Hi friends!!
Here are some more jokes...
1. What is common between Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji, and Jesus?
Sardar ji replied: All are born on government holidays.
2. Teacher to a Sardar: A=B, B=C, so A=C. Give me an example.
Sardar: I love you, you love your daughter, so I love your daughter.
3. Ek aadmi ki Biwi gum ho gayi, Waha RAM ke Mandir me gaya, Ram ne kaha Baju wale Hanuman Ke Mandir mai ja, Meri bhi usi ne dhundhi thi.
4. Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his phone book and said, "My mobile number has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310, and now it is 6610."
5. Santa: I am a proud Sardar. My son is in medical college.
Banta: Really? What is he studying?
Santa: No, he is not studying. They are studying him.
6. Chinti aur Hathi ka Prem Vivah hua. Agle Din Hathi ki Maut ho gai...!!
Chinti boli: Wah Mohabbat, ek din ka pyar hua, ab sari umra kabra khodne mai bitegi..!!
7. Santa Banta ko 3 live bombs mile, Police ko dene chale. Santa agar koi bomb raste mai phat jaye to...?
Banta: Jhooth bol denge 2 hi mile the...!!!
8. Sardar falls in love with a nurse. He writes a love letter to her, "I LOVE U SISTER."
Thank you for sharing these jokes!
From India, Delhi
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14Here are some more jokes...
1. What is common between Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji, and Jesus?
Sardar ji replied: All are born on government holidays.
2. Teacher to a Sardar: A=B, B=C, so A=C. Give me an example.
Sardar: I love you, you love your daughter, so I love your daughter.
3. Ek aadmi ki Biwi gum ho gayi, Waha RAM ke Mandir me gaya, Ram ne kaha Baju wale Hanuman Ke Mandir mai ja, Meri bhi usi ne dhundhi thi.
4. Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from his phone book and said, "My mobile number has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310, and now it is 6610."
5. Santa: I am a proud Sardar. My son is in medical college.
Banta: Really? What is he studying?
Santa: No, he is not studying. They are studying him.
6. Chinti aur Hathi ka Prem Vivah hua. Agle Din Hathi ki Maut ho gai...!!
Chinti boli: Wah Mohabbat, ek din ka pyar hua, ab sari umra kabra khodne mai bitegi..!!
7. Santa Banta ko 3 live bombs mile, Police ko dene chale. Santa agar koi bomb raste mai phat jaye to...?
Banta: Jhooth bol denge 2 hi mile the...!!!
8. Sardar falls in love with a nurse. He writes a love letter to her, "I LOVE U SISTER."
Thank you for sharing these jokes!
From India, Delhi
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Some jokes from my side too...
The Best jokes for Indians.
Pakistani Jokes.....
Question & Answers:-
Q.1. How do you save a drowning Pakistani?
A.1. Take your foot off his head!
Q.2. What do Pakistanis in London use for contraceptives?
A.2. Their personalities!
Q.3. How do you stop a Pakistani tank?
A.3. Shoot the men who are pushing it.
Q.4. How do you disable a Pakistani tank?
A.4. Hide the wind-up key.
Q.5. How do you disable Pakistani missiles?
A.5. Cut the rubber band.
Q.6. Why have the Pakistani military researchers recently ordered for the enlargement of the hatches on tanks and other armored vehicles?
A.6. This is so they can be more easily abandoned in enemy territory.
Q.7. Why did the Paki news editor get 20 years imprisonment?
A.7. For calling the Prime Minister a fool. 5 years for the scandal and 15 for revealing a state secret!
The Most Expensive Brain:-
A brain tumor patient with end-stage disease was informed that he needed an immediate brain transplant operation. The surgeon told him, "You can have an Indian brain for $10,000 dollars or an American's for $25,000 dollars or I can give you 10 gms. of a Paki's brain for $100,000 dollars."
The patient asked, "Why is the Paki's brain so much more expensive than the others?"
"Well," replied the surgeon, "we have to go through a lot of Pakistanis to find 10 gms of brain."
A Paki Feast:-
A big Sardar walked into a bar with his pet tiger on a leash and asked the bartender, "Do you serve Pakistanis here?".
"Sure we do," replied the bartender.
"Good," said the Sardar. "Give me a beer, and one Pakistani for my tiger."
The Graveyard:-
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a Pakistani and an intelligent man.'"
The Intelligent Sardaji:-
Ashraf, the Pakistani went to London's Heathrow airport to buy his ticket back home to Rawalpindi. At the counter he found that he was 10 pence short of the fare.
Having no other way out, he turned to all the other passengers and begged...
"Will someone please give me 10 pence? I badly want to go back and meet my Abba and Ammi again!"
"Here" said a Sardar, reaching into his wallet and handing him one pound.
"..keep the change and take nine of your countrymen with you!"
Ladies hostel caught Fire. It took 1 hour to bring the fire under control and another 3 hours to bring the firemen under control.
Nobody is ever satisfied, Poor men wish they were rich, Rich men wish they were handsome, Bachelors wish they were married & Married men wish they were Dead!
Lady: "I want a good vibrator" Salesman: "Ma'am! you may select one from our range that is displayed on that wall" Lady: "O.K. I'll take that red one" Salesman: "Sorry, that's our fire-extinguisher";
A divorced Couple were contesting for possession of the child. The mother said: "I gave birth to him - he's mine" The father said: "I put a coin in the pepsi machine and a can comes out - the pepsi belongs to me! not to the machine!"
A girl says to her boyfriend, "One kiss and I'll be yours forever." The guy says 'thanks for the warning'
From India, Pune
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The Best jokes for Indians.
Pakistani Jokes.....
Question & Answers:-
Q.1. How do you save a drowning Pakistani?
A.1. Take your foot off his head!
Q.2. What do Pakistanis in London use for contraceptives?
A.2. Their personalities!
Q.3. How do you stop a Pakistani tank?
A.3. Shoot the men who are pushing it.
Q.4. How do you disable a Pakistani tank?
A.4. Hide the wind-up key.
Q.5. How do you disable Pakistani missiles?
A.5. Cut the rubber band.
Q.6. Why have the Pakistani military researchers recently ordered for the enlargement of the hatches on tanks and other armored vehicles?
A.6. This is so they can be more easily abandoned in enemy territory.
Q.7. Why did the Paki news editor get 20 years imprisonment?
A.7. For calling the Prime Minister a fool. 5 years for the scandal and 15 for revealing a state secret!
The Most Expensive Brain:-
A brain tumor patient with end-stage disease was informed that he needed an immediate brain transplant operation. The surgeon told him, "You can have an Indian brain for $10,000 dollars or an American's for $25,000 dollars or I can give you 10 gms. of a Paki's brain for $100,000 dollars."
The patient asked, "Why is the Paki's brain so much more expensive than the others?"
"Well," replied the surgeon, "we have to go through a lot of Pakistanis to find 10 gms of brain."
A Paki Feast:-
A big Sardar walked into a bar with his pet tiger on a leash and asked the bartender, "Do you serve Pakistanis here?".
"Sure we do," replied the bartender.
"Good," said the Sardar. "Give me a beer, and one Pakistani for my tiger."
The Graveyard:-
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said 'Here lies a Pakistani and an intelligent man.'"
The Intelligent Sardaji:-
Ashraf, the Pakistani went to London's Heathrow airport to buy his ticket back home to Rawalpindi. At the counter he found that he was 10 pence short of the fare.
Having no other way out, he turned to all the other passengers and begged...
"Will someone please give me 10 pence? I badly want to go back and meet my Abba and Ammi again!"
"Here" said a Sardar, reaching into his wallet and handing him one pound.
"..keep the change and take nine of your countrymen with you!"
Ladies hostel caught Fire. It took 1 hour to bring the fire under control and another 3 hours to bring the firemen under control.
Nobody is ever satisfied, Poor men wish they were rich, Rich men wish they were handsome, Bachelors wish they were married & Married men wish they were Dead!
Lady: "I want a good vibrator" Salesman: "Ma'am! you may select one from our range that is displayed on that wall" Lady: "O.K. I'll take that red one" Salesman: "Sorry, that's our fire-extinguisher";
A divorced Couple were contesting for possession of the child. The mother said: "I gave birth to him - he's mine" The father said: "I put a coin in the pepsi machine and a can comes out - the pepsi belongs to me! not to the machine!"
A girl says to her boyfriend, "One kiss and I'll be yours forever." The guy says 'thanks for the warning'
From India, Pune
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Dear Sir,
Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change.
We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect your new standards:
January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December
As well as:
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
I trust that this is satisfactory because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? We'll await your direction.
Very Sincerely,
Banta Singh
Y to K Project Leader
The opening Indian batsmen in a One-Day match against Pakistan were Sachin Tendulkar and a new find, Sardar Stroke Singh. Shoaib Akhtar, the pace bowler, opened the bowling for his side. The first ball went sizzling past the off-stump. ZOOM... and was collected by the wicketkeeper.
Sardar Stroke Singh did not as much as budge from his place. Shoaib bowled his second, third, and fourth balls...
ZOOM... ZOOM... ZOOM...
all about the wicket with Stroke Singh standing still as a statue.
The fifth delivery was declared "No ball" by the umpire.
Like a true professional, Sardar Stroke Singh went tapping the pitch midway towards Sachin Tendulkar and said, "I knew from the very beginning the fellow did not have a ball in his hand."
Four men were driving across the country. One was a Bengali from Calcutta, one from Cochin, one a Bangalore huduga, and the last a Software engineer from God knows where...
Shortly after the trip began, the Man from Cochin started pulling coconuts from his bag and throwing them out of the window.
"What the heck are you doing?" demanded the Bengali.
"We have so many of these darn things in Kerala, I am just sick of looking at them!"
A moment later, the guy from Calcutta began pulling rasgullas* from his bag and tossing them from the window.
"What are you doing that for?" asked the guy from Kerala.
"We have so many of these things in Calcutta, I am just sick of looking at them!"
Inspired, the guy from Bangalore opened the car door and pushed the Software engineer out!
One day, to lose weight, a Sardar goes to a doctor for treatment.
The doctor advises the Sardar to walk 10 KM every day and asks him to see him after a month.
After a month, Sardar calls the doctor and says that the treatment was fine and he could lose weight.
But..., the Sardar says, I lost weight but, I was away from home at a distance of 300 km.
Two Sardars go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they've forgotten a bottle opener.
The first Sardar turns to the second and says, "You've gotta go back and get the opener, or else we have no beer."
"No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food."
"I promise I won't," says the Sardar. "Just hurry!"
Two full days pass, and there's still no sign of the second Sardar. Exasperated and starving, the first Sardar digs into the sandwiches.
Suddenly, the second Sardar pops out from behind a rock and yells, "THAT'S IT!!! I knew it... now I'm not going!"
A policeman was interrogating 3 Sardars who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first Sardar a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first Sardar answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second Sardar and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second Sardar smiles, flips his hair, and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third Sardar and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The Sardar looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file, and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?" "That's easy," the Sardar replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
Four guys, from Harvard, Yale, MIT, and SANTA SINGH from Punjab University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job. One common question was asked to all 4 of them. Interviewer: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?
YALE guy: It's light, Nothing can travel faster than light
Harvard Guy: It's the Thought, because thought is so fast it comes instantly to your mind
MIT guy: It's Blink, you can blink, and it's hard to realize you blinked
SANTA SINGH: It's Diarrhea
Interviewer: shocked to hear Santa's reply, asked "WHY"?
SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!
Women: I Love you too
Sardar: I Love You THREE
Sardar: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar: If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?
Wife: It seems Husband & Wife are not allowed to be together in heaven...
Sardar: Yes, that's why it's called heaven...
Man: Sardarji, where were you born?
Sardarji: PUNJAB.
Man: Which Part?
Sardarji: Oye! Part part kya kar raha hai, whole body born in
Punjab.
One Day Sardar's Girlfriend asks him,
Girlfriend: "Darling, on our Engagement will you give me a RING?"
Sardar: "Ya sure, Give me your Telephone No."
A Teacher told all Students in a class to write an essay on a
Cricket Match. All were busy writing except one Sardar.
He Wrote as "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH"
Sardar was Standing in front of the Mirror with his eyes closed.
Wife - What do you think you are doing?
Sardar - I just want to know how I look when I sleep...
From India, Pune
Acknowledge(0)Amend(0)
Our staff has completed the 18 months of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change.
We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect your new standards:
January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December
As well as:
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
I trust that this is satisfactory because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? We'll await your direction.
Very Sincerely,
Banta Singh
Y to K Project Leader
The opening Indian batsmen in a One-Day match against Pakistan were Sachin Tendulkar and a new find, Sardar Stroke Singh. Shoaib Akhtar, the pace bowler, opened the bowling for his side. The first ball went sizzling past the off-stump. ZOOM... and was collected by the wicketkeeper.
Sardar Stroke Singh did not as much as budge from his place. Shoaib bowled his second, third, and fourth balls...
ZOOM... ZOOM... ZOOM...
all about the wicket with Stroke Singh standing still as a statue.
The fifth delivery was declared "No ball" by the umpire.
Like a true professional, Sardar Stroke Singh went tapping the pitch midway towards Sachin Tendulkar and said, "I knew from the very beginning the fellow did not have a ball in his hand."
Four men were driving across the country. One was a Bengali from Calcutta, one from Cochin, one a Bangalore huduga, and the last a Software engineer from God knows where...
Shortly after the trip began, the Man from Cochin started pulling coconuts from his bag and throwing them out of the window.
"What the heck are you doing?" demanded the Bengali.
"We have so many of these darn things in Kerala, I am just sick of looking at them!"
A moment later, the guy from Calcutta began pulling rasgullas* from his bag and tossing them from the window.
"What are you doing that for?" asked the guy from Kerala.
"We have so many of these things in Calcutta, I am just sick of looking at them!"
Inspired, the guy from Bangalore opened the car door and pushed the Software engineer out!
One day, to lose weight, a Sardar goes to a doctor for treatment.
The doctor advises the Sardar to walk 10 KM every day and asks him to see him after a month.
After a month, Sardar calls the doctor and says that the treatment was fine and he could lose weight.
But..., the Sardar says, I lost weight but, I was away from home at a distance of 300 km.
Two Sardars go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realize they've forgotten a bottle opener.
The first Sardar turns to the second and says, "You've gotta go back and get the opener, or else we have no beer."
"No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food."
"I promise I won't," says the Sardar. "Just hurry!"
Two full days pass, and there's still no sign of the second Sardar. Exasperated and starving, the first Sardar digs into the sandwiches.
Suddenly, the second Sardar pops out from behind a rock and yells, "THAT'S IT!!! I knew it... now I'm not going!"
A policeman was interrogating 3 Sardars who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first Sardar a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first Sardar answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second Sardar and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second Sardar smiles, flips his hair, and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third Sardar and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The Sardar looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file, and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?" "That's easy," the Sardar replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
Four guys, from Harvard, Yale, MIT, and SANTA SINGH from Punjab University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job. One common question was asked to all 4 of them. Interviewer: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?
YALE guy: It's light, Nothing can travel faster than light
Harvard Guy: It's the Thought, because thought is so fast it comes instantly to your mind
MIT guy: It's Blink, you can blink, and it's hard to realize you blinked
SANTA SINGH: It's Diarrhea
Interviewer: shocked to hear Santa's reply, asked "WHY"?
SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!
Women: I Love you too
Sardar: I Love You THREE
Sardar: Why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar: If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?
Wife: It seems Husband & Wife are not allowed to be together in heaven...
Sardar: Yes, that's why it's called heaven...
Man: Sardarji, where were you born?
Sardarji: PUNJAB.
Man: Which Part?
Sardarji: Oye! Part part kya kar raha hai, whole body born in
Punjab.
One Day Sardar's Girlfriend asks him,
Girlfriend: "Darling, on our Engagement will you give me a RING?"
Sardar: "Ya sure, Give me your Telephone No."
A Teacher told all Students in a class to write an essay on a
Cricket Match. All were busy writing except one Sardar.
He Wrote as "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH"
Sardar was Standing in front of the Mirror with his eyes closed.
Wife - What do you think you are doing?
Sardar - I just want to know how I look when I sleep...
From India, Pune
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HR Humor.zip
AMACOM,.Laugh and Learn - 95 Ways to Use Humor for More Effective Teaching and Training.[2003. IS.pdf
Jokes.ppt