, Mumbai
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Very nice article... in fact a lesson. Actually, my colleagues always blame me for not talking to them after office hours. I speak to them only about official matters; when it comes to personal issues, I always remain quiet. But I've heard gossip circulating about my lack of communication with colleagues. After reading your article, I felt so happy that I shared my experience, which is opposite to what your article suggests. I am content with what I am doing.
Thank you for such a good article.
Regards,
Vidya
From India, Mumbai
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Hi Vijay Karthik,
Good job, Pradeep. I have given the heading as "Cultural Importance Should Be Taught" because nowadays, by the age of 20 and younger, individuals are entering call centers, and by the age of 24, engineers are joining software companies. This is the age at which parents should be with them as they easily adapt to various environments. Therefore, companies need to be very strict in cultural aspects and everything.
The article is good! Citehr members can start a group to emphasize the importance of cultural aspects. Once again, hats off to Pradeepa for posting this article! :-P
Vijay Karthik
From India, Coimbatore
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Good job, Pradeep. I have given the heading as "Cultural Importance Should Be Taught" because nowadays, by the age of 20 and younger, individuals are entering call centers, and by the age of 24, engineers are joining software companies. This is the age at which parents should be with them as they easily adapt to various environments. Therefore, companies need to be very strict in cultural aspects and everything.
The article is good! Citehr members can start a group to emphasize the importance of cultural aspects. Once again, hats off to Pradeepa for posting this article! :-P
Vijay Karthik
From India, Coimbatore
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Hi Pradepa,
I am still a student, yet to enter into the 'Big-Bad-Corporate world'.... So I really appreciate your enlightenment on the current "TRENDS" happening in the working life. Now I'll know what signs to look out for and how to avoid such unwanted behavior from others. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you once again.
Regards,
Anuja
From Philippines
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I am still a student, yet to enter into the 'Big-Bad-Corporate world'.... So I really appreciate your enlightenment on the current "TRENDS" happening in the working life. Now I'll know what signs to look out for and how to avoid such unwanted behavior from others. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you once again.
Regards,
Anuja
From Philippines
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Ms. Pradepa,
Whatever you have discussed is true and needs a lot of thinking, but my personal request to you is to be a little more broad-minded and modern. Your article has a lot of derogatory remarks about humans, especially females, and is filled with prejudice.
In an office, people interact, and yes, they like to stay in touch after the office for various reasons, not just for flirting. In today's 24x7 world, this is common.
Also, you have been solely blaming the ladies who talk to their male counterparts and have accused them of being selfish or loose in nature. Have you considered that it may also be the responsibility of the husband to communicate his feelings and insecurities to her?
Hoping to see a better article from you next time.
Regards, A.B
From India, Pune
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Whatever you have discussed is true and needs a lot of thinking, but my personal request to you is to be a little more broad-minded and modern. Your article has a lot of derogatory remarks about humans, especially females, and is filled with prejudice.
In an office, people interact, and yes, they like to stay in touch after the office for various reasons, not just for flirting. In today's 24x7 world, this is common.
Also, you have been solely blaming the ladies who talk to their male counterparts and have accused them of being selfish or loose in nature. Have you considered that it may also be the responsibility of the husband to communicate his feelings and insecurities to her?
Hoping to see a better article from you next time.
Regards, A.B
From India, Pune
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Hey Pradipa Thanks for this article its actually helpful. This has actually become a social/corporate culture problem.. Solution as always is your conscience and commitments. Regards Bhumika
From India, Pune
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From India, Pune
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thn u shud divorce tht Lalita powar type female and then look out..rather the cheating stuff...
From India, Pune
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From India, Pune
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Dear Pradepa
Thanks for this wonderful article. You have actually penned down the things every one of sees or come across every day.
Many a times we are not sure how to handle this…or how to deal with it.. but I’m sure your article will definitely be a great help for girls n guys in handling such matters…
Great Job…Hats off to you.. …
Cheers,
Gayatri
From India, Bangalore
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Thanks for this wonderful article. You have actually penned down the things every one of sees or come across every day.
Many a times we are not sure how to handle this…or how to deal with it.. but I’m sure your article will definitely be a great help for girls n guys in handling such matters…
Great Job…Hats off to you.. …
Cheers,
Gayatri
From India, Bangalore
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Thank you a lot, Pradepa. It's really heart-touching. It's exactly what's happening in my office too. I don't know what to do or how to tell them exactly. After reading your article, I sent it to all my colleagues. At least they can understand what is right.
Regards,
Anitha Ganneboina
From India, Hyderabad
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Regards,
Anitha Ganneboina
From India, Hyderabad
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I have been reading all the views expressed here with interest. Almost every post, except a couple of meek ones, seem to suggest that romance (and more) at work place is a bad thing, both for the individuals concerned and the organization alike. Though I suspect one of the main reasons for this is what I would call the typical Indian outlook, I would rather not offer my own views on the subject here. Instead, I am reproducing a published article on the subject here (not mine):
NEW ADDITIONAL WORKING SPOUSE (IN ADDITION TO THE ONE AT HOME)
Working on a tight schedule in an office, 6 days a week, 12 hours a day, and which is the major part a person is awake, has resulted into new relationships being forged at the work place. People as a tendency try to find comfort level in whatever they do or who ever they meet, and same is the position in the office work place and more so which results into a ‘special’ attraction or bond between a male and female colleague. Say for instance Ms. Pooja Nair a 21 year old analyst and her senior Manish Paul, 28 year old, share a beautiful relationship. They spend a major part of the day at their work place, travel together to the nearest distance of their homes, together share their lunch and even go for shopping together, taking into consideration each others likes and dislikes. Though they claim their relations are strictly platonic, they confide in each other, what normally a man would not confide in a woman, try to understand each other, try to be a comfort in each other, as well as support each other, not only in working lines but even otherwise.
This has also resulted into several marriages breaking up for reasons such as, less time spent at home, disliked by their house wives or by their husbands who are at home considering their counter parts’ close relationship in the office. This has resulted into several cases of divorce at the home front and a new bond of marriage as a result of “Office spouse”.
On the office front it has resulted into improvement in productivity, more time and effort being spent by “spouse couples” in the office, resulting into greater productivity. It also ensures greater alertness in the office front due to the presence of the counter part. As organizations have realized, “project spouse” is the key to beating deadlines. For eg: Mansi Shenoy, a 25 year old commercial artist who works for an ad agency. She has been “married” to her office spouse, Rohan Shetty, also 25, for a year now. Mansi feels their hectic work life led them to look out for a parallel support system in each other: “We end up discussing everything that happens in our lives. We have an amazing rapport, and this helps us complete our work ahead of our deadlines”.
Rohan, acknowledges a jump in his performance. “Working with Mansi helps me tremendously, as I can give my best without being worried about future. I know If I go wrong, she will make up for it. Also I am eager to get to work everyday and don’t mind putting in longer houses.
Such like espousing is beneficial to both the organization as well as the employees as long as the personal and professional lines aren’t crossed.
Earlier office romance was looked upon as a “taboo”, but now with the change of time and more openness in the approach, has resulted into greater “office spouses”.
However, interestingly, most real life spouses are now open to such office relationships. For instance, Shreya enjoys a great rapport with Hemants’ wife. Rohit’s girlfriend too knows about his relationship with Soumya. In fact it is Soumya who takes her calls when Rohit is driving.
In the world of spouses, there are just two commandments. “If you desire happiness, discover it at home. If you seek motivation find it in your work place”. As long as you don’t breach other, you are fine. Indeed, you are ready for promotion.
Regards,
Raj
From India, Mumbai
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NEW ADDITIONAL WORKING SPOUSE (IN ADDITION TO THE ONE AT HOME)
Working on a tight schedule in an office, 6 days a week, 12 hours a day, and which is the major part a person is awake, has resulted into new relationships being forged at the work place. People as a tendency try to find comfort level in whatever they do or who ever they meet, and same is the position in the office work place and more so which results into a ‘special’ attraction or bond between a male and female colleague. Say for instance Ms. Pooja Nair a 21 year old analyst and her senior Manish Paul, 28 year old, share a beautiful relationship. They spend a major part of the day at their work place, travel together to the nearest distance of their homes, together share their lunch and even go for shopping together, taking into consideration each others likes and dislikes. Though they claim their relations are strictly platonic, they confide in each other, what normally a man would not confide in a woman, try to understand each other, try to be a comfort in each other, as well as support each other, not only in working lines but even otherwise.
This has also resulted into several marriages breaking up for reasons such as, less time spent at home, disliked by their house wives or by their husbands who are at home considering their counter parts’ close relationship in the office. This has resulted into several cases of divorce at the home front and a new bond of marriage as a result of “Office spouse”.
On the office front it has resulted into improvement in productivity, more time and effort being spent by “spouse couples” in the office, resulting into greater productivity. It also ensures greater alertness in the office front due to the presence of the counter part. As organizations have realized, “project spouse” is the key to beating deadlines. For eg: Mansi Shenoy, a 25 year old commercial artist who works for an ad agency. She has been “married” to her office spouse, Rohan Shetty, also 25, for a year now. Mansi feels their hectic work life led them to look out for a parallel support system in each other: “We end up discussing everything that happens in our lives. We have an amazing rapport, and this helps us complete our work ahead of our deadlines”.
Rohan, acknowledges a jump in his performance. “Working with Mansi helps me tremendously, as I can give my best without being worried about future. I know If I go wrong, she will make up for it. Also I am eager to get to work everyday and don’t mind putting in longer houses.
Such like espousing is beneficial to both the organization as well as the employees as long as the personal and professional lines aren’t crossed.
Earlier office romance was looked upon as a “taboo”, but now with the change of time and more openness in the approach, has resulted into greater “office spouses”.
However, interestingly, most real life spouses are now open to such office relationships. For instance, Shreya enjoys a great rapport with Hemants’ wife. Rohit’s girlfriend too knows about his relationship with Soumya. In fact it is Soumya who takes her calls when Rohit is driving.
In the world of spouses, there are just two commandments. “If you desire happiness, discover it at home. If you seek motivation find it in your work place”. As long as you don’t breach other, you are fine. Indeed, you are ready for promotion.
Regards,
Raj
From India, Mumbai
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Hi Pradeepa, The detail discussion is really good.I hope all the people who brouse this cite will check and spread the same and avoid misunderstandings. BST
From India
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From India
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Good article, Pradeepa. I appreciate you for taking the time to share such an informative article. It's really good. I will definitely share this information with all of my colleagues and friends. Thank you, dear.
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Good one..
I have a few queries and add-ons!
- What about the other side of the coin? What if a female employee starts doing the same? I have seen that for some reason or another (quite visible and not so diplomatic).
- Let's see if we have an anti-dating policy at the workplace... but hey, face reality... everyone has a personal life. How many employees actually read HR emails, especially those that intrude into their personal lives? It's quite unfortunate when they read such emails and promptly hit "SHIFT + DEL". Moreover, in a multinational corporation where there is a cross-cultural environment, employees working at parallel levels are aware of what's happening elsewhere.
- For married gentlemen and women, it is expected that they are committed to their life and life partners. This, again, falls under personal life. As an HR professional, I can convey the message, but I cannot force them to be faithful. Betrayal is a matter of individual intentions and thoughts.
- You know what employees stick to or mention in exit interviews? If an employee is always isolated in a group or treated very formally... [ANSWER]: I have all the tools to do my job, good perks too, but I lack any friends or a friendly environment here. I wish I had it.
One example: a company hired a candidate who brought along 10 other team members, resulting in a significant increase in productivity. Such situations can have positive or negative outcomes.
Though I have experienced the above... I brought in a group of five excellent colleagues, and they eventually left. It is not advisable to discourage employees from being friends with their peers; after all, peers are synonymous with friends. The key is to foster healthy competition with minimal politics and games.
Moreover, I recall Mr. Murthy's words: who in the world wants to feel and stay alone. Right?
Common... HR stands for Human Resources... it's self-explanatory... we deal with humans who have various mindsets—some play, some don't, some listen, some don't... it has no limits... let's handle it!
All the best.
Regards,
Pritam
From United States, Fort Worth
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I have a few queries and add-ons!
- What about the other side of the coin? What if a female employee starts doing the same? I have seen that for some reason or another (quite visible and not so diplomatic).
- Let's see if we have an anti-dating policy at the workplace... but hey, face reality... everyone has a personal life. How many employees actually read HR emails, especially those that intrude into their personal lives? It's quite unfortunate when they read such emails and promptly hit "SHIFT + DEL". Moreover, in a multinational corporation where there is a cross-cultural environment, employees working at parallel levels are aware of what's happening elsewhere.
- For married gentlemen and women, it is expected that they are committed to their life and life partners. This, again, falls under personal life. As an HR professional, I can convey the message, but I cannot force them to be faithful. Betrayal is a matter of individual intentions and thoughts.
- You know what employees stick to or mention in exit interviews? If an employee is always isolated in a group or treated very formally... [ANSWER]: I have all the tools to do my job, good perks too, but I lack any friends or a friendly environment here. I wish I had it.
One example: a company hired a candidate who brought along 10 other team members, resulting in a significant increase in productivity. Such situations can have positive or negative outcomes.
Though I have experienced the above... I brought in a group of five excellent colleagues, and they eventually left. It is not advisable to discourage employees from being friends with their peers; after all, peers are synonymous with friends. The key is to foster healthy competition with minimal politics and games.
Moreover, I recall Mr. Murthy's words: who in the world wants to feel and stay alone. Right?
Common... HR stands for Human Resources... it's self-explanatory... we deal with humans who have various mindsets—some play, some don't, some listen, some don't... it has no limits... let's handle it!
All the best.
Regards,
Pritam
From United States, Fort Worth
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Madam,
Superb and wise article. The article widens the perspectives, allowing individuals to become aware and improve their willful and natural (unknowing) behaviors in offices. I consider the article as a social watchdog!
Thanks for the great sharing!
Vijaykumar Vyas
From India, Hyderabad
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Superb and wise article. The article widens the perspectives, allowing individuals to become aware and improve their willful and natural (unknowing) behaviors in offices. I consider the article as a social watchdog!
Thanks for the great sharing!
Vijaykumar Vyas
From India, Hyderabad
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thanks dear!!! the article is not only informative but also heart touching. m sure this happens every where and its really a serious matter which cannot be overlooked. best wishes, Kanchan.
From India, Madras
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From India, Madras
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Sadly, the whole purpose of mobile has not been understood. We see people with mobile phones from the bedroom to the bathroom and everywhere possible. Let's understand a few numbers - 9-10 hours at the office minimum, 2 hours of travel time, 7-8 hours of sleep (normally), 1-2 hours for daily activities. People at home are waiting for us to spend time with them.
A good thought-provoking article. Thanks
From India, Mangalore
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A good thought-provoking article. Thanks
From India, Mangalore
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Dear Pradepa,
Thank you for providing an article pertaining to the current scenario. It is individuals' rights to play the right role in their lifestyle without affecting the family, friends, corporate, and society. People who read this article will understand the facts, and doing the right thing is the only solution.
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Thank you for providing an article pertaining to the current scenario. It is individuals' rights to play the right role in their lifestyle without affecting the family, friends, corporate, and society. People who read this article will understand the facts, and doing the right thing is the only solution.
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Hey Pradepa, Keepitup i am expecting same tune of articles to understand more n more abuout human psychology. Sincere Regards, Ram
From India, Delhi
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From India, Delhi
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Hi Pradeepta,
Even I encounter the same kind of calls from my colleagues, but I think everything is in our hands. We should know when to stop and where to limit our office relations. Moreover, if you are truly in love with your partner, you don't think of anyone else except him.
Great article with meaningful insight.
From India, Indore
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Even I encounter the same kind of calls from my colleagues, but I think everything is in our hands. We should know when to stop and where to limit our office relations. Moreover, if you are truly in love with your partner, you don't think of anyone else except him.
Great article with meaningful insight.
From India, Indore
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Dear Pradepa,
There is a clear demarcation between friendship and flirting. And if someone chooses to be friends with a flirt, he/she pays for it. Like you have said, colleagues are the ones with whom we spend most of our time, especially those who are single, as Mr. Deepak has highlighted - people who have left their family and childhood friends back home and relocated to a different place, they always look forward to bonding with colleagues and making friends. Each person has to act responsibly about their relationship with another. As for divorce, please note that women are independent these days; some of them do not want to put up with the burden of running a family and supporting financially. The bottom line is that tolerance levels have become less. Unlike the (g)old days where women were dependent on the husband/father/son/sibling, who was the sole breadwinner of the family. They play a dual role these days, having additional responsibilities. The workplace is a battlefield for a woman as well, with equal employment opportunities and equal remuneration; no one is spared, and definitely not by virtue of being a woman.
Though I do agree with your point when you say people need to know how to keep flirtatious men/women at bay. People have preferences, and when such incidents (like suicide) happen, it occurs more out of guilt over cheating on the partner.
From India, Bangalore
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There is a clear demarcation between friendship and flirting. And if someone chooses to be friends with a flirt, he/she pays for it. Like you have said, colleagues are the ones with whom we spend most of our time, especially those who are single, as Mr. Deepak has highlighted - people who have left their family and childhood friends back home and relocated to a different place, they always look forward to bonding with colleagues and making friends. Each person has to act responsibly about their relationship with another. As for divorce, please note that women are independent these days; some of them do not want to put up with the burden of running a family and supporting financially. The bottom line is that tolerance levels have become less. Unlike the (g)old days where women were dependent on the husband/father/son/sibling, who was the sole breadwinner of the family. They play a dual role these days, having additional responsibilities. The workplace is a battlefield for a woman as well, with equal employment opportunities and equal remuneration; no one is spared, and definitely not by virtue of being a woman.
Though I do agree with your point when you say people need to know how to keep flirtatious men/women at bay. People have preferences, and when such incidents (like suicide) happen, it occurs more out of guilt over cheating on the partner.
From India, Bangalore
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It is indeed good to see so many members responding to this article and presenting their views. It is true that with the changing values and paradigm shift of gender roles and expectations, these are the side effects that we all witness and have our views on.
However, the basic structure of a society must not be forgotten. We all are bricks to it, and by not knowing the difference between friendship and flirting at workplaces, in some ways, we are breaking that equilibrium we are responsible to maintain.
From India, New Delhi
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However, the basic structure of a society must not be forgotten. We all are bricks to it, and by not knowing the difference between friendship and flirting at workplaces, in some ways, we are breaking that equilibrium we are responsible to maintain.
From India, New Delhi
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It's really a great eye-opener for everybody who works. These articles and discussions really help people to think about themselves and their family, and for what reasons we all are working - for family only. As we spend more hours in the office and strive for some materialistic happiness, we will lose our family on the other side. To err is human, but consciously correcting it is the right step. It may be difficult at the beginning, but you can depend on spiritual ways or books for that and act wisely.
Thanks and Regards,
Sindhu Riju
From India, Palakkad
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Thanks and Regards,
Sindhu Riju
From India, Palakkad
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Hi All!
Hope evryone is doing well.
Extra “marital” affair or extra “official” affair??? An “Eye opener?”- Were the eyes closed before this post???
Gud that u gave a thought to the topic; however, I believe this needs self-realization more than anything. Those who are working or rather "married" (as this is in regard to "extra marital affair") are supposed to be responsible & mature people. Firstly, finding yourself trapped in such situation itself shows the immaturity & lack of sensibility. Secondly, after all the mess created, expecting others to put forward something & help one to come out of the situation is the most naive thing that could be done...In a nutshell, if you cannot understand what is good & what is bad, nobody can make you understand anything!
I’m sorry if it sounds rude but that is the way it is…Do u really think that the post is an eye opener???
Also, I would add that we cannot out rightly say that “extra marital affair” is bad. I do agree that this is morally corrupted but many a times there are some genuine reasons behind it…Seems unconventional??? Again, this is a fact...
Lastly, no hard feelings please!
Rumika
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Hope evryone is doing well.
Extra “marital” affair or extra “official” affair??? An “Eye opener?”- Were the eyes closed before this post???
Gud that u gave a thought to the topic; however, I believe this needs self-realization more than anything. Those who are working or rather "married" (as this is in regard to "extra marital affair") are supposed to be responsible & mature people. Firstly, finding yourself trapped in such situation itself shows the immaturity & lack of sensibility. Secondly, after all the mess created, expecting others to put forward something & help one to come out of the situation is the most naive thing that could be done...In a nutshell, if you cannot understand what is good & what is bad, nobody can make you understand anything!
I’m sorry if it sounds rude but that is the way it is…Do u really think that the post is an eye opener???
Also, I would add that we cannot out rightly say that “extra marital affair” is bad. I do agree that this is morally corrupted but many a times there are some genuine reasons behind it…Seems unconventional??? Again, this is a fact...
Lastly, no hard feelings please!
Rumika
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hi pradepa i really appreciate ur initiative on Extra-marital affairs with colleagues - Serious Matter. thanx Regds,Sara.
From India, Mumbai
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From India, Mumbai
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Nice article.
Making friends with your colleagues... why not! As long as we share the same likes and dislikes, have so much in common. It's just natural or human to have a colleague as a friend, hang out on weekends, or do things together with the families. Here I mean the same sex and not the opposite! For sure on the opposite sex, there are those who are craving for attention, something they miss getting at home... that's a totally different scene! And there are those who are just sociable and know where to draw the line. If you're just unhappy with your marriage life, seek counseling, don't go having an extramarital affair. That's not gonna last or help. It would only add salt on the wounds. If you're bored, then keep yourself busy, work something out. They say an idle mind is the devil's workshop. Life is short, so enjoy it and make the right choices.
From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
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Making friends with your colleagues... why not! As long as we share the same likes and dislikes, have so much in common. It's just natural or human to have a colleague as a friend, hang out on weekends, or do things together with the families. Here I mean the same sex and not the opposite! For sure on the opposite sex, there are those who are craving for attention, something they miss getting at home... that's a totally different scene! And there are those who are just sociable and know where to draw the line. If you're just unhappy with your marriage life, seek counseling, don't go having an extramarital affair. That's not gonna last or help. It would only add salt on the wounds. If you're bored, then keep yourself busy, work something out. They say an idle mind is the devil's workshop. Life is short, so enjoy it and make the right choices.
From United Arab Emirates, Dubai
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